What is pink, goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet

...
.....
......
.........
............
...............
Bubble gum

As a Pink Floyd fan, nothing makes me angrier than seeing a vegan eating pudding.

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

Whats a similarity between Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd?

Their last big hit was the wall

I once dated a girl who had a pink seashell tattoo on her inner thigh.

It was pretty, when you put your ear on it you could smell the ocean.

My teacher said to use the colors green, yellow, and pink in a sentence

The first student said "my favorite colors are green, yellow, and pink."

The second student said "The grass is green, the sun is yellow, and my shirt it pink."

Finally, a Mexican kid piped up and said "when my phone goes green green, I pink it up and say yellow."

Pink Panther's to do list

To do

To do

To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooooo

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What's 6 inches long, pink and makes my girlfriend moan all day?

Her fucking tongue

What is the difference between pink and purple?

My grip

What's 12 inches, pink and makes women scream

Stillbirth

What does the Pink Panther say when he makes plans?

To do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd ...

... they've left those kids a loan.

A blonde cop is patrolling the highway when she sees a blonde motorist weaving in and out of traffic.

The cop pulls over the motorist and asks for her ID. Note that the motorist was wearing a pink ensemble and that the cop was in uniform when the incident happened.

Cop: May I see your ID, ma'am?

Motorist: What's an ID?

Cop: It's a rectangle with a picture of your face on it.
...

What do you get when you blend a pink dog?

liquid courage

If a pink stork delivers girl babies and a blue stork delivers boy babies, what delivers no babies?

A swallow.

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It’s 1 in the morning and a drunk bar patron decides it’s time to go home.

He gets up off his barstool and immediately faceplants.

“Oh, holy crap. I’m drunker than I thought!”

He pulls himself up with the barstool, lets go, and faceplants again.

“Shit!”

He crawls to the front door. He tries pulling himself up with the door knob and door frame. O...

Pink Panther’s to do list

- To do
- To do
- To do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to dooooo

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Damn girl are you a pink Himalayan salt lamp?

Cuz this clearly isn’t working and I still feel like shit when I’m around you.

Had to call out of work because of pink eye

This weed hit me like a brickwall

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There’s a painting in a museum

There’s a painting in a museum of 3 naked black men sitting on a bench, but the man in the middle has a pink penis. The artist behind the painting is unknown, and no one really knows why the man in the middle has a pink penis. The curator has a story about how pink represents equality at birth, howe...

Almost got pink eye

Good thing im colorblind

A blue House is made of blue bricks, a pink house is made of pink bricks, a yellow house is made of yellow bricks. What is a green house made of?

Glass

[NSFW] I don't know what I was expecting when I went to the new Pink Floyd themed glory hole...

...after all you're just another prick in the wall!

In the green house lives MR green in the blue house lives MR blue in the pink house lives MRS pink who lives in the white house?

The president

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I dated a twin once. People always asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple. Ashley painted her nails pink

And Michael had a Penis.

I absolutely hate the flavor of that pink antacid medicine.

It's pept-abysmal.

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Challenged my boss to a street race.

My boss drives a Prius to work every day. One day I challenged him to a street race after work, my Focus against his car, for pink slips. Quarter mile. He accepted

That night waiting for him, he pulls up, in a Corvette. We raced. He won. I didn't stop. Kept going. Next day I called into work...

What is pink and has seven small dents in it?

Snow White’s hymen.

3 guys go to heaven

Three guys go to heaven. When at the gates, God encounters the three and welcomes them.

"Heaven has a lot of good things to offer, but I must warn you about the pink clouds. Don't ever touch them, or something bad will happen."

The three guys enter the gates and go for a walk

Af...

A bride asks her Mom to buy her a long blue nightgown for her wedding night.

When the newly married couple gets to the honeymoon suite, the nervous groom goes in the bathroom to undress giving the instructions for the bride not to peek.

She opens her suitcase disappointed to find her Mom not only bought the wrong thing, but also just wadded it up in her suitcase. ...

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I walked into kindergarten on my first day of school...

I was worried, but nonetheless excited to learn. We began by learning about animals. My teacher asked students what their favorite animal was and when it was my turn I said “Pink Flamingo”

The teacher began screaming and sent me to the principals office. “Why are you here son”, he asked. I to...

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
<...

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What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculatio...

What kind of country would we have if everybody drove a pink Chevrolet?

A pink carnation.

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A girl said my pink shirt was gay

I replied "of course, it just came out of the closet"

Real men don’t wear pink...

They eat it.

What is Donald Trump's favorite Pink Floyd album?

Dark side of the Moon, for it's eclectic instrumentation and higher than average production values.

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Three black ladies were on a plane They were good friends and were really excited to travel together. However, this was the first time they had ever been on a plane so they were understandably quite nervous. They began discussing what precautions they had taken to relief their fears...

The first lady said, "I'm wearing bright green panties, that way, if we crash into the ocean, my butt would float and they'd see me first!"

The second lady retorted, "I'm wearing bright pink panties, that way, if we crash into the ground, they'd see me first!"

The two looked at the las...

Why don't soldiers wear yellow and pink?

They'd get too much flak for it.

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NSFW A guy and a girl are fooling around...

A young man and a young woman are fooling around when the young woman starts to feel a little more kinky than usual and asks the guy to use his toe on her. The young man shrugs and decides, Why not? and then proceeds to pleasure his girlfriend with his big toe.

The next day the young man wak...

At my executive chef job a couple called me out to compliment me for cooking their steak thoroughly with no pink inside.

It’s always nice to be recognized for a job well done.

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A teacher is helping her young students with their colors and shapes.

"Boys and Girls, I'm thinking of something round and red!" she says.

Julie's hand shoots up. "A cherry!!" she says, beaming.

"Noooooo," says the teacher, "It's an apple...But I'm glad you're thinking...... "

She smiles at the class. "Let's try another one!" she says. "I'm think...

What's pink inside and smells like fish?

Salmon

How do you kill a blue elephant? You shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant?

You hold its trunk until it turns blue. Then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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A frog walks into a bank to apply for a loan

He addresses the teller by the name on her name badge and says "excuse me, Ms. Whack. I need a loan."

She says "Holy shit, a talking frog!"

"Actually my name is Kermit. And I need a loan."

"You're Kermit the frog?"

"No but I was named after him. My dad is Mick Jagger. He...

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Guy wakes up in a hospital room, badly beaten within inches of his life.

The doctor is standing over him and asks him what happened.

He thinks back. “I was golfing with my wife. She shanked her pink ball into a small cow pasture, just beyond the rough. I went to look for it and finally found it in a cow’s butthole.

Last thing I remember is I lifted the tai...

Survivor: Texas Edition

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas Edition".

The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas then drive a circuit to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Brownsville, Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, Amarillo, Abilen...

A frog goes into a bank

and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''
The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''
''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay, what'...

A study has shown 90% of women aren’t interested in men that wear pink shirts.

Ironically, 90% of men that wear pink shirts aren’t interested in women.

What's the most important property of a sparkling pink ship?

It's flamboyant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Years ago I was dating this girl that had a twin...

People would ask how I could tell them apart, well, Wendy painted her nails pink, and William had a dick!!!

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, ...

... but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked.

"Th...

Mujibar was trying to get a job.

The HR Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."


Mujibar: "I am ready."

Manager: "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Manager...

What do you call a pink flower that resurrects itself?

A rein-carnation.

A frog walks into a bank looking to get a loan.

He walks up to the first teller available, Mrs Whack.
“Mrs Whack, I would like a loan”
“But you are a frog!?!”

“Yup, I just need a small loan though, I just want to buy my own lily pad.”

“Okay, well what is your name?”

“Kermit”

“You aren’t Kermit the fro...

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Three Black Women are in an Airport

Three black women are in an airport, discussing back and forth about their flight from Newark to London, and the difficulties therein. Finally, they come around to what happens if the plane crashes.

The first woman says "If we go down, I'ma make sure I'm wearing hot pink panties."

The ...

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