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Citing Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

T...

You know what they say about citing a source with more than 2 authors..

It's not hard et al.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother's friend suspiciously flaked on lunch citing bad constipation. He asked me for my thoughts on it.

I told him his friend is full of shit.

African conservationists call for the ban on hunting hippopotamus to be lifted, citing environmental concerns.

To me the whole thing seems so hippocritical.

A scientist told me my climate change denial was wrong, citing the horrific brush fires we see wiping out swathes of vegetation all over the world.

I told him they were just plants.

What would Ted Cruz have done in the school shooting if he was the responding police officer?

He would have packed his bags and leave for Cancun, citing his daughters don't go that school.

President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19

Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.

I've decided to start listing the sources of my eggs.

It's very eggs-citing.

Jesus and Satan were arguing over whom should be able to walk the Earth...

God stepped in and told both of them to draft a detailed, 7 page, 10 font, MLA format, report as to why they deserve it. He gave them 1 day to complete the report.

As they both were furiously typing and conducting web searches, and citing away, the final hour was upon them. All of the sudd...

Bernard is sitting at the bar and slurs to the barman for another drink...

the barman, hearing how much he's clearly had, decides that it's time to chaperone this man out the back door, citing that he's clearly "had enough" for the night. A few minutes later, Bernard stumbles through the front doors again.
"BARman! Cahn ah plish haaav' adrink!"
The barman, again, doe...

Bed monsters

A guy had a fear that there was a monster living under his bed, and he decided to seek professional help. During the consultation, the shrink told him his situation was unusual but not unheard of. He can be cured, but it would take at minimum 6 session at $250 each.

The guy declined citing t...

A growing number of parents are trying to force feed their children.

Experts can offer no explanation. Citing, "Even Master Jedi use spoons."

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