I'm hiring a group of time travellers to come on an epic mission to fight crime across the 4th dimension.

If you're interested, interview was yesterday

How many dimensions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. Two to rotate, one to get it done in time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

How do you turn a three-dimensional printer into a four-dimensional printer?

Just give it time.

Once we meet intelligent extraterrestrials, discrimination will get a whole new dimension

Just for you to know, I am on your side, you are my species!

What is a dimension completely inhabited by sheep?

A eweniverse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An engineer, mathematician, and a programmer are trapped in another dimension

Suddenly before their eyes, the devil materializes.

"Escape from here is impossible without help from a higher power. I'll give you three wishes to escape. If you are still here, I can claim your soul."

"I wish to leave," said the engineer.

And so he disappeared, but a piercing ...

A horse walks into a triangular bar...

... of dimensions X,Y, and Z, where X and Z are perpendicular. He asks the barman where the toilets are.


The barman replies, "Y, the long face"

What do they call Cuba in a different dimension?

Squara

Apparently Abraham Lincoln kept extremely detailed records of every single tree he cut down, detailing the type of tree, dimensions, even the location where it was cut, and more.

They're called the Lincoln Logs.

A Star Wars story...

*In another dimension*

Darth Vader just killed Anakin.

Obi-Wan came in and said: 'Are you serious?'

Darth Vader replied: 'Nah man I'm just choking'

Did you hear about the episode concept for Doctor Who where The Doctor accidentally falls into a food themed alternative dimension?

He was attacked by The Garlics

Dimension Dummies

The zero(th), first, second, third, and fourth dimension go to a party. A guy comes over and says "can I tell you guys a joke?" The fourth dimension says "No, I don't have time for that." The second dimension says "Chill, bro, you're acting so plain." The first dimension says "Hey guys, you're cross...

I didn't believe it when they told me the government had accidentally opened a portal to another dimension while trying to spy on the Russians...

But I guess stranger things have happened.

A Blonde Woman, a Ginger Woman, a Brunette Woman, and a Black Haired Woman are Standing in Front of a Magic Mirror

The Mirror says to them: "Tell me what you think about your qualities. If they are true, you will be transported to your dream beach home. If it is false, you will be sucked into the dark dimension within me."

All the women pause for a moment.

The Brunette woman broke the silence by s...

If we were compressed down to a single dimension ...

what would be the point of it all?

After a long time of procrastination I read that book about the 4th dimension.

It's about time...

Following a particularly good year, the circus decided to spend their profits on a human cannonball exhibit...

After the cannon was delivered, they realized the that the manufacturer got the dimensions all wrong. The barrel was so narrow that only a child could fit inside, and a child would never be allowed to perform such a dangerous act.

Months went by and the cannon remained unused, until one da...

An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing.

So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.

The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem.

"Here's what you do. Start abou...

So two scientists invent a machine that can travel to other dimensions...

After much calibrating and testing and preparing, the scientists hop aboard their creation and activate it. There is a blinding flash of blue light and in an instant the scientists are sitting in the middle of a grassy field. There is no sign of their lab...or really anything familiar at all.
<...

I actually heard this joke in a dream this morning

What do you call a little square that hasn't developed its new dimension yet?

Precubescent

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the early days of aircraft, China was copying some American designs.

They bought one of the earliest gliders from the States and carefully took it apart. Measured dimensions of the wings and body, weighed every single part and even did some careful studies to determine the exact materials.

They put some of their best engineers on it to ensure all the maths che...

My pillow

I designed my own pillow. The pillow to rule all pillows. The perfect dimensions, the perfect stiffness, the perfect material. I sought the finest fabrics from around the globe and set to work on my grandest creation. It took months, but I finished. The last step was to transport it from the se...

A Joke Experiment

A guy walks into a bar…


That is the first line of the joke experiment. I’m curious to see if the r/jokes community can work together to craft the Perfect Joke. I don’t know if this has been done before, but I’m sure if it’s a bad idea it will be ignored (or downvoted into oblivion) anyway...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long]

The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number.


Why was that gauge used?

Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer G...

The Sanders/Cruz debate was really weird

It was like peeking into an alternate dimension where both parties had hindsight

Wanna hear a good one liner?

1 Dimension

Newton, Galileo and Pascal were playing hide and seek...

...Pascal taps Galileo and decides he is seeking before running to hide. Galileo begins to count. Newton grabs a piece of chalk from his pocket because all scientists have pieces of chalk in their pocket and proceeds to draw a square with 1m dimensions around him. By the time he is done Galileo turn...

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