Telegraph Operators once complained to Morse how some of his codes were confusing and needs to be revised.

But he had no remorse.

HR: "This is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential."

Employee: "Don't worry, I'm equally ashamed of it."

I won’t be posting any jokes over the next few days. I've got to revise for a practical exam in pest control.

I'll probably be up all night swatting.

Journalism's "Five W's" Revised

1. Who?
2. What?
3. Who Tweeted about it?
4. What did they Tweet?
5. What other unrelated BS is happening?

The World Map has been revised; The North and South poles are where you'd expect, but...

...all the other Poles are in Britain.

China has revised its on child per family rule. It will now allow parents to have two children.

Chinese parents were so excited, they let their kids have the day off work.

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The black cow and the white cow (revised)

A man goes hiking and he sees a farmer with two cows, one is black and the other is white. The man walks up to the farmer and asks him "What do you feed the cows?" The farmer asks "The black one or the white one?". "The black one" says the man. "I feed it grass." "What about the white one then?" "I ...

Because of the anti-semitic comments on my last joke, I am submitting a revised version

A ~~man~~KKK member goes to his ~~Rabbi~~ Grand Dragon.

"~~Rabbi~~Grand Dragon, I think my wife is trying to poison me!"


"Very interesting," says the ~~Rabbi~~Grand Dragon. "Let me go and talk to her and see what I can find out."


A few hours later the ~~Rabbi~~Grand Drag...

A man found a magic lamp

He stroked it and a genie appeared. The genie said: "You have freed me from my ancient prison, where I was kept in for more than two thousand years. As a reward, I will grant you three wishes". The man replied: "As you were imprisoned for two thousand years and I set you free, wouldn't it be fair fo...

David's life was at a low point.

Seeing no way out, he walked out on a bridge, intending to end it all by leaping off. A woman, driving by in her car, sees David hesitating unsteadily on the wrong side of the railing and realizes what's going on. She stops her car and dashes over, hoping to talk him out of suicide.

"Wait!" s...

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"I just deleted all the German names off my phone."

***"It's Hans free"***

*Funniest joke at this years Fringe by Darren Walsh.*

**The rest of the top ten.**

2 -"Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis

3 - "Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess

4 - "...

The Religion Exam

A class of 30 students 10 year old students were set a Religion exam. One boy had not revised and decided the best course of action was to ask the girl next to him.

The boy poke the girl with his pencil to get her attention and whispers “What was the name of Christian Lord?”

The girl ...

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A woman walks into an ice cream shop and orders

A woman walks into an ice cream shop and orders "a half gallon of vanilla, a half gallon of strawberry, and a half gallon of chocolate".

The man behind the counter politely says "Sorry ma'am, we're all out of chocolate".

She replies "Fine, I'll have a half gallon of vanilla, a half gal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A World War II Pun

A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our Führer does not want ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sacrilegious ad-man

Father Bill is down at his local pub one night when he runs into Don, an old friend from school. They start talking old times and eventually Don brings the conversation around to the fact that Bill seems to be a man of the cloth.

"You see Bill, I'm actually in advertising, and I've been worki...

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