A couple live outside Buffalo, and are used to the rhythms of preparing for large snows.

One of these preparations for many years has been tuning in to the local radio station at 6:00 the night before a storm for an important announcement.

On a typical pre-storm night, the wife would tune in just prior to 6 to hear a message about which side of the street cars were to be parked o...

Rhythm and blues

Never sign a contract for guitar lessons.
Too many strings attached.

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A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch

Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.

Suddenly the wife stopped, grabbed her cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit her husband across the shins.

His eyes watered and tears ran down ...

It was Xmas Eve and I could hear faint Latin rhythms and long guitar notes coming from behind the fireplace.

Santana was stuck up the chimney.

Why does Al Gore think he invented the internet?

Because it’s based on Al-Gore-rhythms

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What caused Tipper Gore to have a sudden sexual awakening?

Improvements were made in the Al Gore Rhythm.

What do you call a knight who has a good sleep schedule

Circadian Rhythm

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A plane ditches off the coast of a deserted tropical island. The pilot, the co-pilot and a hot stewardess are the only survivors...

They start to set up camp. John, the pilot builds a hut, Jack, the co-pilot does his best in hunting and gathering, and Jane a campfire going. The eat all together, look at the stars and ponder on their new fate. After nightfall, they get into the hut, cuddle to keep warm and fall asleep.

The...

What do you call a well dressed lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythm?

A metro-gnome

You know what the name of Al Gore’s new math rock band is?

Al Gore Rhythm

Facebook keeps suggesting that I watch videos of former American Vice Presidents dancing.

All to do with the Al Gore rhythms, apparently.

Have you been hit with a rhythm stick?

If so you could be eligible for a personal Ian Dury claim...

Probably only people in the UK will get this. And of them only those of a certain age. I make no apologies...

What do you call an onion that’s got rhythm, rhyme, and a Soundcloud account?

A rapscallion.

A young man wants to become a lumberjack, so he goes to the forest and starts chopping.

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, th...

The other day some guy came up to me, called me a Blockhead and then proceeded to hit me with his rhythm stick...

I though "That just adds insult to Ian Dury."

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An old man passed away whilst having sex

When the police asked his wife how it happened, she burst in to tears.

"You see officer, we always have sex at 12 o clock on sunday when the church bells ring"

"But why when the church bells ring?" Asked the officer

"Its the perfect rhythm. At the first chime he thrusts, at the ...

What do you call a Mom and Dad who use the rhythm method?

Mom and Dad.

The little man in the hat. (OC)

There was the short man, about 2-3 ft tall, who had a tall pointy red hat and a big white beard. He would walk around subways and metros and find those people who sit on the ground play music for money.

This man would go up to them and start to stomp and clap a beat for them. Most of the tim...

The reason Rhianna stopped working with Chris Brown was because he had awful rhythm...

He put too many beats in a measure

Step 1: Walk without rhythm, Step 2: Ride the worm

Step 3: Prophet

Thw detective knew immediately which ballerina was the killer.

Because guilty feet have got no rhythm.

George Michael would make a pretty good Fremen.

Guilty feet have got no rhythm.

^^^^^Yes ^^^^^I ^^^^^am ^^^^^a ^^^^^complete ^^^^^nerd, ^^^^^stop ^^^^^looking ^^^^^at ^^^^^me ^^^^^like ^^^^^that.

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A rock band was booed by the crowd.

The drum player and the bass player drink in a bar, depressed as fuck, trying to figure out what went wrong.
'It's probably the stage sound', the bass player suggests. 'That engineer can't mix shit in a bowl, let alone sound.'
'Come on, we've had worse. At least the monitors were working.'...

There was once a Musician in North Korea

One day, Kim Jong Un himself calls the musician and asks him to direct a concert for his entertainment. Not daring to say no to the Supreme Leader, he agreed.

So the man assembled the best orchestra in all of Korea to play the piece he composed for the Leader. However when it was time to perf...

Hey Google, what's a computer's favorite beat?

Algo-rhythm

What do you call a computer program that writes a blues song about climate change?

An Al-Gore-rhythm!

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I was having sex with a girl the other day, and she started making this horrible sound, I can't even describe it.

Needless to say, it really threw off my hole fucking rhythm.

The marching contest

Three countries were having a marching contest. America, Spain and Russia. They had 3 weeks to prepare.


The Russian soldiers marching was perfect. They were all in time, with great rhythm.


The American soldiers were also close to immaculate.


But, the Spanish soldi...

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So there was this guy

So there was this guy, yeah?

He wakes up in the middle of the night, sees an angel standing at the foot of his bed.

Angel says, "Hey, man! Yeah... hate to tell you this, but, um... it's your, uh... time. Yeah."

Dude's all like, "Wait, what? Whaddya mean it's 'my time'?"

A...

Some people claim Al Gore dances too robotically

He says its just his Al Gore rhythm

What kind of music does a fallen tree branch dance to?

Log-rhythm

The dancing aliens (LONG)

On the first contact mission to Mars two astronauts where sent up to make contact with the other worldly beings. After 300 long days in the space ship the astronauts finally landed on Mars what they saw deeply surprised them they saw 2 beautiful humanoid figures welcoming them with open arms. The as...

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I wrote some good books about music. What pisses me off is that...

...nobody wants to rhythm.

What do you call a formula that can predict Al Gore's dance moves?

An Al Gore Rhythm algorithm.

They should make a TV show about people who dance on logs,

They can call it Log-a-Rhythm.

When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.

But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the funeral, Emily".

Mark zuckerberg and i were in a band once. We gave him a choice to play the melody, the harmony, or display our newsfeed in chronological order.

But no matter how much we didn't want him to, he kept insisting, "I'll go rhythms. "

Bug in the Barn

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udde...

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Joe, Dave, Tommy, and Rodney start a folk rock band. Joe plays cymbals, Dave is on the 6-string, Tommy has the drums, and Rodney adds his unique twang to the vocals.

Their very first rehearsal, they come up with a great idea for an original composition. It takes heavy liberties with the cymbal part. Joe is ecstatic; cymbal players rarely ever get the recognition they deserve. This could be a revolution in the music industry!

They begin tuning and setting ...

How do you know when a bass player and drummer are at your door?

The knocking is off rhythm and they don’t know when to come in.

Scientists have discovered a new species of moss that can perform arithmetic calculations.

They do this using algae-rhythms.

I couldn’t figure out why my Twitter feed only showed videos of Ex vice presidents dancing.

Turns out it’s just the Al gore rhythm

What Happens When You Cross A Programmer And A Musician?

An Algo-rhythm.

'80s music always frightened me.

I was scared the rhythm really was gonna get me.

How was Bill Clinton able to maintain a steady surplus during his presidency?

He had a great Al Gore rhythm.

My friend has been working on an Al Gore-themed dancing game

I asked him how it works, but it apparently runs off of a very secret Al Gore rhythm.

I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance.

Now I'm stuck writing Al Gore Rhythms.

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Grandpa's death

After grandpa's death i went to grandma's house to comfort her. I asked her how did that happen.

Grandma: " He died from a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Shocked, i told her that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble....

What did the mathematician play on his guitar?

An algo-rhythm

Why did the ex Vice President dance so procedurally?

He invented an Al-Gore-Rhythm.

How do you know when there's a lead singer at the door?

The knocking is all out of rhythm, they can't find the key, and they never know when to come in!

So if he didn't invent the internet...

then why does everything in it run on "Al Gore rhythms"?

There was a Political Drum-Off last week, sponsored by the mathletes...

Democrats and Republicans took turns showing off their best drum licks, while answering math problems in between.

Turns out the Republicans lost. They couldn't handle Al Gore rhythms.

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Saw an Iranian joke and I want to share my favorite.

An ensemble of musicians is auditioning for a caliph's court. After the ensemble is ushered in, they perform a beautiful set lasting approximately an hour, complete with long improvisations. The caliph is very pleased and says, "Servants! I order you to fill these men's music instruments with pricel...

Three women get together for coffee

and the topic of conversation turns to contraception.

The first woman says: "We've used the rhythm method for years. The Holy Father approves of it and its surprisingly effective - it's only ever failed us twice."

The second woman says: "Holy Father, Shmoly Father. We don't go for ...

A businessman is driving to an important meeting when his car breaks down...

Luckily, he breaks down near a mechanic, who agrees to tow his truck and fix it for him. However, the it would take awhile to fix, the businessman was going to be late if he didn't get going soon. Luckily, the mechanic had a donkey he was willing to lend to the businessman.

"There's only two...

A musician, a lumberjack, and a mathematician were in a room together...

They made a log-rhythm.

What did the math teacher tree say to the music teacher tree?

Nice log rhythms

Can someone help me find some videos of Al Gore dancing?

I'm trying to solve a Rubik's cube and a friend told me that using Al Gore Rhythms could help.

Why did the hypothalamus want to join a band?

Because it had great circadian rhythms.

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Old enough to serve, not old enough to be served: the Army and Alcohol

There was a thread a while back where a pun thread took off; it was about the moral hypocrisy of being allowed to put your life at risk fighting in war, while simultaneously not being allowed to drink alcohol.

While I detest most pun threads, this one seemed entertaining to me for some reason...

What was the title of the soundtrack to 'The Inconvenient Truth'?

Al Gore Rhythms

[OC] Al Gore decides to write a series of educational songs about the environment.

He presents the head of the production company with the lyrics for his songs, including the lyrics for one song about animals in forest habitats, which has over 500 lines.

The head of the production company says, "wait, this song is way too long! This isn't a very efficient way of conveying y...

A date with the lead guitarist

(oc)
This groupie finally got a date with the lead guitarist of her band.

The next day, her friends asked her how things went. "Well", she replied, "it was frustrating... the guy spent half his time tuning up and the other half playing out of rhythm."

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