So The Beatles and their producer, George Martin, were in the studio......

Paul: Any ideas on how to end Hey Jude?

John: Nah

George: Nah

Ringo: Nah

George Martin: Nah

Paul: Perfect!

Ringo is the best Beatle

Because without him, they would be beatless

"Beatles or Stones?" I asked my son.

"Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?" he pleaded

What did people say when the Beatles broke up?

Ono.

What did the other Beatles say when John married again?

Oh no.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have every Beatles album except one.

I need Help.

What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?

Penne Lane

What did Ringo say before the Beatles broke up

Hey guy's can we try some of my songs?

The Beatles all walk into an orange underwater vehicle

Oops, wrong sub

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Really disappointed with the new Beatles album

It's all drum & bass

What’s a horse’s favourite Beatles song?



Hay Chewed.

The Beatles are sitting around a table in a diner...

And all of them are happily sat there with their arms around their wives, all except for poor old Ringo.

“Guys? I’m really getting the blues being all lonely here. How do you suggest going about getting a woman?” He asks, drumming his fingers on the table.

John is the first to speak up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend isn't speaking to me after I gave him a Beatles suggestion.

He asked me what Beatles album he should pick up, and I told him "Dude, you need to get Help."

What do you call the Beatles' drummer when in Mexico?

Gringo Starr

What do you call the Russian version of The Beatles "Let It Be"?

So Be It.

Son: Dad can you tell me your favorite Beatles lyric?

Son, son, son, here it comes:

I am thinking of making a cover band of Beatles without the drums.

I would name it The Beatles with an extra 's'.

I'm addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums.

I need Help.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a big fan of the Beatles, in particular Paul McCartney.

I made an account on the official Beatles website and made my profile picture an album of Paul McCartney throughout the years. However an admin told me I was going to be banned, I asked why and was shown the list of rules and the first was "Users are not allowed multipaul accounts."

What did the octopus say to his girlfriend at the Beatles concert?

I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand...




Courtesy of my dad when I was 5.

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

What would The Beatles have been called if Ringo never joined?

The Beatless

What’s an unvaccinated kid’s favorite Beatles song?

When I’m Four

I found out about this cool underground band called The Beatles.

Well actually only about half of them are underground at the moment.

What is the Beatles' favourite social media site?

REDDIT BE

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What would one of the Beatles say during an orgy?

Cum together, right now, over me.

A guy in an old, rusty VW beatle

Waiting for the traffic light to turn green..
Suddenly comes a brand new ferrari and stops next to him.

Beatle guy looks at the ferrari - "Hey you.. wanna change cars?"

Ferrari guy confused - "what do you mean??"

Beatles guy - "ill give you my car and you give me yours.."
...

Did you hear The Beatles were dead?

It's halfway true.

I feel sorry for the first drummer of the Beatles.

All he got was a stupid street named after him, while Ringo Starr got the love and affection of tens of women.

Why do Flat Earthers hate The Beatles?

Because the Earth is round, it turns them off.

What is r/AskOuija's favorite Beatles song?

H E L L O Goodbye

I've never been a fan of the song 'Hey Jude' by the Beatles.

The ending is just too salty.

Where are all the old Beatles records stored?

The Lennon closet.

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook’s right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 of the worlds best athletes go to Japan to test out their new toilet technology

Ones British, ones French and the other is American, so they get to Japan and they're greeted by a scientist and he shows them the toilet and says, go in, take a shit and it will be the best shit in your life, so the British guy goes first and comes back and says my god that was the greatest shit I ...

What music didn't the Beatles invent?

Hip Hop, the weren't grasshoppers after all

What's Jeffrey Epstein's favorite Beatles song?

"Can Buy me Love"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do dung beatles like on their hotdogs?

Mus-turd

Did you hear what happened to Jude from the Beatles song?

He died of a Sodium overdose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried buy only some of the songs off of a Beatles album

But the store owner said they all come together

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People keep talking shit about Ringo Starr's drumming.

But let's be honest: at his time in The Beatles, he certainly was in the drumming Top 4 of The Beatles!

Before the internet, things still went viral...

For example, The Beatles, among others, spread all over the world.

I guess you could say there were a few bugs going around.

Yo mama so stupid

She sprayed Raid on The Beatles

Why did Paul McCartney quit the Beatles?

He drank RedBull.

(I heard this one a while back, sorry) Why can't you use a the restroom at a Beatles reunion concert?

Because there is no John.

What would reunite the Beatles?

2 more bullets

My sister asked me who sings the 'Black Beatles' song [OC]

I told her probably John Melanin.

Shakespeare & The Beatles walk into a pub...

...Landlord says, "sorry mate, you're barred and those guys are banned".

Why won't hipsters listen to the Beatles until Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney die?

Because they only want to listen to the Beatles when they're underground

(Taken from Cyanide and Happiness comics)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Peter Tork of the Monkees has died, leaving just 2 surviving members.

Still copying the fucking Beatles.

What's the Hong Kong police's favorite pop group?

The Beatles.

Pope John Paul II...

...was on a tour of the United States some years ago. During a stop in Atlanta, an admirer presented him with a beautiful handmade ring. But somehow, in the hectic confusion of the tour, the ring was misplaced.

"Don't worry, Your Holiness," said the pope's aide. "I'm sure it will turn up b...

Fun fact: taking a can of bug spray to my phone will delete half my music library

by killing all of The Beatles

I hear The Beatles influenced the COVID19 treatment policy at Italian hospitals...

Live... Let Die... Live... Let Die...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes (5/14)

Folks, folks. What a day! There are some good jokes out there to be had. Let's take a gander, shall we?

There's already some news out of the presidential election front...

Some are reporting Gov. Christie is losing weight just so he can make a run in 2016. Not to be outdone, Sen. Rubio...

What do Linda McCarthy and a spider web the in common?

They hang out with dead Beatles.

I'm such a hipster...

I'm such a hipster that I won't listen to the Beatles until they're all dead. That way I can say I was a fan when they were underground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is in a bathroom stall having a shit when he hears the guy in the next cubicle singing.

"Hey," he says. "I know that tune. That's The Beatles."

"Very good," says the guy in the next stall.

"Would you like to hear some of The Stones?" he says.

The guy pauses, and says, "Yes, go on then."

"OK," he grunts. "Let me just push a bit harder."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s yellow and lives off dead beetles?

Yoko Ono.

---------------

The Beatles have reformed and have brought out a new album. It’s mostly drum and bass.

What's yellow and lives off dead beatles?

Yoko Ono

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