Confirmed Jokes

Her Tweet to Tater-Tot was easily the biggest burn in history.

Virus has been quarantined for 14 days

looks like they'll be resurfacing.

Dip both your hands in fresh cow dung before going out.

This will make sure that

a) you will not touch your eyes, nose, ear or mouth.

b) nobody will shake hands with you.

c) Nobody will come near you when you are out in the streets.

d) You will wash your hands thor... read more

was not a bouncer.

In a recent study of ballots it has become apparent that there was in fact a Conspiracy during the election.

Turns out it was way worse than the Republicans first thought though, it is now believed that a massive conspiracy involving some 81 million American adults conspired together against ... read more

A woman went out and did not return home. On the next day she told her husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Not believing her, the husband called 10 of her best friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.

A man went out and did not return home. On the next day, he to... read more

Turns out he was just a poorly trained medic!

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and it's been confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts, however, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analysing... read more

The CDC confirmed it was the om-nom-nom-nom-icron variant.




Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit 2: Thank you everyone for the awards. Just trying to brighten everyone's day with a little joke. I hope this joke spreads far and wide....like Covid. Stay safe everybody... read more

WHO let the dogs out.

Apparently they're filled with anty-bodies

I knew something smelt fishy

Unfortunately, the police have nothing to go on

They are both not real numbers

I'm just fat.

It's transmitted from crows and ravens to people. They've named it Corvid-19

They called the publican over to settle an argument.

"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.

"There are two pints in a quart" confirmed the publican.

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.

"Two pints miss, and they are on ... read more

The patients name is Ivor Chestikov

She said that this puts a real strain on our relationship.

for Secretary of Low Energy.

They found her head and shoulders in the glove box

He became somewhat obsessed with the desire to prove the truth as he saw it. So he mortgaged his house and sold his car in order to put a down payment on the most powerful computer commercially available. Then Smith plugged it into every data bank in the world, accessed every library in the United S... read more

Solid matter
Liquid matter
Gas matter
and most recently...
Black Lives matter

The state of denial

Someone pees "Brezhnev is stupid" into the snow on the Red Square.
The KGB immediately starts an investigation, the results are in the next day:
\- Comrade Brezhnev, be strong. Our doctors confirmed the urine belongs to comrade Gromiko.
Brezhnev defeatedly leans back in his chair. ... read more

Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.

They found his body down the back of the sofa.

...even Mars has more flow than Kanye West.

It's a phenomenon called "Night".