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Rap Jokes

R Kelly is really changing the rap game

He takes the art out of rap artist

Captain

A U.S. Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week's liberty.The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner: “Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's coming of age party. I would li...

Why does no one listen to rap music in Korea?

Because it sounds like krap

A bar owner is looking for some new musical acts to spice up the ambiance of his establishment.

He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal… Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.

He then stum...

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A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:
'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress unifor...

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I'm a big fan of underground rappers

Such as Tupac, Eazy-E, XXXTentacion, and Juice Wrld

What type of music does Santa’s elves listen to while working?

Rap music.

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.
At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said,...

Three older ladies are discussing the trials of getting older.

One says, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimes in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on...

What does a rapping goat call their verbal drum skills?

Bleat boxing

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A man was put in jail for talking out of his ass.



It was a bum rap.

Bobs wedding

Robert, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After ...

You can say what you want about the open-mic hip-hop audience.

But, they really don't deserve the bad rap.

what do you call a rap group based around citrus fruits?

A tribe called zest.

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What did the rapping tapeworm say when he arrived in a dog’s intestine?

>!“I’m all up in dis bitch!”!<

Did you know they sell older rap songs at a discount if you buy two at once?

They call it the Tupac-bundle.

11 Minutes

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover’s spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.

The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer ...

I had gotten a coupon for 50% off an Arizona Ice Tea yesterday.

After I bought the can an opened it, I suddenly heard a bunch of beats and rap music coming out of the can. I was really confused at why my beverage was playing rap music at me, but then I realized why.

I had gotten 50 cent Ice T.

God and the devil chat about music

The god and the devil were chating, as they usually do when the concept of music came up.
With a bit of intrigue God asked the devil how he'd managed to get into every genre of music, from rock & rap to hip hop & metal ect .
The devil chuckled no no no , music is too special, too human...

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If Korean Pop is KPop

Is Chinese Rap Crap?

EDIT: I just got on and looked at this post.....
THANK U SO MUCH!!!! This was my first post and it got all the way to the top!! Thank you sooo much!!

Honest witness

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've b...

Isn't it strange how sometimes a random 80s rap song will start playing in your head for no reason?

I guess we just have to accept that the brain is a very complex organ, because it's like that, and that's the way it is.

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A PR firm is working with a rap artist

They want to clean his image and recover his prestige. No more wild parties, no more driving under influence, no more cheating on his wife. However, it’s difficult to turn a former troublemaker artist into a family man.

“Look, we invested a lot of time and money into this,” says the PR manag...

A boy wakes up on his birthday and is excited for presents.

However he finds none anywhere and then his mother arrives. "Yo, yo yo, new bike, a lil video game and one toy soldier boy!" she sings "What? Where are my presents?" he demands. The mother says: "Your father told me I had to rap the presents."

Few years ago I saw Slim Shady in concert and instead of rapping he just kept pulling his pants down and mooning the crowd.

Honestly the whole thing was just Em bare assing.

Why don’t religious people like rap music?

All rappers do is hop in the booth and confess to a bunch of crimes they’ve committed.

That’s Catholicism.

What do you call a mentally challenged rapper?

Why a rap autist of course.

There really should be a subgenre of hip-hop called Bubble Rap

It would probably sound a lot like pop.

I love how they say that white people have no culture

Yet who came up with the most used word in rap songs?

A guy was driving down the road one night.

Everything was normal till his car ran out of gas. He pulled over to the side of the road and noticed that there was a house nearby, with light coming through the windows. He thought to himself, “Hey, maybe they can give me a ride to the nearest town!” So the guy walks up to the door and knocks. No ...

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If Chinese music is called C-pop, Korean music is called K-pop, and Japanese music is called J-pop, what do you call Drake's music?

Crap.

What do mumble rappers from the East coast rap about?

I don’t know...Their verses aren’t Pacific.

What is the Grinch's least favorite rap group?

Who-Tang Clan

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How do you make it so no one gets offended at the Christmas song "Baby It's Cold Outside"?

Rebrand it as a rap song and name it, "Yo Bitch, It's Freezing Outside."

I recently wrote a song about Tortillas...

Actually its more of a rap.

So three friends met up for the holidays,

The first two are waiting on the third when one says to the other:

"Hey, I made you a song for Christmas!" and then starts beat-boxing this amazing tune. It's got great rhyme & rhythm, and the other guy is blown away.

A little later the third friend shows up, and the second one sa...

Did you hear about the Dalai Lama's new Christmas album?

It's called "Rapping Presence".

I've been trying to sell a rap themed shirt with the greatest disses of all time on it, but apparently it's not selling well.

I'll have to up the discount.

Rap is like scissors...

It always loses to rock.

I Want A Divorce

A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and
asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this ca...

What would be Trump's rapper name?

McDonalds

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A joke about 50 Cent

I might have capied this from somewhere, Who Gnows???

50 Cent is on a world wide tour and is playing his first gig in Ballarat. The place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Austr...

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My son likes rap music, but he's only 7 so when he asks what certain words mean, I lie....

for example, when rappers talk about "weed" they're just talking about the weeds in their grass... and when they "smoke weed" that just means they're killing the weeds in their lawn...


his favorite line is "HEY HEY HEY HEY... Smoke Weed Everyday".... I had to explain to him that it's by...

The Christmas Elf

A Christmas elf walks into a bar and orders an eggnog. "What brings you to town?" the bartender asks. "I'm taking music classes at the community college. Santa requires it of all the Christmas elves now," the elf says. "It's supposed to improve our rapping skills."

If the rap god and rap devil are fighting?

Does that mean we all missed the rapture?

What do you call a fish who raps?

A. Swim Shady

Did you hear why they are naming Trampolines after a famous 90's rap duo?

Because Kriss Kross will make you jump jump

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What do you get when you mix Country and Rap ?

Crap.

In and Out and Whataburger should have a rap battle

Because they have real beef.

Future rap name: 50 Bitcoin

That's all, the punchline was in the title; however, this sentence is here to comfort you and let you know that it's totally normal that you clicked to see if there was anything else.

One of Roald Dahl's characters gained weight and started writing rap music.

Notorious BFG.

Why are dragons so good at rapping?

Because they're always spitting fire.

Gang bangs always get a bad rap on the news...

People fail to realize that 9/10 people enjoy them. The numbers don’t lie.

A blonde man is driving down the road when he sees another blonde guy sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a field. He pulls over and yells "its guys like you that give us blondes a bad rap!

And you're lucky I can't swim or I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

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My father must think I’m good at rapping

He calls me Lil Bitch.

Apparently, someone stole a few of my Rap CDs.

Oh well, no biggie.

What do you call a white guy trying to rap?

A faux shizzle my nizzle.

What's the difference between raping and rapping?

Where you put the pp.

Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?

He couldn't yet spit hot fire

GF: "Did you see Eminem's new rap about Trump?"

Me: "Yes. It was ludacris."

GF: "No, it was Eminem."

What do you call a member of a royal court who you can hire for cheap to represent you in a rap-battle?

A dis-count.

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With the surge in popularity of Country Music artists that have included rap in their songs, like Jason Aldean and Sam Hunt, this years CMA's will include a new category. As it is a hybrid style of genres, Rap and Country, the producers have settled on a fitting name for the award.

CRAP.

What was Einstein's rap name?

MC Squared

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I'm going to open a strip club where the dancers rap.

And call it titty bars

So batman's son got into the rap industry

.. They call him Lil' Wayne

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