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Formulate Jokes

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A mathematician, a philosopher, and an idiot arrive at the pearly gates...

...St. Peter says to them" Sorry, heaven is quite full, so we can only let one of you in."
Suddenly "Poof!" Lucifer appears.
Lucifer tells them "You may each ask me one question. If you are able to ask me a question that I cannot answer, you will be allowed into heaven; if not you will be sen...

A scientist finds a crashed alien spaceship

An alien is still alive and the scientist helps him fix the spaceship so the alien can go back home.

As a sign of gratitude, the alien tells the scientist that he will answer him a single question, whatever it is or however it's formulated. As the alien was about to take off, the scientist f...

A boy has a question about God

Sorry if this has been posted before. I just heard it and I’ve never seen it on here before.

There was a boy that had a question about God. He goes to his local priest to see if he has an answer. The boy presents the question and the priest is completely at a loss of words. The question is s...

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A software engineer.

A software engineer, hardware engineer, and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing off guardrails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along...

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A boy dreams of one day working at his favorite sandwich shop.

And so, he asks the owner if he could see how the sandwiches are made. Delighted, the owner shows him how he grinds his own peanut butter, prepares his own pickles and even whips up his own mayonnaise. The boy is so excited that he blurts out his deepest wish--to see how the owner makes his signatu...

(Long) A man is forced to get a checkup by his health insurance. The doctor excitedly says “we just got this new machine that can accurately diagnose any condition you may have - you just need to pee in this cup…”

The man is like, “what the hell” and pee’s in the cup. The doc comes back with the results and says: “you have a strained elbow.” The man is enraged and says how THE HELL can you say I have a sprained elbow from my PEE?? The doc says, the machine is always accurate. The man “leaving the office fumin...

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What's the difference between a forty-year-old Roman and your average American citizen?

Nothing, they're both XL.

Note: as u/TEFLING_ALONG pointed out, it is a similarity, not a difference. However, I can't seem to change the title :/, sorry.

Note #2: with the help of u/KKlear I was able to formulate the punchline in such a way that the editing of the title was no longer ...

The United States, China and Russia are attending a military exercise competition

To see which army is the strongest, the United Nations placed three rabbits in three forests.the one spent least time and sent least soldiers wins.
On day one, the U.S. Army go first. They spent half a day meeting to formulate a battle plan, strictly divide the labor, and then sent a hundred spe...

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I was approached by a lady today...

I was approached by a lady today. She offered me sex if I advertise a product on reddit. Naturally, I declined because my morals are very strong. Miracle Spray strong. From the kitchen to the bathroom and everywhere in between, Miracle Spray disinfectant is formulated to tackle your toughest situati...

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A generic science major and an english literature major walk into a bar and are asked by a mutual friend how to best evaluate a book.

I just wrote a joke: A generic science major and an english literature major walk into a bar and are asked by a mutual friend how to best evaluate a book.

The generic science major takes a few moments to think, then says, "Well, I would read up on the history of the book, process the literat...

Two American communists decide they would like to emigrate to the Soviet Union.

The two men, names Ron and John, did not trust the negative things they had heard about the USSR in the press, since they believed that was just capitalist propaganda meant to discredit communism. However, just to be sure, the men formulated a plan to investigate what the country was like personally...

Joe the Carpenter

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

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A firefighter, a Native American, and a soldier are in a plane...

...flying over the US. They aren't up very high and so the windows are open (ignore the unscientific logic of this, it's a joke). They've been in there quite some time, and the firefighter starts getting bored. He pulls out his extra hat and drops it out the window just to see what will happen.
...

A scientist travels back in time to ancient Babylonia to see the beauty of the Hanging gardens...

...after trying to impress the King by demonstrating magnetism between his crown and a magnet, he finds himself in big trouble.

In court, the people are mixed about what his punishment should be. Some see him as a valuable ally while others see him as a dangerous threat. The kind and generous...

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