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Knock Jokes

Best knock knock joke ever..

Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." He starts up the stairs and...

Knock knock

Who's there?

Mary.

Mary who?

Mary Christmas!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Anna.

Anna who?

Anna happy new year!

Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit :)

Daughter made up a cute knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Let’s eat…
Let’s eat who?

What are you a cannibal?

Whoever invented the knock knock jokes

Should get a Nobell prize.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I need a good Knock Knock joke.

A profile on a dating profile had the prompt "I'm funnier than you," so my opener was "Knock Knock." And now I'm fucked cause I don't actually know any decent ones other than the Randy Feltface one, which doesn't work with text.

Edit: Picked one. Let's see how it goes. I did not pick any of t...

"Knock, knock" "Who's there?" "Norway" "Norway who?"

"Norway in hell Epstein killed himself!"

My 5 year olds painful twist on a knock knock joke

I was telling my son the "knock knock who's there banana joke", and he laughed and told me to tell it to him again. As I said knock knock he then backhanded my face and said "you shouldn't stand so close to the door"

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

Let me tell you my favorite knock knock joke!

You start

Knock Knock

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Ya.

Ya Who?

Hold your excitement and just let me in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandma used to tell us this joke. She’d say, “knock knock,” we’d say, “who’s there?”

Then she’d say “I can’t remember!” and start to cry. And we’d laugh and laugh to make her feel better, but she was shit at telling jokes.

A Jewish shop owner in a largely Christian town hears a knock on the door.

He opens, and sees representatives of the local church.

\- Excuse us, Mr. Shainski, - they say. - Our church is in a bad state now, so we decided to build a new one. Seeing as you are known as a very wealthy and generous person, could you spare anything?

Shainski thinks. On the one han...

I always knock on the fridge door before opening it

I do it just in case there's a salad dressing

Knock knock...

Who’s there?

Hike.

Hike who?


Warm midnight falling.
Stars shining, dancing brightly.
Peaceful all at once

I only knock up antivaxxers.

Because 8 years of child support is better than 18.

“Knock, knock”

Who’s there?

Ah

Ah, who?

Werewolves of London

Courtesy of my 8-year-old : Knock knock

Who's there

Europe

Europe who?

No, you're a poo!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

9/11.

9/11 who?

You said you’d never forget!

A man goes to his friend's house and knocks on the door.

The wife responds and only had a towel on her.
The man looks at her and says: is your husband here?
She said: yes, he's taking a bath.
The man: I'll give you $100 if you drop the towel.
Wife: you are crazy, I would never do that.
The man: I'll give you $250 if you drop...

"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Dave." "Dave who?"

Dave begins to sob uncontrollably as he realises his mother's dementia has worsened.

Before the surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...

It was an ether/oar situation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock knock. Who's there? Grandad.

Shit stop the funeral!

Knock knock.....

"Who's there?"

"Little old lady"

"Little old lady Who?"

>!"Stop yodelling and open the door" !<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious, shove a foreign object up my ass and film the whole thing.

Or As My Doctor Insists On Calling It, A Colonoscopy

Knock, knock

*shouting thru door*
“Just leave it outside, Thank you!”

(2020 update)

A policeman knocked on my door this morning...

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.

After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
...

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door...

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door.

Jew: "Can I help you?"

Witness: "Hello sir, I'm here to tell you about the great Lord Jehovah!"

Jew: "Is that what you call him? You know, we have a name for him too..."

Witness: "No way?!"

Jew: "Yahweh."

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?

He won the 'no-bell' prize.

*knock knock* "Who's there?" "Dejav."

"Dejav who?"

*knock knock*


*edit : thanks a lot for appreciating the stupidity

A farmer drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door...

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy

“No, they went in to town.” The boy replied

“Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked

“No, he went with mom and dad.” The boy said

The farmer stood there for a minut...

Knock, knock..

\-Who’s there? Woo.

\-Woo who? Don’t get so excited, it’s just a joke.

Knock Knock

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Door mom.

Door mom who?

Door mom who, I've come to bargain!

Knock Knock

[PERSON] who's there

Colin

[PERSON] Colin who?

Colonization, just kidding, colonizers don't knock before coming in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is at home and hears someone knocking at her door

She goes to the door, opens it and sees a man standing there.
He asks the lady "Do you have a vagina?"
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it's the same man and he asks the same question to the woman "Do you have a vagina?"
She slams the door ag...

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or else you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock Knock

A little boy who answers the door to a traveling salesman. The boy is wearing a smoking jacket and holding a glass of brandy in one hand and a fat cigar in the other. “Hello, son, are your parents in?” asks the salesman. “What the fuck do you think?” the boy replies jadedly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy hears about a prostitute at a local motel, so he goes and knocks on the door ...

A voice answers, asking what he wants.
GUY: "I want to get fucked."
Voice: "Sure, slide $20 under the door."
The guy slides it under, stands and waits. After a few minutes pass and the door still hasn't opened, he knocks again...
Guy: "I said, I'm here to get fucked!"
Vo...

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Cargo!

Cargo who?

Car go beep beep.

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

The Spanish Inquisition!

I didn't expect that...

Knock-Knock. Who is there? Yoda lady

Stop yodelling

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.


"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.


"But you're naked!"...

A farmer hears a knock on his door...

A Farmer hears a knock on his door, it's a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he's been traveling a while.
The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.
"Do you have any skills?" The farmer asks.
"Well, I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with ani...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My next door neighbour is an inconsiderate asshole. He knocked on my door at 3AM last night!! 3AM!!

Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.

A man is sleeping next to his wife, when he hears a loud knock on his door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3 AM.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over.

Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs.

He opens ...

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Bacon.

Bacon Who?

Bacon a cake for your cake day!

It’s my...

A surprisingly good/funny knock knock joke I wrote yesterday.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Beware, the owl people are infiltrating our town!

Beware, the owl people are infiltrating our town, Whooo

Oh no im too late!

Knock knock

Who’s there?
Amos.
Amos who?
A mosquito.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ana.
Ana who?
Another mosquito.

My dad died last year. These were the only two jokes he knew.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?
Dracula.
Dracula who?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Frankenstein.
Frankenstein who?
Knock.
Who’s there?
The Knock Less Monster.

Knock-knock joke told to me by a 7 year old kid:

Knock-knock

Who's there?

Doris

Doris who?

Doris locked that's why I'm knocking!

Knock knock

Who's there?
Iowa
Iowa who?
I owe a big apology to you for this joke

*Knock knock* (courtesy of a 9 year old)

Who's there?

I eat map.

I eat map who?

*Queue a disgusted face on my cousin* **YOU EAT YOUR POO!**

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Steven Seagal.

Steven Seagal who?

Oh well, that’s show biz…

Knock knock...

"Who's there?"

"Broken pencil"

"Broken pencil, who?"

"Never mind, it's pointless"

Today a woman knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

I gave her a glass of water. I love supporting the comminity.

My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands.

With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having

Knock Knock!

- Who's there?


- Doorbell repair guy.

Joke Request: Any Kid Friendly Pony Themed Knock Knock Jokes?

Hey r/Jokes,



My 2 year old daughter recently learned about knock knock jokes and she LOVES them! However, she keeps adamantly asking for a good knock knock joke about ponies, but I can't find any anywhere. Can anyone help me find a good kid friendly knock knock joke about ponies? I...

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door.

He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, “Yes, I am.” The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife. The guy says, “Sure…” and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says, “I’m sorry...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some asshole knocked on my door today, telling me I needed to be “saved” or else I would “burn”. I told him to fuck off.

Stupid fireman.

Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

Cause' freedom rings

Knock Knock

Who's there?

David.

David who?

It was at that moment David realised how serious his mothers Dementia was.

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,,.

only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" ...

Knock, knock!

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Fornication.

Fornication who?

Fornication like this you should wear a black tie.

I tried to tell a homeless person a knock knock joke...

Punch line unnecessary.

Knock Knock...

Knock Knock...

Who's there?

Ze KGB!

Ze KGB who?

Vee veel ask ze questions, da?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting doctor.

Interrupting doc…

You have cancer.

Knock knock. Who's there? Control freak.

Right as they start to say "control freak who?" You quickly cut them off and say "next you're supposed to say control freak who!"

I went to see a psychic and knocked on her door.

She said "Who is it?" so I left.

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

Dave proceeds to burst into tears as his grandmothers Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer recognize him.

Why doesn’t the Grinch like knock knock jokes?

Because there's always Whos there!

Jenny has no arms and legs. Knock knock. Who's there?

Not Jenny

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Little Boy Blue

Little Boy Blue who?

Michael Jackson

Knock knock...

\-Who's there?

\-Europe

\-Europe who?

\-No, you're a poo!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway an...

Give me your best kids knock-knock jokes!

My 4 year old is a budding comedian, and her new favourite is knock-knock jokes. She keeps asking me for new ones that she can tell to people, but I can't find many good ones that she will understand.

The current go-to's are:

Knock knock -- Who's there? -- Europe! -- Europe who? -- No,...

(Got to say this out loud) Knock knock...

- Who's there?

- I eat map

- I eat map who?

- Ewwww (etc, etc)


This is posted on behalf of our seven year old. It's his favourite joke.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Hawaii…

Hawaii who?

Why I’m fine thanks, and how are you?

Knock, knock.

*Who’s there?*

Armageddon.

*Armageddon who?*

Armageddon tired of all this knockin’!

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce pause this joke for a word from our sponsor, Raid Shadow Legends

Knock knock. “Who’s there”. “Jimmy”. “Jimmy Who”

said Jimmy’s grandmother, whose crippling Alzheimer’s has robbed her of all her memories.

Knock knock…

Knock knock.

Who's there?

r/news.

r/news who?

[deleted]

Knock knock joke

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Unreliable Narrator.

Unreliable Narrator who?

That’s not what I said.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Kanga…

Kanga Who?

Actually, it’s kangaroo!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

HIPAA

HIPAA who?

I can't tell you.

Knock knock.....

*hmm...that's a nice ripe watermelon*

knock knock

My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say “Knock knock”, we’d say “Who’s there?”. Then she’d say “I can’t remember”… and start to cry.

Voldemort: Knock Knock

James: Who’s there?

Voldemort: You Know

James: You Know who?

Voldemort: Exactly.

James: Aw, Dang!

Knock knock

Context my son was not in the mood for knock knock jokes

Me: Knock knock

Me: Knock knock

Me: Knock knock

Him: oh good they left

A lad knocked on the door of a beautiful large house.

He asked if there were any jobs that needed doing. The man said he would give him £50 to paint the porch. The lad agreed and took the paintbrush and tin of white gloss paint away. The man’s wife said “£50 – that’s far too little. Did he not see the porch goes half way round the house? It will take t...

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Wendy…

Wendy who?

Wendy moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pie

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Ivan!

Ivan who?

I'van trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.

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