I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

Who is the best reader in the word?

Our Grorious Reader!

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 10 seconds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a palm reader she said"your single and lonely"

I said"how did you know that"she said "you have spunk on your hand"

Guy asks a Tarot Card Reader, "How's Business?"

"Unpredictable", she replied.

Who are the worlds fastest readers

The 911 jumpers, one hundred stories in a few seconds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thanks to chip readers strangers are always offering sexual advice

Go ahead and insert it, It’s not in far enough, Put it in again, Pull it out, You pulled it out too soon,It works better if you hold it in there, It’s taking a little longer today than usual

I'm considering becoming a mind reader

What are your thoughts?

I don’t insert my card into the chip reader until the cashier tells me the price,

Because consent is important.

Why does an incel get turned on by a credit card reader?

It's the only time they get asked to 'please insert'

What do you call a deaf gynecologist?

A lip reader

They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book

That must be why everyone calls him the 'supreme reader'.

I'm a bit of an amateur mind-reader

I know what you're thinking...

A mind reader walks into a bar.

"Just a shot of tequila for me." The mind reader says.

"Hi, what would you like today?" The bartender says.

(This was redone because of a wrong title)

"Fifty Shades of Grey" gives its readers unrealistic expectations.

It makes them think that Vintage Books will publish anything that gets sent to them.

What state has the fastest readers?

New York, they set the world record for fast reading in 2001 for going through 110 stories in about 10 seconds.

Mind readers in Harry Potter

If a legilamins has a child that can't read minds, is that child illigilamins?

After seeing a palm reader, I gave him my money.

He held the note up to the light and frowned. "This is fake," he said.

I said, "Now you know what it feels like."

Who are the fastest readers?

Apple users, they read 100 pages of changed terms of service in one second.

Who were the fastest readers in history?

The survivors of 9/11 who cleared 84 stories in under 2 minutes.

My wife wanted to visit a jubilant psychic, and I wanted to see a jovial palm reader.

Thankfully, we managed to find a happy medium.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to see a palm reader.

"Judging by your palms," he said, "I can tell that you masturbate frequently."

"Sorry," I apologised, "I should probably wipe that off."

What do you call a four foot tall mind-reader who escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

How to keep a reader in suspense?

[removed]

What was the stomach's favorite thing to read?

Reader's digest

I'm a really slow reader. Today, I only got through six pages of my dictionary.

From dawn to dusk.

What is a readers favorite fetish?

_Book_kake

Mod Announcement: Due to complaints from our fair-haired readers, blonde jokes are no longer allowed...

...because they couldn't read them.

A man with no hands walks into a palm reader's business

The palm reader looks at him and says, "well, I'm stumped."

What do you call a really bad mind reader?

Telepathetic.

No wonder Kim Jong Un is so literate...

After all, he is the Supreme Reader of North Korea.

I used to think I was a fast reader

And I was quite proud of it until I heard about these so called "9- 11 Jumpers" who went through over 100 stories in 10 seconds


...Incoming repost comments

Who are some of the best readers in the world?

World Trade Center workers, some of them can read 50 stories in just 8 seconds!

The wishes conundrum...

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."



The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, ...

A fat women falls through the floor of her apartment whilst reading the news.

She must be a fast reader as she’s already gone through 10 stories.

Aliens landed at my local library this morning.

Their first words to us were: "Take me to your reader."

Under regression hypnosis I revealed that I hurt my knee as a child.

Now I'm being charged with previous bodily harm :(



\[My first post on this sub, made the joke up last night. Be gentle! And US readers may not get it sorry.\]

Petition to change "readers" to "Jokesters"

Readers just isn't appropriate for this sub-reddit, c'mon guys.
For those who have no idea what I am talking about, you can change this: http://i.imgur.com/uoRoH.jpg

How do you confuse a Daily Mail reader?

Tell him that asylum seekers kill pedophiles.

What happens after a cannibal has eaten a librarian?

Reader's Digest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was in the late 1930s in Germany and a Jewish man who was sitting in a restaurant reading a Nazi newspaper.

A friend of his, who passed by, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading the Nazi newspaper?"Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Jews disappearing...

I recently saw a psychic, a mystic, a palm reader, and a fortune teller all laughing together at something I couldn't understand.

Must have been an insight joke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who was appointed as a proof reader of Hitler's speeches?

A Grammar Nazi

April Fools Day............

The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

A Tour Guide at a dinosaur museum is guiding around a group of people. Looking at a T-Rex he says

"This fossil is 23,000,011 years old." One of the members of the group asks out of curiosity, "Wow, how'd they find out such a specific number?" the guide replied "Well, it was 23,000,000 when I started 11 years ago."

*Source: Reader's Digest*

Just found out my OBGYN is deaf

Guess that makes him a lip reader

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