One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

I 3D printed a tree branch today

It's PLA stick

At a clothing store, I came across some fancy shirts with "CORONA" printed on them

There were just a few Casual Tees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dick pick when it’s printed out?

A hard copy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

I just checked my account balance at the ATM

It printed me a coupon for ramen noodles

Contrary to belief, Wikipedia actually has less factual errors than traditional printed encyclopaedias.

Source: Wikipedia

Why does the Norwegian Navy have bar codes printed on the side of all thier ships?

So when they come back to port they can just Scandinavian.

I couldn't find any publishers for my autobiography, so I invested a whole pile of my own money and got 10,000 copies printed. I'm yet to sell even one copy.

Story of my life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille.

I used to rub the dirty parts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Bricklayer's Accident Report

This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.
Dear Sir:


I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as...

I just printed some pamphlets on how not to say the wrong thing and avoid getting into fights.

Who wants some?

I was helping my grandpa fold some laundry yesterday and noticed something odd. On one shirt he had a silloutte of Sherlock Holmes, on another a picture of Harry Potter, on a third was printed an image of Frankenstein, and on a fourth, a girl who appeared to be Anne of Green Gables.

I asked my grandpa, "Are all these graphic shirts really yours?"

"Yes they are, " my grandpa replied sheepishly "I just can't resist buying novel tees."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes into his favorite bar and sees a jar of money on the counter with the word "win" printed on it.

"What's this about?" he asks the bartender.



"That's our monthly contest. You put in a $20 entry fee and then perform the three acts. If you complete all three successfully you win the pot."



"Cool," he says. "What are the three acts?"



"Well, first, you hav...

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem.

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem.

“Oh yeah?” Said the president of the United States. “Ok how do we solve poverty?”
“Calculating” said the AI, moments later printing out a sheet of paper for the UN to read.
Leaders from all over ...

Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?

So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."


Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."


St. Pete...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Friday morning, Akshit Singh lost his dear pet cat.

He frantically searched around the neighborhood, looking for his precious Bala. He tried to search under dumpsters, he asked his neighbors if they'd seen Bala wandering around recently, and he set cat food and water outside in hopes of attracting Bala back to his house.



Much to his d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George The Mailman

It’s George The Mailman’s last day on the job after 30 years and the last go at his route. He delivers mail to the first house and there is a nice little envelope with his name on it and a $20 bill thanking him for his loyal service over the years. The second house had a nicely wrapped package for h...

It took me 2 weeks to realize my calendar was printed upside-down.

What followed was an interesting turn of events.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was lucky enough to win a couple of coupons for some cool bowling balls with number jokes printed on them.

I won two, three for five, sick "seven ate nine" ten pin bowling balls.

Or in other words I... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ...pin bowling balls.

Have you ever seen the serial number that is printed on every condom?

No? Oh, you must not have needed to unroll it that far...

Full disclosure: I searched and although this joke is definitely a repost, it's been about a year since the last time so I took an executive decision to post it again.

"The other day I came across an old worn out Bible, printed by Guten-something"

"Not Gutenberg?!"

"Yeah, that was it"

"You idiot, one of those sold at auction recently for over a Million dollars!!"

"Oh, I don't think it would be worth anything that much. Some clown by the name of Martin Luther scribbled all over it"

I want to write a show called "Pun". I'll have the script printed out and taped to the floor of the set.

It'll be a play on words.

A soda company printed Michael Jackson on all of their cans

He really is the king of pop

Did you know that each condom has a serial number printed on it?

I guess you have never had to roll it back that far.

A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college...

"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it.  As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial pl...

[long] My company is locked down and I am required to work from home

I'm used to working in an open office space so this is a huge change for me. In order to make the transition as easy as possible, I have prepared my home office so remind me of work.

* I've purchased a piece of Limburger cheese and placed it on a plate in the middle of the room to remind me o...

What sound does a dinosaur make?

"I want this printed"

I printed out this website's logo and then I realised I didn't need it. Should I throw out the piece of paper or should I...

Shreddit

Why did the man get the windows logo printed onto all his underwear

Because he thought it would make them software

I robbed a lamppost with words printed on it.

It's ok, I didn't get in trouble though.

You don't get karma from text posts.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.