Reports Jokes

"Papa!" the boy exclaims. "Instead of buying a bus ticket, I ran home behind the bus and saved a dollar!"

The father immediately slaps the child. "Spendthrift!" he screams. "You could have run home behind a taxi and saved twenty!"

St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're assigned to hell."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.

After a wh... read more

A male and a female police officer turn up at his house and begin to interview him. The female officer asks the man if he has any theories on where she might be. The man responds with “This is going to sound weird but I think she disappeared into the magic coffee table”
The officers look confused... read more

"Excellent work, as always, agent. Operation *Girlfriend Experience* was an outstanding success because of you. The villain has been apprehended and is awaiting sentencing," the superior comments.

"Thank you, sir. Just doing my duty," she responds.

"But there is one thing..." he contin... read more

All involved were rushed to the ICU

Teacher said that I was only average at maths.

I thought, that’s mean

He was typo negative.

He finally brought a motion to the floor.

He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit; go sell!"


The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!"
The third came in and said, "I- i ... read more

Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea River

They addressed the elephant in the room

A Russian general hears someone shouting from the woods - "One Ukranian soldier is better than ten Russian". The angry general sends ten men to deal with the annoying Ukranian. After a short period of shots and screams, another shout is heard - "One Ukranian is better than a hundred Russians". The g... read more

Until further notice, this is their top story.

The Police still have no lead.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. Th... read more

Ukraine has only 16 HIMARS in total.

To find the spy, they put a can of Guinness at each soldier's bed during the night, the second morning, the Russian who drank the canned Guinness is then arrested.

The other barracks received the same report and try to do the same, they left a bottle of vodka by the bed of every soldier, the ... read more

... out of which 1700 were arrested.

She promptly asks to be excused because she believes she's prejudiced. "I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin."

"Sit down," says the judge. "That's the prosecuting attorney."

In the end, he said it was unclear

They should have got a calmer Chameleon, but apparently, they come and go.

Of course not, they were debunked.

They're con artists.

on a Sunday morning and thinks about how they can have some time to "cuddle". So they tell their son to go stand on the balcony and look if he can see something new going on in the neighbourhood.

So their son stands on the balcony and they get going. After a few minutes he yells: "Dad, dad! T... read more

Don't worry - if he's running it, the fever will just declare bankruptcy soon.

But if I were a Greek philosopher, I’d be Pistophades.

[ Sorry, I’ll see myself out ]

General: Ave Ceasar! I have news about the guy who called himself the son of God...what was his name... Juses? Jeusus?

Tiberius: Jesus...

General: Nailed it..

She graded them

When replacing words with instruments they tend to go unnoticed.

Operator: Sir, what seems to be the problem?

Man: Someone broke into my house, spilled all of my milk, and stole all of my favorite cereal! You know, the original multigrain cereal that has been slightly sweetened.

Operator: Stop your crying...that's just Life.

It might be fake news.

Fake noose.