All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together.

At first it's boring, then it's riveting.

A Drill sergeant chewed out one of his cadet

The Sarge smiled and said “I guess when I die you’ll dance on my grave”

The cadet shakes his head,”Not me Sarge I promised myself that when I got out of the army I’d never stand in line again

I just got off my shift working on a drilling rig

that is taking core samples looking for gold. My family is out of town right now, so I came home, showered and decided that I would, all by my lonesome, go trick-or-treating.

I'll be dressed up as an unaccompanied miner.

Drill Bits-

They're so boring

I could never be a drill instructor

It sounds like it would be quite boring.

A drill sergeant walks up to a soldier.

Drill sergeant: Soldier, I didn't see you at camouflage practice today.

Soldier: Thank you sir.

A guy asks his neighbour: "Please lend me your electric drill."

The neigbour asks: "What do you want it for?"
The guy replies: "I want to get some sleep."

I just watched a video about fancy drills

It was pretty boring

"Why is the alarm in the office going off, boss?" "It's a fire drill...

"You're all getting fired!"

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A fresh batch of military recruits come in and meets the drill sergeant

The sergeant looks at the men and says "I'll your all a bunch of yellow bellied pansies! Are ya!"

They all respond "Sir, no sir!"

"Really?" He responds and points to the end of the table they're standing next to.

At the end of the table, a giant alligator sits in a cage hissing ...

A drill sergeant ran his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on.

As they stood there, exhausted, he put his face up to one of the recruit's face and said, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and urinate on my grave, aren't you?"

And the recruit says, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again!"

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Military drill joke

A Marine recruit is standing on line getting hygiene inspected by his squad leader.

The recruit says to his squad leader “Hey, I‘ve got something really weird to show you,” he says as he pulls down his PT shorts. “Platoon atten-TION!” He yells, and boom his dick immediately gets rock hard. <...

Why does an octopus make a great drill sergeant?

Because it’s arm-y.

I read recently that someone drilled a hole into a fence at a nudist colony...

the police are looking into it

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The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having sex in the ocean.

Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.

So, a young man was in demolitions training from a multi-campaign veteran. During drills he responded:

Okay, Boomer

A drill was waiting on a sidewalk

A car pulled over and the driver, a hammer, asked : how much for some good time?

The drill : sorry I don't screwdrivers.

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One of my drill sergeants favorite stories

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he he...

Two drill bits meet on the street

- how is going? you look a little dull
- yeah I'm going trough a lot of stuff

Our Earth Science Class took a fieldtrip to a place where scientists drill through sedimentary rocks for specimens of local strata, but I didn't really enjoy the trip.

It was just boring.

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Watch out for the drill sergeant

A guy came back from the service and met his buddy at the bar.
"So how was it in the service?"
"Not to bad, but in basics they had us jumping out of an airplane and when it was my turn I froze and I could not jump.
The drill sergeant behind me whispered in my ear:
"You jump ...

How do dentists practice what they do?

They run drills!

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Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
‟Gentlemen,” the Devil started, ‟D...

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A Drill Sergeant goes to a strip club...

A drill sergeant stationed at Fort Benning heads down to the strip club on a friday night. He's having a good time, having a few drinks. One of the strippers takes a liking to him and offers a private dance. He agrees and they head to the back room. While she's dancing, she asks him what he does for...

Today at work we had a mock emergency evacuation

Today at work we had a mock emergency evacuation. Last time we did this we got out of the building in 43 seconds.

When the alarm went off today we all ran out, but I accidentally bumped a drill off one of the tables.

The supervisor said “We got 40 seconds so we have beaten our previo...

I was drilling a hole on my table..

It was boring.

I had to sit through a 3-hour lecture about drills.

It's just boring.

A drill sergeant took his platoon to a mine

They began training as usual, but as they got deeper into the mine, he began insulting them more personally than usual. Once they reached the bottom of the mine, one soldier couldn’t take any more and started lashing out at the sergeant.

The other troops broke up the fight that ensued, and o...

Why wasn't the drill ever invited to parties?

Because it's a boring tool.

Do you know how they manufacture minuscule drill bits?

A little bit at a time.

What did the oil refinery say to the offshore drilling platform?

Send crudes

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?

The drill slipped.

Jim, who was late to everything, was drafted. Sure enough, in boot camp, he was last in line to get a rifle.

When it was his turn, the quartermaster said, “I’m sorry but we’re all out of rifles.” Jim said, “How can I do the drills then?” The quartermaster replied, “Take this stick and when it’s time to shoot, yell ‘Bangety Bang Bang!’ Go get a bayonet on it and maybe it’ll look better.” But, again, Jim was...

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A scientist, a mathematician, and in idiot all die in a car wreck and go to Heaven.

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist steps up and asks him, "What is the most c...

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Did you jump?

Dad putting his son to bed and son asks,
Son: “Dad, when you were in the Army did you ever jump out of an airplane?”
Dad: “well son, let me tell you about it.” “There we were at 10,000 ft, they opened the door and ordered all of us recruits out. Son, I walked up to the door, looked down and ...

two screws in a toolbox and one says to the other "do I have to go first?" the other replies...

"come on, you know the drill."

Genie: Ok so you know the drill

there are three rules:
I cannot make someone fall in love of you.
I cannot bring someone back from the dead.
I cannot kill someone.
- I want to look good in my ID card picture.
- OK, there are FOUR rules...

During an earthquake drill, a teacher mentions the age of the school and how the windows might move a bit.

A kid then says, “well that would be a weird flex but ok”

A lieutenant gets some bad news for a recruit.

He takes the drill sergeant aside and asks him to convey to Private Smith that his grandma passed away 2 days ago but to break the news gently.

The drill sergeant gets the recruits in formation and says “If both of your grandmothers are still alive, step forward! As some of the recruits begin...

You know the drill

But do you know the screwdriver.
Hehe I nailed that joke.

A kid goes off to the army and comes back home after basic training.

He's having a chat with his dad about his experience, telling him how it went.

"So the first thing they do was have me run 15 miles. It was brutal. I had to have my fatigues on and carry my provisions. The drill sergeant said if we didn't do that we had to run 30 Miles the next day."

"...

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A drill sergeant walks into a bar...

And orders a beer and a shot. The bartender obliges, ant tells him it’ll be $10. The drill sergeant slams both drinks. He turns to the bartender and says, “I tell you what, I will show you a trick so good, you’ll give me both those drinks for free.”
The bartender says, “This better be a good...

A heavily inebriated gentleman is going ice fishing .

He starts to drill a hole with his auger when a loud booming voice says , " THERE'S NO FISH DOWN THEREI " So he stops drilling and moves a little ways and starts to drill again . The same voice booms , " THERE'S NO FISH DOWN THERE ! " So he moves a little further and is about to drill again , but th...

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base,the Drill Seargent says,"All right,all of you idiots fall out."

As the rest of the squad wandered away,one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Seargeant walked over to him until he was eye to eye with him,and then raised an eyebrow.The soldier smiled and said,"Sure was a lot of 'em,huh,Sir?"

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I didn’t drill a hole in the bathroom wall to see a lentil.

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A drill instructor was yelling at a new recruit

He was all up in this guy's face, their noses less than an inch apart.

He screamed at the recruit, "You hate me don't you?!?"
The recruit responded as calmly as possible, "Sir, no sir."
The instructor yelled back, "You're going to piss on my grave if you outlive me, aren't you?!...

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The Drill Sergeant

It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walks in and bellows,
"This is an inspection! I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!"
So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed,...

Why did the tree have a hole drilled into it?

Because it was bored.

Have you guys heard of the serial killer that uses a power drill as his murder weapon of choice?

It was reported that he had bored all of his victims to death.

A judge asks a defendant to stand...

"You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw." From out of the audience a man shouts "You lying maggot!"

"Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You...

I was going to show you a video about a drill machine digging a tunnel.

But it's too boreing.

I quit my job drilling ventilation holes in jet engines...

...it was just plane boring.

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a mathematician a riddler and a dumbass were at the gate of heaven

the angel at the gate frowned and apologized to the men "im sorry, but heaven is too full! if you want to come in you will have to trick the devil!" the devil appeared, smiling at the men, "well which one of you want to go to hell first?". after a pause, the mathematician walked up and handed the de...

What is it called when you leave your office building well before the fire drill begins?

Premature evacuation

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Seeing everyone translating jokes from their mother tongues I want to try my hand at it

From Russian:

Drill sergeants office, another sergeant rushes in:

- Hey Johnson, all your squad is in the barracks fucking bench!

Sergeant jumps up, picks up his hat and storms into barracks. On the way he thinks to himself: "These damn recruits, can't last a week without a woma...

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After have been to the doctor’s office ....

I went into the pharmacy to pick up my prescription, & there was some remodeling going on - some drilling & a power saw making quite a racket. I had to yell just to be heard & the young lady shouted back, “Your doctor hasn’t called your prescription in yet Mr. McPhinelhiny - do you know...

We had a fire drill at the sperm bank today...

But everyone gathered in the car park before the alarm went of, it was a premature evacuation

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God is that you?

A friend of mine loves to ice fish so he packs up his gear and tent and drive for a bit. He sets up his tent on the ice and pulls out his ice auger. He starts to drill into the ice and he hears a big booming voice say There’s no fish under the ice!
A few minutes go by and he starts drilling in a...

Wanna hear a joke about drilling a beautiful hole to the center of the Earth?

Me neither. It's probably a pretty boring pun.

TIL the Titanic was scheduled to have an evacuation drill the same day it sank but was canceled by the captain.

Now let that sink in.

A blonde is drilling in the ice to fish when he hears a voice call out from above...

**There are no fish under the ice**

The guy looks up but doesn't see anyone. He asks - can I at least drill and see for myself?

The answers in a louder tone.

**There are no fish under the ice**

The poor guy looks up and still can't see anyone. He thinks to himself - ...

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Things where Mechanics and Dentists are similar: drills, fluids, expensive without insurance. Things where Mechanics and Dentists Differ:

Dentists will at least wait until your asleep before they try and fuck you

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A Texas Man Moves To Alaska

So a Texas man moves to Alaska to find more oil for his company to drill. Here gets bored one night and goes to a local bar. The man sees "Impossible Challenge: Free beer for life for the winner!", out of curiosity he asks the bartender about it. "Hey bartender, what's the challenge?" The man asked....

Have you heard about the drill bit?

Actually, it's too long. I wouldn't want to bore you.

I just finished my carpentry exam. I got 80% for drilling, 90% for planing, but 100% for hammering!

Nailed it!

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A Drill Sergeant does a surprise bed check late at night

A Drill Sergeant does a surprise bed check late at night and discovers a private sneaking back into the barracks.

Sergeant: Private! What are you doing?

Private: Trying to sleep, sir!

Sergeant: You look like you just had sex, boy. When did you last have sex?

Private: 2010...

A man finds a magic lamp.

You know the drill, he rubs the lamp, Genie pops out and says he can have 3 wishes. “But there’s a catch”, says the Genie. “I won’t grant any of your wishes until you are done making all 3”.

“Okay”, replies the man. He knows these things can go poorly so he deliberates for a bit before respon...

Can you believe that my neighbour came to my door at 3.30am? What a cheek!

I'm surprised I heard him over my drill.

I recently lost my job as a drill instructor...

...who knew you weren't supposed to beat your privates in public?!

I got the clearance from a Newfie

So this Newfie goes ice fishing.

He drills the hole, sits down, and puts his line in. Now he’s sitting there and he hears this ominous voice,
“There’s no fish down there”

Puzzled, the Newfie gets up, carries his things a ways away. He drills the hole, sits down, and puts his line i...

I wanted a new drill for my birthday, so when my wife asked, I told her to get a Black and Decker...

She's due in court next week on a racially-aggravated assault charge.

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon...

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon.

He is walking up and down the line of men, complementing, or insulting the men on their work in the field that day.

Finally, he reaches a private at the end of the line.

In a gruff voice, he yells "PRIVATE, I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAG...

What does Home Depot take when it can't sleep?

Bin of Drills

I saw my neighbour gluing his drill back together.

What a complete tool.

Why are hens so good at fire drills?

They always know where to egg sit.

My friend and I always fight over the electric drill

It can get a little bit heated.

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While conducting drills up in a mountain, a soldier gets bit on his penis by a rattlesnake...

The platoon was split into pairs for these drills, and while climbing the mountain, one of them yells out to his partner: "OUCH!! A snake just bit me on my dick! Quick, run down for help!!"

So the other soldier runs his ass down the hill and finds his Lieutenant and explains the situation. Th...

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Marines' Early Morning Drill

A drill instructor had just been assigned a bunch of new recruits that he had to help train and introduce into the Marine Corps.

On the first morning after moving into the barracks, the DI woke everyone up at 0430, and ordered them to take a cold shower to break them in. Then, after 8 minutes...

Attention: This is not a drill!

Its a screw driver

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A man recieves $500 for his birthday and decides to make a trip to his local brothel.

He walks inside the establishment and informs the madam that is is his birthday, so she offers him the birthday special. He hands over $250 and heads up the stairs entering the first room, to find a very attractive woman laying spread eagle on the bed.

Impressed by what the establishment has...

Three men die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates.

He says to the first man, "Welcome to Heaven! Back on Earth, what denomination were you?"

The first man say, "I was a devout Presbyterian".

St. Peter says, "Excellent! Then go to door 10, but when you pass door number 2, be very quiet."

He then asks the second man, "When you wer...

Are you a drill sargeant?

Because you have my privates standing at attention.

Even robots need a day off.

When I was a young man in in Army Cadets, we had big ornamental robot that we called ‘old-iron-sides’ with a big brass bugle that would play all the calls to the troops. In the morning it would play ‘reveille’ to wake, ‘mess call’ for meals, ‘drill call’ to assemble in the square, etc. We all got so...

Keep it simple stupid

Drill sgt. looks at the recruits at basic and says, “I’m going to give you four important words in the Army and you need to make a sentence as quick as possible. The four words are; defense, defeat, deduct, and detail. Pri’ate Johnson, go!” Johnson just stares at the drill blankly. “Boom, you’re dea...

Small talk

The year is 2097. In the midst of a nuclear war, two babies are sent from Earth in a pod to an empty SpaceX bunker on Mars in the hopes they will survive and continue the human race.

After years in isolation and with packaged food becoming scarce, the young humans decided to venture out onto ...

The truth about oil drilling

The system is rigged

Last night around 3 a.m. the neighbour rang my doorbell...

...he shocked me so much with it that I almost dropped the drill.

Why did the drill sergeant get a dishonorable discharge?

He couldn't keep his hands off his privates

I went to a drilling seminar today.

BORING!

Preparations for parenthood - dressing and feeding.

New parents: feeding and dressing your toddler is not as easy a skill as it looks. It takes a lot of practice, so here are a couple tips to get you started.

To practice dressing a small child, first you need to get a string bag (like the kind you carry soccer balls). Then go to ...

What do you call a drill on the North Pole that just wants to get to know people?

An icebreaker

I was at work trying to come up with a joke about drills bits...

...but they were all too boring.

I don't think I could ever get into the hole drilling business

It would just be way too boring

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Three guys die and go to hell [LONG]

Satan meets them for orientation. He asks the first one "What was your favorite sin in life?" He replies "It would have to be booze, I stayed drunk all the time." So Satan leads him to a door and opens it to reveal a giant room containing acres of every type of alcoholic drink imaginable; beers, ...

Engineers take a bow!

During the development of a new jet fighter aircraft the wings on the prototypes kept snapping off where they joined the fuselage. The test-pilots who only barely survived by ejecting in time were terrified. No amount of re-design seem to solve the problem, so the aircraft company in desperation off...

Why did the fisherman drill a hole in the ice?

For the Halibut

The concept of drilling for oil was ridiculous in the mid 19th century.

Now we just see it as groundbreaking.

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The Male Anatomy

Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize.


Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out befo...

I went up north to drill oil, didn't get payed

Turns out, it was all rigged.

Sergeant Jones was doing a drill one morning...

...when a letter was given to him. Sergeant stood up and shouted, "PRIVATE WILLIAMS STAND UP!.....YOUR MOTHER HAS DIED!" Private Williams immediately wept and overcome by emotions, soon fainted. Sergeant Smith told Sergeant Jones, "You should have broken the news to him nicer....he wouldn't have bee...

The year is 1804 and a young man enlists on a ship..

..his first voyage is to last 3 years, and even though the work is hard the young man takes to it like a fish in water.

After only a few days he is running the riggin like an old hand, he swabs the decks without complaint and spends his free time in amicable companionship playing cards or tel...

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What does a drill with a dildo attached to the end and watching golf have in common?

They both bore the fuck out of you!

A Drill Instructor was training a group of new Lieutenants

He gives them the problem of how to raise a flag pole and asks each, in turn, how he would organize the work.

The first Lieutenant says he would have the men dig a hole, slide the poll in and tamp down the earth around it.

The next Lieutenant says much the same except he throws in a fe...

How do you make holy water?

Freeze it and then drill holes in it

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The Golfer

A man and his wife his the links for some golf. On one of the holes the man hits a particularly bad drive, with his ball lying behind two trees relative to the green.

He's about to lay it up on the fairway when his wife, seeing what he's about to do, calls him a chicken-shit. He explains tha...

Why did the drill instructor squirt condiments on his trainees in the morning?

That's how he mustard the troops.

I just drilled a bunch of holes

It was a lot of boring work.

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