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Misread Jokes

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My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.

I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mohammad Atta opens his eyes a second after flying his plane into the WTC

He finds himself inside a chamber, filled with a large group of angry men wearing wigs and weird costumes.

“Who, who are you?” He asked in great confusion.

A tall man strode forward and smacked his hand across his face with a vicious back hand. “I’m George Washington. This here are my...

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

I used to misread music a lot

I guess you can say that wasn't my forte

I misread the recipe. I was trying to make Cottage Cheese, but I accidentally ended up with Frottage Cheese.

The taste was off, and it just rubs me the wrong way.

[x-post from r/dyslexia] Today I misread 63 as 68 so it took me twice as long to get home with the public transport

Whoops, wrong bus

Went to the shrink today..

My doctor said that my narcissistic tendencies cause me to misread social interactions.

I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Duke of Cornwall

The usual news reader at an English radio station falls sick and they ask a recent hire to read the news instead. Never done it before, she nervously starts reading news at a live channel when she comes across a piece of the royal family and has to mention Prince William. She continues reading and h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did a guy with flatulence kink visit r/interestingasfuck?

Because he misread it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My recent letter from the BBC read...

"Thanks for entering your wife into our new quiz show.

However, we feel you may have misread the title?

The show is actually called "Fact Hunt"




Credit @ShitJokes via Twitter.

Foot Doctor

A drunk says to the bartender, "I want a woman!" So, the bartender gives him directions to the local brothel. The customer was so drunk, he misreads the directions and accidentally goes into the office of a foot doctor.

The receptionist at the counter asks, "Can I help you?" "Yes, I want som...

Yoga class instructor: Welcome. Uhh why are you carrying a lightsaber?

Me: Misread the brochure I have.

Heard one of the symptoms of COVID-19 was liking Nickleback...

... sorry looks like I misread the loss of taste.

Does anybody want to buy 500 sandwiches and 250 sausage rolls?

I misread the headlines and thought we were picnic buying.

I watched pom.

You misread that, didn't you?

Three nuns die and go to heaven

When they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter says to them that heaven is too full at the moment and needs expanding. While they wait to get in, for all their good work St. Peter let’s them spend one day on earth as a person of their own choice.

The first nun picks mother Theresa because of th...

The Cincinnati zoo is putting in a new shooting range for it's employees.

Ooh, sorry I misread that. They are just getting a new gorilla.

(NSFW) GSW blew a 3-1 lead. Cleveland Indians blew a 3-1 lead....

Can't believe La La Land blew a misread

A priest begins to wonder if his religion is really the only ‘true’ religion. In his search he finds an Internet forum with like mined faith/spiritual seekers, and quickly befriends a Jewish Rabbi, and a Buddhist monk.

The three debate for months, with no real progression as such, until a post appears from a new user, claiming to be the purest, living descendant of Adam & Eve. He further claims, that to those who truly believe, he will grant the secret to human evolution.
All but the monk immediately dismi...

I read on my cigarette packet that "smoking causes baldness"...

Then I realised it said "blindness". Thank god! But now I'm not sure if it is the drinking or the blindness that is causing my misreading.

And my baldness.

Three Nuns

One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling".
One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. H...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A golfer is absolutely killing it out on the course. (Long)

He’s playing at one of those residential courses surrounded by beautiful homes.

He nails the drive on the 6th hole. He’s so excited and proud of himself that he guns his golf cart full speed ahead to get to the putting green.

He’s going so fast that he misreads a curve and ends up topp...

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