What is the difference between a capitalist society and a socialist one?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man. In a socialist one, it's the other way around.

The even numbers blamed the division of their society on 2

They claimed it was a factor

The phone number for the Anti Vax Society is 545-5437

Otherwise know as KIL-KIDS

I'm sick of the violent society today.

For example, a complete stranger came up to me and said "Hey mate, do you want decking?". Thankfully I'm pretty handy myself and I smacked him one first, but it shouldn't have been necessary.

Also I'm now barred from the garden centre.

Vaccines are a disgusting evil to society that cause mental and physical deformities. That’s why I’m the proud anti-vaxx mother of 5 beautiful children.

Edit 1: 4 beautiful children

Edit 2: 3 beautiful children

Edit 3: 2 beautiful children

Society: Be yourself.

Also society: No, not in that way.

Joined the Tourettes Society today ...

It only took a minute to swear me in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Homosexuality should not be accepted in a civilized society.

It is an abomination. "sexuality" has a Latin root and "homo" is Greek. Really the word should be ideosexuality!

I tried to join a Jewish society but they didn't let me in

I guess I just didn't make the cut

We live in such an uncaring society. The other day I was in the park watching an old man feed the birds

After a while I thought to myself: “I wonder how long he’s been dead?”

Want to join my flat earth society group?

It has millions of people from all around the globe in it.

What’s black and completely useless to society?

Decaf coffee... obviously.

In an American history discussion group, a professor is trying to explain how society’s idea of beauty changes with time.

“For example,” he says, “the winner of the Miss America pageant in 1921 stood five foot one, weighed only 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?”



The class was silent until one woman comments, “She’d lose for sure.”...

How do we call a process of introducing press to society?

Oppression

It's been said that Greece's greatest contributions to European society were the inventions of democracy and sodomy.

France is then generally given credit for slightly improving both of these ideas, by discovering that you could also involve women.

I Bet You Can't Name A Useless, Nonfunctoning Member Of Society

but my parents did

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a patriarchal authoritarian society?

A dicktatorship

"Welcome to the Voyeurs With Telescopes society...."

"... Where we'll see you coming a mile away!"

Little Johnny has an assignment from school to describe society and how it works. (Long)

Now, being a little kid he had no idea what to do, so he asked his dad for help. His dad said “ OK, so first think of me as the President, your mum as the Congress, the maid as the workforce and your baby brother as the future. Now see what happens and write that up.”

So Johnny did this and f...

Coming in 2019: a new interactive Netflix experience that shows what happens to society when all crimes are legal, and the entire thing is available live streaming. The series you can't miss, it's...

Binging and Purging

Join the flat earth society! We don’t discriminate, because...

We have members all around the globe.

Yes. Flat earth is truly a global movement with a great “sphere” of influence.

Last night, I met some university students having a social event for the Frisbee society

But there wasn't much to discuss.

A society of Froot Loops

So there's a society of Froot Loops in every box. There's the bottom, filled with all the broken, mashed up Loops, the middle class, which are a mix of good and bad Loops, and then there's the upper class, the 1 per cent of Froot Loops.



One day, two Loops from the bottom class decide ...

So there was this society where everybody was born really weak.

The more wealth you had, either through actual money or possessions, the more you would reach your maximum power percentage. Most people had around a 50% power percentage, parents would give some of their belongings to their kids at birth so they would be strong enough to walk, but people who went a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn’t know what to wear to my Premature Ejaculation Society meeting...

So I just came in my pants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf and Dumb Society.

All are intent on making an impression on their audience. The Englishman goes first, and to the surprise of his colleagues, starts by rubbing first his chest, and then his groin. When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

“Well,” he explained, “by rubbing my chest ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I've been invited to the Premature Ejaculation Society's annual awards dinner. When I asked them what the dress code was...

They told me just to come in my pants.

Whenever I see a woman driving a bus, I smile thinking about how far we have come as a society

And then I wait for the next bus to come

They're having a holiday party for the Erectile Dysfunction Society.

Nobody can come.

I asked someone at the Vegan society dinner "do you always include a vegetable in every sentence you say?

they said "not nessicelery"

I have managed to become a member of the National Secrecy Society.

I can’t tell you how much this means to me.

Basketball players are the most upstanding members of society

They really are people to look up to.

The Flat Earth Society has members all across the globe.

And anti-vaxxers are full-grown adults.
Thank God, I'm an atheist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Should you still hang out with someone if they have a weird delusion that they rule over a secret society inhabited entirely by other people's butts?

Ass king for a friend

The Saudi Society at my uni had a social....

It must have been fun as half my journalism class haven’t been back since

The wind turbine society

We're not a fan club!

Sometimes I want to leave society, live in the woods, and contemplate existence...

But I know that would be Thoreauing away my life.

The Alzheimer’s Support Society chant...

What do we want?

We don’t know!

When do we want it?

What?

Have you heard of the secret society of math teachers?

It's called The Order of Operations.

What kind of car does the president of the palindrome society own?

A Toyota

The Flat Earth Society held it's annual conference in Antarctica this year...

... but attendance fell off.

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft

Today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

We live in a progressive society.

Everyone is getting progressively stupider.

Last year I founded a Anxiety Society at uni

It ended after the first week when no one showed up

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

How do introverts feel within society?

[removed]

Society is full of double standards

For example, when Ariel from The Little Mermaid swims around half naked, singing with her underwater friends, people say that she is "sweet" and "beautiful"

But when I do it, people say that I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".

I was just reading about a guy who was arrested for a hate crime in the U.K. for suggesting that people with fare skin complexions are responsible for the degeneration of society.

That's a little beyond the pale.

I got banned from the secret cooking society…

For spilling the beans.

Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society.

Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!

A society without plates

Would be pure dishtopia

Crime in elevators is disgusting and a huge problem for society

It's just wrong on so many levels

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So John can't take it anymore, so abandons society and makes to the hills.

He's happy as months go by. One day, a large, gruff looking Hill-Billy type man knocks on his door. "The name is Lars" he said. "I'm having a party tonight... wanna come?"

John: "well... I've been alone for months now, I like it but I do get lonely... Sure, I'll come"

Lars: nod. "Just ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculatio...

A boy tells his father, "I can't wait until I contribute to society!"

Father: "So you don't want to be a part of it?"

A career change can happen quickly in today's society.

For example, there once was a dentist who became a brain surgeon within a matter of seconds.

All it took was for his drill to slip.

This PC society is getting out of hand

You can't even say "black paint" anymore. Now you have to say "Jamal, could you paint that wall please?"

A guy decides he’s had enough of society and moves wayyy up north...

He finds a tiny cabin out in the middle of nowhere, about 30 miles from a small town.

He sets up his place and goes into town to buy provisions. As he’s closing the sale, he asks the shopkeeper of the general store/cafe’ if there are, by any chance, any women in town:

“Nope! No women...

So this is society..

Muslim Shooter = entire religion guilty

Black Shooter = entire race guilty

White shooter = mentally troubled lone wolf

Why will the flat earth society never be popular?

Because they cant get the word a round.

What's the similarity between a joke and a small, cute, furry mammal?

They both die when dissected

Women are the foundation of our society

But men are the ones who laid the foundation

If karma was a currency, Reddit would be a capitalist society

But I've figured out how to make reddit into a communist society.

They just need to seize the memes of production.

Are we as a society going to reject clickbait journalism?

The answer may surprise you!

Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do?

Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly.

"Oh damn, shots fired!"

But not by the pizza guy.

How does Thor blend in to society without being noticed?

He keeps it Loki.

What’s EA’s greatest contribution to society?

Inspiring OC on r/jokes

What's the difference between snooker and society?

In snooker, black is the most valuable colour.

What do you call a secret society of cheeses?

The Hallouminati.

Society is stupid.

I mean what happened to I before E except after C!?

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