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Rhymes Jokes

Alternative nursery rhymes

Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread.
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What rhymes with “boo” and really stinks?

You
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A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: (the Washington Post competition)

I'll go first... I love you and the smell of your hair,Please don't be home when I get there.


EDIT- I have to say, the rhymes and creativity; you all are incredible, Now I have to wonder who's most edible...(no really great job to all)
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What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr Dre
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From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

You.

Why I oughta...!
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What rhymes with Tortilla?

I'm making a rap.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What Rhymes with “Freudian slips”?

“My mother’s tits”, oh shit I meant to say paper clips

Fun with rhymes.

If plants wore pants would plants try to dance? If plants tried to dance would plants have a chance if plants wore pants and you took a glance? If plants wore pants would they joust with a lance? If plants had a lance would the blow hit or glance? If plants were advanced and wore pants and danced th...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some amended Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dick...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A class 5 teacher asked her students to make rhymes with their names

Sam:
My name is Sam,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to Russia and Japan,
If I can, If I can, If I can

Candy:
My name is Candy,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby
If I can, if I can, if I can

Dan:
My name is Dan.
When I grow up to ...

My buddy said, "What rhymes with orange?"

I pondered for a while and thought..."No, it doesn't."
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I was once taught that nothing rhymes with silver...

But to this day, I still don’t think they sound the same.
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One monkey says to another monkey, “what rhymes with Banana” and the other monkey says

“No it doesn’t.”
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I finally have to admit that my hip-hop is weak and my rhymes are lame...

...so I am forced to hand in my too wack notice.
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What’s Busta Rhymes’ favorite flight maneuver?

Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw,
Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw!
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr Dre.

Whats brown and sticky?
A stick.

Whats dark and shitty?
My sense of humor.

My English teacher said that nothing rhymes with orange.

There was a young man who had nothing,

Until one day he happened upon an orange.

That rhymes?
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People say nothing rhymes with orange.

It seems very strange to me.
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People always tell me my rhymes don't make sense.

And they're absolutely right. Pretense.
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What do you call a green onion that spits rhymes?

A rapscallion
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What rhymes with donut

Wow, it actually does!
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