I was drilling a hole on my table..

It was boring.

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"Alright guys, we have lots of pictures to mount before the art gallery tonight. Like I said in the email, we'll have to use these adhesive hooks. Under no circumstances will you penetrate the wall with nails or screws. Tim, I've noticed you've already hung one picture. Great job.

Tim (hiding his drill and muttering under his breath): welp.. I screwed that up.

Do you know how they manufacture minuscule drill bits?

A little bit at a time.

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A Drill Sergeant goes to a strip club...

A drill sergeant stationed at Fort Benning heads down to the strip club on a friday night. He's having a good time, having a few drinks. One of the strippers takes a liking to him and offers a private dance. He agrees and they head to the back room. While she's dancing, she asks him what he does for...

During an earthquake drill, a teacher mentions the age of the school and how the windows might move a bit.

A kid then says, “well that would be a weird flex but ok”

Once there were three kingdoms

So once there were 3 kingdoms, each controlled an equal share of land with a small island on a lake at the centre of them. Always there was fighting over who would control the island, as it was a veritable paradise and each King wanted it for himself as a place to relax away from royal life.

...

How do you make holy water?

Freeze it and then drill holes in it

On a crisp Fall morning a farmer went out to cut firewood for the winter.

He cut, split and stacked for six hours and then, just as he was getting done for the day, he saw an elderly Indian by the fence. He went to say hello and the Indian said "How. You have-um smoke?", so the farmer handed over his tobacco pouch and the Indian helped himself to a pipeful, lit up, inhale...

Why wasn't the drill ever invited to parties?

Because it's a boring tool.

Insolence! Tonight my neighbor actually rang my bell at 4 o'clock in the morning!

I almost dropped the drilling machine.

A Young man comes home from boot camp is telling his dad all about it...

...He proceeds to tell him about the part of boot camp where they learn to jump out of a plane.

The son says, "Everyone was jumping out of the plane but I was too scared so I just held onto the door. We had a big, black drill sergeant that was screaming at me to jump but I just couldn't do i...

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THREE DEAD MEN

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Du...

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soms preat joks

Genie: You know the drill, you get three wishes

Dave: I wish all G's were replaced by P's

Penie: As you wish. For your next wish?

Dave: I wish all E's at the end of a word were replaced by the letter S

Penis: So it will bs

Davs: For my last wish-

Penis: You ...

How do I become a Man?

My friend said that his son asked him "How does he become a man, is there a specific procedure or you just become one?"

To which he jokingly replied "Well I don't know, it just happened that when I was drilling your mum, she moaned you're the man and that's that"

Now he regrets his ans...

A guy walks into a bar holding a screwdriver over his head

. "Ladies and gentlemen!" he yells. "This is not a drill!"

My Drill Sergeant said, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning”

I said, “Thank you sir”

Why did the tree have a hole drilled into it?

Because it was bored.

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A man is about to have sex for the first time

He goes to the local drugstore to buy condoms, but seeing as he has never bought them before he's a little confused on which size he will need.


Slightly embarrassed he explains his situation to the clerk. The clerk tells him that the situation is fairly common, and walks him to the bac...

Why don't drill operators have friends?

They're boring.

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to buy. [Long]

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to she wants to buy. She goes to the only cashier (who is also the manager of the place) and tells him:

"How much is this hair dryer?"

The cashier replies: "This is not for sale".

The blonde returns the item and leaves. Next da...

You know the drill

But do you know the screwdriver.
Hehe I nailed that joke.

A drill sergeant ran his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on.

As they stood there, exhausted, he put his face up to one of the recruit's face and said, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and urinate on my grave, aren't you?"

And the recruit says, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again!"

A drill sergeant is talking to his new recruits standing in a line.

Drill sergeant : “SMITH”
Smith: “Yes Sir”

Drill sergeant : “I did not see you at the camouflage practice today”
Smith: “Thank you, sir !”

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A brand new lumberjack is being shown around the work site where he will be felling trees.

The foreman takes him to the barracks, "Here's where you'll be sleeping, son, you have the top bunk over there" and motions to the corner of the room, "Up at 5 a.m., lights out at 10 p.m." The new hire looks at the shabby conditions but thinks he can put up with it for the pay he'll be receiving....

Two drill bits meet on the street

- how is going? you look a little dull
- yeah I'm going trough a lot of stuff

Genie: Ok so you know the drill

there are three rules:
I cannot make someone fall in love of you.
I cannot bring someone back from the dead.
I cannot kill someone.
- I want to look good in my ID card picture.
- OK, there are FOUR rules...

My dentist has a TV on the ceiling so the patient can watch shows while he works

Netflix and Drill

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A Marine Corps is training in the woods

They have to disguise themselves as trees and stand still until their Drill Seargent allows them to move.

After 17 hours one of the soldiers freaks out and starts jumping around. The Seargent, visibly upset, approaches him.

Seargent: „Soldier! What the fuck are you doing?“

Soldi...

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Did you know?

Did you know?
Using laser beam machining, we can drill holes of diameter 0.005mm

Finally we know how to make a hole for size of your penis.

Three men die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates.

He says to the first man, "Welcome to Heaven! Back on Earth, what denomination were you?"

The first man say, "I was a devout Presbyterian".

St. Peter says, "Excellent! Then go to door 10, but when you pass door number 2, be very quiet."

He then asks the second man, "When you wer...

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Three guys die and go to hell [LONG]

Satan meets them for orientation. He asks the first one "What was your favorite sin in life?" He replies "It would have to be booze, I stayed drunk all the time." So Satan leads him to a door and opens it to reveal a giant room containing acres of every type of alcoholic drink imaginable; beers, ...

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Cavities are just like Pornstars

They're always getting drilled and filled.

My Neighbours knocked on my door at 3am!

I mean can u believe it? I almost dropped my power drill!

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A scientist, a mathematician, and in idiot all die in a car wreck and go to Heaven.

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist steps up and asks him, "What is the most c...

A heartless drill instructor screamed at his platoon for over an hour.

He got in the face of a private and yelled, “I bet when I die you’ll show up at my grave and spit on it!”

“Not me,” the private said. “After I get out of the army I’m never standing in a line again.”

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Three guys die and go to Heaven...

When they go to approach the pearly gates suddenly Satan pops out and tells them, "Sorry Heaven is full! If you want to get in you gotta give me a question I can't answer correctly and I will let you in!"
The first guy steps forward. "I was a philosopher in my life and I can garuntee you don't k...

I was going to show you a video about a drill machine digging a tunnel.

But it's too boreing.

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[OC] I really wish my friend would quit his job.

Every time I ask him about work, he gets annoyed and tells me it’s boring. Literally every time. He’s been fine except when I ask him about work. I wish he’d just quit, because he used to be so much fun before he started his new job a few months ago. We haven’t spoken in a week because he flew off t...

Stick Your Head Between Legs

A stewardess did her usual act of showing passengers the safety drill. Near the end she said, "And in the event of an emergency, bend forward and put your head between your legs."


Eunice said to her boy friend Jeff, "I can't bend that far these days!"


Jeff replied with a smile,...

I had a friend who was bored out of his mind at work.

No ones really quite sure how the freak drill-press accident happened.

The year is 1804 and a young man enlists on a ship..

..his first voyage is to last 3 years, and even though the work is hard the young man takes to it like a fish in water.

After only a few days he is running the riggin like an old hand, he swabs the decks without complaint and spends his free time in amicable companionship playing cards or tel...

When did the dentist become a brain surgeon?

When he dropped the drill.

I have an evil masterplan.

I'm going to drill a huge hole through the Moon and thread a massive piece of string through it.


Then I will finally be able to conker the World

I've been to the dentist so many times!

I know the drill.

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The Drill Sergeant

It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walks in and bellows,
"This is an inspection! I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!"
So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed,...

What does Bill Cosby and a dentist have in common?

They knock you out before they drill your cavity.

My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together.

At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!

What is it called when you leave your office building well before the fire drill begins?

Premature evacuation

The blind construction worker at my school accidentally pulled the fire alarm.

I don't think the fire alarm was a drill.

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I named my dick sgt. Hartman.

Cause it's good at drilling privates.

An Australian Man Joins the U.S. Army

As they present themselves at boot camp, the drill sergeant walks up and down the line, looking for signs of weakness.

He stops and gets in the Australian's face and asks "Did you come here to die soldier?"

The Australian calmly responds, "No sir, I came here yester-die."

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Things where Mechanics and Dentists are similar: drills, fluids, expensive without insurance. Things where Mechanics and Dentists Differ:

Dentists will at least wait until your asleep before they try and fuck you

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A man is placed in prison

His cell mates tell him “yeah, there’s a barrel over there if you want to get off. It has a penis sized hole drilled into it”. He tried it on the first day, it felt pretty good. Tried it again the next day, felt good. Tried on the 3rd day, felt good. But on the 4th day, he tried it, and it didn’t fe...

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Courtroom

Next Door
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw." From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a pape...

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Basic Training in the Marines

On the first day of basic training in the marines, a drill instructor has new recruits lined up and is dressing them down.

He tells them “You aren’t men, you’re maggots!... you’re not even maggots! You’re a mite sucking a maggots dick! But in 6 weeks those of you who don’t quit are going...

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NSFW: My wife said she wanted to have sex like they do in the movies...

So I pushed her against the wall, grabbed her hair from behind and drilled her up the shitter. Turns out we watch different movies.

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A mathematician, an Astronomer, and a idiot go to heaven

They reach heavens doors to see God talking to the Devil. God turns to the three and says, “So Heaven is a little backed up right now and we can’t take everyone, so I struck a deal with the devil by asking him a question he can’t solve”

The Mathematician goes first says, “I need a chalkboard”...

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A mathematician, a philosopher, and an idiot come before the gates of heaven.

St. Peter looks over the three of them and says, "Heaven's getting pretty full, so I can only let one of you in. The other two will have to go to hell." So he snaps his fingers and Satan appears.

Satan says, "Each of you can ask me one question. If you can stump me on the first try, you win, ...

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What do you call a Hardcore porno filmed on a boat in the ocean?

Offshore Drilling

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The Heroic Homeless Man

It’s December 2012, and Christmas is fast approaching. The snow is on the trees, gifts are being bought, and the lake in Central Park is frozen over. Children and the stents are skiing on the ice, having a great time. However suddenly, a little girl falls through the ice. Luckily, a nearby homeless ...

Sometimes at work...

...I like to run around with a screwdriver and yell "Attention everybody! This is not a drill!"

That moment when your neighbour is ringing at your door at 3am like crazy...

But luckily you‘re still awake because you‘re drilling holes for your new IKEA bookcase

Two oilfield workers from North Dakota were on a trip to South Texas...

They went to sign on with a new drilling contractor when they were pulled over by a State Trooper.
 

The trooper walked up and tapped on the driver-side window with his nightstick.
 

The roughneck rolled down the window and *WHACK* - the trooper smacked him in t...

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