I bought a guitar the other day but it doesnt work.

Guess I should've known when the seller said no strings attached.

I really like guitars

They just strike a chord with me

What's the difference between a guitar player and a couch?

A couch can support a family.

i have a triangular-shaped pebble i use to strum my guitar

It's for rock music.

If you can't think of a good guitar pun...

Don't fret.

You know I really want a new guitar.

But for now I'm too baroque.

What did one guitar say to another guitar when it was feeling stressed out?

Hey man, don't fret.

A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs....

...when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting.

The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said "No we ...

My guitar teacher was a magician turned artist

So he would always start our lessons with, "Pick a chord, any chord"

A young man wanted to learn an instrument, so he bought himself a bass guitar.

Not knowing where to begin, he decides to take music lessons. After some searching he finds an old bassist who is offering beginner classes at a reasonable rate. He calls the man and they schedule a meeting for the next evening.

The young man leaves work the next day and heads to the lesson. ...

My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.

It’s part of her minstrel cycle.

Why was the guitar late for work?

He got caught in a jam.

So a cow is watching someone play guitar on TV

He says "I wanna learn to play like that." and he goes to a music teacher, and asks him to teach him the guitar. "Well, it might be difficult, but I think I can teach a cow to play guitar."

A month goes by and the cow has mastered the guitar. A chicken walks by and hears the cow playing, and ...

My neighbor likes to make a big deal about how SOME people prefer listening to rock music that's made using only a guitars, drums, and vocals. At first I thought he was just an opinionated music listener but...

I'm starting to think he's a bassist.

A woman is arrested for killing her guitar player husband

She is accused of bashing her husband's head in with his guitars because he never paid any attention to her.

In her first court appearance, the judge looks at the woman and asks: “First offender?"

The woman replies: “No. First it was a Gretsch, followed by a Gibson, and then a Fender."

Dracula with a guitar:

anyvays here’s vondervall

A Priest was explaining how much he loved Jesus to a guitar player.

The guitar player replied " I love Gsus2".

A horse is sitting at home, bored, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the ...

I hadn't picked up my guitar in years. But since quarantine started, I've....

Benjamin Moore

How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?

Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.

Guitar Horse

A horse and his mother are in the barn watching TV when an ad comes on. It's for a music school that can teach anyone to play any insturment, guaranteed. The horse has always wanted to be play the guitar, so he calls them up.

"Hey, I want to learn to play the guitar," he says, "Can you teach ...

Found a stone shaped like a guitar pick at the beach yesterday...

It's for rock music

I'm good at playing loud on the trumpet, guitar, and drums.

But piano was never really my forte.

How do you attract a US politician with just a guitar?

B minor

How do you tell if a Guitar Shop is Shady?

The Employees tell you "there's no strings attached."

My friends make fun of me for only being able to play one Metallica song on guitar

It's Sad But True

Did you hear about the European country ruled by small guitars?

I think it’s called Uke-reign.


(I came up with this I’m so proud of myself)

Some of you may be nervous about your first guitar lesson.

Don't fret about it.

What's a Christian's favorite guitar chord?

Gsus

I offered my old air mattress to a homeless guy today.

He got real excited, until i also offered him my air guitar

Why is the bass player always the happiest person in the band?

The guitar player needs to know how to score weed

The singer needs to know how to score chicks

The drummer needs to own a van big enough for the gear

And the bass player gets weed, chicks, and a ride home

I played "Sweet Home Alabama" to my sister since I learned the guitar recently

Nothing happened.

But our kids loved it

A small time musician dies and goes to Heaven

He is met at the Gates of Heaven by St Peter.

"Welcome, my son. Let me show you around."

St Peter arrives at a door, and opens it.
Inside is Eddy Van Halen, playing the guitar.

"Wow!!" Says the man. "I'm a huge fan!"

St Peter continues on, and stops at the next door....

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering A minor.

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What do you call a metal statue of a virgin playing an electric guitar?

An iron maiden

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trying to get my dog to play a guitar...

But she’s just being a bitch.

What do you call strawberries playing the guitar?

A jam session.

A friend of mine was worried sick after he had lost his guitar. He asked me to help him.

“It’s ok” I said, “don’t fret”

My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar.

I said "maybe".

My son recently started bass guitar lessons.

My son recently started bass guitar lessons.
"How was your first bass lesson, son?" I asked.
"Great!" He said. "I learned The E note!"
After the next lesson I asked, "How was your second bass lesson, son?"
"Great! I learned the A note!" He replied.
After the next lesson I asked "Ho...

A Scottish teenage girl plays the guitar and writes a song

A Scottish teenage girl learns guitar and writes a song. When she performs it at the talent show, to her father's disapproval, she wears a crop top. During a guitar solo, her father walks up on stage and starts singing the song as if he's part of the act, and then he wraps her exposed belly with a t...

I’m proud to say I’ve taught myself to play the guitar in just a few months.

Want to know my secret? Stay tuned...

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I’m bisexual and I play bass and electric guitar

I suppose I string both ways

It’s nice to see that celebrities have taken up book writing during the pandemic

One Direction by Kanye West

Guitars by Mel Gibson

Mining by Brad Pitt

Pear Cider by Katy Perry

Ship Building by Tom Cruise

How to Move Things by Jim Carrey

Escape from Prison by Morgan Freeman

American Motors by Harrison Ford

Wild Animals by Wi...

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of “Free Bird” being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

So I walks into a guitar shop having a clearance sale

I was fretting when I saw most of the stock had sold out. Luckily the owner pulled some strings for me!

A bard and a priest are trapped amid rising floodwaters.

"What are we gonna do?!" Screams the bard.

"Quick," the priest says,"Give me your guitar!"

"We're going to die and you want to play guitar?!" The bard exclaims.

"Trust me."

And with a single strum, a white light envelops them. When the light clears, they find themselves o...

Two great musicians hated each other

And after years of always being compared to one another, they finally decided to have a duet of guitars to see which was the better player. They carefully selected an audience of musical experts, and with that they played.

After a fifteen minutes duet, the vote was cast. Amazingly, the result...

What happens when you cross a hyiena with a guitar?

You get a Yamaha ha ha ha ha

A little Mexican girl dreamed of playing the guitar.

Her name was Maria. She was very poor, but she knew that one day she would be a famous entertainer. One sunny morning, she discovered a makeshift vihuela abandoned behind a local shop. Ecstatic, she raced home and immediately started practicing.

While carefully fingering a chord outside of h...

A bass guitar and an oboe had an affair.

It was very low key.

A guy dies and goes to heaven

When he arrives, St. Peter greets him and shows him around. Off in the distance, he hears the sickest drum solo he's ever heard, and asks St Peter, "Is that Neil Peart?!"

"Yes, he plays for us all day long!" St Peter replied.

Then, they hear the unmistakable melody of Purple Rain, an...

Blind people can’t play guitar

because they can’t C sharp.

My friend played the guitar for a broadway musical.

He thought it was worse than the time in fifth grade when he played a tree.

I messed up during a guitar recital.

I didn't think it was a big deal, bit it turned out to a A Major mistake...

Why did the priest learn guitar?

So he could finger A minor.

Did you know that Rick Astley only tunes his guitar up?

Because he never lets it down.

The cops questioned my guitar because

Someone told them it was a Fender.

The Beatles are sitting around a table in a diner...

And all of them are happily sat there with their arms around their wives, all except for poor old Ringo.

“Guys? I’m really getting the blues being all lonely here. How do you suggest going about getting a woman?” He asks, drumming his fingers on the table.

John is the first to speak up...

I accidentally swallowed some poison last night, and I had the strangest hallucination.

I was looking out of my window, and a group of former athletes walked by. Baseball players Don Mattingly, Pete Rose, and Ray Knight we’re talking with Konrad Dorn, an Austrian hockey player. Football superstars Troy Aikman and Emmett Smith were carrying guitars.

Next, a group of men from the ...

My 7 year old just came up with these Avatar: The Last Airbender jokes. We were quite surprised.

What kind of music does Toph like?

- Rock-and-Roll


What kind of instrument does Aang play?

- Air guitar


I know it’s not much, but I got a kick out of his reasoning and decided to share.

I walked into the guitar shop & couldn't decide which plectrum to get

The guy at the counter: Why are you so picky?

Me: Don't come at me with that plucky attitude

Dad: Let's go home don't pick a fight

Why couldn't the fisherman play his guitar?

Because he lost his tuna

A bass player dies and goes to hell

when he gets there, he’s surprised to find Keith Moon immediately greeting him.

“Hey man, you’ve gotta join our band. We’ve got Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, and Im on drums”

the bassist looks confused and says “wait, this is hell right? that sounds awesome!”

“we...

My friend asked me who was the first band to start smashing guitars.

Impressed, I told him he was right.

What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.

What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?

Homeless

My wife asked me if I was ever going to stop playing Wonderwall by Oasis on the guitar. And I said...

"Hey now, you're an--" and she smashed me in the mouth.

Mr Horse has always wanted to play the guitar...

So he starts going for lessons and after a few months he is quite good so he calls on his friend Mr Pig who plays the piano because he would like to start a band. They write some songs and play at some venues but all the fans say that they need a vocalist to take their band to the next level. So the...

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So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

Does Freddie know how to play guitar?

No, but Brian may

It was Xmas Eve and I could hear faint Latin rhythms and long guitar notes coming from behind the fireplace.

Santana was stuck up the chimney.

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus.

He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world.


He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc.


So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone wh...

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So, once upon a time......

A horse sees a rock band perform and thinks "Hey, I could do that." The horse calls up his local music store and is like "I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is ...

How can you tell when there's a guitar player at your door?

They dont know when to come in and they're using the wrong key.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a cat, a cow and a horse who lived on a farm.

It was a massive farm in Virginia which spanned a few acres, and every day the three animals would work on the farm. Even though it was exhausting, it was very rewarding.

One day, the cat decided to take the day off. While the cow and the horse worked on the farm, the cat sat down and watche...

So I was paying for my lunch the other day

And there were 2 cash registers. It was halloween at the time and they were selling ghost cookies. I said to the cashier "Could I have a ghost cookie please?" And a woman at the other cash register said the same. Then I said "I guess you could say they're selling like ghost cookies!"

*strums ...

We named our guitar school after Michael Jackson

First lesson: fingering A minor

No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele...

... then whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say “I play a little guitar”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke that’s got me various death threats

So there was a horse, and this horse was really talented. He was great on guitar. One day he found himself watching youtube and stumbled upon a Jimi Hendrix song which inspired him to start a cover. He practised this cover really hard, eventually becoming inspired to create a cover of a whole Jimi H...

Guitar

The only time you can break a g string while fingering a minor without getting arrested.

"A few pennies, sir?" asked the homeless man.

I looked into his guitar case and said, "I'll pass, mate. There's not even enough for a sandwich in there! But thanks, anyway"

Ever hear Colonel Sanders playing guitar?

Well he’s finger-pickin’ good!

Some bloke just told me he was gonna smack me with the neck of his guitar....

I said, is that a fret?

When I was younger I wanted to play the guitar really badly

Now after years of hard work, practice, and determination, I can play the guitar really badly

Acoustic guitar player was working a gig at an eatery

playing background music for the diners. As expected, he was ignored until surprisingly after one tune, he heard someone clapping vigorously. Of course, he looked around to acknowledge the person. That's when he spotted the guy pounding on the bottom of a bottle trying to get the ketchup out

Every time I see a white guy with a guitar at a party I ask myself...

I wonderwall he’s going to play?

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The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

Someone ran up to me with a guitar and said they would hit me with it

I then said “is that a fret”

Why are guitar shops always on one level?

Because No Stairway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I ran into the drummer from my old high school garage band...

After the usual "we should get the band back together" bullshit, we started talking about how life has been over all these years gone by.

I told him my wife (coincidentally, also a guitar player) and I have 6 happy and healthy kids now. And how, oh so cleverly, we named them after the common ...

There’s this lady who repairs guitar parts for young musicians.

Now she has the body of an 18 year old.

I picked up guitar as a hobby.

But guitar isn’t the only thing I’ve learned to finger because of it.

I just sold a guitar to a guy with no arms.

I asked him why he wanted it and he said “I’m going to play it by ear”.

Just had a guy threaten to attack me with the neck of a guitar

I asked him, "Is that a fret?"

Why dinosaurs can't play the guitar?

cuz they all dead

They say girls go crazy if you can play the guitar.

Well she left when she heard I was looking for A flat and had tried to get my fingers in A minor. All I really needed was Gsus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Prince's guitar and Donald Trump?

One's a sexy Fender.

What does Elecric Guitar And A Wife Have In Common?

You Pull One String They Make A Loud Sound

That Will Make You Lose Custody Of The Kids

Plz Karen

I was trying to practice on my guitar by playing some rock and the homeowners association gave me a written warning for the loud noise

Guess paper beats rock again

You can tune a guitar,

but you can't tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass!

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