I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on her face was priceless.

I don’t insert my card into the chip reader until the cashier tells me the price,

Because consent is important.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in 7
seconds.

What do you call a deaf gynecologist?

A lip reader.

Planes are one of the fastest readers ever

Some of them go through 15 stories in 10 seconds

Why does an incel get turned on by a credit card reader?

It's the only time they get asked to 'please insert'

They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book

That must be why everyone calls him the 'supreme reader'.

A mind reader walks into a bar.

"Just a shot of tequila for me." The mind reader says.

"Hi, what would you like today?" The bartender says.

(This was redone because of a wrong title)

What was the stomach's favorite thing to read?

Reader's digest

I'm a bit of an amateur mind-reader

I know what you're thinking...

"Fifty Shades of Grey" gives its readers unrealistic expectations.

It makes them think that Vintage Books will publish anything that gets sent to them.

Mind readers in Harry Potter

If a legilamins has a child that can't read minds, is that child illigilamins?

What state has the fastest readers?

New York, they set the world record for fast reading in 2001 for going through 110 stories in about 10 seconds.

After seeing a palm reader, I gave him my money.

He held the note up to the light and frowned. "This is fake," he said.

I said, "Now you know what it feels like."

No wonder Kim Jong Un is so literate...

After all, he is the Supreme Reader of North Korea.

A fat women falls through the floor of her apartment whilst reading the news.

She must be a fast reader as she’s already gone through 10 stories.

Who are the fastest readers?

Apple users, they read 100 pages of changed terms of service in one second.

Under regression hypnosis I revealed that I hurt my knee as a child.

Now I'm being charged with previous bodily harm :(



\[My first post on this sub, made the joke up last night. Be gentle! And US readers may not get it sorry.\]

Who were the fastest readers in history?

The survivors of 9/11 who cleared 84 stories in under 2 minutes.

Aliens landed at my local library this morning.

Their first words to us were: "Take me to your reader."

My wife wanted to visit a jubilant psychic, and I wanted to see a jovial palm reader.

Thankfully, we managed to find a happy medium.

What happens after a cannibal has eaten a librarian?

Reader's Digest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was in the late 1930s in Germany and a Jewish man who was sitting in a restaurant reading a Nazi newspaper.

A friend of his, who passed by, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading the Nazi newspaper?"Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Jews disappearing...

What do you call a four foot tall mind-reader who escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

How to keep a reader in suspense?

[removed]

I'm a really slow reader. Today, I only got through six pages of my dictionary.

From dawn to dusk.

The wishes conundrum...

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."



The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to see a palm reader.

"Judging by your palms," he said, "I can tell that you masturbate frequently."

"Sorry," I apologised, "I should probably wipe that off."

A man with no hands walks into a palm reader's business

The palm reader looks at him and says, "well, I'm stumped."

April Fools Day............

The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

Mod Announcement: Due to complaints from our fair-haired readers, blonde jokes are no longer allowed...

...because they couldn't read them.

A Tour Guide at a dinosaur museum is guiding around a group of people. Looking at a T-Rex he says

"This fossil is 23,000,011 years old." One of the members of the group asks out of curiosity, "Wow, how'd they find out such a specific number?" the guide replied "Well, it was 23,000,000 when I started 11 years ago."

*Source: Reader's Digest*

I used to think I was a fast reader

And I was quite proud of it until I heard about these so called "9- 11 Jumpers" who went through over 100 stories in 10 seconds


...Incoming repost comments

Just found out my OBGYN is deaf

Guess that makes him a lip reader

What do you call a really bad mind reader?

Telepathetic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

The people in the World Trade Center, those mother fuckers blew through 110 stories in 5 seconds.

A new gynaecologist just opened near my area but, people are saying he is deaf...

I guess he is a really good lip reader...

Petition to change "readers" to "Jokesters"

Readers just isn't appropriate for this sub-reddit, c'mon guys.
For those who have no idea what I am talking about, you can change this: http://i.imgur.com/uoRoH.jpg

How do you confuse a Daily Mail reader?

Tell him that asylum seekers kill pedophiles.

Donald Trump's first summit with Kim Jong-un was only to get feedback about the quality of his tweets.

Who better to ask than the Supreme Reader?

I have "pro-tools for dummies" right next to my toilet...

You might say i'm an Avid reader.

I recently saw a psychic, a mystic, a palm reader, and a fortune teller all laughing together at something I couldn't understand.

Must have been an insight joke...

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