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Society Jokes

A high-society debutant is engaged to a low-born Greek guy...

Before the wedding, her mother takes her aside and says, "I've tried to talk you out of marrying this man, but you seem determined to go through with it, so just promise me one thing"

"Greeks have unnatural desires in the bedroom that are perverse, nasty, and disgusting. Just promise me now, ...

I’ve just joined the Flat Earth Society.

We have members around the globe. (credit https://thejokecafe.com )

How do introverts feel within society?

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I saw a sign that said: "Society for asking stupid questions".

A man walked up and asked: "Excuse me, is this the society for asking stupid questions?"

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I didn't know what to wear to my Premature Ejaculation Society meeting...

So I just came in my pants.

What do you call a society of depressed people?

A melancholony.

I've started a society for anti-social people

Our first meeting is on 30th February

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So John can't take it anymore, so abandons society and makes to the hills.

He's happy as months go by. One day, a large, gruff looking Hill-Billy type man knocks on his door. "The name is Lars" he said. "I'm having a party tonight... wanna come?"

John: "well... I've been alone for months now, I like it but I do get lonely... Sure, I'll come"

Lars: nod. "Just ...

Drains on society

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, this past election year has really got me thinking. Did you know 4 million of these people enter our country each year? They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hard-working Americans and the government ...

I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society.

My parents did.

The British Flat Earth society opened a branch in the US

It is called Apartment Earth Society.

Heard about the viral YouTuber booted out of the Flat Earth Society?

They caught him trying to expand his sphere of influence.

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Johnny lives in a society...

Johnny asks his dad how a country runs. His dad thinks and replies, ‘Well, it’s like this. I earn the money in the house, so I’m the rich. Your mom takes care of running the home, so she is the government. The maid is the working class, and your baby brother is the future. And finally you Johnn...

Society is full of double standards

For example, when Ariel from The Little Mermaid swims around half naked, singing with her underwater friends, people say that she is "sweet" and "beautiful"

But when I do it, people say that I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".

The Flat Earth society have made a new documentary....

.....which has been nominated for the Golden Globe award.

I got banned from the secret cooking society…

For spilling the beans.

M&M's Redesigns Its Characters' Looks and Personalities to Be 'Representative of Today's Society'

It's rumored the Yellow M&M is going trans and getting his nut removed.

The cost of joining the Roman Numeral Society was exactly $499

They wouldn't let me in because I didn't have ID...

There will be a mass meeting of the debating society this evening.

All mass debaters are invited to attend.

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What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash?

You get what you fucking deserve! *BANG*

Something ain't right with society when schoolgirls are dressing like hookers....

.....and hookers are dressing like schoolgirls !!

The erectile dysfunction society held a championship fund-raiser the other week...

...But no one made it past the semi-finals

The Covid19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

The society finally woke up

even saw the homeless in the parks vaccinate themselves!

The self-depreciation society is taking applications for new members.

I've already put myself down.

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I was invited to the Premature Ejaculation Society’s Dinner.

I asked what the dress code was and they just said to come in my pants.

In a society of crows,

All unsolved crimes are murder mysteries.

Society: Be yourself.

Also society: No, not in that way.

I am sick of this Chinese-made virus destroying society!

Tik-Tok has got to go!

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I've been buying birthday cards for everyone at our local Tourette's Society.

It's the thought that cunts.

Today convinced me that society isn't deteriorating as much as we think.

I was on the bus at 6am and this really generous guy offered me a sip from his half-empty whiskey bottle.

What is the difference between a capitalist society and a socialist one?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man. In a socialist one, it's the other way around.

So I heard about a secret society that wants to run the world...

...and force feed everybody cheese all the time.




They're called the Hallouminati

National Sarcasm Society

Like we need your support...

What do landlords contribute to society?

A great source of protein

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Dave decides he's had it with society, and buys some land in the middle of nowhere in Canada......

.... he builds himself an awesome log house, gets a great garden going, and is basically self-sustaining.
After several years, he hears a knock on his door.
With hesitation, he opens the door to find a big ol' Grizzly Adams-looking dude standing there.
"Howdy neighbor!" he says. "...

So this is society..

Muslim Shooter = entire religion guilty

Black Shooter = entire race guilty

White shooter = mentally troubled lone wolf

Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do?

Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly.

"Oh damn, shots fired!"

But not by the pizza guy.

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Why does the law society expressly prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

... To prevent the possibility of clients being billed twice for essentially the same service.

I never expected Facebook to own the whole "cancer on society" thing.

But they're really Meta-stasizing!

The Flat-Earth Society is now recruiting new members...

We have chapters all around the world.

How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

Edit: Wow front page. Didn't expect this big a response.

What’s black and completely useless to society?

Decaf coffee... obviously.

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I can tell we still live in a sexist society because...

Doctors still make more money than nurses.

How do you get into a society of cloners?

Good genetiquette

What secret society would Santa never be a part of?

The Illuminaughty

The testicular cancer society called me and said, “Did you get our email?” I said No.

They said, “Then you better check your junk.”

People are getting upset about the implications of a "cashless society".

I'm not sure what they're worried about I've been cashless for years.

A society without plates

Would be pure dishtopia

There are three types of people in society.

Those who can count.
And those who cant.

Society is stupid.

I mean what happened to I before E except after C!?

I have been expelled from the Flat Earth Society.

Apparently, I went too far.

No one knowingly joins a patriarchal society.

They get grandfathered in.

Armed robbers. Some say they're a drain on society.

But you've got to give it to them...

Why doesn’t our democratic society permit a man to have 2 wives?

Q: Why doesn’t our democratic society permit a man to have 2 wives?
A: Because our laws protect us against cruel and unusual punishment.

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American society is best summarized by Christmas time

People who buy a bunch of shit while being surrounded by snowflakes.

Guess which type of society is the happiest?

Nomads.

Groucho Marx upon learning about the skinhead hazing requirement of the bald-headed society…

‘I refuse to belong to any club that would shave me as a member’

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I'm sick of the violent society today.

Picture this: I'm there minding my own business when this scruffy kid comes up and says "Hey mister, you want decking or something?". Cheeky twat, I smacked him one straight away but I shouldn't have to, know what I mean?

Also apparently I'm now "banned from the garden centre" or some such bu...

The wind turbine society

We're not a fan club!

Damn boy, are you a bra?

Because you make me uncomfortable but society has brainwashed me into thinking I need you.

Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society.

Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!

Joined the Tourettes Society today ...

It only took a minute to swear me in

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An Englishman ,a Scotsman and an Irishman are all going to give speeches to the Deaf Society and are keen to make an impression on their audience…

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin.

When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

"Well…" he explained, "By rubbing my chest, I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing m...

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It's appalling how society treats people who don't like butter.

Margarinalized.

We live in a progressive society.

Everyone is getting progressively stupider.

The Alzheimer’s Support Society chant...

What do we want?

We don’t know!

When do we want it?

What?

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What do you call a patriarchal authoritarian society?

A dicktatorship

"Welcome to the Voyeurs With Telescopes society...."

"... Where we'll see you coming a mile away!"

The International Flat Earth Society Annual Conference was going to be held on Zoom this year.

Unfortunately they all agreed on the same start time.

'Jesus loves you' means one thing in general society.

And something completely different in prison.

Q: What do you call the advice given by an idiot not fit to live in polite society?

A: A Q-tip

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People say it’s frowned upon in society to talk poorly about the Jews..

They say its bad Jew Jew.

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The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild:

The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild:
Since he was a chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Never...

I'm all ready to blow the lid on nepotism in today's society!

Had some trouble interesting a publisher, but my uncle reckons he can have a word in the right ears.

(EDIT: This was the third time I tried this. The first two got auto-modded, possibly for "self-promotion")

Excessive consumption of heavy metal causes cancer and is ruining society

Especially lead. Lead in the water pipes is a big problem.

Why will the flat earth society never be popular?

Because they cant get the word a round.

So there was this society where everybody was born really weak.

The more wealth you had, either through actual money or possessions, the more you would reach your maximum power percentage. Most people had around a 50% power percentage, parents would give some of their belongings to their kids at birth so they would be strong enough to walk, but people who went a...

Women are the foundation of our society

But men are the ones who laid the foundation

The even numbers blamed the division of their society on 2

They claimed it was a factor

I hate how politically correct we have become as a society ...

You can't even say black paint anymore. Now you have to say, "Jamal kindly paint my house?"

I tried to join a Jewish society but they didn't let me in

I guess I just didn't make the cut

If karma was a currency, Reddit would be a capitalist society

But I've figured out how to make reddit into a communist society.

They just need to seize the memes of production.

Last year I founded a Anxiety Society at uni

It ended after the first week when no one showed up

The Saudi Society at my uni had a social....

It must have been fun as half my journalism class haven’t been back since

They're having a holiday party for the Erectile Dysfunction Society.

Nobody can come.

Got offered a job today worth $80,000 with benefits working for the Brittle Bone Society.

Nearly snapped his hand off.

What is the motto for the Epilepsy Research Society?

Sieze the day

I reported my discovery of a new Dwarf Star to the Astronomy Society, so they let me name it.

I am gonna call it Peter Twinklage.

I called the paranoia society hotline this morning…

The operator answered and said, "How did you get this number?!"

What’s EA’s greatest contribution to society?

Inspiring OC on r/jokes

I have managed to become a member of the National Secrecy Society.

I can’t tell you how much this means to me.

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits of their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

If I had a dollar every time one of my professors complained about the collapsing American democratic society...

I would have a small loan of a million dollars.

Crime in elevators is disgusting and a huge problem for society

It's just wrong on so many levels

What do you call a bleak future society in which people are forced by the state to trim hedges into decorative shapes?

A dystopiary!

London held a monocle convention for high class members of society...

... it was a respectable spectacle spectacle.

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