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What do you name a dog with no hind legs and balls of steel?

Sparky

What is the stupidest type of steel in the world?

Dumbasscus steel.

A 50 kg woman , 50 kg of feather , and 50 kg of steel ,which one is heavier?

The woman

Because girls lie about their weight

Jet fuel cant melt steel beams...

But an oxy-acetylene torch can burn down 600 years of French heritage in 12 hours.

Which weighs more - a tonne of steel or a tonne of feathers?

A tonne of feathers, because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

I put scaffolding on my Hi-fi and steel girders on my digital radio.

Then my mom told me to stop reinforcing stereo types.

Ever watch a documentary about joining steel together?

It can be riveting.

British Steel going into liquidation?

Isn't that just how it's made?

A group of Egyptian soldier were beaten by Stone Age tribesmen after abandoning their steel tipped spears

Oh the iron-y

I bought a wooden whistle.

But it wooden whistle.

So I bought a steel whistle.
But it steel wooden whistle.

So I bought a lead whistle.
But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

So I bought a copper whistle.
But the copper steel wooden lead me whistle.

So I bought a tin whistle.
Now I can w...

You know how Popeye has muscles of steel? Which muscle does he have that never rusts?

The one that he dips into Olive Oyl.

Men are like steel

They're useless when they lose their temper

Where does steel wool come from?

Dodge Rams.

Which falls faster, a ball of wool or a ball of steel?

Neymar

Why is leather armour better for sneaking than steel armour?

Leather armour is made of hide.

An Italian man, a Mexican man and an American man are all sitting on a steel beam a couple hundred feet in the air.

Working as construction workers they all pull out thier lunches one at a time and the italian man is first to react:

"Damn. Spaghetti and meatballs again. I swear, if my wife makes spaghetti and meatballs for me one more time I'm going to jump off this beam to my death."

The Mexican is...

I like to call steel beams "cats."

People often look at me oddly, but then I explain it to them:

"CFe lines!"

Which is heavier - 1000 kg of steel or 1000 kg of feathers?

Your mom.

How did the Blacksmith pick up the red hot 1000° steel cube with just his hands?

He just held it by the cubes corners which were 90°

Why is a blacksmith called a blacksmith?

A whitesmith wouldn't steel

My mom and dad run an Iron&Steel business.

My mom irons and my dad steals.

A man finds a mysterious ancient lamp...

The man dusts off the ancient lamp and out comes a genie!

The genie says to the man:

"you have awoken me from my slumber! I will grant you 3 wishes as a reward for finding me."

The man responds to the genie with great excitement

"Oh man thank you so much, I don't know whe...

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river

...holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.


A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."


"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.


"Well, if **you're** going to fish...

Don't believe everything you hear

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator r...

Three construction workers take their lunch break together on the high steel

The first guy is Italian. He opens up his lunch box and says "Momma mia, spaghetti and meatballs again. If I get this one more time, I'm gonna jump off."
The second guy is Jewish. He opens up his lunchbox and says "Oy vay, matzo ball soup again. If I get one this more time, I'm gonna jump off.” ...

I've recently started eating steel

It's a refined taste

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

Why didn't the other metals want to hang out with the hard steel?

Because of his hot temper

My parents were in the iron and steel industry...

My mother had to iron and my father had to steal.

What did steel say to the concrete?

Don't take too much tension!

A bartender is working one evening, when a panicked man comes charging into his bar.

"BIG JAKE'S COMIN'!" he cries. "EVERYBODY RUN! BIG JAKE'S COMIN'!"

The bartender, having never heard that name before, is a little perplexed - even more so when all of his patrons start screaming and running out the door. In just a few moments, the bar is emptied out.

A minute afterwar...

What do you call a steel stick that you can pull out of concrete?

Excalrebar!

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Guy walks into a bar, sits, and orders a beer from the bartender.

As he is sipping his beverage, he looks down and sees a gorilla sitting at the other end.

He asks the bartender, "What's with the gorilla?"

The bartender says, "Oh, that's Mable. She does a trick. Want to see it?"

"Sure."

So the bartender whistles and Mable comes lumberin...

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows....

A German, an Italian and a Newfie are sitting on a steel girder...

...hundreds of feet above the ground, having lunch. The German opens up his lunch box and lets out a groan. "Mein Gott!" he says. "Not wiener schnitzel again! I'm so sick of wiener schnitzel, if I ever have to eat wiener schnitzel for lunch again I'm going to throw myself from this girder."

T...

What happens if you steel?

You have to get Alloy-er

If human smiths make tempered steel...

do dwarven ones make short-tempered steel?

Very offensive man on the loose with flint and steel

Sparks outrage

I was chatting with a blacksmith . .

As he hammered away at the steel, I asked him what he was working on. “I make swords” he replied. “Well that seems kind of silly,” I said. “In this day and age the only practical weapon to own is a gun”

He looked up from the forge and gave me a long look before saying, “When all of the bullet...

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Balls of Steel

Two wrestlers an American and a Russian were the finialists in the World Championship event.

They were preparing to meet each other in the final round and the American coach was giving instructions to his star wrestler.
The coach was saying, "Beware of the Russian and his famous hold - the...

What's a thief's favorite metal?

Steel.

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the Steel Guitar Network - Church Bulletin Bloopers

Church Ladies With typewriters ...

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
____________________________________________...

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The host of Dirty Jobs may have balls of steel...

But he's got a Mike Rowe penis.

Why did brass and steel team-up together during the war?

Because they were alloys.

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Balls of Steel - or - A man goes to the doctor...

... and after the examination the doctor says: "I am concerned. I seems to me that one of your testicles is composed of wood and the other one is composed of steel."

The man doesn't believe what he just heard: "That can't be true! That is impossible! I never had
an operation and by the way...

You know, I stole some metal the other day.

I told a good friend of mine, Pewter, and he said 'That's worth a Nickel or two, how'd you get it?'

I told him I stole it and he said 'Well that's ironic, becuase it's steel!'

'

A man is sitting in a bar alone...

...after a few beers he needs to visit the restroom.

The restroom is empty except for one man by the urinal (one of those big stainless steel urinals without stalls).

The man walks over to the urinal and starts unzipping his pants.

He glances over at the other man and notices th...

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