Some may say the democratic national convention is where we nominate the president

I think it’s just a political party

I've been nominated for president of the flat-earth society.

Not sure if I should feel flattered or if this is going to have a flipside.

Just heard I've been nominated for choirboy of the year!

I've never been so touched before...

r/Jokes founder nominated for the Nobel peace prize

Because they’ve created world’s most dedicated recycling community.

A native american man lived in the big city all his life.

Then one day his father dies. When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.

But then that autumn, they people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold w...

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

Coronavirus has a ~0.2% mortality rate among young people, so in a class of 50, if everyone got it, there would be a ~10% chance of anyone dying

I nominate Jared

If I could nominate just one person to NEVER be my bartender, it would be Eminem

He insists 'you only get one shot'.

Like I'm gonna get drunk off of one shot.. pffft

A Hindu man, a Rabbi, and Lawyer are walking together on a journey. They realize they will be needing a place to stay so they stop at a lonely farmhouse. The lawyer knocks on the door.

A farmer opens the door and, seeing the three men in front of him, asks "How may I help you?"


The lawyer as the nominated spokesperson says, "We three humble travelers are seeking a place to sleep. We need no food, just a bed."


The farmer replies, "I only have two beds. One...

Did you hear that Trump has been nominated for a Nobel Prize?

He gave Peas a chance.

I just heard Kim Jong-Un has been nominated as the most literate person in all of North Korea

He is the Supweme Reader

Australia

I nominate Australia for the ice bucket challenge!

Why hasn't Liam Neeson been nominated for another Oscar in the last 10 years?

All his roles have been Taken

Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony?
Because he was out standing in his field.

Did you know Trump nominated a deaf guy to the Presidential cabinet?

Congress confirmed him without a hearing.

I bet the bear from The Revenant would have been nominated for an Oscar...

If he was a Polar bear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Its terrible how so few black people get nominated for an Oscar

It's so sad they're not as talented as white people.

What are the five worst words in Washington?

The president has nominated you...

What did the titanic say before it sank?

I nominate all of my passengers for the ALS Icebucket Challenge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A small coastal Australian church gets word the Pope is coming for a visit.

The church committee quickly gets together to discuss arrangements and the topic quickly turns to what food they will serve the Pope.

One of the nuns suggests a serve of fish would be appropriate. The committee agrees and one of the priests is nominated to source a fresh fish.

The pr...

Obvious media bias

Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.

A man went into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help the gentleman.


He said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male ...

I made my first snowman today...

It was so white it's already been nominated to Trump's Cabinet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several centuries ago, the Pope...

Several centuries ago, the Pope ruled that all Jews in must convert or leave Italy. Obviously, there was a huge outcry amongst the Jewish community. The Pope then decided,

"So be it. Send to me your greatest scholar, and we will have a religious debate. If he can beat me, then you all can sta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone's written an album about thermometers...

I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize.

If you ever feel like you can't do something, just remember...

Suicide Squad is an Oscar nominated film.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys were complaining about the 2016 election.

Guy 1: I can't believe we're putting our party's fortunes in the hands of such a sleazy, repulsive, useless bitch.

Guy 2: Yeah, but the other party ain't doing so well either - they just nominated Hillary Clinton.

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