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Reportedly Jokes

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"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Holy shit this blew up

Trump reportedly asked to be added to Mount Rushmore

Turns out granite isn't a dense enough material to represent him

Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation

Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.

HBO is reportedly planning on a new TV series based on Hermione from Harry Potter.

It's called Granger Things

Trump is reportedly upset that the Ukraine just elected a comedian as president.

Oh, Crimea river!

Putin is reportedly extremely angry about his bridge getting blown up

He needs to get over it

Local man reportedly addicted to brake fluid,

Says he can stop whenever he wants.

A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Lego Land

The damage is expected to be about 50 square blocks

President Trump has reportedly contracted coronavirus

Finally, something positive about Trump.

Reportedly the President said...

If I can employ an employee, why can't I hate a Haiti?

A man was reportedly shot over two hundred times last night with an upholstery gun....

Medics say that he's fully recovered.

Daniel Craig has narrowly avoided death after falling into an industrial mixer whilst on a Martini factory tour. Fortunately the machine wasn't switched on.

He is reportedly shaken

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Kim Jong-Un has reportedly made a public appearance after opening a fertiliser factory.

I smell bullshit.

ISIS has reportedly starting putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup

If any go off, it could spell disaster

Triple Crown winner Justify reportedly turns down Trump's White House invitation

replying, "If I wanted to see a horse's ass, I would've came in 2nd"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man reportedly knocked over a chess table during a tournament using his penis.

People are saying it was a real dick move.

Report: Tom Brady to retire.

Fans hoping for one more season reportedly deflated by the news.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

David Blaine has reportedly been accused of two sexual assaults.

Apparently he touched two women and they disappeared.

Elvis Presley reportedly sent back shoes because they said "Made In China".

He always wanted a little less Converse Asian

A boy has reportedly fallen off a building whilst on LSD

People say he "had a bad trip"

THIS JUST IN: Michael Phelps is reportedly joining the rap olympics.

They are already calling him swim shady.

The police were called to a sperm bank yesterday, after the receptionist was reportedly shot in the face

They arrived to a sticky hostage situation

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