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Knock Jokes

A Jewish shop owner in a largely Christian town hears a knock on the door.

He opens, and sees representatives of the local church.

\- Excuse us, Mr. Shainski, - they say. - Our church is in a bad state now, so we decided to build a new one. Seeing as you are known as a very wealthy and generous person, could you spare anything?

Shainski thinks. On the one han...

Daughter made up a cute knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Let’s eat…
Let’s eat who?

What are you a cannibal?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious, shove a foreign object up my ass and film the whole thing.

Or As My Doctor Insists On Calling It, A Colonoscopy
AI Image Generator

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.

He asks the lady, ‘Do you have a vagina?’

She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, ‘Do you have a vagina’?

She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar Sits at the bar and orders a drink. He pays with a $100 bill and refuses the change. Just when he's about to take a drink, this little guy - not even a foot tall - runs across the bar and knocks the drink out of his hand. The little guy jumps off the bar and disappears.

The bartender, really confused, pours him another drink. The guy pays him $100 and refuses the change again. Just as he's about to sip his drink, the little guy appears, knocks the drink to the floor and runs off again.

Now the bartender pours him another drink and asks him about the little g...

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

Best knock knock joke ever..

Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." He starts up the stairs and...

I only knock up antivaxxers.

Because 8 years of child support is better than 18.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I need a good Knock Knock joke.

A profile on a dating profile had the prompt "I'm funnier than you," so my opener was "Knock Knock." And now I'm fucked cause I don't actually know any decent ones other than the Randy Feltface one, which doesn't work with text.

Edit: Picked one. Let's see how it goes. I did not pick any of t...

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or else you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen

Before the surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...

It was an ether/oar situation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds?

Whoever invented the knock knock jokes

Should get a Nobell prize.

A man goes to his friend's house and knocks on the door.

The wife responds and only had a towel on her.
The man looks at her and says: is your husband here?
She said: yes, he's taking a bath.
The man: I'll give you $100 if you drop the towel.
Wife: you are crazy, I would never do that.
The man: I'll give you $250 if you drop...

My 5 year olds painful twist on a knock knock joke

I was telling my son the "knock knock who's there banana joke", and he laughed and told me to tell it to him again. As I said knock knock he then backhanded my face and said "you shouldn't stand so close to the door"

"Knock, knock" "Who's there?" "Norway" "Norway who?"

"Norway in hell Epstein killed himself!"

Knock knock

Who's there?

Mary.

Mary who?

Mary Christmas!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Anna.

Anna who?

Anna happy new year!

Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit :)

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy hears about a prostitute at a local motel, so he goes and knocks on the door ...

A voice answers, asking what he wants.
GUY: "I want to get fucked."
Voice: "Sure, slide $20 under the door."
The guy slides it under, stands and waits. After a few minutes pass and the door still hasn't opened, he knocks again...
Guy: "I said, I'm here to get fucked!"
Vo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandma used to tell us this joke. She’d say, “knock knock,” we’d say, “who’s there?”

Then she’d say “I can’t remember!” and start to cry. And we’d laugh and laugh to make her feel better, but she was shit at telling jokes.

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.


"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.


"But you're naked!"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some asshole knocked on my door today, telling me I needed to be “saved” or else I would “burn”. I told him to fuck off.

Stupid fireman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My next door neighbour is an inconsiderate asshole. He knocked on my door at 3AM last night!! 3AM!!

Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.

A man is sleeping next to his wife, when he hears a loud knock on his door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3 AM.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over.

Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs.

He opens ...

I always knock on the fridge door before opening it

I do it just in case there's a salad dressing

Let me tell you my favorite knock knock joke!

You start

Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...

...an ether/oar situation.

A farmer drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door...

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy

“No, they went in to town.” The boy replied

“Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked

“No, he went with mom and dad.” The boy said

The farmer stood there for a minut...

Today a woman knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

I gave her a glass of water. I love supporting the comminity.

Knock Knock

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Ya.

Ya Who?

Hold your excitement and just let me in.

A policeman knocked on my door this morning...

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.

After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
...

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door...

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door.

Jew: "Can I help you?"

Witness: "Hello sir, I'm here to tell you about the great Lord Jehovah!"

Jew: "Is that what you call him? You know, we have a name for him too..."

Witness: "No way?!"

Jew: "Yahweh."

My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands.

With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having

Knock knock...

Who’s there?

Hike.

Hike who?


Warm midnight falling.
Stars shining, dancing brightly.
Peaceful all at once

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door.

He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, “Yes, I am.” The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife. The guy says, “Sure…” and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says, “I’m sorry...

Courtesy of my 8-year-old : Knock knock

Who's there

Europe

Europe who?

No, you're a poo!

“Knock, knock”

Who’s there?

Ah

Ah, who?

Werewolves of London

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,,.

only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" ...

A blonde is going door to door trying to find some paying work She knocks on one door and an older man opens it up. "Hey mister, do you have any odd jobs I could do for cash?"

He looks her up and down and surmises that she's an idiot whom he can take advantage of.

"I'll give you ten dollars if you paint my porch. There's paint, brushes, ladders and everything you'll need next to the car in the garage."

"Sure, sounds great!"

The man closes the door, ch...

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?

He won the 'no-bell' prize.

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn."

Stupid firemen

[I originally saw this joke on a friend's facebook picture he shared](http://i.imgur.com/6Q1KD6K.jpg) but others have pointed me to:
[OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3m4zpu/i_hate_those_people_who_knock_on_your_door_and/)
[OP2](https://www.reddit.com/r/Christi...

"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Dave." "Dave who?"

Dave begins to sob uncontrollably as he realises his mother's dementia has worsened.

I went to see a psychic and knocked on her door.

She said "Who is it?" so I left.

A New Zealand Farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he's been traveling a while.

The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Do you have any skills?" The farmer asks.

"Well, I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals."

"...sure you can," the farmer says. "But I like your style. I'll put you to work."

So the ma...

A police man knocked on my door the other morning and said ‘it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck’

I said ‘I know’

A surprisingly good/funny knock knock joke I wrote yesterday.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Beware, the owl people are infiltrating our town!

Beware, the owl people are infiltrating our town, Whooo

Oh no im too late!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bloke is in bed with his wife having sexy time when there's a knock at the front door...

It's 2am and bloke isn't impressed but the knock is persistent so he goes downstairs. Opening the front door he sees it's blowing a gale and raining sideways and there's a man standing there, bedraggled and soaked.

"Excuse me can I have a push?" the man gasps.

"Fuck off!" says bloke, s...

A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...

When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.

Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"

New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
...

A lad knocked on the door of a beautiful large house.

He asked if there were any jobs that needed doing. The man said he would give him £50 to paint the porch. The lad agreed and took the paintbrush and tin of white gloss paint away. The man’s wife said “£50 – that’s far too little. Did he not see the porch goes half way round the house? It will take t...

A truck driver was speeding down a country road and ran over a rooster. Being an honest man, he walked to the farm house and knocked on the door. An old man answered the door. “Sir, he said, I would like to replace your rooster”.

“Suite yourself” he said. “The chickens are out back”

*knock knock* "Who's there?" "Dejav."

"Dejav who?"

*knock knock*


*edit : thanks a lot for appreciating the stupidity

Joke Request: Any Kid Friendly Pony Themed Knock Knock Jokes?

Hey r/Jokes,



My 2 year old daughter recently learned about knock knock jokes and she LOVES them! However, she keeps adamantly asking for a good knock knock joke about ponies, but I can't find any anywhere. Can anyone help me find a good kid friendly knock knock joke about ponies? I...

Knock-knock joke told to me by a 7 year old kid:

Knock-knock

Who's there?

Doris

Doris who?

Doris locked that's why I'm knocking!

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Cargo!

Cargo who?

Car go beep beep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife are lying in bed when they hear a knock at the door.

The man hears that the wind is blowing a gale and the rain is is getting heavier and decides it was just the wind and goes back to sleep.

A few minutes later they hear it again so his wife says "Honey, go check it out. It might be bad news"
The man reluctantly agrees and goes to the front ...

Knock, knock

*shouting thru door*
“Just leave it outside, Thank you!”

(2020 update)

Knock knock

Knock Knock

Whose there?

Grandad

QUICK, STOP THE CREMATION!

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

The Spanish Inquisition!

I didn't expect that...

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Bacon.

Bacon Who?

Bacon a cake for your cake day!

It’s my...

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Grandma

Wait! Stop the funeral!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?
Dracula.
Dracula who?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Frankenstein.
Frankenstein who?
Knock.
Who’s there?
The Knock Less Monster.

*Knock knock* (courtesy of a 9 year old)

Who's there?

I eat map.

I eat map who?

*Queue a disgusted face on my cousin* **YOU EAT YOUR POO!**

Knock knock

Who’s there?
Amos.
Amos who?
A mosquito.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ana.
Ana who?
Another mosquito.

My dad died last year. These were the only two jokes he knew.

I tried to tell a homeless person a knock knock joke...

Punch line unnecessary.

Knock Knock

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Door mom.

Door mom who?

Door mom who, I've come to bargain!

Knock knock

Who's there?
Iowa
Iowa who?
I owe a big apology to you for this joke

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Steven Seagal.

Steven Seagal who?

Oh well, that’s show biz…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was having a shit on the train when some bloke knocked on the door.

He said ‘can I see your ticket please?’

‘Not right now, I’m having a shit’ I shouted back.

‘I don’t believe you, can you slide it under the door?’ He snapped back annoyedly

‘Sure thing, no problem. The yellow bits are sweet corn’ I said

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is sitting on his couch one day watching TV when he hears a knock on the door...

He answers the door, and at first, he doesn't see anyone around. He looks around and finally sees a little tiny turtle standing there. Annoyed, he picks up the turtle and chucks it as far as he can.

Five years later, he's sitting on his couch watching TV, and he hears a knock on the door. He ...

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

My wife just got out of the tub and was wrapped in a towel when she heard a knock

She went down to the door in her towel. She opened it to our neighbor, Bob.

Bob looks at her, and quickly says, "Look this might be weird but ill give you $800 if you drop the towel right now.

She proceeds to drop the towel, exposing herself to Bob.

Bob hands here the 800 dol...

Jenny has no arms and legs. Knock knock. Who's there?

Not Jenny

I was sat at home the other day and there was a knock at the door.

"Hello" said the young boy, when I opened the door. "I'm collecting for the local swimming pool"



So I gave him a glass of water.

Knock Knock!

- Who's there?


- Doorbell repair guy.

Why doesn’t the Grinch like knock knock jokes?

Because there's always Whos there!

Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

Cause' freedom rings

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The police knocked on my door and told me my dog was chasing some fella on a bike.

I said fuck off my dog ain't even got a bike.

Knock knock...

"Who's there?"

"Broken pencil"

"Broken pencil, who?"

"Never mind, it's pointless"

I found a knock-off Iron Man

It was called Female.

Knock knock. Who's there? Control freak.

Right as they start to say "control freak who?" You quickly cut them off and say "next you're supposed to say control freak who!"

A police officer knocks on the door

The wife answers, he presents her with a picture of a person. Curiously, he asks, "Excuse me, ma'am, is this your husband?" The lady gazes at the photo and confirms, "Indeed, that's him." With a serious tone, the officer adds, "It looks he was struck by a bus." The lady lets out a sigh and cleverly ...

What to say when someone knocks on the door of the public bathroom stall you're in

"We don't want any more visitors, well-wishers, or distant relations."

If they reply "Well what about old friends?", then you really should probably consider if you're decent before letting Gandalf in.

Here’s a knock knock joke that had my friends in hysterics when I was in college - I made it up

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Urinalysis

Urinalysis who?

(Urinalysis biology class, aren’t you?) (you’re in Alice’s)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys are knocking on heavens door. (Sorry for my english)

After a few minutes Petrus comes, wearing his cozy pyjamas, saying: "Guys its late, i need to get some rest, we are closed for today."
"Ehm Petrus", one man replied, "we are kinda dead so please open the door."
Petrus sighs. "Ok, each one of you tells me the story of his death, and if ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I need your very best knock-knock Jokes, clean or dirty for a sport my friends and I play. It needs to be able to make a complete stranger laugh.

Edit: I just thoguht of my favorite joke used in-game:
The joke teller, a girl on my team, was put on the phone with a young sounding guy:
Her: Knock knock
Him:Whos there?
Her:(Sexy voice) *Whoever you want it to be baby*
And then he laughed and she hung up. No Q for us!

**Doub...

I ask my wife the same thing everytime I knock down 10 pins in one roll at a bowling alley.

"How's that strike ya?"

A cop knocked on my door

A cop knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
My dogs don’t even own bikes…

Knock Knock

Who's there?

David.

David who?

It was at that moment David realised how serious his mothers Dementia was.

At first I didn’t know an angry mob was outside my home because I only heard a polite knock on my door.

But when I discovered the truth of my predicament, I stayed as quiet as a mouse—quieter, even—and fortunately, after a short time, they all got bored and left.

Power to the peephole.

(Got to say this out loud) Knock knock...

- Who's there?

- I eat map

- I eat map who?

- Ewwww (etc, etc)


This is posted on behalf of our seven year old. It's his favourite joke.

Knock Knock...

Knock Knock...

Who's there?

Ze KGB!

Ze KGB who?

Vee veel ask ze questions, da?

Knock, knock!

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Fornication.

Fornication who?

Fornication like this you should wear a black tie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young vaccum cleaner salesman on the first day of the job knocked the door of a house. The moment they opened, he poured a bottle of dried dog poo on their carpet.

"If I cannot remove all the poo from the floor within the next 10 minutes, I will lick them off myself " He said in a confident tone.

The owner gave him a packet of mints and said

"Here is for your mouth after you complete, my electricity got cut off only today today morning due to lat...

Give me your best kids knock-knock jokes!

My 4 year old is a budding comedian, and her new favourite is knock-knock jokes. She keeps asking me for new ones that she can tell to people, but I can't find many good ones that she will understand.

The current go-to's are:

Knock knock -- Who's there? -- Europe! -- Europe who? -- No,...

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting doctor.

Interrupting doc…

You have cancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman has just removed her clothes to get into the shower when she hears a knock on the door.

Woman: "Who is it?"

Blind Guy: "It's the blind guy!"

Woman: *Well, he can't see me anyway....* (opens the door)

Blind Guy: "Nice tits! Where do you want these blinds?"


Credit: A barber in SC years ago. If it's a repost, I'm sorry.

A couple of religious guys knocked on my door trying to sell me vacuum cleaners

They were Jehoovers Witnesses

If you get an email with the subject "knock knock", dont open it.

It's a Jehovah Witness working from home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s a knock on the door of an Irish church

Mother superior answers the door and is surprised to see two leprechauns, one looks older.

The elder says, “pardon me, but are there any leprechaun nuns here?” She answers “no.”

He asks “well then, are there any little people here who are nuns?” Again she answers no.

He then t...

Knock, knock.

*Who’s there?*
Figs.
*Figs who?*
Figs the doorbell, I’ve been knocking forever!

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