UPJOKE
rhythmeminemknockstrikejazzhip-hoprap musicwhackpattapmusiclyricsreggaerhymessong

I once got in a rap battle with a peanut.

He was roasted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was the name of Hitler's rap album?

Straight Outta Kampfton

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uni...

R Kelly is really changing the rap game

He takes the art out of rap artist

Did you know they sell older rap songs at a discount if you buy two at once?

They call it the Tupac-bundle.

Isn't it strange how sometimes a random 80s rap song will start playing in your head for no reason?

I guess we just have to accept that the brain is a very complex organ, because it's like that, and that's the way it is.

Did you hear about the female rapper who only rapped when she was on her menstrual cycle?

I heard she has a mean flow

Macaulay Culkin just released his first rap album.

He's Ho Malone.

How do you beat a diabetic rapper in a rap battle

Candy Bars

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A PR firm is working with a rap artist

They want to clean his image and recover his prestige. No more wild parties, no more driving under influence, no more cheating on his wife. However, it’s difficult to turn a former troublemaker artist into a family man.

“Look, we invested a lot of time and money into this,” says the PR manag...

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.
At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said,...

Bobs wedding

Robert, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After ...

What is the Grinch's least favorite rap group?

Who-Tang Clan

There really should be a subgenre of hip-hop called Bubble Rap

It would probably sound a lot like pop.

Why don’t religious people like rap music?

All rappers do is hop in the booth and confess to a bunch of crimes they’ve committed.

That’s Catholicism.

Few years ago I saw Slim Shady in concert and instead of rapping he just kept pulling his pants down and mooning the crowd.

Honestly the whole thing was just Em bare assing.

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.

One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I was taking it out or putting it away."

The second lady said, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs, and I can't remember whether I was on ...

You can say what you want about the open-mic hip-hop audience.

But, they really don't deserve the bad rap.

Don’t know why used car salesmen get such a bad rap.

Mine knocked 20 bucks off the muffler tax just because he liked my face!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Korean Pop is Kpop and Chinese Rap is Crap,

Then French Art must be..

What do mumble rappers from the East coast rap about?

I don’t know...Their verses aren’t Pacific.

Two people walk onto a stage, both holding metal tubes. One sings and the other raps. How do you tell which is which before they start performing?

Easy: The singer’s got pipes, and the rapper’s got bars.

God and the devil chat about music

The god and the devil were chating, as they usually do when the concept of music came up.
With a bit of intrigue God asked the devil how he'd managed to get into every genre of music, from rock & rap to hip hop & metal ect .
The devil chuckled no no no , music is too special, too human...

What mumble rap group was also famous for their singing?

The Do-Re-Migos

If steak could rap, why would its prefix only be Big or Lil'?

Because medium rare

What do you call a fish who raps?

A. Swim Shady

What kind of snake is best at Rap?

The Spittin' Cobra

What music genre do rap-loving Republican listen to?

Hip-hocrisy

I had gotten a coupon for 50% off an Arizona Ice Tea yesterday.

After I bought the can an opened it, I suddenly heard a bunch of beats and rap music coming out of the can. I was really confused at why my beverage was playing rap music at me, but then I realized why.

I had gotten 50 cent Ice T.

A boy wakes up on his birthday and is excited for presents.

However he finds none anywhere and then his mother arrives. "Yo, yo yo, new bike, a lil video game and one toy soldier boy!" she sings "What? Where are my presents?" he demands. The mother says: "Your father told me I had to rap the presents."

If I were a rapper, my rap name would be..

Lay-Z

Honest witness

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've b...

What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist

art

What do you call a Call of Duty player's instant rap single?

A Flash-Banger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My rap album never made big-bucks

Cause of the diss-counts

It’s not fair that procrastination gets such a bad rap.

It has literally kept me alive for years.

I'm working on a rap song about Drugs and Money

It's called "I can't afford that insulin"

So Tekashi69 could face life in prison

Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence

Why did the orange have so much trouble forming a rap duo?

No one rhymes with orange.

A guy was driving down the road one night.

Everything was normal till his car ran out of gas. He pulled over to the side of the road and noticed that there was a house nearby, with light coming through the windows. He thought to himself, “Hey, maybe they can give me a ride to the nearest town!” So the guy walks up to the door and knocks. No ...

What do you call a mentally challenged rapper?

Why a rap autist of course.

Did you hear about the singer who combines country music with rap?

His name is Hot Diggity Dogg

I love how they say that white people have no culture

Yet who came up with the most used word in rap songs?

What's the difference between raping and rapping?

Where you put the pp.

Did you hear about that rap group that got arrested?

Apparently they've been charged with conspiracy to commit rhyme.

What do you call it when you're scheduled for a rap battle, but your opponent just isn't as good as you hoped for?

A diss appointment.

Did you hear about the rap group that caught the coronavirus?

They changed their name to Wuhan Clan.

My grandpa and Eminem rapping have 1 thing in common

They don't breathe

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table.

But skips Oxygen.

What do you call a girl that raps about women rights?

Feminem.

I made a rap song all about soap.

It’s fine, the lyrics are clean.

I was going to make a joke about mumble rap

But you wouldn’t understand it.

What do you call a rap battle between 21 savage and Six-Nine?

Alien vs predator

Rap is like scissors...

It always loses to rock.

What’s a rap video and a good reddit post got in common?

Lots of cake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between raping and rapping?

One's mostly done by criminals in shady neighborhoods, and the other is sex without consent.

What is a urologists favourite rap group?

ICP

I listen to way too much rap music.

I’m up to 2pac a day.

So singing some rap songs with my black friends in the car and they are picking on me because as a white guy I am not allowed to say the n word when it pops up in the songs.

But jokes on them, I can say a lot of other words that they can’t.
Like “thank you officer have a nice day.”
And also “happy birthday uncle dad”

An older man with a touch of dementia wobbles into a Catholic Church, sits down in the confessional booth, but doesn't utter a word. The Priest coughs, hoping to get a response. But the older man just sits and says nothing. Finally the Priest raps his knuckles three times on the screen.

The older guy mumbles, "Don't bother knocking, pal. There's no paper over here either.”

There are two eras of modern rap...

Pre Malone and Post Malone

So three friends met up for the holidays,

The first two are waiting on the third when one says to the other:

"Hey, I made you a song for Christmas!" and then starts beat-boxing this amazing tune. It's got great rhyme & rhythm, and the other guy is blown away.

A little later the third friend shows up, and the second one sa...

I never knew rap had 4 letters...

They should have kept the silent c on the front.

If I can't focus on my work because someone is rapping about me

then I've been diss track-ted

I do not understand why Amazon gets a bad rap for the whole homeless issue...

I mean yes Apple/Google/Microsoft are donating a lot of money to help, but Amazon employs more homeless people than all three combined!

Why aren't there any rap songs about Donald Trump?

Because there aren't any words that rhyme with "Orange."

I recently wrote a song about Tortillas...

Actually its more of a rap.

I always listen to mumble rap when I’m studying.

It’s a constant reminder on why it is important to get educated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have finally figured out the perfect name for the Country/Rap genre

CRap

My SO is kicking me out the house because apparently I’m obsessed with rap.

She told me 2pac my bags and leave.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard of the rap song that’s going viral?

Wuhan clan ain’t nothing to fuck with

There's a new rap group, of three really over weight white dudes from New York

The Obesity Boys

I dont know why dad jokes get a bad rap, women love dad jokes.

Otherwise they'd call them bachelor jokes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke about 50 Cent

I might have capied this from somewhere, Who Gnows???

50 Cent is on a world wide tour and is playing his first gig in Ballarat. The place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Austr...

Did you hear about the Dalai Lama's new Christmas album?

It's called "Rapping Presence".

What does a warlock farmer rap about?

Witches and hoes.

I've been trying to sell a rap themed shirt with the greatest disses of all time on it, but apparently it's not selling well.

I'll have to up the discount.

Why are dragons so good at rapping?

Because they're always spitting fire.

If North Korea ever made propaganda rap, it would be K-RAP

The name is self-explanatory

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Korean Pop is KPop

Is Chinese Rap Crap?

EDIT: I just got on and looked at this post.....
THANK U SO MUCH!!!! This was my first post and it got all the way to the top!! Thank you sooo much!!

Help! I think I broke my phone's speaker! All I did was convert my normal rap playlist into an emo rap playlist.

Now all I can hear is a Lil Peep.

Future rap name: 50 Bitcoin

That's all, the punchline was in the title; however, this sentence is here to comfort you and let you know that it's totally normal that you clicked to see if there was anything else.

What do you call a rapping DEA agent?

Narky Nark

The Christmas Elf

A Christmas elf walks into a bar and orders an eggnog. "What brings you to town?" the bartender asks. "I'm taking music classes at the community college. Santa requires it of all the Christmas elves now," the elf says. "It's supposed to improve our rapping skills."

Apparently, someone stole a few of my Rap CDs.

Oh well, no biggie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son likes rap music, but he's only 7 so when he asks what certain words mean, I lie....

for example, when rappers talk about "weed" they're just talking about the weeds in their grass... and when they "smoke weed" that just means they're killing the weeds in their lawn...


his favorite line is "HEY HEY HEY HEY... Smoke Weed Everyday".... I had to explain to him that it's by...

If the rap god and rap devil are fighting?

Does that mean we all missed the rapture?

In and Out and Whataburger should have a rap battle

Because they have real beef.

I plan on starting a geek rap band...

I think I'll call it Run-D.L.L.

One of Roald Dahl's characters gained weight and started writing rap music.

Notorious BFG.

GF: "Did you see Eminem's new rap about Trump?"

Me: "Yes. It was ludacris."

GF: "No, it was Eminem."

What would Bill Gates say to finish off his rap song?

word.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm going to open a strip club where the dancers rap.

And call it titty bars

So batman's son got into the rap industry

.. They call him Lil' Wayne

11 Minutes

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover’s spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.

The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the surge in popularity of Country Music artists that have included rap in their songs, like Jason Aldean and Sam Hunt, this years CMA's will include a new category. As it is a hybrid style of genres, Rap and Country, the producers have settled on a fitting name for the award.

CRAP.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My father must think I’m good at rapping

He calls me Lil Bitch.

A blonde man is driving down the road when he sees another blonde guy sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a field. He pulls over and yells "its guys like you that give us blondes a bad rap!

And you're lucky I can't swim or I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

What do you call a white guy trying to rap?

A faux shizzle my nizzle.

Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?

He couldn't yet spit hot fire

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.