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Bo Jokes

What's Little Bo Peep's favorite song?

Never Gonna Give "Ewe" Up

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[NSFW] What do you call a haunted pair of breasts?

BoOoOoOoOobs

It is unfair how for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes $0.78...

Because then the man is left with only $0.22...


EDIT: Wow, this blew up on my way home.

Yes, this joke is from Bo Burnham as others have so nicely pointed out. Check out his work; he is a comedic genius.

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My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died

She was eaten by a giant crab

Bob Had Terrible BO...

And no matter how much he washed or scrubbed, he couldn't get rid of it. He tried hundreds of soaps and shampoos but nothing seemed to work. He showered five times a day, kept the AC on 24/7 and avoided garlic and beans like the plague, but alas people still gagged as they walked behind him.

...

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I once dated a girl with a twin

People used to ask me how I told them apart. Lisa painted her fingernails red and Bob had a cock

Why should Bo never cook dinner on Christmas?

Because he always Burnham

Wanna know the difference between Bo Dietl and Bo Bice?

About three hundred pounds and a pile of African American bodies.

Bo started Pig Latin school

Bo started Pig Latin school, but he had a very hard time saying his name.

The teacher eventually kicked him out of class because he couldn't "obey."

Eve is boing for the first bath in the lake.

First she dips her toes in the water and it feels great.
She gets into the water up to her knees and she feels amazing.
Then she goes even deeper to put in her thighs, it’s almost ecstatic.
Then she can’t resist no longer so she jumps right into the lake and starts swimming, when the god ap...

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great,

but on the other, it’s just not right.

Woody walks in on Bo Peep cheating on him with Buzz...

"How could you do this!?" Woody shouts.

"Woody," says Bo Peep sheepishly, "You've got a friend in me."

BoJo’s brother quit being an MP today.

It’s a slightly disappointing end to JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.

(Bo Burnham) I got my girlfriend pregnant

On a pullout couch

Courtesy of my little sister: I smell BO

That means everything is going to BO K

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[Long] One of my favorite jokes from BoJack Horseman

Okay so there's this gardener right?
So the amazing thing about this gardener is that he always knows exactly how many bags of mulch he needs for a job, just by looking. Like he gets it right, every time. He's the best.
So one day, he looks at a yard he's working on and he's like... 18 bags. S...

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Dea-th or Ka-bo-chi?

Three archaeologists are investigating a site deep in the jungles of Africa when they get caught by the jungle's tribesmen.

They are brought to the village where the village elder asks the first one.
"Dea-th or Ka-bo-chi?"
Fearing the worst, the first archeologist chooses Ka-bo-chi.<...

What do you call someone with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

“BOOM"

I hope that blew your minds

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A blonde joke

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."...

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A very interesting statistic about the penis from comedian Bo Burnham

The average penis length is 5 and half inches and the average penis length of a man who google average penis length is 3 and half inches.

Heard of the rubber airplane?

It was a Boing 747.

One boron and 2 oxygens walk into a bar

Bartender: Ahh!

Math is hard

I just couldn’t figure out the test problem log(na)^bo

It was just all bologna to me

Dinner at Grandma's

A while ago, I went to my grandma's house for dinner. As I was there, she was preparing a rather odd dish. She was taking green onions and covering them with thinly sliced beef. Unfortunately, she was having a hard time keeping the beef and the onions together, so she tied them with a ribbon she ...

What do you call a beautiful girl in Boston?

A tourist.

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Three guys are having a few beers and talking about how dumb their wives are.

Guy1: My wife is so dumb she wants to spend $15,000 to redo the kitchen and she can't even cook.

Guy 2: That's nothing. My wife wants me to buy her a new $50,000 car and she can't even drive yet.

Guy 3: My wife is dumber that both of them. She bought 3 boxes of condoms to take on a bus...

A Lawyer goes shooting and brings down a marvellous pheasant right on Farmer Joe's field...

Knowing the law, he goes over to the farmhouse and knocks on the door, farmer Joe opens, and the Lawyer speaks,

"Excuse me sir, but I'm a lawyer on a shoot, and I happen to have brought down a fairly marvellous pheasant over in your field yonder. Being a lawyer (I happen to have attended an e...

There is a haunted strip club in my town

I asked my wife if I could go see some BoOoOo-bies

What do you call a child with no legs, 1 arm and an eyepatch?

Names






Credit: Bo Burnam

What are your best "If I had ____ for every time..." jokes?

Two of my favorites are:

1. "If I had a dollar for every existentialist moment I've ever had...Does money even matter?" - Can't remember the comedian.
2. "If I had a quarter every time a hobo asked me for spare change, I'd still say no" - Bo Burnham

What do ghost cowboys wear?

BoOoOts

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A plane leaves JFK airport under the control of a Jewish captain, Josh Weinberg.

It is the first time he has flown with his Chinese co-pilot Bo Weng and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

After this protracted silence has continued for a while, the Captain mutters, 'I don't like the Chinese.. .'

'No rike Chinese?' asks the copil...

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A farmer has three daughters...

Who all have dates on the same night. Considering how protective the farmer is as a father, he sat and waited for the boys with a shotgun in hand.

The first boy showed up: “I’m Eddy, lookin’ for Betty. We plan on spaghetti from Teddy’s, is she ready?”

The farmer took a good look at the...

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I masturbated in front of my pastor on the elevator…

It was wrong on so many levels

(Inspired by Bo Burnham)

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I haven't made up my mind around masturbation

Cuz on one hand it feels good.

-Bo Burnham

Glass houses

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones..... or mastubate in daytime.

Paraphrased from Bo Burnham. Credit where it's due.

What's the Chinese minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling

What's the Korean minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling-Pin.

What do you call a Star Wars themed all you can eat restaurant?

Bo-buffet

Ten years into the war, both sides ran out of bullets for their guns.

They decided to use bows and arrows instead.

But ten years later, still strong in the war, both sides ran out of arrows and flint. So both sides used swords and axes.

But a decade after that, both sides ran out of metal, and they had to resort to weapons made of wood, like bo- staffs ...

Did you know spiders go deaf if they have no legs?

Well it’s true and here’s why.

When I was a child I had a pet a spider. It was great I even trained him to jump. ‘Jump’ I’d shout and with a boing he’d leap into the air.

Well my brother saw this and in a jealous rage he pulled the spiders legs off!

I was heartbroken. ‘Jump’ I’...

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I masterbate because

I'm the only one with standards low enough to fuck me.

- Bo Burnham

[NSFW] Women are like squaring numbers...

... If they're under 13 you do them in your head
(Credit to bo burnham)

What do you call a robot with odour problems?

C3-BO

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I've been debating with myself about masturbating...

On one hand it feels great...

Boris Johnson's brother Jo Johnson has quit

BoJo lost his BroJo

What do ghosts drink at Halloween parties?

BoOoOoZe!

If Boeing was a Spring manufacturing company,

They would name their springs “*Boing* 747”.

How do you call a bouncy airplane?

A Boing.

P.S. I came up with this on my own, yet have a feeling it mist've been here already, so please tell me if it's a repost. Thanks!

If jesus can walk on water,

Can he swim on land?


-BoBurnham

How do you milk a ghost?

Squeeze their BoOoOoOoOoOoOobs!

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A man is in a hotel lobby.

As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm...

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Before they can be ordained, three young men have to undergo an ordeal which will test the chastity of their thoughts.

Ordered by a priest to strip, the trio have rubber bands fastened to their private parts and are ushered into a bedroom where a beautiful girl lies naked on the bed.

After a few moments there is aloud *Boing!* The first seminarian is told to go to the showers to cool his ardour.

A mome...

Who's a great YouTuber, but a terrible cook?

Bo Burnham.

Tip: if you don't want comedians weighing in on politics....

...don't elect a joke.

(Credit to Bo Burnham)

I asked a friend why she did a lip augmentation again.

She said *bo look bepper*.

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Beauty, self image and the ability to transform.

Martha was ugly like a shaven baboon,

So she wrapped herself up in a curtain cocoon.

After a week she finally emerged,

She smelled like shit what a psycho.

>Credits to Bo Burnham

If you made a viral video of a cow...

It'd be called a bo-Vine.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless person asked for money, I'd still say no.

- Bo Burnham.

Intrepid Engineer

A Christian, a Muslim, and an engineer are sentenced to die at the guillotine.

The Christian goes first but when the executioner pulls the lever to release the blade, the blade suddenly stops halfway down the track with a loud "boing."
"Praise the Lord," the Christian exults, "who in h...

Plane crash

A plane took from from the airport and almost immediately one of its engines failed. Tried as she might the pilot could not control the landing. On lookers watched in horror as the plane plummeted to the ground- full of passengers.

The plane hit the ground, bounced once bounced twice and rol...

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