3 Drunken southern men are asking for one more round of drinks

The bartender says “no way, look at how drunk you’ve become!”

The 3 drunk southerners keep insisting.

The bartender says “Alright, whoever can name the southern most state in America gets another drink.

The 1st drunk Shouts “TEXAS! it’s where most people in the world think of wh...

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A Texan buys a round of drinks...

.. for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just gave birth to "a typical Texas" baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations resounded. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How mu...

A Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub. The Scotsman says "round of drinks for everyone on me."

The next day's newspaper headline read: "Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death behind pub."

A drunk goes into a bar and orders a round of drinks for everyone, including the bartender....

... when the drinks are finished, the bartender gives the drunk his bill, and the drunk says he has no money. The bartender smacks the drunk across the head and throws him out of his bar.

The next day the drunk comes back and orders a round of drinks for everyone, including the bartender. Wh...

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I wish -

### A man walks into a bar with a donkey and an ostrich.

He sits down at the counter and asks for a beer.


“That will be 5.98$, sir.”, the bartender says.


The man, puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out 5 dollars and 98 cents in exact change.


“How mu...

Tom was not home at his usual hour and his wife was fuming.

Finally around 3am she heard a noise at the front door and, as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.

“Do you realise what time it is?!?” she stammered.

He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought som...

A sales representative stops at a small manufacturing plant. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.

“No, thanks" says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn't like it".

The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for a round of drinks.

"No, thanks" the plant manager replies. "You know, I tried alcohol on...

The Hunter.

There was a big game hunter in a bar in Africa. He was on a safari vacation with his wife. He was very good as a hunter.

While in the bar, he boasted that he could tell any animal and how it was killed by the feel of the pelt and the bullet hole. And he could do it blindfolded.

Of co...

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When the pubs reopen.

There will be some tight bastard.

That remembers who bought the last round of drinks!!!!

The Swing Bar

Jim's friends take him to a bar he hadn't been to before then. It was like any other joint, minus the oddly cheap booze, and the group of people huddled in the corner.

Jim asks the bartender what they're doing, and he explains that they're having a "swing".

Jim and his friends venture...

A group of 6 Irish professors and researchers walk into a bar one night...

They have a good old-time drinking, discussing theory, students and their mistakes, current research ideas, and anything and everything in between.

One researcher, who appears to be the leader of this group, orders a round of drinks for everyone and introduces himself to the barkeep as Arthu...

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 steaks hanging from strings behind the bar....

So the guy ask the bartender “What’s up with those pieces of meat hanging up behind the bar?” The bartender replies “ Well if you can jump off the bar and bite into one of them your drinks are free all night! But if you miss you must buy the whole bar a round of drinks.” The guy thinks about it fo...

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In the early days of the Nazi Party’s rule a group of Nazis walked into a bar

They sat and noticed a Jew was sitting in front of them. One of the Nazis got up and shouted “A round of drinks on me for every German folk except for the Jew!”
The crowd cheers and heils the party but this doesn’t make the Jew upset at all. He was grinning.
After a few days the Nazis return a...

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Budweiser method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they "discuss" her "rating," which is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, "I'd give her a 7. She's really quite pretty." Another agrees, and so does the third...

An ostrich, a loin, and a giraffe...

An ostrich, lion, and giraffe decide to visit the local drinkery after a long day at work.

"I've got the first round!" says the Lion, and they all proceed to enjoy their beverages and talk about their day.

Soon enough their first round of drinks are empty. "Waitress!!" exclaims the ost...

A man and his dog walk into a bar...

...The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."

Man: "What covers a house?"

Dog: "Roof!"

Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"

Dog: "Rough!"

Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"
...

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Must have been the Irish orchestra.

For Bruce Shackett

A prominent orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. At one point in the final movement of the symphony, there is a long stretch--over 20 minutes--where the bass violins don't play a note. So, rather than just sit there, the section leader suggested that they sn...

A hunter walks into a bar

A big game hunter walked into a bar and was bragging to everyone about his hunting skills. He claimed that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them the calibre.

The other patrons thought he ...

A group of blondes walk into a bar...

A group of blondes walk into a bar and order a round of beers. They laugh and congratulate one another and finish their drinks. One blonde says to the bar tender "Another round, on me!" The bartender gets them another round of drinks and they continue to be lively and cheery and before long, finish ...

Two guys walk into a bar, smiling and laughing.

They walk up to the bartender and loudly announce that they’re ordering a round of drinks for everyone there.

“What’s the occasion?” asks the bartender.

“We just finished this huge puzzle. We’re geniuses!” the men reply.

“What makes you say that?” the bartender replies.
<...

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A man was sitting at a bar drinking and had his pet alligator with him

He was tired of spending his own money on his expensive liquor so he stood up and announced to the patrons “I bet all you a round of drinks that I can put my dick and balls in this gators mouth for one minute with it’s mouth closed and I won’t have a scratch on me when I’m done”

After some di...

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A man walks into a bar and sees someone sitting alone, wearing a Trump hat.

The man strolls in and declares to the bartender, " I want to buy everyone in here a free round of drinks, except for the jerk in the Trump hat". The man wearing the hat dips his head and says "Thank you." Finding this annoying, he orders another around, again specifying that the man with the Trump ...

This big Texan guy went up on stage and said "Can I get an 'owdy partner?"

I thought what a bloody cheek. Most of us can't even afford a round of drinks and this guy shows up outta nowhere and wants a free car.

Three Blondes Walk into a Bar...

They get a table and order a round of drinks. When the server brings the drinks over, the blondes clink the glasses together and say, "A toast to 36 hours!"


The blondes order several more rounds, and each time they make the same toast to 36 hours. After the fourth round, the server give...

Irish-man and Scot-man walk into a pub...

As they walk through the front door, the Scot walks in first. "A round of drinks for the whole house. I'm buying".

The next day, the lead article in the local paper read: "Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death behind local pub".

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A white man sits down at the bar...

He overheard a blonde and redhead talking.
The blonde says to the redhead, "What kind of guys do you have the best sex with?" The redhead says "Native Americans. Their penises aren't the longest, but they're so wide and just hits all the right spots."
The man smiles and orders them a couple ...

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A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder

... approaching the bar, the bartender asks "What can I get for you?"

Immediatedly the parrot squaks and says "Two Budweisers please and a round of drinks for the ladies at the end of the bar".

Totally impressed, the bartender replies "Holy shit, thats amazing, where did you get it?"<...

There's these two Irish guys...

And it's St. Patty's Day, so the two are getting blasted. In their drunken stupor, they strike up a conversation.

The first Irishman goes, "Hey there Laddie, where are ya from?"

The second one replies, "Oh me? I'm straight from Ireland!"

The first Irishman smiles brightly, "NOO...

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A man walks in to a bar with an alligator.

A man walks in to a bar with an alligator. He says to the entire bar "I bet you all a round of drinks that I can put my testicles in this alligators mouth for 10 seconds, and remove them unharmed!" Everyone shrugs and says why not.
The man drops his pants, opens the gators mouth, inserts his bal...

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The Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills a...

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A Scotsman is sitting in a pub...

somewhere in Scotland when an American tourist walks up to the bar. The Scotsman turns to the American, clearly drunk, and points out the window.

"Ye see that wall, right there?" The Scotsman said in a heavy accent. "Built that with me bare hands. But do they call me "McGregor the Wall Builde...

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Three Guys Walk Into Bar [long]

Three men walk into a bar. Bartender looks each one up and down and says "I bet I can tell where each of yawl is from just by lookin at you, and if I'm wrong, I'll buy each of you a round of drinks." The men snicker among themselves and shake his hand, excited they're about to get their drink on for...

Grandfather told me this one

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $37.00.

The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The barten...

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A Man, an Ostrich, and a Cat, Walk Into a Bar...

The bartender, used to these sorts of jokes, lets it slide. "What'll you have?" he asks the trio.

"I'll have a pint," the man says.
"Just a Coke for me," says the ostrich.
"I'll have a scotch," the cat says. He looks at the man, "so long as you're buying."

"Right," the bartender ...

A Republican is Sitting in a Bar...

A union boss walks in from the factory next door and is about to order a beer when he sees a guy at the far end of the bar wearing a TRUMP “Make America Great Again” cap with two beers sitting in front of him.

The union boss doesn’t need to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican...

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Some girls at the office start talking about their tattoos...

...John the manager walks by and one of them asks: "Hey John, do you have any tattoos?" John lets out a sigh "I wouldn't be allowed to show it at the office" and walks away.

Fast forward to Friday night and John takes everyone out to the bar for a round of drinks. Everyone is drinking hav...

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Three guys are drinking at a bar..

And the first one, after a few drinks, says to the others.
"I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber"
"Why do you think that?" the other two ask
"because when i got home last week, i found plumber's tools under the bed"
the other two console him, buy a round of drinks...

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A Jewish Guy, a German Guy, and a Black Guy walk into a bar...

The three of them sit down and order a round of drinks. After awhile, they notice this extremely old man sitting at the end of the bar and one of them says "Wow! That man looks so old, he might be Jesus!"

Another guy calls the old man over and says "We want to buy your a beer. You look so old...

At the Hotel Bar...

A man was sitting at a hotel bar, when a group of men sat down next to him and ordered a round of drinks.


"You guys with a convention?"


"Yes, we're with the Gynecology conference"


"Really? I was this close" he holds up his finger and thumb about an inch apart "to bec...

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Man walks into a bar...

And orders two whiskeys on the rocks. He sits down and drinks the first shot. He then pours the second shot over his hand.
A few minutes later he orders another two shots. He again drinks the first one and pours the second over his hand.
A few minutes later he orders another round of drinks....

A philosophy of bar etiquette.

A utilitarian, a deontologist and a solipsist walk in to a bar.
The utilitarian goes up to the bartender and orders a round of drinks for the bar. Raising his glass, he says "To happiness and the good life!"
After they finish the first round, the deontologist also orders a round for the bar...

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A skunk, a deer and a giraffe walk into a bar....

The three animals sit down and order a round of drinks. They quickly finish the first round and order a second round, then finish those and order a third round. After they finish the third round, the trio decides its time to move on. When the bartender brings the bill over, the skunk looks at the de...

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