If Eminem had the infinity gaulent....

He could actually snap back into reality

EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

WEB MD: Cancer.

A big record label gathered Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Andre 3000 to collaborate on a new album.

Eminem said, "I'll perform."
Dr. Dre said, "I'll produce."
And Andre 3000 said, "I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write!"

2 pac of eminems for 50 cents?

Man thats ludacris!

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If Eminem were gay...

Would he be called Skittles?

What would happen if Eminem lost weight and started doing questionable things?

He'd be the real Slim Shady.

I made my fish listen to an Eminem album...

...now he's Swim Shady.


When I play Eminem songs, I do pause so that he could breath

Breaking news: Amidst all the chaos, Eminem just got kicked out of a very high end bar.

Apparantly he asked the bartender for 4 shots but the bartender refused service and said you only get one shot.

What do John Wick and Eminem have in common?

They kill people using a pencil.

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table.

But skips Oxygen.

What does a blind Eminem fan say when they notice a typo in braille?

"Something is wrong, I can feel it."

I know a lot of Eminem jokes,

but the chances that you'll get them is slim.

Why did Eminem get fired from his job as a bartender?

He kept telling people “You only get one shot”

Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.

How does Eminem beat Rappers in a fight?

Mixed Marshall Arts

50 cent gave Eminem a really high quality sweater for xmas. EMINEM was super thankful and said to him


Who knew.

Is Eminem an elf?

Because he is a wrap god.

Why does Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?

You only get one shot…

Why are people from Central Asia so obsessed with Eminem?

Because Afghan is stan.

I made a playlist for hiking.

It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix.

50 cent gave Eminem a Christmas gift

Eminem was taken aback and choked up as he unwrapped the beautiful hand-made Christmas sweater.

Holding back tears, he turns to 50 and asks...

G-g-g-gee, you knit?

Why does Eminem hate Halloween?

Too many ghostwriters

My grandpa and Eminem rapping have 1 thing in common

They don't breathe

I saw a clickbait article: "Watch Eminem attack Trump like no President has ever been attacked."

I mean... Kennedy was shot in the head... But ok.

Person 1 says: I like Eminem

Person 2 says: Well, I prefer Skittles.
Person 1 says: No- I meant the rapper.
Person 2 says, confused: Why would you eat the wrapper?

Eminem was good at painting. But after few classes, he was thrown out because of violent conduct.

He was doing Marshall Arts

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem

He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."

The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot."

BREAKING NEWS: EMINEM just convert to Islam.

He is the real Muslim Shady.

Eminem is the first celebrity to get the Wuhan Virus.

A statement from his manager says that Eminem admitted himself to the emergency department because his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Doctors say he presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was moms spaghetti. Mathers said that he was "nervous"...

Did you hear Eminem identifies as a woman?

He's now going by Feminen.

How do we know that Eminem is from the Midwest?

Ope there goes gravity

What's your favorite Eminem song?

I can't tell you what it really is. I can only tell you what it feels like.

Eminem's "8 Mile" wasn't very well received in Canada

I guess the title "12.8748 Kilometer" just isn't as catchy.

Eminem, 50 Cent and Andre from Outkast get together to produce a new single.

50 Cent says, 'I'll make the beat.'

Eminem says, 'I'll release it on my label and deal with the promo.'

Andre says, 'I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll ...

Do you know what the difference is between Shakespeare and Eminem?

Eminem had no ghostwriter

Someone should make a breakfast themed parody of Eminem's movie

It would be called "Oat-Mile"

GF: "Did you see Eminem's new rap about Trump?"

Me: "Yes. It was ludacris."

GF: "No, it was Eminem."

How does Snoop give Eminem a Christmas gift?

Gangsta wrapped.

What type of onion would Eminem be?

A Rap-Scallion

What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in?

♪ *Shady's back* ♪

My friend makes paintings of Eminem combined with other famous rappers

He's a mixed Marshall artist.

Eminem needs to release an aftershave and shower gel gift set for Christmas

Eminessence and Marshal Lathers.

If I could nominate just one person to NEVER be my bartender, it would be Eminem

He insists 'you only get one shot'.

Like I'm gonna get drunk off of one shot.. pffft

If someone draws pictures of Eminem for a living.

Are they a professional martial artist?

I was stuck in the hospital after surgery and had a question for the doctor.

I asked if I was going to die, and if I was could I meet Eminem before I died.

He said the chances were both very Slim.

I can't believe someone in Australia is remaking Eminem's movie '8 Mile'

They're calling it 12.8748km

What did Eminem say when 50cent gave him a sweater?

Gee, you knit?

A doctor is talking to one of his patients

Doctor: "Who's your favorite rapper?"

Boy: "Eminem!"

Doctor: "Would you like to meet him someday?"

Boy: "Of course!"

Doctor: "Well he's busy right now but you'll meet tupac soon!"

Boy: "But he's dead..."

Doctor: "I know."

If you're ever struggling to remember the spelling...

Santa wraps, Eminem raps, Brock Turner...

Did you hear that Nightblue3 and Eminem played League of Legends together yesterday?

Eminem got one shot

Did you hear about when Eminem married an Indian woman?

They had a Slim Shaadi

Why did Bin Laden listen to Eminem?

He was an Afghani-Stan.

An American and a Zimbabwean walk into a bar

The American says to the Zimbabwean, “You know, we have a few good rappers in America. My favourite would have to be Eminem, have you got a favourite?”
The Zimbabwean thinks for about 5 seconds and says, “Well yes, of course. My favourite would have to be 50 cent, or as we call him, 400 billion d...

Why did Taco Bell hire Eminem?

Because he's a Wrap God

When Cannibals Attack

When cannibals attacked the AMAs, why were Eminem, Kendrick Lamar and Drake spared?

You're not supposed to eat the rappers.

(I literally dreamt this joke)

What is Eminem made of?

He is made of Mathers

Most people would say that Eminem, Jay-Z, or Andre 3000 spit the hardest on the mic...

I personally think it was Mia Khalifa.

who is the best candy (w)rapper?


What do you get when you cross Eminem with a green onion?

A rapscallion.

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What did Eminem say when asked why he wanted his movie to be called 8 Mile?

"I hate the metric system so much, seriously, fuck K/m"

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:


Erika Badu

Vanilla Ice



Green Day



Nine inch Nails


George Strait

Ilene Woods

Vince Gill


Yoko ono

Otis Redding


Why did the Latino Eminem fail in the music business?

Because he had no compaDREs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man goes to buy a new car...

The salesman at the dealership talks with him for a while and sets him up with a car that suits his needs. As he's leaving the lot, he wants to listen to some music and discovers there isn't any buttons on the stereo. He beckons over the salesman and asks "what's the deal with the stereo, I can't tu...

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