UPJOKE
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Quoted Jokes

I got charged way more than I was quoted for a new set of tires!

They said it was due to inflation.

My girlfriend said she'd leave me if I quoted Arnold Schwarzenegger one more time.

She can leave me all she likes but I'll be back

Tom Hanks was recently quoted talking about how much he disliked one of Stephen King's novels.

T. Hanks: I hate It.

Stalin was quoted as saying "Dark humor is like food..."

"Not everyone gets it."

Upon gaining sentience, a donut was quoted as saying:

"There are dozens of us!"

My ex girlfriend broke up with me because I quoted Linkin Park too much.

But in the end it doesn't even matter.

After being hit by an airstrike from the Turkish air force, a Syrian leader was quoted as saying...

"As God is my witness, I thought the Turkish couldn't fly..."

Police are investigating reports of a farmer in Kansas who has been systematically depositing his saliva on every bale in town, once every 24 hours.

The police have been slowly getting tired of the monotonous investigation that, so far, has still produced no results. As quoted in their report:

“Same spit, different hay.”

A scientist took a selfie while he was drinking liquid nitrogen

He was quoted as saying "It was the coolest shot I ever took"

My friend hired a hot air balloon for his wedding.

They quoted him 200 and on the day charged 400. Said it was due to inflation.

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