A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

The judge asks her "First offender?"
She replies "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."

So I walks into a guitar shop having a clearance sale

I was fretting when I saw most of the stock had sold out. Luckily the owner pulled some strings for me!

Why couldn't the fisherman play his guitar?

Because he lost his tuna

Why did the guitar teacher go to jail?



He was fingering a minor.

What's the difference between glue, tuna and a guitar?

You can tuna guitar but you can't guitar a tuna

Does Freddie know how to play guitar?

No, but Brian may

A little Mexican girl dreamed of playing the guitar.

Her name was Maria. She was very poor, but she knew that one day she would be a famous entertainer. One sunny morning, she discovered a makeshift vihuela abandoned behind a local shop. Ecstatic, she raced home and immediately started practicing.

While carefully fingering a chord outside of h...

Ever hear Colonel Sanders playing guitar?

Well he’s finger-pickin’ good!

There’s this lady who repairs guitar parts for young musicians.

Now she has the body of an 18 year old.

How can you tell when there's a guitar player at your door?

They dont know when to come in and they're using the wrong key.

I printed and taped the word “Just” in my guitar case.

I guess you could say, Just in case.

Mr Horse has always wanted to play the guitar...

So he starts going for lessons and after a few months he is quite good so he calls on his friend Mr Pig who plays the piano because he would like to start a band. They write some songs and play at some venues but all the fans say that they need a vocalist to take their band to the next level. So the...

We named our guitar school after Michael Jackson

First lesson: fingering A minor

If Gods favorite guitar chords is a Gsus....

The is the Priest's favorite chord A minor?

I picked up guitar as a hobby.

But guitar isn’t the only thing I’ve learned to finger because of it.

My friend asked me who was the first band to start smashing guitars.

Impressed, I told him he was right.

They say girls go crazy if you can play the guitar.

Well she left when she heard I was looking for A flat and had tried to get my fingers in A minor. All I really needed was Gsus.

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What's the difference between Prince's guitar and Donald Trump?

One's a sexy Fender.

Hey guitar players, what's God's favourite chord?

Gsus

How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?

Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.

Why are guitar shops always on one level?

Because No Stairway.

When I was younger I wanted to play the guitar really badly

Now after years of hard work, practice, and determination, I can play the guitar really badly

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb

Seven: One to do it, and six others saying "psh, I can do that better."

I spilled my drink on the first guitar I ever had.

I was about to throw it out, but there's a lot of water under the bridge.

I just sold a guitar to a guy with no arms.

I asked him why he wanted it and he said “I’m going to play it by ear”.

When Archie's fiancee put her engagement ring near her ear, she could faintly hear guitars, maracas, and soothing Spanish vocals.

It was a marry Archie band.

How do you attract a priest who likes to play guitar?

B Minor!

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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

What’s the difference between a guitar, a tuna, and a pot of glue?

What’s the difference between a guitar, a tuna, and a pot of glue?

Person: I don’t know.

You can tuna guitar but you can’t guitar a tuna.

Person: didn’t you mention a pot of glue also?

I knew you’d get stuck on that.

What does Elecric Guitar And A Wife Have In Common?

You Pull One String They Make A Loud Sound

That Will Make You Lose Custody Of The Kids

Plz Karen

My girlfriend caught me trying to stick a tiny blonde wig and a guitar onto a wasp...

She pleaded, "Don't do that! You'll make him Sting!"

I told the guy at the guitar shop "I'm not sure how I feel about this guitar"

He said, "With your hands"

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of “Free Bird” being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

Guitar is my religion.

I’m lucky if I practice it for an hour each week.

I was trying to practice on my guitar by playing some rock and the homeowners association gave me a written warning for the loud noise

Guess paper beats rock again

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So I went to Japan on holiday,

and I had a very close online Japanese friend I met on a Guitar Hero forum, and we arranged to meet up.

I thought he was a guy, but then this really cute girl with short, brown hair shows up, easily a 9/10. She's called Nao and even though it's the first time we had met in real life, we get a...

Someone ran up to me with a guitar and said they would hit me with it

I then said “is that a fret”

What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?

Homeless

You can tune a guitar,

but you can't tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass!

What’s Micheal Jackson’s favourite guitar note?

B-minor

A man walked into a bar with his pet octopus.

He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play.

One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.

The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right ...

I bought a guitar made out of diamond..

now I can play some hard rock.

It's been a bit of a strange day...

First I found a hat full of money... Then I got
chased down the road by an angry man with a
guitar?

What do you call karate kid with high-end guitar amp?

Marshall artist

When I finally found the perfect guitar plectrum...

I knew it was a good pick.

What is it called when you break a guitar amp in a car accident?

A Fender Bender

What does a leper make when they play guitar?

Minced meat

Did you hear about the guy who got caught stealing electric guitars?

He was a Clapton maniac.

Did you hear about the guy who robbed the guitar shop?

He made off with a lot of lute.

They just invented a mobile computing device that also plays guitar

The "Eric Claptop"

A person is taking guitar lessons

and he's getting upset that he isn't learning as quickly as he'd like to. So he tells the instructor this and the instructor says, "You'll get the hang of it eventually. Don't fret."

Just had a guy threaten to attack me with the neck of a guitar

I asked him, "Is that a fret?"

I learned a new guitar fingering technique and used it on A minor

Today I got sent to prison

Some bloke just said he's going to smash my head in with the neck of a guitar

I said "is that a fret?"

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Which is the sexiest guitar string?

The G string.

I heard an Iraqi guitar tutor is offering to teach guitarists songs in obscure tunings

Lessons will be in BAGDAD

A teenager gets a bass guitar and a month of lessons for his birthday

After he comes home from his first lesson, his mother asks:

“What did you learn in your first lesson?”

“I learned all the notes on the E string!”

The next week he comes home and mom asks:

“What did you learn this week?”

“I learned all the notes on the A string!”...

What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.

A woman approaches me as I'm playing my guitar. "Excuse me, is that a Squier Stratocaster?" I may have overreacted when I responded:

"DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY FENDER?!"

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A hippie was travelling in through the Middle East when his passport and wallet are stolen, leaving him stranded with only the shirt on his back and his trusty guitar.

After a couple of days roughing it on the streets, he decides to play his guitar and busk for money.

He starts strumming out a tune and a small crowd gathers round. As he continues, one of the men from the crowd starts dancing and jiving infront of him.

The hippie finishes his song and...

I had to return my new mail-order guitar

So I marked it "return to Fender"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a nude and a guitar accessory shaped like a penis?

One's a dick pic.

The other's a dick pick.

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I've just been fired from my job at the guitar store for sexual misconduct.

I was spending all day fiddling with G-strings.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying a guitar case....

He makes his way up to the front of the bar, sits his guitar case down, and stands on top of a bar stool.

After getting everyone's attention, he states, "I am the absolute toughest man in this bar, and I will bet $2,000 to any man that proves me wrong."

Several people walk up to hi...

What do you call a biscuit that's terrible at playing the guitar?

A dodgy jammer

What do you call a prejudiced 4 stringed guitar player?

A racist bassist

What does Al Gore play on his guitar?

Algorithm.

I'm OK at guitar

but I can't pick up the piano.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between sex and a guitar?

It isn't against the law to finger minors on a guitar.

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A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager

A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager. He was dealing with depression at the time, and learning an instrument was exactly what he needed to help him cope. You see, he didn't know it, but he had bi-polar depression. This means it was a chemical thing; he couldn't get out of it easily. So t...

I'm surprised the FBI isn't monitoring r/guitar

Everyone is always talking about fingering minors over there

A local music shop is giving away free guitars!

No strings attached!

What did the banjo say to the worried guitar?

Don't fret

What did the guitar say to the ukulele?

Uke, I am your father.

I built the most American guitar ever

Made completely out of mirror polished, stainless steel from the World Trade Center in the shape of a bald eagle carrying a rifle.

Only has one octave, but I enjoy playing it, from C to shining C.

Why do pedophiles like to play guitar?

Because it's completely ok to finger A minor

How do you call a bunch of strawberries playing the guitar?

A jam session.

I think I need glasses for playing the guitar.

I can't even C#

What’s the difference between a baby and a guitar?

My guitar doesn’t turn blue when I string up it’s neck.

My friends are like my guitar.

I don't have a guitar...

Kevin Spacey is no longer going to be an actor. He's going to teach guitar.

Be cause he's good at fingering A Minor.

Why are Guitar Centers built on one floor?

There are no stairways allowed

The Baby Guitar Felt Sick.

He Felt Like He Was Going To Uke.

I always thought about playing the guitar

But there were just too many strings attached

My son told me I need to stop playing wonderwall on guitar

I said maybe..

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