What do you call musical chairs with toilets?

Game of Thrones

I come from a very musical family.

I live in A Flat.

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Please don’t become angry and resort to violins if you don’t notice.

What sort of pasta do you use if you want to fix a musical theatre award?

Rigatoni

They developed a computer program to write the musical version of "An Inconvenient Truth"

It's running a new Al Gore rhythm.

Did you hear that Crash Test Dummies wrote a musical based on The Human Centipede?

It’s called "Mmf Hff Fm Hhmff Fhuhr Hmfhmf."

"All the shops have been smashed open, there was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"

"Yeah," said Rincewind. "Luters, I expect."

* Terry Pratchett, *The Light Fantastic*

What's a pothead's favorite musical instrument?

bag pipes

What do you call a group of musical peas?

An iPod

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Octopus

*A guy walks into a bar with an octopus.*

*He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, so he says that he will wager $50 to anyone wh...

How did the musical band get into treble?

They fell off a cleff.
















no regrets

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl named Yu was being held captive by a tribe of goblins...

The goblins were very particular about how they did things, as they enjoyed toying with their captives. They all had a bizarre sense of humor.

“Let me go!” shouted Yu, who was suspended twenty feet in the air by ropes and pulleys. The goblins just chuckled at the fact that they knew she could...

Vin Diesel wants the next Fast and Furious movie to be a musical.

It’s called “*Jesus Christ, Supercar!*”

Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced

by a musical instrument.

Accordion to a recent study...

Replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected,

Want to hear a joke about musical instruments?

I'm not hearing a pia-no...

What musical instrument is usually found in the bathroom?

Tuba Toothpaste

A bunch of hooligans are smashing up my shop and stealing musical instruments

Damn luters!

My ex is a musician. Her musical instrument and I had a lot in common.

We both got played, constantly.

It's my cake day and I don't know any new jokes so. Here are some old jokes I use to love as a kid

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Answer = A stick.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Answer = Thunderwear.

3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Answer = Dill with it.

4. What time is it when the...

What is the most musical animal?

The fish, they got scales

Accordion to one study people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument

But I don’t believe that tuba true.

What's the most musical animal?

A hip hopopotamus

My ex used to hit me with musical instruments

I didn't know that she had a history of violins.

What do you call a musical garden figure who often rides the subway?

A metrognome.

Who is a grain harvester's favorite musical artist?

Hall'n Oates

I wanna become a musical comedian

Sadly, none of my jokes are noteworthy...

Only the best musical humor

Which concert will only cost you 45 cents?



50 cent featuring Nickelback!

During tryouts for one of the chorus positions in the upcoming musical The Sound of Music....

one of the girls told the judges, "Mother says I sing beautifully."
The judge replied, "Bring me a recommendation from your neighbors and I'll give you a tryout."

What instrument do musically-inclined scientists play?

The Higgs-Bassoon.

3,000 male cows are playing musical chairs. What happens when the music stops?

A whole lot of bulls sit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent symphony performance

During a recent performance of Beethoven's 9th symphony, the two bass violin players become bored because there is a long period where they have nothing to do. One invites the other to go across the alley to a bar. One drink leads to another. Finally one says they need to get back, but the other say...

People like to share their musical taste with their neighbors these quarantine days. My neighbor has been listening to death metal the entire day at full volume.

Whether he likes it or not.

There was a famous pianist

There was a famous pianist that was moving to a new mansion he had just bought. He had with him two removalist trucks. One had all his personal belongings and furniture and the second had his favourite piano in it.

As they were travelling to the mansion they passed by a quarry. As they were ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What musical instrument does the president use to tell his wife he wants to have sex?

Trump-bone

Nowadays there's too many musical instruments

It seems today, that all you see is violins in movies and sax on TV

Who’s a hairdresser’s favorite musical artist?

Harry Styles

I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with

a Re post.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A musical joke [kinda NSFW]

A man won a weekend in 5 star hotel with all inclusive package - free food, drinks and presidential apartment.

Wanting to fully enjoy the package, the man visited each night the luxury restaurant and ordered the most expensive dishes and drinks.

At the end of his stay, one of the recep...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel and Peter Fonda are hanging out towards the end of the Swinging Sixties...

*Easy Rider* has just come out, Simon and Garfunkel are about to release *Bridge Over Troubled Water*, and the three men are the epitome of counter-culture cool. They're all pretty stoned, and Paul Simon turns to Peter Fonda, and says, "Hey, Peter, you wanna see something really groovy?"

Pete...

I've written a musical about a band of London pick-pockets set in modern times...

It's basically Oliver! with a twist.

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Read it slowly.

Music history nerds- What do Wagner’s musical works and his debts have in common?

They both never resolve.




Yes I know this is bad but we’re studying Wagner and the class/professor appreciated it. Carry on with your day.

I was invited to a preview for a musical about the late Billy Mays

It was alright, but the lead was kind of pitchy.

What is a priest's favourite musical note?

A minor

What do you call a set of musical dentures?

Falsetto teeth

What is an Alzheimer patient's favorite musical group?

The Who?

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