A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese san...
A man walks into a resort and the first sign he saw reads, “LOOL AREA!!”
He was confused and asks one of the employees about it.
“Yes, we have this tradition here, we replace the first ‘P’ of any word that starts with P with an ‘L’ because the owner hates the words that starts with letter ‘P’."
The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no ...
A Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar...
As they walk in the Scotsman proclaims loudly for all to hear “Drinks for the house, on me!”
The next day in the newspaper the headlines reads ‘Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death”
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Doctor to his assistant Doc: Put a sign outside my clinic that reads Doctor Smith Therapist
A whole day has gone by without a patient entering
Doctor: Did you put the sign outside like i told you ?
Assistant: Yes,but is Therapist 2 words?
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads "Talking dog for sale"
Intrigued he walks in and sees the dog. "So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog
"I have had a very full life" says the dog. "I have lived in the Alps, rescued avalanche victims, I served my country in Iraq, and now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home...
When I was a young, I loved basketball and was a huge Michael Jordan fan. But I wasn't sure if I had enough talent to become a pro player. Until one day I saw this huge poster. In the poster Jordan points at me and the caption reads "JUST DO IT". I got tears in my eyes and decided "I will do IT! ".
That's how I became a web developer.
An ad appeared in the local paper that read "Wanted. Man to mate with an ape, $5,000. Call the zoo"
A less than bright man reads the ad and contacted the zoo. After a few questions, he said he was inclined to proceed with the process with 3 requirements:
1. There will be absolutely no kissing involved.
2. If this union proves fruitful, the children will be raised Catholic.
A politician dies...
And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.
"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...
If a person who reads lots of books is a bookworm, what do you call a person who listens to lots of tapes?