Who is a grain harvester's favorite musical artist?

Hall'n Oates

My ex is a musician. Her musical instrument and I had a lot in common.

We both got played, constantly.

Accordion to one study people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument

But I don’t believe that tuba true.

What is the most musical animal?

The fish, they got scales

Who’s a hairdresser’s favorite musical artist?

Harry Styles

I've written a musical about a band of London pick-pockets set in modern times...

It's basically Oliver! with a twist.

Music history nerds- What do Wagner’s musical works and his debts have in common?

They both never resolve.




Yes I know this is bad but we’re studying Wagner and the class/professor appreciated it. Carry on with your day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A musical joke [kinda NSFW]

A man won a weekend in 5 star hotel with all inclusive package - free food, drinks and presidential apartment.

Wanting to fully enjoy the package, the man visited each night the luxury restaurant and ordered the most expensive dishes and drinks.

At the end of his stay, one of the recep...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dictator once asked a famous composer if he could write him a brilliant piece of music.

Naturally, the composer was extremely nervous, as the dictator had a habit of giving the death penalty to those who did not please him.

The composer spent weeks working on this piece, and from a musical standpoint it was quite good. So, he gathered his orchestra and performed his piece for th...

I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with

a Re post.

I was invited to a preview for a musical about the late Billy Mays

It was alright, but the lead was kind of pitchy.

I wanna become a musical comedian

Sadly, none of my jokes are noteworthy...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What musical instrument does the president use to tell his wife he wants to have sex?

Trump-bone

What do you call a set of musical dentures?

Falsetto teeth

Nowadays there's too many musical instruments

It seems today, that all you see is violins in movies and sax on TV

People like to share their musical taste with their neighbors these quarantine days. My neighbor has been listening to death metal the entire day at full volume.

Whether he likes it or not.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The song "Earth" by Lil Dicky features musical cameos from dozens of popular singers.

The song was released around Earth Day and promotes the idea that everyone should work together to be green and eco-friendly and save the planet.

Many famous singers had cameos in the song as different animals or other forms of wildlife. Perhaps the most notable cameo was the singer that sang...

Just saw "Cheers: The Musical"

My Thoughts? A little too much Danson.



Also, some of the acting was woody.

Fact

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence, often goes undetected.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the musical based on Death of a Salesman that had a happy ending?

It’s called How to Succeed in Business without Willy Dying...

What is a priest's favourite musical note?

A minor

Arnold Schwarzenegger is starring in a movie about musical composers.

He’ll be Bach.

What does a musical farmer with no hands do?

Drops the beet.

What do you call a musical concert that uses cutlery?

A forkestra

I think my wife is performing in a musical behind my back...

I asked to see it but she just gave me song and dance

My ex used to hit me with musical instruments

I didn't know that she had a history of violins.

My friends and I were putting together a musical score for a production of Hamlet

Tuba or no tuba, that was the question

My friend played the guitar for a broadway musical.

He thought it was worse than the time in fifth grade when he played a tree.

A musical Joke

My Goldfish are named Major, Minor, Dorian, Lydian and Diminished. The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

Nun on the scale

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down, waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself, "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me."

She went over to the machine and...

What is an Alzheimer patient's favorite musical group?

The Who?

What is the most musical part of a humans body?

The Eardrum

My local news network recently featured two artisans from my town. One makes burlap sacs, and the other makes musical instruments.

They thought the viewers would be drawn in by all the sacs and violins.

Two great musicians hated each other

And after years of always being compared to one another, they finally decided to have a duet of guitars to see which was the better player. They carefully selected an audience of musical experts, and with that they played.

After a fifteen minutes duet, the vote was cast. Amazingly, the result...

Cats The Musical

As long as "Cats" aren't in control, we're fine.

I would never hit someone with a musical instrument...

I don't like to resort to violins

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