If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?

I guess it's because they don't have access to black magic...

Dev was a coder and wanted to marry a girl but his parents opposed

DEVELOPED

I oppose racism.

Especially on highways.

Buddhism is opposed to our always-on, technologically driven lives.

It’s not the emails that are the problem. It’s the attachments.

A country which is so opposed to communism

Is itself named us

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The great detective Herlock Sholmes was hired to investigate the disappearance of one of the most important political figures in the nation.

He was quickly briefed on the current situation: at two in the morning, a young woman named Andrea had been captured by an unknown party. Now normally, a kidnapping wouldn’t be something to call in the great Herlock Sholmes for, but Andrea was a special case.

In the nation of Modgasia, the go...

Meeting the parents

So my girlfriend thought it was finaly about time for me to meet her parents. They lived in Seatle, while I was from this small town called Dixon. I figured I could impress them by bringing some of our finest local cider.

We drove all the way there and I did my best to make a great first imp...

My blonde wife is staunchly opposed to my kids having a vacation.

She’s convinced they cause autism.

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.

He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."

Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."

The Turkish respond: "Oka...

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Did you know Hitler was very opposed to tractor-trailers?

Turns out he was a huge anti-semi.

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I oppose all this sex on the television.

I mean, I keep falling off.

(credit to monty python)

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I had 12 bottles of whisky in my basement.

However, my wife did not approve of this ownership of liquor, so she asked me to dispose of it in the sink. And since I didn't dare oppose her, I commenced my precarious mission thus:

I pulled the cork out of the first bottle, and poured the contents down the drain, except for one glass which...

Four rabbis are arguing:

Four rabbis are arguing.
Three rabbis hold one opinion and the fourth one holds an opposite opinion.
The rabbi who oppose the three says: "God will prove I am right!"
There is a lightning and thunder outside.
"That's just a random accident," say those three.
Outside, it star...

Why Does Donald Trump Oppose Single Payer?

Because he is a Toupéer

Some older generations are opposed to Chinese people immigrating to our country.

It's racist but some people will never chang.

Just Post Malone things

Q: What did Post Malone eat for breakfast?
A: Toast Malone

Q: What did Post Malone spray on before he left the house?
A: Post Cologne

Q: what do you call it when Post Malone invites you to his house?
A: Host Malone

Q: what do you call post-pubertal post Malone?
A:...

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In medieval times in Rome, the Pope, influenced by some conservative advisers, decided to expel all Jews from the city

The Pope, not wanting to seem as forcing his decision on the Jews, allowed a debate to be held so the Jews could defend their citizenship.

That night, the Jewish Rabbis gathered in the synagogue to decide who will debate against the Pope. However none of the Rabbis wanted to debate against hi...

I am vehemently opposed to protest!

But, I'm not sure how to show it.

I hear scientists have recently started using lawyers as opposed to rats for scientific experiments...

They do this for two reasons;

One, The scientists become less attached to the lawyers.

And two, there are certain things that even *rats* won't do.


(This is a joke from the film, **Hook**. I never realized how funny it was)

What economic theory opposes manscaping?

Laissez-fur!

A lighthouse was installed at an Alaskan cape near a remote Inuit village

The leader of the village opposed the installation, but the US government overruled him.

One foggy morning, the village leader said to his people, "I told you that thing no good. Look at it: light flash, bell ring, horn go woo-woo. But fog come in, just like always."

How do you tell if someone is opposed to GMOs?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

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I was born in a very conservative family

so I am very much opposed to the idea of sex before marriage. This is why I always wait for women to get married before I sleep with them.

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Two men are walking through the desert and stumble across a big rock

- Hey, what a weird rock!

- Yes, it looks like a pyramid!

They both dig and discover a huge pyramid.

- Shit! It's a giant pyramid!

- What do we do with this?

- We should notify the American archaeological team. These people are professional and I'm sure they'l...

After years of saving Saul finally had enough money to get his eye transplant in China

His wife was opposed to the idea on moral grounds. His brother was worried he might lose what little sight he had now. His friends were worried that what he was doing wasn't entirely legal.

He dismissed them all one by one and finally bought his ticket and set off with grim determination. <...

Heard they are getting rid of the 1p coin. Not sure how I feel about this...

On one hand I'm opposed to change but on the other I'm opposed to change.

Three surgeons was meeting for a drink...

... Here they ended up talking shop, and the first proclaimed:

"The easiest patients to operate on, are accountants! All their organs are numbered."


The second surgeon did dissagree:

"I think the easiest patients to operate on, are painters! All their organs got different co...

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Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley were walking down Pennsylvania Avenue

Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley were walking down Pennsylvania Avenue. As they passed the intersection with 15th street NW, they came across a man dressed as a massive phallus smoking a cigarette.

Roosevelt, being opposed to the use of tobacco products, stopped the man and said "Son, ...

The Egg

I'm utterly opposed to any form of egg cracking on anyone's head and I totally condemn the act of the underage violent vigilante who cracked an egg on senators head. However with that being said what it highlights is the endless distribution and importing of eggs all around the world. Rising fear of...

There was a study on Crows done in the UK....

As we all know, crows are very smart animals. They've learned that if they drop a nut into traffic, cars will run over it and break it open. This is usually performed by 2 crows; one to do the dropping and retrieving, and the second to signal no the first one when traffic is clear and it's safe to g...

A blonde takes part in a game show

[Disclaimer: I don't know whether this counts as a joke, if not please tell me which subreddit would be suitable, 'cause it's actually a pretty fun "story"]

First question: how long did the Hundred Years War last?

a) 99 years

b) 116 years

c) 100 years

d) 150 years<...

There once was an emperor who ruled over a massive territory.

When he came in to power he passed many strange laws. The first law he passed was that in every sentence that you use the word "or" you must also have an "M" in that same sentence.

The people of his domain could do nothing to oppose this outrageous law because it was the
"M per Ors" decre...

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Why I changed my name

Well, for my story to make any sense, I need to clarify that I'm somewhat of a celebrity in my country. I think even internationally people have heard about me, though I'm not too sure about it (fortunately the people who know about me also tend to be technologically a bit behind the curve, so you d...

What paper do you read?

The Wall Street Journal - Read by people who run the country.
The Washington Post - Read by people who THINK they run the country.
The New York Times - Read by people who think they SHOULD be running the country.
The Boston Globe - Read by people whose parents used to run the country, and ...

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Real or fake

I walked into the store the other day, and immediately noticed the girl working there. She was conventionally attractive and had really big breasts. I mean, really big.

I was just there to browse around, but I couldn't help myself. Something made me go over to this girl, and I nervously asked...

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A kindergarten teacher asked her students to talk about what they did during the recent school holidays.

She asked them to use "grown-up words" as opposed to baby language.

The first little one said he went to see his "nana." The teacher said, "No! You went to see your 'grandmother.' Use grown-up words."

The next little one said she went for a trip on a "choo choo." The teacher said again...

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"Looking back", I told the court,...

"I probably should've phrased my statement as 'My 2004 Ford has been written off' as opposed to 'I've just fucked a 14 year old Esocort'"

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They came for our homonyms and I said nothing. They came for our synonyms and still, I said nothing. Nil. Zilch. Nada.

When they came for our antonyms, I was opposed.

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The Secret of the Monastery

One night, a young man got lost in the woods while out hunting. As he walked to and fro to find a familiar landmark, he stumbled upon a very old and dreary looking building. He banged at the wooden double doors and called out, "Help please! I am lost! Could you help me?"

The door opened with ...

Why didn’t Pence attend the biathlon?

He opposed all the biathletes

Measuring vs Questionaries

Me: To get the mass of each Can of chicken I used a digital scale


Teacher: Why did you use that method to obtain your data as
opposed to the other methods?


Me: Because the cans refused to answer the questionnaires honestly

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How do they say "fuck you" in...

... New York? "Trust me."

... Alabama? "That's nice."

... Australia? "Mate, ..." (as opposed to, "... mate.")

... Canada? "I'm sorry you feel that way."

... The armed forces? "With all due respect..."

... Congress? "Thank you."

... Press conferences? "No co...

TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's.

Apparently they opposed integration.

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