Punk Jokes - 70 Hilarious Punk Jokes

What's the difference between pop punk and hardcore punk?

A hardcore band is a Minor Threat. A pop punk band is a threat to minors.

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An old man sits next to a young punk on a bench in the park (NSFW)

The punk has a mohawk 16 inches high and all different colors and the punk can just feel the old man staring at his hair. After a few minutes, the staring gets too much and the punk turns to the old man and says:

"What's the matter old man? Never did anything crazy before?"

The old man...

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A punk is sitting on the curb outside of a bar

asking everyone who walks in if they would buy him a beer, or spare some change for him to buy a beer. After a couple hours the bartender goes outside and invites him in, saying he'd give him a beer, but to stop harassing his customers. So, the punk takes a seat at the bar and the bartender gives hi...

I would not say I am a fan of steam punk

but it is the healthiest way to prepare punk.

What is the difference between Lil Peep and Punk?

Punk´s not dead

I belong to a group called PUNK

People who can't spell.

How many Punks does it take to change a lightbulb?

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!

People sound really silly complaining about Cyber Punk 2077.

After all, the game was released 57 years early.

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What do you call Jews who love 80's punk?

Bar misfits.

What do you call a punk rock kid without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

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Whats the difference between a crab with big boobs and a bus station full of punks?

One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station

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A punk youngling and an old man on a bus (REALLY NSFW)

The old man sat next to the punk, then looked at him curiously, specially his mohawk hair.

After some seconds, the punk got irritated and confronted him with a glare "What? What's with people nowdays thinking i am crazy just because of my haircut and livestyle?" he growled "Haven't you made a...

My friend said Cardi B's music is a fusion between jazz and punk

So it's junk I said

Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?

Because he was tired of haulin' oats

What do you get when a dinosaur is a fan of punk rock?

A Punkasaurus Rex the establishment

I can't stop listening to Daft Punk.

Just One More Time.

Daft Punk calls it quits

Maybe if we get lucky, they will get together one more time.

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A punk gets onto a bus.

A few seats next to him he sees a young beautiful nun.

After the nun gets off the bus, the bus driver discretely asks the punk: "I saw how you looked at her, she sure is hot, isn't she?"

Punk: "Yes, she is"

Driver: "You would love to fuck her, right?"

Punk: "Sure,...

A punk has an accident and loses their nose

call that a rebel without a schnoz.

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The Punk Rocker

A middle-aged guy gets on a bus and sits down. He looks across from him and sees a punk rocker with spiked hair dyed every color of the rainbow - blue, red, yellow, green, orange.

The punk rocker notices the guy gawking at him and says, "What's a matter, old man? Didn't you ever do anything...

Why did the punk rocker cross the road?

He had a chicken stapled to his face.

What day is the best for punk and rock music?

A green one apparently.

The Avengers must love Daft Punk

They were up all night to get Loki

What does a scene kid suffer from when their favourite punk band breaks up?

PTXD

Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain really did have so much in common.

Because both were successful punk rockers, who are most well known for killing Kurt Cobain.

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I was a cocky little punk when I was younger

I remember one time, when I was 9 years old, getting called into the principal's office.

“Your behavior is out of line, and getting worse & worse each day. Standards really are slipping."

"I'll do the talking” he replied.

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A punk walks into a bar...

A punk walks into a bar and orders a whisky. The bartender pours him one and tells him "That guy at the end of the bar paid for you". The punk is glad for the free drink and downs it. He orders another and the guy at the end of the bar pays for it again. This continues all night, and eventually ...

A punk girl goes shopping and asks the cashier

"Can i get a refund if my parents like these clothes?"

A punk rock themed breast cancer center just opened up

It's called Thnks fr th mammaries.

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A punk gets on the bus and takes a seat...

This punker gets on a bus and takes a seat. His hair’s all green, he’s got brightly colored tattoos covering his arms and piercings all over his face. Feathers hang from each earlobe.

Across the aisle sits an old man who proceeds to stare at him for the next fifteen miles. Eventually the pun...

Some punk kids threw a baseball through the lower half of my window, and then jumped through an entire other window to get it!

Let me tell you, it was a pane and a half to replace.

A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.

Just before the school year started, he injured his
back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper
part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and
wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to
the toughest students i...

What's the difference between funnel cake and a punk rocker's hairdo?

One is fried dough and the other is a dyed fro

There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him because he was dressed in really colorful clothing.

He had all this colorful make-up on and his hair was spiked up with red, green, & yellow with feathers. The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, "Hey, old man, what are you lookin' at,eh? Didn't you do anything strange when you were a teenager?" "Well, yeah," the o...

What do you call a punk band that knows how to play their instruments?

A metal band

You get in a fight with a guy and he says to you, "Nobody screws with me, punk!". How do you reply?

"Well, one day you'll find the right girl, and all that will change."

\-credit to Police Academy

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme"

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An old man was sitting on a bench...

When a teenage skater punk sat down next to him. The kid has tattoos and piercings and a Mohawk dyed a half a dozen different colors. He notices the old man won't stop staring at him so says to him "What, you've never done anything fun in your life old man?" To which he calmly replies "Got drunk onc...

Your typical rock band

In my history of Rock and Roll class, chapter 13 focused on the early rock artists post punk era. At the very beginning of the chapter the band King Crimson is briefly mentioned, they seemed to have qualities that later artist would adopt and were quite popular, with songs such as 21 century schizoi...

How many Punk Rockers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, Punk Rock doesn’t change anything...

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A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat

directly across from an old man. The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow ...

Did you hear Daft Punk is partnering with NASA to solicit bids from contractors?

They're up all night to get Lockheed.

Bill used to be a punk rocker in the 80’s. These days he’s got grown kids, he makes crocks at the pottery and loves to make up puns.

Now, he’s a pun crocker.

'Hardy's, Bitter, Fosters, Strongbow'

Daft Punk ordering a round at the bar

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A young punk with a rainbow colored mohawk says to an old man who’s staring at him: “what’s the matter old man, haven’t you ever done anything crazy in your life?”

The old man responds: “I have, actually. 17 years ago I got stupid drunk and fucked a parrot. I was just wondering if you’re my son”

An elderly gentleman sits on a park bench.

On the opposite bench sits a young punk. With his multi\-colored mohawk and facial tattoos, he presents quite a spectacle for the older man, who can't help but to stare incredulously. Finally, the young punk has had enough of the elderly man's staring.

"What's your problem, old man?" yells t...

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How do you know if a lightbulb is a prostitute?

Its been screwed in and out by teams of scientists, skateboarders, narcissists, every one of the human races, Vietnam vets, Grateful Dead fans, computer scientists, Army Rangers, stoners, Yankee fans, dead babies, roaming hippies, alchoholics, cops, Comcast employees, Jedis, Dragonball-Z characters,...

The Telegram

"Telegram"

Oh boy, I've always wanted a singing telegram!

"Oh, it's not a singing telegram, just a regular telegram"

Oh come on, you can sing it, can't ya?

"I really shouldn't"

How about for $5?

"Ugh... I don't think so"

$10?

"Sir..."

$2...

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Jesse James was robbing a passenger train

Jesse James was robbing a passenger train.

He takes up all the money and says "I'm robbing this train. I'm gonna fuck all the men."

This lady got up and said "Mister Jesse James, you mean all the women!"

And there's this punk on there and he got up and said "Hey lady, who's r...

When Thomas The Tank Engine was younger he was very rebellious.

A real steam punk!

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Man running after the bus

Man is running after the bus and when it is obvious that he cannot make it punk shout from the window: "Hey asshole Ur pretty fucked up you are too slow". Well man stops and shout back: " yeah I'm asshole, but you are fucked up - I am the driver and forget to set handbrake"

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An elderly gentleman standing in front of the pearly gates and waiting to get into heaven.

God says to the man. “Gimme one good reason to let you in. Have you done any good deeds recently?”

“I saw this punk trying to steal a car,” the man said “so I decided to kick his ass to teach him a lesson.”

“When was that?” God asks.

“About ten minutes ago.” The man answers.

A man approaches the gates of heaven

A man approaches the gates of heaven and asks to be allowed to enter.
"Tell me one good thing you did in your life,"says St Peter.
"Well,"says the man,"I saw a group o...

What did the detective say while interrogating a clock accused of murder?

"LISTEN PUNK! We know what makes you tick, and we have ways to make you tock!"

I was doing some curling in the gym when some guy looked at me funny.

I said, "What's up, punk?"

"Nothing," he replied, "I've just never seen a man using hair rollers before."

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I used to be a cop..

I'm on the job six weeks. Barely out of training floaties. I'm on foot patrol. It's a little before midnight. I clock this beat up Plymouth with Jersey plates, parked under the bridge. Trusty flashlight I walk over, I rap on the glass. In the backseat, there's a girl doing her homework. In the front...

In class the teacher ask to students

In class the teacher ask to students if their parents have everything in life, a boy answer his family is wealthy and they have everything, the teacher ask him if they have a plane and the boy answer they dont, so they dont have everything in life, then a girl say their family is rich and they have ...

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Early in the morning, the father knocks at his son's door and yells, "Wake up, son! Time to go to school."

Sleepy, the son mumbles to his dad, "Listen, Pops... I'm not going to school today for three basic reasons: first of all because I'm dead tired, second because I hate that school and third because I've had it with those punks!"
To which the father answers from outside the door, "Well, you're g...

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A farmer was minding his business on a day like any other

A farmer was minding his business on a day like any other doing chores and caring for his land.

By noon just as he was enjoying lunch, a black government car comes rolling down the road. A few agents get out and slowly approach him.

“We are to perform a search of your premises on sus...

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The frustrated parents of an acting-out adolescent go to a developmental therapist for advice on how to handle their kid.

"We don't get it, doc," the father begins, "A couple of months ago, she just stopped talking to us."

"Completely locked us out of everything," the mother continues, "We didn't change anything or do anything different, but it's like a switch was flipped, or something."

The therapist, st...

An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.

The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American redneck trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"

The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are...

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snail and the turtles

so a snails walking home late one night through a seedy neighborhood. When a few young punk turtles come up and jump the guy. i mean really beat the living shit outa our ol pal the snail. he wakes up a few days later in the hospital and the cops are right there pressing him for information "What hap...

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A preschooler is asked to write the first sentence every member of his family said.

When he got home he saw his mom on the phone. He asked her to say a sentence. But she yelled "Shut up, I'm on the phone!" So he wrote that down.

He then came into the living room and saw his dad watching a soccer game. The team he was rooting for just scored the winning goal, so he shouted "...

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Medical Humor

1...A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.
...

The future

The world in 10 years...

MTV announcer: a new punk rock band making its way to the top 100...

Band leader: I'm sorry did you just assume our genre?

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A big, tough guy walks into a bar...

Immediately seeing his massive muscles, and overall dangerous aura, everyone hushes and just stares.

"Listen punks," he growls out. "I run this bar now, and you guys are going by my rules! Everyone on the left side is an incest loving hillbilly, and everybody on the right side is a raging hom...

A little boy asks a middle-aged gentleman for the time

The gentleman looks at his watch and says, "It's ten minutes to three." The boy says, "Well, at 3:00, you can kiss my ass!" He sprints off, cackling maniacally, as the gentleman starts chasing him angrily.

They round a corner and the gentleman almost knocks over a passerby. After the gen...

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A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra once. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship. She was a damn good crackshot.

Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic...

A trucker walks into a bar.

He sits at the bar and orders a beer, the bartender is a bit surprised to see the trucker. "Hey Bob, haven't seen you in a while, what have you been up to? "

Bob takes a swig of beer, "man that tastes good, haven't had a beer in 18 months, I have been in prison" he says.

"You, I can't ...

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Young Jimmy has a terrible gambling problem.

Jimmy's Dad goes to talk to his teacher before class one morning. "Ms. Thompson, my son Jimmy has a terrible gambling problem, he bets on everything, he'd even bet on what tomorrow's temperature would be." he says. Ms. Thompson replies "Yes I have noticed his gambling, and it disrputs the class and ...

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