(Navy Joke) why do chiefs hate kidney stones ?

It clogs the P ways

I used to believe that sticks and stones could break my bones, but words could never hurt me.

But then I got smacked with a dictionary.

A girl was throwing stones in her backyard one day

She threw one a little too hard and it came back and hit her in the eye. She ran inside yelling and crying and her parents drove her to the hospital

The doctor tells the family that her eye is going to have to be removed and she’ll need a prosthetic. The family doesn’t have a lot of money and...

They say people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Thankfully, I'm in a greenhouse, so I can throw all the stones I want.

Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones.

Thanos used them in the Infinity Gauntlet.

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick says," Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says, "What's his name?"

Mick replies, "Miles, from London."

What kind of stones does a ghost use for jewellery?

Tombstones

What did the Scottish Farmer 'Stones' fan say to his neighbor?

Hey McLeod... get off of my ewe!

Women are like stones

You can skip the flat ones

What’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band?

Rolling Stones

A married couple were walking through a garden

when suddenly a dog ran towards them.

They both knew it will bite them..

The husband lifted his wife to let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart.

The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do, barked a little and ran away.

The husband put his wife down, expecting ...

Glass houses

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones..... or mastubate in daytime.

Paraphrased from Bo Burnham. Credit where it's due.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Kidney stones?"

Hard pass.

Yo mama so fat

5 infinity stones couldn’t make her disappear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Those in glasshouses shouldn't throw stones...

Or masturbate in the daytime.

Why are the Rolling Stones always sad?

They can't get no satisfaction.

Why did Microsoft license "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones?

Because their software makes a grown man cry.

How do you lose 12 stones of unsightly fat for the new year?

Divorce her....

Two doctors, Jenkins and Smith, are treating a man with lung disease.

They’re explaining how him smoking weed led to his condition worsening.

“But it’s just herbal!” the patient protested. “How can it be bad?”

Dr Jenkins sighed. “Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just te...

What's the difference between a Rolling Stones song and a Scottish farmer?

One goes "Hey you! Get off my cloud"

And the other "Hey Mc'Cloud! Get off my ewe"

How do you know kidney stones are worse than pregnancy?

After a a kidney stone, nobody says “let’s have another”

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician get stranded on a desert island…

Right away the engineer finds some stick and stones, which he uses to build a hammer, which he uses to break open coconuts to get some nutrients.

After five days eating plenty of coconuts, he decides to go looking for the physicist.

He finds the physicist quite thin, he clearly have no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend asked me if I wanted to buy his kidney stones.

I said that's a hard pass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call ancient ceremonial fertility stones?

Fucking rocks

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.

Coming around a bend they saw a magnificent bald eagle in the middle of the road. When Mick swerved to miss it he lost control of the car and they plummeted off a cliff to their death.

A tragic case of killing two Stones with one bird.

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