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Rhymes Jokes

Alternative nursery rhymes

Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread.

What rhymes with “boo” and really stinks?

You

A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: (the Washington Post competition)

I'll go first... I love you and the smell of your hair,Please don't be home when I get there.


EDIT- I have to say, the rhymes and creativity; you all are incredible, Now I have to wonder who's most edible...(no really great job to all)

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr Dre

From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

You.

Why I oughta...!

What rhymes with Tortilla?

I'm making a rap.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What Rhymes with “Freudian slips”?

“My mother’s tits”, oh shit I meant to say paper clips

Fun with rhymes.

If plants wore pants would plants try to dance? If plants tried to dance would plants have a chance if plants wore pants and you took a glance? If plants wore pants would they joust with a lance? If plants had a lance would the blow hit or glance? If plants were advanced and wore pants and danced th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some amended Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dick...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A class 5 teacher asked her students to make rhymes with their names

Sam:
My name is Sam,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to Russia and Japan,
If I can, If I can, If I can

Candy:
My name is Candy,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby
If I can, if I can, if I can

Dan:
My name is Dan.
When I grow up to ...

My buddy said, "What rhymes with orange?"

I pondered for a while and thought..."No, it doesn't."

I was once taught that nothing rhymes with silver...

But to this day, I still don’t think they sound the same.

One monkey says to another monkey, “what rhymes with Banana” and the other monkey says

“No it doesn’t.”

I finally have to admit that my hip-hop is weak and my rhymes are lame...

...so I am forced to hand in my too wack notice.

What’s Busta Rhymes’ favorite flight maneuver?

Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw,
Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr Dre.

Whats brown and sticky?
A stick.

Whats dark and shitty?
My sense of humor.

My English teacher said that nothing rhymes with orange.

There was a young man who had nothing,

Until one day he happened upon an orange.

That rhymes?

People say nothing rhymes with orange.

It seems very strange to me.

People always tell me my rhymes don't make sense.

And they're absolutely right. Pretense.

What do you call a green onion that spits rhymes?

A rapscallion

What rhymes with donut

Wow, it actually does!

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