This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is at home and hears someone knocking at her door

She goes to the door, opens it and sees a man standing there.
He asks the lady "Do you have a vagina?"
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it's the same man and he asks the same question to the woman "Do you have a vagina?"
She slams the door ag...

A man is sitting in a new sports car when a little girl pulls up beside him on her new bicycle she just received for Christmas. She knocks on his window, which he rolls down to see what she wants.

"Wanna race, mister?" she asks, ringing her bell and twirling the elastic streamers on her handlebars.

"Sure," the man laughs. The light turns green and he floors the pedal. The car takes off like a shot and he leaves the little girl in the dust.

A few seconds later though, he sees som...

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Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious, shove a foreign object up my ass and film the whole thing.

Or As My Doctor Insists On Calling It, A Colonoscopy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife are lying in bed when they hear a knock at the door.

The man hears that the wind is blowing a gale and the rain is is getting heavier and decides it was just the wind and goes back to sleep.

A few minutes later they hear it again so his wife says "Honey, go check it out. It might be bad news"
The man reluctantly agrees and goes to the front ...

Knock knock

Occupied

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When your roommate knocks while you're masturbating..

"Would you just let me be an alien and cum in peace?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock knock 2021

“Knock knock”
“Get tf outta here I can see you on my ring doorbell. I told you last week that I’m not into that shit”
“You can’t deny the chemistry we had last week” replied the guy in the furry perry the platypus costume

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a donation for the neighborhood pool...

I gave a glass of water.

I woke up one night to someone knocking on my front door.

I felt uneasy, but I went and answered it anyway. When I opened the door, I looked around, and then spotted a shellfish on my welcome mat.

"Let me in", it cried, "I'm being chased by a bunch of wasps."

That was when I realized why I felt so uneasy.

This was the clam before the s...

A man is sitting at home when a police officer knocks on his door.

The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes, I am."

The officer then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. The man answers, "Sure, hold on a second."

The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has ...

I can't be doing with those pricks who knock on my door and tell me they're my saviour and if I don't listen I'll burn.

Damn Firemen.

Always make sure to knock on your fridge door before opening..

There is a chance there might be a salad dressing

Knock Knock

Knock Knock
*Who’s There?*
Ida
*Ida Who?*
Ida Like To Be Your Friend!

What did Herb say when Rosemary knocked at the door?

Cumin

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Ivan!

Ivan who?

I'van trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.

Knock, knock. "Who's there?"

Wait a minute...

"Wait a minute who?"

*looks at watch*

...

A man is in bed with his wife when there’s a knock at the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.

Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the doo...

Knock-knock

Who's there?




Huch.



Huch who?



Gesundheit.

Daryl was sitting in his house when came a loud knock on his door. He went to the door and a salesman was standing there with an unfamiliar object in his hand. “What’s that?” asked Daryl. “It’s a Thermos.”

Intrigued, Daryl asked, “What does it do?”

Shifting into the sales pitch he said, “This little jewel is amazing. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

After some discussion Daryl purchased one thinking it would really help with his lunch situation at work. The next day he arr...

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?

He won the “no-bell” prize.

Knock knock

- Who's there?

- A blunt pencil

- A blunt pencil who?

- Leave it. There's no point.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock knock

-Knock knock

-Who's there?

-Grandpa!

-Oh shit, stop the funeral!

(Gary Delaney joke)

Knock Knock

Come back with a warrant.

Knock Knock

\-Who's there?
\~Daisy
\-Daisy who?
\~Daisy me rollin'!





I know it's terrible but my aunt named Daisy just came up with this and I thought it was so stupid it made it funny and wanted to share.

Knock Knock..

Who's there?

Interrupting dog.

Interrupting dog w-...

Ruffrufffruffffrrrufff!!!

Police Officer (Outside the house): Knocks on a mans door

Man (From inside the house): "Who are you?

Police Officer: "We are the police. You are requested to open the door."

Man: "Why? What do you want?"

Police Officer: "We just want to talk"

Man: "How many of you are there?

Police Officer: "There's two of us"

Man:...

What do you do if a font knocks on your door?

You let-er-in

Why are there no knock-knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings

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Guy hears about a prostitute at a local motel, so he goes and knocks on the door...

A voice answers, asking what he wants.

GUY: I want to get fucked.

Voice: Sure, slide $20 under the door.

The guy slides it under, stands and waits. After a few minutes pass and the door still hasn't opened, he knocks again...

Guy: I said, I'm here to get fucked!
...

What do you call it when you accidentally knock up your girlfriend?

A misconception

A blonde is going door to door trying to find some paying work She knocks on one door and an older man opens it up. "Hey mister, do you have any odd jobs I could do for cash?"

He looks her up and down and surmises that she's an idiot whom he can take advantage of.

"I'll give you ten dollars if you paint my porch. There's paint, brushes, ladders and everything you'll need next to the car in the garage."

"Sure, sounds great!"

The man closes the door, ch...

Before my surgery the anesthetist offered to knock me out....

Before my surgery the anesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.

A Man Walks Up and Knocks on Mrs. O’Reilly’s door.

“Oh, Mrs. O’Reilly, I have terrible news. There was an accident at the brewery and your husband fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned.”

“Oh! It must have been horrible,” she cried!

“Aye, we pulled him out three times.”

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One day, a good-looking door-to-door seller knocks on the old lady's house and is offering the "world's best" vacuum cleaner...

He runs into the middle of the living room and bursts a cow dung on the floor.

"Madam", he says, "I swear to god, if I won't be able to clean the shit out of the carpet in 2 minutes, I will personally eat it".

The lady just smiles: "I hope you are hungry. The power is out since morni...

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Bloke is in bed with his wife having sexy time when there's a knock at the front door...

It's 2am and bloke isn't impressed but the knock is persistent so he goes downstairs. Opening the front door he sees it's blowing a gale and raining sideways and there's a man standing there, bedraggled and soaked.

"Excuse me can I have a push?" the man gasps.

"Fuck off!" says bloke, s...

Today, someone knocked on my door.

Today, someone knocked on my door. I opened the door and a visibly upset person was standing at my door. They said "Do you have a cat, I was driving down the street and a cat ran out in front of me. I tried to avoid hitting it but was unable."

I replied that yes, I did have a cat and asked...

Knock knock

One time I knocked on a psychic's door. She said, "Who is it?" So I left.

This bloke knocked on my door and said, "Can I come into your house and talk about vacuuming your carpets?"

I am sure he was a Jehoovers Witness.

Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist said I could be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle.

So I guess it was an ether/oar situation.

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..

Stupid firemen.

Knock knock

Knock knock
Who's there?
Error.
Error Who?
Error 404: Punchline not found

Knock Knock

"Who's there?"

"Come in"

"Come in who?"

"Thank you" said the vampire named Who.

Pope Francis knocks on heaven's gate

Pope Francis knocks on heaven's gate after his death. Saint Peter opens the door, looks at him and says: "Welcome to live after death. What is your name?" The pope is slightly irritated and answers: "I am the pope." "Pope who?", Peter asks. "Pope Francis, you should know who I am!" the pope says, a ...

A failed knock knock joke

My friend: Knock knock.

Me: ...

My friend: Oh, come on! Just play along.

Me: I’m Deaf. I never heard the knock…

*Source*: I’m Deaf myself.

If, whilst having my tea, I knock a pea off my plate onto the table or floor, I announce to my family - "I have an escape-pea."

My family don't like me

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 a.m.

3 a.m.!!!

Fortunately, i was still awake, playing my bagpipes.

A man knocked on Mrs Smith's door.

"I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident at the brewery," he said.
"Your husband fell into a giant vat of beer and drowned."

Mrs Smith started crying. "Oh poor thing, he had no chance!"

"I don't know about that," the man replied. "He got out three times to use the toilet."

Someone knocked on my door.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"Police," replied two men.

I asked them what they wanted. "We need to investigate your property for cannabis."

"I haven't got any," I said. "Now be on your way."

"Sir," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"

"Because you might find ...

Kock knock

\*telephone rings....

"Joe's abortion and pizzeria....where today's loss is tomorrows sauce!"

I got knocked off my bike by a salt spreading truck last winter.

"You IDIOT" I shouted through gritted teeth.

Knock Knock!

Come in!
Hey..! It's unlocked... Just come in.

(this is the best way to steal a knock-knock joke)

Do you know what did the guy who invented the first knock knock joke got ?

The 'no-bell prize'

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Gopher

Gopher who?

Gopherk urself.

It's 1961 and Chuck knocks on his prom date's door.

Her dad opens it and invites him in.

"So, you're taking our Betty to her first prom?" he asks, sternly.

Chuck nervously stutters "y-yes sir."

"She'll be down in a sec. But let's have a chat while we wait."

Chuck slumps in the nearest chair, waiting for the inevitable tal...

Knock, knock.

- Who’s there?
OW!
- Ow Who?
Werewolves of London

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A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds?

Knock Knock Knockin' on Heaven's Door

Knock Knock

Who's there?

I been shot

I been shot, who?

You think this is a joke??

After the dalmation knocked up the neighbor's Jack Russell...

...he experienced post-mutt clarity.

I walked up to a Chinese laboratory and confidently knocked on the door.

WHO's there.

[OC] How did the old man get inside without knocking on the door?

The boomer-rang

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you wan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man’s wife left him

Upset, he went for a drive and suddenly ran over a cop and crushed him to death.
Not knowing what else to do, he threw the cop in the trunk and drove to the cemetery.
When he got there, he came across a drunken watchman.
"Listen, if you bury this body with no questions asked, I'l...

This guy hears a knock. Opens his door and looks down, and he sees a snail.

Snail says, “Hello, sir, I was wondering if -“

The guy interrupts the snail and says, “Get lost!” and kicks the snail across the yard, and goes back inside.

Seven months later, the guy hears a knock. Open his door looks down, and sees the snail.

Snail says:

“What the he...

Knock knock

Who’s there ?
Ice cream soda
Ice cream soda who?
Ice cream soda people can hear me !!!!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My next door neighbour is an inconsiderate asshole. He knocked on my door at 3AM last night!! 3AM!!

Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is getting out of the shower when she hears a knock at the door

“It’s the blind man!”


She thinks to herself, oh he’s blind I don’t have to get dressed as he can’t see me


She goes to open the door and asks him what he wants


He smiles, walks in the house and says


“Lovely pair of tits you’re spotting there, where woul...

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It was a dark and rainy night…..

Our hero’s car had broken down right in front of an old looking mansion.

After knocking, an old Chinese man came to the door. “ I was wondering if it’s at all possible you might have a room for me for the night. I will be out of your hair the next morning and on my way to the service stati...

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I was attacked by three men last night. I managed to knock one out.

Probably wasn't the best time to have a wank but I thought fuck it, it might be the last chance I get.

Knock Knock

Knock knock

Who's there?

Mary.

Mary who?

Mary Christmas!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Anna.

Anna who?

Anna happy new year!

Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit :)

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there"
"Door mom"
"Door mom who?"
"Dormammu I've come to bargain."

Knock knock...

“Who’s there?”

“I got up”

(REPLY)

“DISGUSTING!!! Why are you telling me this?? Just go then!!”

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

"Knock knock!"

who's there?

"You!"

You who?

"YooHoo Big summer blow out!"

Knock-knock

Who’s there?

Europe.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys survive a plane crash in the desert. They wander for days, starving and thirsty. They finally come across a lone house and knock on the door, desperate for help...

A crusty old lady answers, and says she'd be happy to help if one of them will agree to satisfy her sexually first. After a quick discussion, one of the guys decides to take one for the team. He walks in to her bedroom while the other two wait outside the house. He tells her to close her eyes and op...

Knock knock.

Who's there?


Little lady...


...



I didn't know you could yodel.

A soldier shows up for military training, but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.

The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.

"You'll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout 'Bangity bang-bang'. If someone gets too close to you, poke them in the gut with it as though it was a bayonette and shout ...

If you get an email starting with Knock Knock don’t open it.

It’s a Jehovah’s Witness working from home.

Confucius say it's better to be knocked down and held up...

... than held down and knocked up.

Knock knock. Who's there? Bacon. Bacon who?

Bacon a cake for my cake day.

I was waiting in line and this guy knocked me out cold with a right hook. When I came to it, he told me:

This is the punch line.

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Golf Player and Saudi Prince

A golfer is walking down the road carrying his clubs when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint. He pulls out a wedge and smashes it over the back of the robber's head, knocking him unconscious.

"You probably saved my life," says the grateful Arab. "I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family...

I heard a faucet knocking on my door...

Let that sink in.

"Knock knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Knock knock knock"

"Alright, who is it?!"

"A confused woodpecker"

My 3 year old's knock knock joke - innocence shattered

3 yr old: Knock Knock Daddy!

Me: Who's there?

3 yr old: (excitedly waving around their fork heaped with spaghetti and slinging sauce everywhere) Fork!

Me: Fork who?

*wife and I lock eyes; we each slowly make "the face" as we realize what is about to come out of our 3 yea...

Knock knock

-Who's there?

Eye makeup

-Eye makeup who?

Did you flush?

The best Knock Knock joke

Me- "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Dad- "Why"

Me- "To get to the idiots house BAHAHA"

Dad- "That's stupid"

Me- "Fine this one is better, Knock Knock"

Dad- "Who's there"

Me- "The chicken :)"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man who looks like he's been traveling a while.

The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Can you do any manual farm work?", asked the farmer.

The man said, "A bit sure, but I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals."

"...sure you can," the farmer says. "But I could use a little he...

Everybody Knows Somebody Called DAVE.

Dave is an advertising executive in L.A., who is always boasting that he knows EVERYONE on the planet, & they all know him.

His colleagues love hearing his stories about this celebrity, or that politician. However, his boss doesn't believe a word & challenges him to prove his boasts....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man hears a knock at the door late at night...

A man hears a knock at the door late at night.
He goes downstairs and answers it.
There’s a man stood there, and he said
“Hi mate, is there any chance you can give me a push?”
The homeowner said angrily,
“Do you know what time it is? It’s nearly 3:00, I’ve got to be up for work in 2...

Late one night in the USSR there is a knock at the door.

Everyone leaps out of bed. Papa goes shakily to the door.



‘It’s all right,’ he says, coming back. ‘The building’s on fire.’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes bear hunting in the woods

He finds a rather large bear and it spots him. He tries to shoot it but misses. The bear swats the gun out of his hands and trows him to the ground. Then rips his pants off and fucks him in the ass.

A few days later the now very sore hunter come back with a much larger rifle and attempts to s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock, Knock.

Its Open.

Knock, Knock!

Door is open come in.

KNOCK, KNOCK!!!!

Yeah, come on in.

JERK!!!

‌‌A woma‌‌n stoppe‌‌d by‌‌, unannounced‌‌, a‌‌t he‌‌r son'‌‌s house‌‌. Sh‌‌e knocke‌‌d o‌‌n th‌‌e doo‌‌r the‌‌n immediatel‌‌y walke‌‌d in.

Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s shocke‌‌d t‌‌o se‌‌e he‌‌r daughter-in-la‌‌w lyin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e couch‌‌, totall‌‌y naked‌‌. Sof‌‌t musi‌‌c wa‌‌s playing‌‌, an‌‌d th‌‌e arom‌‌a o‌‌f perfum‌‌e fille‌‌d th‌‌e room‌‌. "Wha‌‌t ar‌‌e yo‌‌u doing?!‌‌", sh‌‌e asked.

"I'‌‌m waitin‌‌g fo‌‌r Mik‌‌e t‌‌o com‌‌e hom‌‌e fro‌‌...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I was walking through town and I took a shortcut down an alley way. I got jumped by 5 guys, and managed to knock one out.

Probably not the best time to have a wank though

"Knock, knock" "Who's there?" "Norway" "Norway who?"

"Norway in hell Epstein killed himself!"

Knock knock...

Who’s there?

Hike.

Hike who?


Warm midnight falling.
Stars shining, dancing brightly.
Peaceful all at once

My grandma told me this one

A butcher goes to a barber for a haircut. When it’s time to pay, the barber declines, saying “I’m feeling generous today, you don’t need to pay for this one”

The next morning someone knocks on the barber’s door. When he opens, it turns out to be the butcher, carrying some sausages and other m...

Won’t believe the nerve of my neighbor knocking on my door at 3AM.

Fortunately I was up playing the drums.

A census enumerator is working out in the country when he knocks on the door of a farmhouse.

A woman opens the door, and the man explains he’s with the census and she agrees to do the interview. Eventually he gets to the part where he asks if she has children.

“Let’s see,” says the woman, “There’s Timmy and Tammy; they’re 4. There’s Molly and Holly; they’re 8. There’s Terry and Larr...

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "A control freak." "A con..."

"Now say, 'A control freak who?'!"

Knock knock?

Whose there?

A little old lady

....

A little old lady who?

...

I didn't know you could yodel!

Credit does to Google voice assistant. I sheer shock had me laughing for a solid 15 seconds.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Doctor.

Doctor who?

(In david tennents accent) Actually just "the doctor" is fine.

Today, some bathroom appliances knocked on my door and asked for shelter...

I only thought "Woah, I gotta let that sink in for a while."

One day Mr. Johnson was sitting alone in his house when the phone rang. Mr. Johnson answered it. "Who is this?" he asked.

"I am the viper," said the voice on the other line. "I'll be at your house in an hour."

Mr. Johnson laughed and hung up the phone. "He's just playing a prank on me," he said, and went back to what he was doing.

Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang again. "Who is this?" asked Mr. Johns...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A writer moves to a rural area so he can focus on his writing without distractions

After getting settled in he sits down to start writing and is immediately disturbed by a knock on the door.

He answers to door to find an old scraggly looking man in dirty overalls, with very few teeth, and a long unkempt beard. The old man looks very excited to see him.


Howdy ne...

A lawyer, A rabbi, and a Buddhist Monk...

...Are driving together on Route 66. It's beginning to get dark and they are wishing for a place to stop but there isn't a town for miles. Then they spot an old farmhouse and decide to ask. The farmer meets them at the door and listens to their request. He says that he would be glad to let them stay...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you say when Coronavirus knocks on your door?

Fuck-cough

"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "John." "John who?" John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively worse.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"John."

"John who?"

John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively

A farmer drove to a neighbour’s farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" 

"No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbl...

From my son: "knock knock"

"who's there"

"owls say"

"owls say who"

*meniacal smile*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emotions

Three guys are walking down the street in Manhattan when they spot a party. They knock on the door and are turned away because they don’t have costumes. As they walk away one of them spots a can of red paint in an alley, he pours it all over himself, goes back and says “I’m red, red with anger” and ...

Knock knock?

Who’s there?

Police.

Police who?

Your wife’s dead.

My son made up this joke. Knock knock

-Who's there?
-Alexa
-Alexa who?
-Sorry I don't know that one. You can always leave feedback on the Alexa app.

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