Breaking a leg during an audition

ensures that you end up in the cast.

X factor audition.

Boy:* Enters crying *


Judges: Guys we have a winner for this year.

A local church is holding auditions for a new bell ringer.

A line of applicants soon forms and the Reverend decides to test how well each can do the job.


After several people give it a go, one simple looking man caught the Reverend's attention by slamming his face into the church bell to make it sound.


"My friend that was impressive"...

Eventually, Quasimodo dies and the Bishop immediately decides to hold auditions for the position of Notre Dame's bellringer.

After all, nobody lives forever. The bishop posted flyers all over Paris and the French countryside in the hopes that somebody, anybody could be half as good as Quasimodo was.

At the end of the day after a long week of holding auditions for disappointment after disappointment, the Bishop i...

I failed my audition as Amy Schumer

I told an actual joke.

I once worked with a very musically talented Jamaican who, after years of auditions for various instruments, got a gig in the local orchestra playing the triangle - not his first choice. One day he came in super stressed looking. I said "What's up? Can't handle the pressure of performing on stage?"

He says, "You have no idea mon, I be responsible for every ting."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy auditions for a gig at a piano bar...

He plays a beautiful, original piece and gets hired on the spot. The club owner asks, "By the way, what's the name of that song?" The guy responds, "You Got a Beautiful Set of Tits."

"Woah, woah," says the club owner, "You're a great player but you gotta keep titles like that to yourself."...

Did you hear about Tom Hiddleston's secret audition to be in the next Marvel movie? Apparently he dropped his voice an octave to throw the casting director off balance...

He was auditioning as a low key, low-key, Loki.

The circus job audition.

Auditioning for a job at a circus were a young man and a young woman.

The woman said, “I’ll go first.” She walked past the chair, the whip, and the gun and stepped right into the lion’s cage. The lion started to snarl and pant and began to charge her. About half way there, she threw open her ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Failed my audition in a play since I was being "innappropriate"

Fuck knows what they were on about though, not my fault my script said "Enter Juliet from rear"

I've been holding auditions for actors to play a new Fantastic Four team this afternoon...

... it's so stressful.

It's just been one Thing after another.

I tried to audition for a movie about emos

but I didn't make the cut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"How did you do in the porno auditions?"

"Well, I got some small parts."

"Ah, well that certainly doesn't help, does it?"

 

^[OC]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy travels to LA to audition for a movie and finally get his big break

His plane lands and he gets a call from his agent saying "Quick! Book the first flight back to New York I got you a part in a play!"
Guy says "Great, when is it?"
Agent says, "tonight is opening night, I'll email you the script. The part you are playing only has one line."
The guy is disap...

A man wants to audition for a band...

The band has advertised that they're looking for a drummer. The man comes to the tryout, fully prepared with a truck full of instruments and his drum sticks. He waited in a long line to get through the door, and when it was finally his turn, he was ecstatic! The woman who was holding the tryouts ask...

I had a bad audition...

...but I acted like I didn't care.

Got a big audition coming up that requires me to tell a good school appropriate joke. I have plenty of jokes, none of them school appropriate. I thought I'd come here for help.

Got a big audition coming up that requires me to tell a good school appropriate joke. I have plenty of jokes, none of them school appropriate. I thought I'd come here for help.

My friend has gotten twelve auditions for movies in the last week alone.

I asked him how and all he could say was "It's this new medication". He never told me what it was, but I could safely assume that it was a fast acting drug.

A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station

A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.

He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.

The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."

T...

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

Why was the baguette excited for his audition?

He heard he might be playing a big roll

A band's drummer suddenly dies

So the band has to audition for new drummers. They interview a bunch of people, and they decide to play a gig with the best one that night to see if he'll work out.


It goes great, except after every song, the new drummer says something like "You gotta brush your teeth or else you'll get g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wait, what was my line again??

An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I’ve got you a job," says his agent. "That’s great," says the actor, what is it?" "Well," says his agent, "it’s a one-liner" "That’s okay," replies the actor, "I’ve been out of work for so long I’ll take anything. What’s the line?" "Hark, I h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Samuel Jackson applies for the lead role in a play

All he's told is that it's the Greek tragedy, Oedipus, and after 4 gruelling rounds of auditions, he doesn't get the part.

He initially thinks it's because he's black.

He's later told it's because he's a bad motherfucker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bar owner decides to make his place a piano bar.

He hires a pianist, buys a baby grand, shuts down the bar and has it redecorated. He talks to one of his friends and says,”Man, I hope this place goes over, I’m kind of worried no one will come.” The friend says, “Well, have a grand opening. Advertise and get the word out.” The bar owner takes his a...

Dan is an aspiring actor who has recently been feelimg down.

He's done audition after countless audition, but has never managed to get a role. One day, as he's looking for another job, about to give up, he gets a call from his manager.

"Hello," Dan says.

"Hey," said Dan's agent, "I just managed to get you cast in a play. It's really last minute,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men were auditioning for a play...

to act as a brilliant chef called Frank. The two put on their best acting voices, and pulled wild expressions to impress.

After the auditions had finished, both of them were waiting to hear about the results. One of them was called into a room...and then left the room shortly after, returnin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and the wife decided to make our own sex tape but she got pissed off

when I started to hold auditions for her part.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wedding night

Billy was a rich prince who had had many women before, but he wanted the perfect one for marriage, to extend his dynasty and satisfy his old grandma queen. He thought his future wife should be a perfect virgin of rare innocence, so he started an ''audition'', picking up girls in his Rolls Royce and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The tourettes pianist

An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.
'Fucking get in there you cunt!' he says to himself and goes...

Stevie Wonder should be on The Voice

He'd probably kill the blind auditions.

Little Billy started playing organ when he was 5

Little Billy started playing organ when he was 5. He practiced and practiced every day. He had heard of this orchestra from his town that was really hard to get accepted into. This made him want to practice and practice even more. He even got private lessons with a skilled organist. Finally, the day...

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Piano player nsfw

So a bar owner has a piano in the corner that never gets played. He puts an ad in the paper to see if he can get a piano player to liven the place up.

The day of the auditions arrives and everyone is horrible. He's about to give up when a young man walks in and asks if he could audition. The ...

An actor had been struggling to find work . . .

He would get repeatedly rejected from every audition. One day he tried out for a role as a vampire. The casting director told him he had never seen anyone suck so bad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife's back on the warpath again.

She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

The Church Bell

This church just lost there bell ringer and needed someone to ring the bell for them. They were holding auditions when a man with no arms came up to them and asked about the job. The priest asked the man " How are you going to ring the bell without any arms?" to which the man replied with " Like thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is opening up a new piano bar...

...and is auditioning pianists. It's been a long day, and he's heard dozens of of pianists play, but none of them have had that special something he's looking for. The last audition of the day comes in, sits at the piano, and starts playing the audition piece.

In short it's perfect. The piano...

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hark, I hear the cannons roar!

An out of work actor gets a call from his agent, saying that he's got a part for him in an upcoming play. "You'll have to go to an audition, but it's just one line - 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar!'" says the agent. So the actor goes to the audition, stands in front of the director and loudly procla...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lounge owner is looking for a new pianist...

A man comes in to audition for the owner. He asks, "Is it alright if I play an original piece?"

The owner says, "That's fine. Begin whenever you're ready."

The man plays a beautiful score. The owner is so moved and overcome with emotion he can barely contain himself. When the pianist f...

A new bell-ringer at Notre-Dame...

Since the passing of Quasimodo, Notre-Dame has needed a new bell-ringer. The priests held auditions for an entire day, but no one could quite live up to the task. Near the end of the day, when they were ready to call it quits, a man with no arms approached them.

"Hi, I'd like to audition to b...

Bell Ringer Wanted

A beautiful, old church with a tell steeple and bell tower was in need of someone to ring the bell every hour as the priest was getting too old to climb the stairs.

The priest put out a sign asking for someone to fill the position and an hour later, he hears three slow thuds on the front door...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pianist

A restaurateur needs to do something to get his business to pick up a bit, so he decides to open a piano bar. He puts an ad in the paper for a piano player and holds an audition. Unfortunately most of the applicants really aren't that good and just as he is about to give up and go home, a young man ...

A radio show holds a contest for the best local talent...

A gentleman walks into the studio with a mutt of a dog a couple days later and asks if he can audition.
"Sure, whaddya got?", said the radio host.
"My dog can talk.", the man replied.
Skeptical, the host sits down and beckons the man to start.
"OK boy! What is on top of a house?!"
Th...

[Long Winded] So the local church bell ringer dies.

There is a small village in rural England, which has a church. In the church lives a priest and the bell ringer. One morning the priest doesn't hear the morning bell ring so he goes to the bell ringers room to check on him. When he enters the room he sees the bell ringer dead in his bed.

The ...

A man heard a talk show was looking for people with unusual talents

When he showed up to audition for the segment the talk show host asked him what talent he was going to perform. The man explained "I imitate birds." The talk show host laughed, waving him away saying "thousands of people can imitate birds. We want something nobody has ever seen before." The man shru...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Piano Player Wanted

So a guy sees a sign in a lounge window that says, "Piano Player Wanted" He goes in and secures an audition. He sits at the piano with the manager sitting nearby and proceeds to play an absolutely beautiful song.

The manager is overwhelmed and says, "Wow! That was wonderful. What song is tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pirate joke!

So Long John Silver's was looking for a mascot to sell their fish on T.V and they were looking for a pirate.

So the first audition walks in and he is the perfect pirate! Peg leg, eye patch and hook for a hand, the perfect pirate look.

The interviewer talks to him for a little bit and f...

A circus is looking for a new lion tamer...

Two people audition for the job, a man and a beautiful woman. The circus owner cautions them, "This is a very dangerous job, and my last tamer got eaten."
Neither are fazed by his warnings, and the owner lets the two try taming the lion. The woman goes first, and steps into the cage.
The lion ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The perverted pianist

A classy bar is holding auditions for musical numbers, when a somewhat disheveled man comes in and starts playing a beautiful number on the grand piano. The manager adores his performance, "Is that an original number? What is the name of that lovely piece?"


"Yeah, I wrote it," the man rep...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy is a fabulous piano player...

And a great singer, too. He's got an audition at the local piano bar. He performs his first song, and the manager is blown away.

"Wow! What's the name of that song?" he asks.

"It's called, 'I fucked your mom on Tuesday last week.'" the man replies.

"Oh, well, can I hear another ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The lobby pianist at the Waldorf Astoria gets fired...

...so the manager hold auditions for a new pianist. After hearing some mediocre players, a man walks into the room, sits down at the piano, and proceeds to play the most amazing music the manager has ever heard. When the pianist finishes, the manager begins clapping emphatically. "Bravo!" he says...

Sean Connery's New Job

Sean Connery's agent calls him up and says "I've got an audition for you tomorrow about 10ish"

Sean says "Great! I'll bring my racket"

A homeless man goes to a fortune teller...

A homeless man who spends his days street performing on an old guitar for some loose change decides to spend the money on a fortune teller one day.


The fortune teller tells the homeless man that she has good news and bad news for him. The homeless asks to hear the good news first. ...

Stage joke.

A convict, Sneaky Steve escapes from prison, changes his identity and changes his appearance. He needs money, and visits a local theatre who are employing actors for Cinderella. He auditions and gets the part of the prince and immediately becomes one of the standout members of the cast. Every time t...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.