Tune Jokes

So he brings it home and hires a guy to come tune it. The piano tuner struggles with it and after five minutes says, “Lemme guess... West African piano?”

“Yeah, how did you know?” my uncle responds.

“Well, West African pianos are notoriously hard to tune,” he says, “not like North Afri... read more

But chick peas can only hummus one.

Jungle Bells.

They didn't have a Tutankhamun.

"Sure I can, just gotta use the C scale!"

You can tune a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna

But nobody calls me.

Quantum Mechanics

With a Pitchfork!

but you can't tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass!

Neither does my mechanic

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb... read more

Helen Keller went to town,
A-ridin' on a pony,
Stuck a feather in her hat
and called it "Hunngunnggunufffungg"

What do you call a tool that both tunes and scoops?



A tuning spork!

Shoot one of them.

How do you get two violins to play in tune? Shoot both of them.

How do you get two altos to sing in tune? It doesn’t matter, nobody’s listening.

Just upload a video of you humming it onto YouTube and you'll immediately get a copyright claim stating the name of the song!

But Siri said it wasn't stroganoff.

"how do you fancy a round of golf"

Tiger says "I didn't think you would be able to play Stevie"

Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can tune an earpiece into, which tells him the direction and distance to it.
... read more

Two old friends, both graduates of a musical academy, meet after years of no talk. One has a super expensive suit, a posh watch and looks well groomed. The other looks much older, and is wearing shabby clothes.

\--How are you, buddy? – asks the one better off.

\--Oh, not bad. Just fini... read more

... or did he just sit in the corner and watch?

His funeral will be Monday,Tuesday..

Opera-tune-ities.

(It’s dumb but it’s mine.)

... you don't understand anything, but you still agree with it.

**Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.**

They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silentl... read more

... so he asks the conductor of his orchestra to help. "Take it to Opporknockety," says the conductor. "He is a violin expert."

The violinist packs his things and makes the trek to the Swiss Alps where the expert lives. Sure enough, Opporknockety fixes the problem and the violin sounds great.... read more

Because he never lets it down.

It doesn’t have you listed as the hottest single.

Don't believe me? Just wash.

But they always drop the ball.

On a boombox.

Nobody knows.

I don't like it, it has a lot of bugs.

Use the fourth.

He force quit.

Batman and Robin are in the Batcave. Batman is putting the Batmonile through its monthly tune-up, and it won't start. So Batman goes and asks Robin for help.

"Is the tank empty?" Robin asks.

"I just filled it," Batman replies.

"Is the oil full?" Robin asks.

"Freshly repla... read more

Then they could be Al, Vin & The Chip Monks

Luckily The Police turned up and sorted him out.

I think he was just trying to save Face

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish."

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the ... read more

I replied, "Evidently not."

In the real world, everyone solves all their problems with a gun or a knife, too.