Eminem Jokes - 62 Hilarious Eminem Jokes

I made my fish listen to an Eminem album...

...now he's Swim Shady.

Eminem

When I play Eminem songs, I do pause so that he could breath

What do John Wick and Eminem have in common?

They kill people using a pencil.

What would happen if Eminem lost weight and started doing questionable things?

He'd be the real Slim Shady.

2 pac of eminems for 50 cents?

Man thats ludacris!

If Eminem had the infinity gaulent....

He could actually snap back into reality

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table.

But skips Oxygen.

Are Christian’s allowed to sing Eminem in church?

Or do their Psalms get sweaty?

Eminem's "8 Mile" wasn't very well received in Canada

I guess the title "12.8748 Kilometer" just isn't as catchy.

What does Eminem use when he fights?

Marshall Arts

Is Eminem an elf?

Because he is a wrap god.

A big record label gathered Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Andre 3000 to collaborate on a new album.

Eminem said, "I'll perform."
Dr. Dre said, "I'll produce."
And Andre 3000 said, "I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write!"

Why does Eminem hate Halloween?

Too many ghostwriters

I just don’t understand why everyone is making such a big deal about Eminem kneeling at the Super Bowl…

He literally said his knees were weak like 2 minutes earlier…

I'm just glad Eminem will never be a mass shooter

He only gets one shot

Why did Eminem kneel at the half time show?

His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.

Eminem has started a vaccine company

You only get one shot

I saw a clickbait article: "Watch Eminem attack Trump like no President has ever been attacked."

I mean... Kennedy was shot in the head... But ok.

My grandpa and Eminem rapping have 1 thing in common

They don't breathe

Breaking news: Amidst all the chaos, Eminem just got kicked out of a very high end bar.

Apparantly he asked the bartender for 4 shots but the bartender refused service and said you only get one shot.

Person 1 says: I like Eminem

Person 2 says: Well, I prefer Skittles.
Person 1 says: No- I meant the rapper.
Person 2 says, confused: Why would you eat the wrapper?

What does a blind Eminem fan say when they notice a typo in braille?

"Something is wrong, I can feel it."

50 cent gave Eminem a really high quality sweater for xmas. EMINEM was super thankful and said to him

GEE, YOU KNIT.

Who knew.

Why are people from Central Asia so obsessed with Eminem?

Because Afghan is stan.

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem

He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."

The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot."

Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.

50 cent gave Eminem a Christmas gift

Eminem was taken aback and choked up as he unwrapped the beautiful hand-made Christmas sweater.

Holding back tears, he turns to 50 and asks...

G-g-g-gee, you knit?

What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in?

♪ *Shady's back* ♪

I heard they're not letting Eminem get fully vaccinated.

They told him "you only get one shot."

Rumour has it Eminem has converted to Islam.

From now on, he will call himself "Muslim Shady."

Eminem is working as a bartender when he notices his alcoholic friend walk in.

He orders a drink, so Eminem reluctantly pours him one.

When he's done, he asks Eminem for another serving.

Eminem slams his hands on the bar and tells him, "You only get ONE SHOT."

Did you hear Eminem identifies as a woman?

He's now going by Feminen.

How do we know that Eminem is from the Midwest?

Ope there goes gravity

What is Eminem’s favorite website?

OnlyStans

Eminem walked into a bar with a rare parrot - a blue-throated macaw - on his shoulder

The bartender says “hey, that’s really cool - where did you get it?”

The parrot said, “Detroit”

I made a playlist for hiking, it has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my Trail Mix.

What is rapper Eminem's favorite vaccine?

J and J, cause you only get one shot!

What did Eminem say when 50cent gave him a sweater?

Gee, you knit?

What type of onion would Eminem be?

A Rap-Scallion

How does Snoop give Eminem a Christmas gift?

Gangsta wrapped.

GF: "Did you see Eminem's new rap about Trump?"

Me: "Yes. It was ludacris."

GF: "No, it was Eminem."

Guys, stop making jokes about Eminem and the candy M and M's

He's just a wrapper

Eminem is the first celebrity to get the Wuhan Virus.

A statement from his manager says that Eminem admitted himself to the emergency department because his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Doctors say he presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was moms spaghetti. Mathers said that he was "nervous"...

When does Eminem go to English class?

Aftermath

Do you know what the difference is between Shakespeare and Eminem?

Eminem had no ghostwriter

Why did Bin Laden listen to Eminem?

He was an Afghani-Stan.

Why did Taco Bell hire Eminem?

Because he's a Wrap God

A doctor is talking to one of his patients

Doctor: "Who's your favorite rapper?"

Boy: "Eminem!"

Doctor: "Would you like to meet him someday?"

Boy: "Of course!"

Doctor: "Well he's busy right now but you'll meet tupac soon!"

Boy: "But he's dead..."

Doctor: "I know."

What is Eminem made of?

He is made of Mathers

My friend makes paintings of Eminem combined with other famous rappers

He's a mixed Marshall artist.

If someone draws pictures of Eminem for a living.

Are they a professional martial artist?

Eminem needs to release an aftershave and shower gel gift set for Christmas

Eminessence and Marshal Lathers.

Did you hear about when Eminem married an Indian woman?

They had a Slim Shaadi

I can't believe someone in Australia is remaking Eminem's movie '8 Mile'

They're calling it 12.8748km

If I could nominate just one person to NEVER be my bartender, it would be Eminem

He insists 'you only get one shot'.

Like I'm gonna get drunk off of one shot.. pffft

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:

Nelly

Erika Badu

Vanilla Ice

Eminem

Rhianna

Green Day

Oasis

Nirvana

Nine inch Nails

Aerosmith

George Strait

Ilene Woods

Vince Gill

Enya

Yoko ono

Otis Redding

U...

Did you hear that Nightblue3 and Eminem played League of Legends together yesterday?

Eminem got one shot

What do you get when you cross Eminem with a green onion?

A rapscallion.

Most people would say that Eminem, Jay-Z, or Andre 3000 spit the hardest on the mic...

I personally think it was Mia Khalifa.

who is the best candy (w)rapper?

Eminem!

Did you hear that Eminem was opening a noodle restaurant in Tokyo?

He *is* very good at ramen.

If you're ever struggling to remember the spelling...

Santa wraps, Eminem raps, Brock Turner...

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