UPJOKE
john lennonpaul mccartneyringo starrlet it berock and rollmusicmccartneybrian epsteinrubber soulliverpoolrock musicclassical musicpop musichard rocklennon

What did the other Beatles say when John married again?

Oh no.

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I have every Beatles album except one.

I need Help.

What’s a horse’s favourite Beatles song?



Hay Chewed.

Beatles meeting:

Paul: Any ideas on the ending for Hey Jude?

John: Nah.
George: Nah.
Ringo: Nah.

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Really disappointed with the new Beatles album

It's all drum & bass

What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?

Penne Lane

What do you call the Russian version of The Beatles "Let It Be"?

So Be It.

Son: Dad can you tell me your favorite Beatles lyric?

Son, son, son, here it comes:

What did Ringo say before the Beatles broke up

Hey guy's can we try some of my songs?

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I'm a big fan of the Beatles, in particular Paul McCartney.

I made an account on the official Beatles website and made my profile picture an album of Paul McCartney throughout the years. However an admin told me I was going to be banned, I asked why and was shown the list of rules and the first was "Users are not allowed multipaul accounts."

The Beatles are sitting around a table in a diner...

And all of them are happily sat there with their arms around their wives, all except for poor old Ringo.

“Guys? I’m really getting the blues being all lonely here. How do you suggest going about getting a woman?” He asks, drumming his fingers on the table.

John is the first to speak up...

What did the octopus say to his girlfriend at the Beatles concert?

I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand...




Courtesy of my dad when I was 5.

Does a Swede listen to The Beatles?

No, but a Norwegian Would.

What's Putin's favorite Beatles song?

Back in the USSR

What do you call the Beatles' drummer when in Mexico?

Gringo Starr

I found out about this cool underground band called The Beatles.

Well actually only about half of them are underground at the moment.

What is the Beatles' favourite social media site?

REDDIT BE

There once was a man named Mr. Evans who pursued a law degree, even though his passion was music. All through law school, he yearned to drop out and play in a cover band, singing Beatles songs all night to a crowd of fans. Eventually, though the man became a lawyer instead.

Through the years, he became a highly esteemed practicioner of law. He rose in his practice of jurisprudence until one day he even became a county judge. He came home and told his wife that he still wasn’t satisfied. Despite everything, singing the Beatles was still his dream. She told her next door...

I am thinking of making a cover band of Beatles without the drums.

I would name it The Beatles with an extra 's'.

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

What would The Beatles have been called if Ringo never joined?

The Beatless

Why do Flat Earthers hate The Beatles?

Because the Earth is round, it turns them off.

What did people say when the Beatles broke up?

Ono

I'm obsessed with buying Beatles albums

I need Help!

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What would one of the Beatles say during an orgy?

Cum together, right now, over me.

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What happens when a beatles takes viagra?

It’s been a hard days night. I’ll be sleeping with a log

I feel sorry for the first drummer of the Beatles.

All he got was a stupid street named after him, while Ringo Starr got the love and affection of tens of women.

What’s an unvaccinated kid’s favorite Beatles song?

When I’m Four

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I tried buy only some of the songs off of a Beatles album

But the store owner said they all come together

Did you hear that The Beatles once judged a singing competition?

They were the Hey-Judeicators.

Did you hear The Beatles were dead?

It's halfway true.

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My friend isn't speaking to me after I gave him a Beatles suggestion.

He asked me what Beatles album he should pick up, and I told him "Dude, you need to get Help."

I've never been a fan of the song 'Hey Jude' by the Beatles.

The ending is just too salty.

Where are all the old Beatles records stored?

The Lennon closet.

Why did Paul McCartney quit the Beatles?

He drank RedBull.

"Beatles or Stones?" I asked my son.

"Why can't we have something normal for dinner?" He said

Did you hear what happened to Jude from the Beatles song?

He died of a Sodium overdose.

What is r/AskOuija's favorite Beatles song?

H E L L O Goodbye

What music didn't the Beatles invent?

Hip Hop, the weren't grasshoppers after all

(I heard this one a while back, sorry) Why can't you use a the restroom at a Beatles reunion concert?

Because there is no John.

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook’s right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

Why won't hipsters listen to the Beatles until Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney die?

Because they only want to listen to the Beatles when they're underground

(Taken from Cyanide and Happiness comics)

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People keep talking shit about Ringo Starr's drumming.

But let's be honest: at his time in The Beatles, he certainly was in the drumming Top 4 of The Beatles!

Before the internet, things still went viral...

For example, The Beatles, among others, spread all over the world.

I guess you could say there were a few bugs going around.

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3 of the worlds best athletes go to Japan to test out their new toilet technology

Ones British, ones French and the other is American, so they get to Japan and they're greeted by a scientist and he shows them the toilet and says, go in, take a shit and it will be the best shit in your life, so the British guy goes first and comes back and says my god that was the greatest shit I ...

Yo mama so stupid

She sprayed Raid on The Beatles

Fun fact: taking a can of bug spray to my phone will delete half my music library

by killing all of The Beatles

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What do dung beatles like on their hotdogs?

Mus-turd

Shakespeare & The Beatles walk into a pub...

...Landlord says, "sorry mate, you're barred and those guys are banned".

If The Beatles were from Hawaii...

What would they have called their song, "Hello Goodbye?"

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Peter Tork of the Monkees has died, leaving just 2 surviving members.

Still copying the fucking Beatles.

What do you need for the reunion of the Beatles?

A pistol and two cartridges.

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Didn't realise girls who are into bukkake are also Beatles fans.

Until I was involved in one and she looked up at all the guys and said 'Cum together, over me.'.

My sister asked me who sings the 'Black Beatles' song [OC]

I told her probably John Melanin.

Pope John Paul II...

...was on a tour of the United States some years ago. During a stop in Atlanta, an admirer presented him with a beautiful handmade ring. But somehow, in the hectic confusion of the tour, the ring was misplaced.

"Don't worry, Your Holiness," said the pope's aide. "I'm sure it will turn up b...

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John Lennon at the pearly gates...

St Michael looks at him and says, “I know you don’t I?”
Lennon shrugs and says that it’s possible, yes. St Michael nods and asks where he would know him from. Lennon drawls, “Well, I used to be in a band, you know?”
St Michael asks the name of the band and Lennon replies, “It was a little beat...

What would reunite the Beatles?

2 more bullets

I hear The Beatles influenced the COVID19 treatment policy at Italian hospitals...

Live... Let Die... Live... Let Die...

What do Linda McCarthy and a spider web the in common?

They hang out with dead Beatles.

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A guy is in a bathroom stall having a shit when he hears the guy in the next cubicle singing.

"Hey," he says. "I know that tune. That's The Beatles."

"Very good," says the guy in the next stall.

"Would you like to hear some of The Stones?" he says.

The guy pauses, and says, "Yes, go on then."

"OK," he grunts. "Let me just push a bit harder."

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Topical Jokes (5/14)

Folks, folks. What a day! There are some good jokes out there to be had. Let's take a gander, shall we?

There's already some news out of the presidential election front...

Some are reporting Gov. Christie is losing weight just so he can make a run in 2016. Not to be outdone, Sen. Rubio...

I'm such a hipster...

I'm such a hipster that I won't listen to the Beatles until they're all dead. That way I can say I was a fan when they were underground.

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What’s yellow and lives off dead beetles?

Yoko Ono.

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The Beatles have reformed and have brought out a new album. It’s mostly drum and bass.

What's yellow and lives off dead beatles?

Yoko Ono

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