If Eminem was a mathematician,

he would only diss-a-point.

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem

I call it my trail mix.

If Eminem had the infinity gaulent....

He could actually snap back into reality

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Eminem were gay...

Would he be called Skittles?

What would happen if Eminem lost weight and started doing questionable things?

He'd be the real Slim Shady.

What's your favorite Eminem song?

I can't tell you what it really is. I can only tell you what it feels like.

A big record label gathered Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Andre 3000 to collaborate on a new album.

Eminem said, "I'll perform."
Dr. Dre said, "I'll produce."
And Andre 3000 said, "I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write!"

EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

WEB MD: Cancer.

Eminem walks into a bar and orders two shots of...

The bartender cuts him off and says, “You only get one shot.”

What does Eminem use when he fights?

Marshall Arts

What do Eminem and John Wick have in common?

They all murder people with a pencil.

What does a blind Eminem fan say when they notice a typo in braille?

"Something is wrong, I can feel it."

When does Eminem go to English class?


What was 50 Cents called after he gave his opinion of Eminem?

48 Cents.

50 Cent? For an Eminem?

Man that’s Ludacris

I saw a clickbait article: "Watch Eminem attack Trump like no President has ever been attacked."

I mean... Kennedy was shot in the head... But ok.

Eminem, 50 Cent and Andre from Outkast get together to produce a new single.

50 Cent says, 'I'll make the beat.'

Eminem says, 'I'll release it on my label and deal with the promo.'

Andre says, 'I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll ...

Eminem has decided to convert to Islam.

He's now known as Muslim Shady.

Is Eminem an elf?

Because he is a wrap god.

How does Snoop give Eminem a Christmas gift?

Gangsta wrapped.

GF: "Did you see Eminem's new rap about Trump?"

Me: "Yes. It was ludacris."

GF: "No, it was Eminem."

My friend makes paintings of Eminem combined with other famous rappers

He's a mixed Marshall artist.

If someone draws pictures of Eminem for a living.

Are they a professional martial artist?

What type of onion would Eminem be?

A Rap-Scallion

I can't believe someone in Australia is remaking Eminem's movie '8 Mile'

They're calling it 12.8748km

Most people would say that Eminem, Jay-Z, or Andre 3000 spit the hardest on the mic...

I personally think it was Mia Khalifa.

If I could nominate just one person to NEVER be my bartender, it would be Eminem

He insists 'you only get one shot'.

Like I'm gonna get drunk off of one shot.. pffft

Eminem's "8 Mile" wasn't very well received in Canada

I guess the title "12.8748 Kilometer" just isn't as catchy.

Eminem needs to release an aftershave and shower gel gift set for Christmas

Eminessence and Marshal Lathers.

Did you hear about when Eminem married an Indian woman?

They had a Slim Shaadi

Did you hear that Nightblue3 and Eminem played League of Legends together yesterday?

Eminem got one shot

What is Eminem made of?

He is made of Mathers

What starts with an E and rhymes with fifty?


What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in?

♪ *Shady's back* ♪

What did Eminem say when 50cent gave him a sweater?

Gee, you knit?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Eminem say when asked why he wanted his movie to be called 8 Mile?

"I hate the metric system so much, seriously, fuck K/m"

Why did Bin Laden listen to Eminem?

He was an Afghani-Stan.

What do you get when you cross Eminem with a green onion?

A rapscallion.

Why did Taco Bell hire Eminem?

Because he's a Wrap God

Just bought a Tupac of Eminems for 50 Cents

It was Ludacris!

What is it called when a rapper takes your rap career for the public good?

Eminem Domain

I told some friends I was having trouble sleeping. They said I should try listening to white noise.

I told them I don’t even like Eminem.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Dr.Dre say to Lil Wayne?

Nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in Eminem's basement!

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already...

Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?

Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!

Marshall Mathers wants to make a statement but he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s saying it so

He requests eminemity.

The government forcibly took over MarshallMathers.com

They cited Eminem domain

Is it true that..

Reporter : is that true that God sent Lil Wayne to teach ppl how to rap ?

Eminem : I don't remember sending anyone.

What's a rapper's favorite candy?


Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there

(Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

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