I hate those people who come and knock on my door, telling me how I have to be "saved" or else I'll "burn"

Stupid firefighters.

I went to see a psychic and knocked on her door.

She said "Who is it?" so I left.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds?

Late one night in the USSR there is a knock at the door.

Everyone leaps out of bed. Papa goes shakily to the door.



‘It’s all right,’ he says, coming back. ‘The building’s on fire.’

Knock knock, whos there? Alzheimer's associated, Alzheimer's associated who?

Oh god, we're too late

Knock knock! Who's there? Orange! Orange who?

Orange you glad I lost the election?

Have you heard about the man who goes around knocking on doors?

"Doesn't ring a bell"

"That's him!"

You should always knock on the fridge door..

Just in case there's a salad dressing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Isabelle

Isabelle who?

Isabelle available to ring? Instead of going through this knock-knock bullshit every time

A wheelie bin collector turns up to a new collection address only to find no bin out the front, so he walks up the driveway and knocks on the door...

An unkempt man with a cagey expression opens the door.

"Hey mate. Where's your bin?" the collector asks.

Nervously the man stammers, "Aah... I... I's bin in hospital"

"Nah mate" corrects the collector, "Where's your bin? Where's your wheelie bin?"

Looking defeated, the m...

In memorial of Sean Connery: My favorite knock knock joke. (Say out loud for best effect)

Knock knock.


Who’s there?


Dish


Dish Who?


(Said in Sean Connery accent) DISH IS SEAN CONNERY LET ME IN!

From my son: "knock knock"

"who's there"

"owls say"

"owls say who"

*meniacal smile*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My next door neighbour is an inconsiderate asshole. He knocked on my door at 3AM last night!! 3AM!!

Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.

A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car suddenly breaks-down. They set out to find help, and come to a farmhouse. When they knock on the door, the farmer explains that he has only two beds, and one of the three has to sleep in the barn with the animals.

The three quickly agree. The Rabbi says he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi leaves, there's a knock on the bedroom door. It's the Rabbi, exclaiming, "I can’t sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the s...

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Pee catch.

Pee catch who?

Go! I choose you!

Before the surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...

It was an ether/oar situation.

knock knock

who there

docter

docter who

yes

Knock knock...

Dwayne.

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the tub, I'm dwowning!!!

Knock knock; Who's there?

W.H.O. says we must social distance, so go away.

Knock knock

Who is there?

KGB

KG (slap person)

We will ask the question

I told a knock knock joke while trick or treating last Halloween

I only got a couple Snickers

A farmer drove to a neighbour’s farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" 

"No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbl...

Knock knock

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Omelette."

"Omelette wh-"

"Omelette you finish, but this is the best egg pun of all time!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nurse dies and mistakenly goes to hell. St. Peter, realising he fucked up, knocks on hell's gate ...

"Nurses belong in heaven, you know that, she must come with me," St. Peter exclaims.

"No, the nurse stays," Satan doesn't back down.

"Well then, I must bring this to god's attention and we'll be taking legal action."

Satan laughs, "do whatever you want, I have the best lawyers o...

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes

My dogs don't even own bikes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Me you fucking idiot I just said knock, knock."

Joke request: anyone know a good knock knock joke?

This is the best one I know (sorry).

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupt——

MOOOO!

What do you say to a weird-looking Pokemon that just knocked a drink out of your hand?

"Jynx, you owe me a soda."

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce pause this joke for a word from our sponsor, Raid Shadow Legends

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My next door neighbour knocked my door.

Wearing just a see through negligee, asked to borrow a cup of sugar

and then winked at me and asked to come in for a coffee...

I said "Fuck off Dave. I've got work tomorrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Halloween trick or treaters knocked my door, dressed as Gloria Gaynor

At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

Knock Knock

My kid just told me this one:

"Knock Knock"

Who's there?

"Nanya"

Nanya who?

"Nanya aren't you glad I didn't say bananya?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once a man, knocked on a door and an old lady opened the door. Without a word the man went in took a lot of cow dung from his bag and threw on the carpet. "You see , I have a wonder vaccum cleaner with me here, if this doesn't work I'll eat every piece of that dung" he said.

"Do you want tomato ketchup with it ? " The lady asked. "Cause you see, we still don't have electricity in this house"

Knock knock

Who's there?
Old little lady.
Old little lady who?

I didn't know you could yodel!

Libertarian knock-knock joke. Ahem. "Knock, knock!"

"Get a warrant."

Yesterday, a policeman knocked at my the door.

He asked if he could come in. I answered: „No, I’m sorry. We‘re already ten people, the government doesn’t allow more at the time.”

Two facts interesting facts about me: 1) I once knocked out a champion boxer with a single punch

2) I'm now banned from Crufts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A salesman knocks on a door...

A teenage boy answers the door wearing heels, panties, a bra and has makeup on. The salesman says, "um, are your parents home?

The kid says," What the fuck do you think? "

Knock Knock

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Door mom.

Door mom who?

Door mom who, I've come to bargain!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at the door.

**A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to th...

Have you guys seen that Italian knock-off of V for Vendetta?

It's called P for Pancetta.

‌‌A woma‌‌n stoppe‌‌d by‌‌, unannounced‌‌, a‌‌t he‌‌r son'‌‌s house‌‌. Sh‌‌e knocke‌‌d o‌‌n th‌‌e doo‌‌r the‌‌n immediatel‌‌y walke‌‌d in.

Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s shocke‌‌d t‌‌o se‌‌e he‌‌r daughter-in-la‌‌w lyin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e couch‌‌, totall‌‌y naked‌‌. Sof‌‌t musi‌‌c wa‌‌s playing‌‌, an‌‌d th‌‌e arom‌‌a o‌‌f perfum‌‌e fille‌‌d th‌‌e room‌‌. "Wha‌‌t ar‌‌e yo‌‌u doing?!‌‌", sh‌‌e asked.

"I'‌‌m waitin‌‌g fo‌‌r Mik‌‌e t‌‌o com‌‌e hom‌‌e fro‌‌...

I got knocked out while vacationing in Russia

All I remember was seeing Tsars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting alone at home, when suddenly there’s a knock at his door ...

Standing at the door is a door to door salesman.

Man: Whatever you’re selling, I’m not interested.

Salesman: But what I’m selling is very interesting. I’m a purveyor of luxury prosthetics. Allow me to demonstrate.

And he raises the right leg of his pants. His leg is solid gold!...

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some asshole knocked on my door today, telling me I needed to be “saved” or else I would “burn”. I told him to fuck off.

Fucking fireman.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Smellmop.

My nine year old came home from school with this one today, made me smile!

Knock knock...

Who's there?
9/11
9/11 who?
I thought you said you'd never forget

My now knocked up GF just told me that she's an anti-vaxxerr

so I only have to pay for 4 years of child support instead of 18.

Knock, knock

*shouting thru door*
“Just leave it outside, Thank you!”

(2020 update)

Knock knock

Who's there?

Mary.

Mary who?

Mary Christmas!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Anna.

Anna who?

Anna happy new year!

Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit :)

My dad always made me feel special because he made up knock knock jokes just for me, but I couldn't always understand them.

Last time I saw him he said:

> Knock knock

Who's there?

> You're a mountain

You're a mountain, who?

> You're a mountain to nothing, son!

Knock knock...

Who’s there?

Hike.

Hike who?


Warm midnight falling.
Stars shining, dancing brightly.
Peaceful all at once

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Roman Catholic priest is on his way to Rome when he runs into an old childhood friend.

“My goodness, Mary!” He says. “How have you been?”

“Oh, could be better,” she says. “My husband and I have been trying to have children for fifteen years, but we are barren.”

“I’m so sorry,” says the priest. “I’m on a pilgrimage to Rome, and I promise to light a candle for you in the g...

My 5 yo son, Samuel, came up with this knock knock joke at his birthday and we were all in tears..

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Sam"

"Sam who?"

"Samwhere over the rainbow..."

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Control freak

Con...

Ok now you say “Control freak who?”

A Police Officer Knocks on a Woman's Front Door

A police officers knock on a woman's front door.

Woman: "Hello officer!"

Officer: "Hi mam, I come bearing grim news I'm afraid"

Woman: "and what's that now?!"

Officer: "Well I regret to inform you that your husband and young son's bodies were found. Luckily they both were...

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The interrupting cow.

The interrupting cow w-

Don't use the word "smart" in front of me.

A farmer is expecting his 3 daughters dates to arrive, so he hears a knock on a door, decides to grab his shotgun for intimidation, and opens it.

The first date arrives and says,
“Hello there! My name is Lance, and I’m here to take Chance out to the dance.”

So, the farmer calls his daughter, Chance, and they go off together. The another knock is heard, so he answers it again, shotgun in hand.

“Hey there, it’s me, Dave, and I’...

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic.

He said: “Sure, knock yourself out!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In business news, the makers of "Utterly Butterly" have been knocked off their top spot as the UK's leading brand of dairy spread.

I can't believe they're not bitter.

I think my new Simpsons shirt is a knock-off

It says “don’t halve a cow, man”.

They really butchered the catchphrase.

My 4 year old daughter told me the joke today. Knock knock, who's there? Dinosaurp, Dinosaurp who?

Haha you said dinosaur poo.

The man who invented knock-knock jokes

should get a no bell prize.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daug...

A young salesman walks up to a house and knocks on the door. The most beautiful woman he has ever seen answers, dressed in only a slinky negligee. She asks "Do you like what you see?" Slack jawed, the man finally manages to stutter "uh... yes, very much!"

She says "Quickly, step inside, I think I hear someone coming."

Once inside the beautiful woman drops her negligee and is completely naked. With a smile she asks "What do you think is the most sensitive part of my body?"

The salesman says "I guess that would have to be your ears."...

*Knock knock*

\-Who's there?

\-Netanya!

\-Netanya who?

\-Yes.



Sorry. Bored at work at home and came up with this. Probably old as hell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy

And asks 'where's ya bin mate' The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!' The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin' The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been wanking'

Knock knock. Whos there? Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Who

Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Who Who?

Alllllll Aboard!

Wife hears a knock on the door...it’s the police:

Police: We regret to inform you your husband died today. It was a work accident.

Wife: Noooo! (Starts crying) whyyyyyy! Please tell me how!!

Police: unfortunately he tripped and drowned at the beer tank of the beer factory were he worked.

Wife: oh my godddd!! What a painful deat...

A guy is sitting home alone, when suddenly he hears a knock on the door.

He gets up to answer. There are two policemen outside. They ask him if he's married. He says yes and the policemen want to see the photo of the wife. He gets one and shows it to them.
The policemen exchange sad looks and one of them says:
"I'm very sorry, but it looks like your wife was hi...

Houdini has just finished a magic show and walks backstage, only to be grabbed roughly, knocked out, and tied up.

When he wakes up, he's in an abandoned warehouse, and a man in a ski mask is standing over him, a sheep by his side. The sheep is using its teeth to tie him up with a very strong rope, which confuses him. Houdini smiles, remembering that he can get out of any knot known to man. He tries to untie the...

What sea creature likes knock knock jokes?

A Knocktopus

Knock Knock..

Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.

Knock knock

Who's there

Axolotl

Axolotl who?

you sure do Axolotl questions.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

A Hindu, a Rabbi, and a Jehovah's Witness are lost..

They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.

"I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn," says the Farm Owner.

The Hindu immediately volunteers, insisting it's no problem. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.

"I'm s...

Why doesn’t America knock?

Because Freedom Rings. Happy Independence Day!

"Knock, knock" "Who's there?" "Norway" "Norway who?"

"Norway in hell Epstein killed himself!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock Knock

"Who's there?"

"2020"



"Honey lock the fucking door."

Knock Knock

Who's there?

The doorbell sales man.

A tramp, seeking shelter on a freezing night, knocks on George and the Dragon Inn. A hefty lady answers the door and her expletives send him scampering. Desperate, he tries again minutes later.

"May... may I speak to George, please?"

I always knock on the door and don't use the doorbell.

I think i deserve a Nobel prize.

KNOCK KNOCK

Who's There?

KNOCK KNOCK

Who's There? Who's Knocking?

KNOCK KNOCK intensifies....

Why can't I see you? Where are you hiding?

*Dies in an Earthquake*

The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles as a fund raiser. One ambitious but nervous young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced woman came to the door:

She: "What do you want, Sonny?"

He: "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?"

She: "Well! Do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?"

He: "S-s-sorry, Ma'am ... W-w-what about vinegar bottles?"

If you get an email with the subject "knock knock", dont open it.

It's a Jehovah Witness working from home.

Two Leprechauns Knock on the Convent Door (long)

The Mother Superior opens the door and the first leprechaun doffs his hat then stammers and stutters, "T-t-t-top o' the mornin' to ye, sister!"

She replies, "Top o' the mornin' to you, Seamus. What can I do for you this morning?"

"W-w-w-w-well, sister, I-I-I-I'd b-be after a-a-a-a-ski...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock Knock..

Well shit, I just broke my phone...

Medical joke: Knock Knock

Who’s there?
HIPPA
HIPPA who?
I wish I could tell you

My six year old’s current favorite joke:

Him: Knock knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Him: Interrupting pirate.

Me: Interrupting pira...

Him: Arrrrrrgggh!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Pizza. "Pizza who?"

Pete's a fucking asshole. He promised me that he would cover my shifts during this outbreak, but apparently we weren't eligible for government benefits due to some shady shit in his past. So instead of handling it like a GOOD ~~manager~~ HUMAN BEING, he decides to double up my shifts. Which, of cour...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway an...

A Jehovah’s Witness knocked at my door this morning.

“Could you spare a few moments to talk about the Judgement Day?” he asked.

“Well,” I replied, “I’m not a big fan of the Terminator series.” I Said

I knocked on my father's door in the middle of the night, begging him to let me in. I said, "Please let me stay here dad, I'm a wanted man."

He said, "That's impossible son. You weren't even a wanted child."

A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool

I don't know what they're filling the pool with, because he abruptly left when I offered him a glass of water

Knock kock

*who’s there?*

Goliath

*Goliath who?*

Goliath down, you’re lookin tired!

Are knock knock jokes allowed?

Knock knock...
"Who's there?"
I eat mop....

Mr Grasshopper and Mr Centipede had plans to go jogging today. Centipede knocks on Grasshoppers door and nobody answers.

After a coupled failed attempts Grasshopper this time knocked while yelling “Mr Centipede! You home? Hello?” Still nobody answers.

Grasshopper then starts ringing the doorbell yelling even louder in a loud voice “ You said 10am now where are you!!??”

Mr Centipede comes to the door a...

Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"

"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."

"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"

"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"

The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While having sex with my wife, the next door neighbour knocked on our front door.

You couldn't believe my surprise when I opened it.

A man is sitting inside his apartment, when a cop comes knocking at the door.

The man opens the door for the cop, only to find the cop staring disapprovingly at him.

"Sir" the cop starts " there have been reports about drug usage in this apartment complex. May I come in?"

"I rather you didn't" said the man.

"Listen" said the cop "I could go through the lo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard a knock at the door this morning, and when I answered it, a 6ft tall cockroach-looking thing was standing there, clearly very angry. He called me a prick and then punched me right in the face!

Apparently theres a nasty bug going around

A baby is born with no arms or legs and no torso. In fact he is just a head. But his parents loved and adored him and cared for him all through his childhood..

When he turned 18 his dad took him down to the local pub for his first pint of beer. He took his first sip and “whoosh” his torso appeared. He took a second sip and his arms and legs appeared.

He was so excited he stood up and ran outside into the road where he was knocked over by an...

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or else you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen

What’s it called when you knock up everyone in your neighborhood in one night while disguising yourself?

Trick or Treating during Halloween.

Did you hear about the guy who made up the knock knock joke?

He won a "no bell" prize

Whoever invented the knock knock joke should get an award.

Like no bell prize.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Iowa. Iowa who?

Iowalotta money to the IRS.

Knock Kncok

Who's there?

Police brutality

Police brutal...

STOP RESISTING!

Knock knock

Who's there?

Sherlock.

Sherlock who?

Sherlock's too cheap! I broke into your house!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes since 15+ years ago.

There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. Th...

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