What phrase is 5 words long, makes you a part of a secretly hated society, is as infective as a virus and stays in your memory forever, but is only mentioned on occasion?

“I just lost the game”

The Testicular Cancer Prevention Society called me to ask whether I received their email, and I said no.

They said, “Maybe you should check your junk.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

American society is best summarized by Christmas time

People who buy a bunch of shit while being surrounded by snowflakes.

What is the difference between a capitalist society and a socialist one?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man. In a socialist one, it's the other way around.

Armed robbers; some say they're a drain on society.

But you've got to give it to them.

I just joined a new wine appreciation society.

We meet in the park at 9am most days.

I'm sick of the violent society today.

For example, a complete stranger came up to me and said "Hey mate, do you want decking?". Thankfully I'm pretty handy myself and I smacked him one first, but it shouldn't have been necessary.

Also I'm now barred from the garden centre.

Vaccines are a disgusting evil to society that cause mental and physical deformities. That’s why I’m the proud anti-vaxx mother of 5 beautiful children.

Edit 1: 4 beautiful children

Edit 2: 3 beautiful children

Edit 3: 2 beautiful children

We live in such an uncaring society. The other day I was in the park watching an old man feed the birds

After a while I thought to myself: “I wonder how long he’s been dead?”

Excessive consumption of heavy metal causes cancer and is ruining society

Especially lead. Lead in the water pipes is a big problem.

The even numbers blamed the division of their society on 2

They claimed it was a factor

Society: Be yourself.

Also society: No, not in that way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Homosexuality should not be accepted in a civilized society.

It is an abomination. "sexuality" has a Latin root and "homo" is Greek. Really the word should be ideosexuality!

Joined the Tourettes Society today ...

It only took a minute to swear me in

I tried to join a Jewish society but they didn't let me in

I guess I just didn't make the cut

What’s black and completely useless to society?

Decaf coffee... obviously.

"Welcome to the Voyeurs With Telescopes society...."

"... Where we'll see you coming a mile away!"

Want to join my flat earth society group?

It has millions of people from all around the globe in it.

In an American history discussion group, a professor is trying to explain how society’s idea of beauty changes with time.

“For example,” he says, “the winner of the Miss America pageant in 1921 stood five foot one, weighed only 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?”



The class was silent until one woman comments, “She’d lose for sure.”...

I Bet You Can't Name A Useless, Nonfunctoning Member Of Society

but my parents did

It's been said that Greece's greatest contributions to European society were the inventions of democracy and sodomy.

France is then generally given credit for slightly improving both of these ideas, by discovering that you could also involve women.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn’t know what to wear to my Premature Ejaculation Society meeting...

So I just came in my pants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a patriarchal authoritarian society?

A dicktatorship

Little Johnny has an assignment from school to describe society and how it works. (Long)

Now, being a little kid he had no idea what to do, so he asked his dad for help. His dad said “ OK, so first think of me as the President, your mum as the Congress, the maid as the workforce and your baby brother as the future. Now see what happens and write that up.”

So Johnny did this and f...

How do we call a process of introducing press to society?

Oppression

Coming in 2019: a new interactive Netflix experience that shows what happens to society when all crimes are legal, and the entire thing is available live streaming. The series you can't miss, it's...

Binging and Purging

Last night, I met some university students having a social event for the Frisbee society

But there wasn't much to discuss.

A society of Froot Loops

So there's a society of Froot Loops in every box. There's the bottom, filled with all the broken, mashed up Loops, the middle class, which are a mix of good and bad Loops, and then there's the upper class, the 1 per cent of Froot Loops.



One day, two Loops from the bottom class decide ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I've been invited to the Premature Ejaculation Society's annual awards dinner. When I asked them what the dress code was...

They told me just to come in my pants.

So there was this society where everybody was born really weak.

The more wealth you had, either through actual money or possessions, the more you would reach your maximum power percentage. Most people had around a 50% power percentage, parents would give some of their belongings to their kids at birth so they would be strong enough to walk, but people who went a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf and Dumb Society.

All are intent on making an impression on their audience. The Englishman goes first, and to the surprise of his colleagues, starts by rubbing first his chest, and then his groin. When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

“Well,” he explained, “by rubbing my chest ...

Join the flat earth society! We don’t discriminate, because...

We have members all around the globe.

Yes. Flat earth is truly a global movement with a great “sphere” of influence.

Basketball players are the most upstanding members of society

They really are people to look up to.

Here’s a joke: the Flat Earth Society

The earth is obviously a donut

Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society...

Then I wait for the next bus

I asked someone at the Vegan society dinner "do you always include a vegetable in every sentence you say?

they said "not nessicelery"

They're having a holiday party for the Erectile Dysfunction Society.

Nobody can come.

I have managed to become a member of the National Secrecy Society.

I can’t tell you how much this means to me.

The Saudi Society at my uni had a social....

It must have been fun as half my journalism class haven’t been back since

The wind turbine society

We're not a fan club!

The Alzheimer’s Support Society chant...

What do we want?

We don’t know!

When do we want it?

What?

How do introverts feel within society?

[removed]

Sometimes I want to leave society, live in the woods, and contemplate existence...

But I know that would be Thoreauing away my life.

What kind of car does the president of the palindrome society own?

A Toyota

Have you heard of the secret society of math teachers?

It's called The Order of Operations.

The Flat Earth Society held it's annual conference in Antarctica this year...

... but attendance fell off.

Last year I founded a Anxiety Society at uni

It ended after the first week when no one showed up

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft

Today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

My teacher talks all the time about tolerance of others: "Tolerance is the key to a peaceful society." So I heeded her advice and gradually became more tolerant.

Then I overdosed.

Society is full of double standards

For example, when Ariel from The Little Mermaid swims around half naked, singing with her underwater friends, people say that she is "sweet" and "beautiful"

But when I do it, people say that I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So John can't take it anymore, so abandons society and makes to the hills.

He's happy as months go by. One day, a large, gruff looking Hill-Billy type man knocks on his door. "The name is Lars" he said. "I'm having a party tonight... wanna come?"

John: "well... I've been alone for months now, I like it but I do get lonely... Sure, I'll come"

Lars: nod. "Just ...

We live in a progressive society.

Everyone is getting progressively stupider.

I got banned from the secret cooking society…

For spilling the beans.

Homeless people are the most persistent activists in society.

Not a single day goes by without them asking for change!

A society without plates

Would be pure dishtopia

Crime in elevators is disgusting and a huge problem for society

It's just wrong on so many levels

A boy tells his father, "I can't wait until I contribute to society!"

Father: "So you don't want to be a part of it?"

A career change can happen quickly in today's society.

For example, there once was a dentist who became a brain surgeon within a matter of seconds.

All it took was for his drill to slip.

This PC society is getting out of hand

You can't even say "black paint" anymore. Now you have to say "Jamal, could you paint that wall please?"

Why will the flat earth society never be popular?

Because they cant get the word a round.

Are we as a society going to reject clickbait journalism?

The answer may surprise you!

So this is society..

Muslim Shooter = entire religion guilty

Black Shooter = entire race guilty

White shooter = mentally troubled lone wolf

What's the similarity between a joke and a small, cute, furry mammal?

They both die when dissected

If karma was a currency, Reddit would be a capitalist society

But I've figured out how to make reddit into a communist society.

They just need to seize the memes of production.

Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do?

Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly.

"Oh damn, shots fired!"

But not by the pizza guy.

Women are the foundation of our society

But men are the ones who laid the foundation

How does Thor blend in to society without being noticed?

He keeps it Loki.

What's the difference between snooker and society?

In snooker, black is the most valuable colour.

What’s EA’s greatest contribution to society?

Inspiring OC on r/jokes

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.