What is an Alzheimer patient's favorite musical group?

The Who?

What is the Pirate's favourite musical instrument?

A guit- ARGGHHH

Why did the musical carpenter become a mathematician?

Logrythm

Last Musical Request

**The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad.** He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.


As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, o...

Shakespeare was planning on making Hamlet into a musical, but there was one instrument he was undecided on

Tuba, or not tuba, that is the question.

The final episode of Game of Thrones should end in a huge musical number where everyone comes back to life for some reason and nothing is explained and no real ending is given.

That'll cause riots.

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Read it slowly.

If a round of musical chairs were played using toilet bowls instead of chairs...

would it be Game of Thrones?

Sure it’s cool that swinger parties have an aptly themes musical selection

Pity that it got a little stale after the fifth round of ‘Last night a DJ shaved my wife”

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Bach Lava

yo whats bill clintons favorite musical instrument????

THE HARM MONICA, FOLKS

I tend to forget my musical notes, so my instructor told me to write them down

It was the first time someone told me to logarithm

I'm glad I'm good at making musical puns

Otherwise I'd have some pretty dim innuendos.

Before he died Michael Jackson was in negotiations to do a musical on Broadway...

Diddler on the Roof.

A music composer told me he cant listen to the radio anymore because popular music was much of the same recycled musical ideas. Said learning too much about a certain topic can ruin the fun of that topic.

And that's why I didn't become a gynecologist

What's R Kelly's favorite musical key?

A Minor

Did you hear about the musical about a dictionary?

It's a play on words.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A musical group of 5 boys rented an apartment to practice for a concert.

As they start to practice an old man that lived in the floor below walks up and knocks on the door. He asks for the boys to keep it down because he is an old man he cant stand all the noise. The boys say ‘today practice tomorrow concert but we will try and keep it down’ . An hour later they go at it...

What’s the most commonly stolen musical instrument?

A piano. People are always leaving the keys in them.

What is a Soviet musical duet?

A Soviet musical quartet after a trip abroad.

What did Yoda say about the musical theater production that he hated?

"LAME IS."



Happy Star Wars Day.

My ex used to hit me with musical instruments

I didn't know that she had a history of violins.

What's the most musical SUV truck?

A hummer.

I'm writing a musical titled "Pun"

It's a play on words.

Over the past few years The U.S. Army have been conditioning soldiers to behave in certain ways when they hear certain musical chords. They have just found the perfect chord to get soldiers to report to their superiors.

C Major.

I live in a musical house,

Actually it’s A Flat.

A musical scale got kicked out of a bar.

Why? It was A Minor.

What do you call it when four moderators play musical instruments together?

[Banned]

Did you hear that they're doing a Sade musical?

Apparently it's a smooth operetta.

What do you call a musical group made of rubber?

An elastic band.

I’m writing a musical about a meteorologist who wants to quit his job

It’s called Weather or Not.

I went to see "The Dictionary: A Musical" last night but left disappointed...

The whole thing was just a big play on words.

"Rincewind, all the shops have been smashed open, there was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"

"Yeah, Luters I expect." --Terry Pratchet, The Light Fantastic

What is Purple, Musical, and Deadly?

Thanos in a Barbershop Quartet!

Tchaikovsky, you cannot use instruments of war as musical instruments

Tchaikovsky: I cannon I will

Accordion to studies, its very easy to hide musical instruments in every day sentences.

I find that harp to belive though.

Musical unrest

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in an...

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

I auditioned for a musical about the periodic table

I got the lead role!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my therapist about my compulsion to methodically disrupt live musical performances.

She said, “That’s disconcerting.”

"My favourite musical composer has gone missing!"

"Don't worry, I've got your Bach"

Where do musical notes go surfing?

On sound waves.

I’m excited to take my wife to a new musical about puns

It’s basically a play on words

What does a sword and a musical instrument have in common?

They both know how to b sharp.

Now that there is a musical about Alexander Hamilton, I'm going to make a Musical about the founding of the Webster's English Dictionary

It's going to be a play on words

Hey, I understand now. Trump's just trying to turn his presidency into his favorite musical.

The Lyin' King.

I come from a very musical family

Even the sewing machine's a singer

Yes i do come from a musical household i live in...

...A-Flat

Who's the most musical snake in the army?

Major scales.

What do you call a musical equation that a former Vice President composes?

An algorithm

(Credit to my girlfriend)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend has a dream to produce a musical porn movie.

I told him it would be hard to find girls who could sing with their mouths full.

What musical group is Jesus most afraid of?

Nine Inch Nails

What do you call a chance to try a fishy broth at a classy musical event?

An opera-tuna-tea.

My ears are still ringing from my wife’s groan.

What's Kevin Spacey's favourite musical note?

A minor

A man walked into a bar with his pet octopus.

He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play.

One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.

The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right ...

If a tire was a musical instrument...

would it immediately go flat when you go sharp?

What do you call a musical wreath made from $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins

Which cheese has the most musical talent of them all?

Why, it's gotta be the one and only MOZARTrella.

How do you prepare musical seafood?

You tune a fish.

What's the difference between puberty and musical notes?

Not too much. Tenors can't seem to hit either.

Why was the musical R-rated?

Because there was lots of Sax and Violins.

What's an emo's favorite musical instrument?

The forearm violin.

I'm writing a musical love story set in the '50s about 2 teens from the opposite sides of the tracks, falling in love during the National Origami Qualifiers.

I'm calling it "Crease."

What do you call a musical gnome that cares a lot about its appearance?

A metrognome

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Musical Octopus

A guy walks into a bar carrying a bucket.

Bartender ask's "what's in the bucket"?

Guy say " it's my octopus and he plays musical instruments ".

Bartender says " bullshit "

Guys says " I bet you free drinks, he will play whatever you got "

Bartender says " fine, her...

Trump was asked what his favorite musical instrument is, and said "Trumpet."

He was asked what his favorite topic is, and said "Tropics."

He was asked what his favorite multiplier is, said "Triple."

He was asked what he favorite reason is, said "Treaso-...shut up."

I like musical instruments that you blow into. They're pretty...

*Breathtaking*

What musical instrument do you get if you fill a 55-gallon drum with fish?

A bass drum.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that plays 15 musical instruments?

Stump the Band

I'm writing a musical about a rag-tag team of Breitbart columnists standing up to the mainstream media elites.

It's called Fake Newsies.

Why are old printers so musical?

Because they are prone to jamming.

I asked my priest which musical instruments he plays.

"Mostly just piano," he replied, "but when I'm at work I sometimes dabble with a little organ."

Three musical notes, A, C and E walk into a bar. ..

The bartender says, "I'm sorry but I'm not allowed to serve a minor. "

Which musical instrument does Vladimir Putin know how to play best?

The TRUMPet!

So a middle school is putting on a musical

The musical is about classical composers and they need three boys to play the leads.

The first boy comes in and says he wants the part of Beethoven. His name is marked down and he leaves.

The second boy comes in and says he wants the part of Mozart. His name is marked down and he leave...

I'm in a 12 step program for musical theatre addicts.

I'm on step 5, 6, 7, and!

I hear Sisyphus was a musical genius

The original master of rock and roll!

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

So I wrote a Musical

It was about a tragic coal mining operation ,unfortunately, the cave collapsed and the workers inside were killed.

I decided to write it in A flat minor.

The musical doctor

Man: Doctor Doctor I need a cure for my depression.

Doctor: Music is great therapy, here, I'll loan you my old guitar, it's broken but you should get some use out of it.

Man: Hang on, why would you lend me your guitar just like that? Is there some sort of hidden clause in this?

...

What a group of musical chemists called?

Butane Clan

A landscaper's favourite musical genre?

Mow-town.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wants to invent a musical instrument.

He works day and night tinkering until it is finally done. He is filled with joy and when he begins to play it he hears a light 'dink' sound from the instrument. The man is impressed with his work and tries to come up with a name for his creation. 'I know! I will call it the Doowop™.' He chooses thi...

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