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I’ve dated a twin once. People always asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple. Ashley painted her nails pink…

….and Michael had a penis.

What's the difference between pink and purple?

Your grip.

What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead ant.....Dead ant....
Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead aaaaaaaaant!

What does Dale Earnhardt have in common with Pink Floyd?

His last big hit was the wall.

What is grey and pink,grey and pink?

2 elephants hiding in a strawberry patch

My 3 year old daughter as a pink fairy princes

To my wife: “I’ll make you a queen!”
To me: “I’ll make you a cookie monster!”

How Do You Catch a Pink Elephant?

This is super old. But another Joke here reminded me, so...

How Do You Catch a Pink Elephant?

First, you bake a cake with 3 raisins. Pink Elephants LOVE raisins. Then, you travel through Purple Elephant country. Purple Elephants are really easy to catch. Once you are in Pink Elephant c...

A pink elephant walks into a bar

The barman looks at him and says

“You’re too early mate, he’s not in yet”

Roses are red. My eyelids are pink.

I didn’t hear when she farted, but it really did stink.

Kermit Jagger needs a loan

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

"Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authori...

What do the colors green, pink, and yellow have in common?

The phone rings green....green.....green! So you pink it up and say yellow.

To-do list of the pink panther

To-do
To-do
Todo todo todo todo todooooootododo

He Does What???

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of the Granville Christian Church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope ...

All You Need Is Love

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better...

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Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health

If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.

If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you d...

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

If you start the Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd and the passion of the Christ at the same time the scenes don’t match up at all

It turns out Jesus was more of a nine inch nails guy

What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and wet?

Chewing gum

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Good news bad news

Guy goes in to see his doctor and the doctor says “I’ve got good news and bad news. “
Guy says” well gimme the bad news first”
Doc says “You’ve only got three months to live. “
Guy says “wow! How could there be any good news after that. “
Doc says “Well you see that young pretty nurse in...

The Pink Panther's To Do list

\- Todo

\- Todo

\- Todo todo todo todo todooooooo tododododo

Whats pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff. Whats blue and fluffy? Pink fluff holding its breath

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Eating a pink starburst is a lot like masturbating...

You want to savor it for as long as you can, but once you bite into it you have to finish.

The American education system obviously listens to Pink Floyd…

…they've left those kids a loan.

A guy wakes up after some heavy drinking. He sees a purple giraffe standing next to his bed.

— What are you looking at? – asks the giraffe – There’s so many of you, goddamn drunks, that we had no pink elephants left!

A guy is sitting in a bar, absolutely drooling at a pretty young woman in her short, pink mini-dress.

Using the time-honoured icebreaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation.

Finally, the girl turns to him and says, "look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working gir...

Many women object to the restaurant named ‘The Pink Taco’

Personally I would prefer “The Bearded Clam.”

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Pink ping pong balls

Once upon a time there was a father and a son. It was the son’s tenth birthday and his father said,

“Son, you are the most precious thing in the world to me. Whatever you ask for your birthday, you shall receive.”

His son replied,

“Dad, all I want for my birthday is a pink ping ...

As a Pink Floyd fan, nothing makes me angrier than seeing a vegan eating pudding.

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

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The guy with the giant penis

There once was a man with a 50 centimeter long schlong. He could not find any partners because it was too long. So he went to the Doctor’s office.

«Doctor, please help me! My penis is too long and I want it sportened, is there anything you can do?»

- «No.» said the doctor. «But.. There...

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What’s pink and sits on the bottom of the ocean

Moby’s dick


My mom told this to me when I was maybe 10

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My wife keeps asking why I drink a pink liquid whenever my stomach is upset.

Frankly, it's not her bismuth.

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Two guys in a Learjet

Two guys in a Learjet are crossing the Rocky Mountains when the engines fail and the plane is going to crash.

As they are falling to their certain death, the pilot calmly reaches to his pocket and pulls out a shiny pink lipstick. He puts the lipstick on, then tears the steering wheel out of t...

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A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces hersel...

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Ink for Pink

For a women to flash her boobs at the tattoo artist for a free inking considered tits-for-tats ?

I bought pink cotton but my wife wanted purple

Sorry, wrong thread

Green,pink and yellow

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Ag...

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A man is hitchhiking with his dog...

...and a gentleman in a car stops to pick him up, and says, "Sorry, I didn't see the dog, and I really don't want it in the car."

The hitchhiker replies, "He doesn't have to ride in the car, he can run really fast."

After insisting several times the dog can keep up the driver finally...

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A frog goes into a bank to get a loan. The frog hops up on the counter and the lady at the counter introduces herself.

Mrs. Wack “Hello my names Mrs. wack what do you want today?”

Frog “ I want a loan”

Mrs. Wack “I don’t know if you can get a loan. You’re a frog. What’s your name?”

Frog “Kermit”

Mrs. Wack “You’re not Kermit the frog.”

Kermit “ No No No, I was named after him. My na...

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Not your average dick joke

What does the Pink Panther and a male prostitute have in common?

They’re both Peter Sellers.

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first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”

Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd grade, too!”
Ms. Brooks finally had enough; she took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the situa...

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A young man and a young woman are fooling around when the young woman starts to feel a little more kinky than usual and asks the guy to use his toe on her.

The young man shrugs and decides, Why not? and then proceeds to pleasure his girlfriend with his big toe.

The next day the young man wakes up and notices that the flesh of his toe is sore and a little pink and tender. He ignores it, but after a few days decides to go see his doctor when the s...

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A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."

The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."

The black man smiles, looks at the white m...

A guy adopts a pink parrot from an old sailor....

unfortunately, it swears like an old sailor. He tries everything to get it to stop. He even destroyed the parrot's old cage, but that just made it worse. Then he noticed his mom coming up to the house. What could he do? He couldn't let his dear sweet mother hear this foul mouthed bird. So, he p...

What do you call a guy with a pink shirt, pink shoes,and a pink 40 caliber?

Sir.

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A pissed drunk man stumbles onto the bus on his way home...

When he finally hobbles his way to the last empty seat, he turns to see a posh stiff lady seated with her frilly pink French poodle.

He turns his head shakily and slurs, "Where'dh ye get tha' pig?"

The lady huffs and retorts, "Ugh! Why, I'll have you know Mr. Squiggles is **not** a pig...

If a pink stork delivers girl babies and a blue stork delivers boy babies, what delivers no babies?

A swallow.

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There’s a painting in a museum of 3 naked black men sitting on a bench, but the man in the middle has a pink penis.

The artist behind the painting is unknown, and no one really knows why the man in the middle has a pink penis. The curator has a story about how pink represents equality at birth, however the true reason was unknown. One day there was a couple touring the museum, and they spent quite a bit of time e...

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Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

The phone rings at Crayola Headquarters

{green-green-green}

"Yellow?"

"May I speak to Mr. Brown?"

"Please white while I transfer you."

{pink}

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Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, yo...

I really like that French song about the pink airplane.

L’avion Rose

A Taste All of its Own

I love it wet, juicy and a nice pink/red color. Sometimes it gets my fingers and face wet and sticky, but I don't mind. I love Watermelon anyway.

I sold the ugly suit!

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that ...

The pink, plastic birds that are popular lawn ornaments in Florida.....

are they called, "Placebo Flamingos"?

What’s pink and fluffy and hasn’t moved in years?

Madeleine McCann’s slippers

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out Grandpa's pyjamas?

Grandma.

It's big, pink and hard first thing in the morning, and sometimes I get my wife to help me with it.

Anybody else like the *Financial Times* crossword?

Roses are red, the sky is pink

This water tastes funny
Nice to meet you I live in flint

How do you kill a blue elephant? You shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant?

You hold its trunk until it turns blue. Then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

A blue House is made of blue bricks, a pink house is made of pink bricks, a yellow house is made of yellow bricks. What is a green house made of?

Glass

Mr Green lives in The Green House. Mr Blue lives in The Blue House. Mrs Pink lives in The Pink House. Who lives in The White House?

Mr Orange.

It was getting close to my wife’s birthday. She was looking at herself in the mirror. I asked her what she’d like for her birthday. She sighed and said I’d like to be eight again...

On the morning of her birthday. I woke up early and made her a nice big bowl of coco pops. I then took her to for a special trip to Legoland. On the way home we stopped at McDonald’s where I got her a Happy Meal together we a special McDonalds balloon. We then went to the cinema where they were pl...

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The glory hole at the Pink Floyd bar wasnt anything special

All in all its just another dick in the wall.

How do you annoy a Pink Floyd fan?

Play their music on shuffle

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A black man, a blue man, a green man, a pink man, a red man and yellow man walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here. Too much Risk."

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