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Cited Jokes

Warning.... Dad Joke: What was Lloyd cited for?

Lloydering.

What do you call a highly cited epidemiology researcher with a social media presence?

An influenzer.

A citizen was cited for a tax investigation in the IRS.

Frightened, he asked his accountant how to dress.


-"Use rags, they'll think you're a beggar," the accountant replied.

When he asked his lawyer, he told him the exact opposite:

-'Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your best suit and most elegant tie'


Confused, t...

If you cited something from Reddit...

I guess you could call it Creddit

An exam was taking place in Oxford's oldest and most traditional college...

The ancient hall was packed with students in deep concentration.

Halfway through, a student stood up, banged his desk and loudly demanded a pint of beer.

The head examiner, furious at the disruption, asked him to 'explain yourself at once'.

The student cited section 7.b of a lon...

When asked about the greatest of all his amazing accomplishments, Sir Isaac Newton cited the discovery of gravity.

He said it helped him keep his feet on the ground.

Did John Knott mind being the only cited author on his group's research paper?

Knott, et al.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to visit a divorce attorney.

"There's just no saving this marriage," the man says, "so I want to make a clean break."

The attorney sighs and consults his notes. "Well, sir, your cited grounds don't make you look good. According to you, your husband is quite the philanthropist... but you're mad that he's distributing clas...

Today a woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

When I got face to face with the woman, I said, "Miss, are you aware that you could be cited for indecent exposure?"

"Why?" the woman asked.

"Well," I said, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse."

The woman quickly looked down and screamed, "Oh my God! I left my baby ...

A dog gave birth to puppies on the side of the road

She was cited for littering

My last girlfriend became a cop and ended up pulling me over and writing me a ticket. She asked why I seemed so happy about it.

I told her I was just ex-cited.

I tried to register slimshady.com, and it turns out the US government forcibly took it over.

They cited Eminem domain.

Trump writing a term paper:

Sources Cited:
1. You know it
2. I know it
3. We all know it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few statistics...

Studies show ¾ths of the general public prefer to be told statistics in percents as compared to fractions.

10/9 of them are unable to spot errors in said statistics.

63% of the population will believe a statistic if it has a famous name cited with it. - Julius Cesar, May 1973

Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reasons why God never got tenure at the university.

1. He had only one major publication.
2. And it was in Hebrew.
3. And it had no cited references.
4. And it wasn't published in a refereed journal or even submitted for peer review.
5. And some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world but what has he...

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