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What do you call a convention you nominate people for cosplaying as the dead?

Necronomicon

Knee-bone slapper I know…….

So, when Lindsey Graham said “If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed and we will deserve it,”…..

…he was actually stating a goal.

Breaking News: The founder of r/Jokes has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize

Well, they did create the world’s most dedicated recycling community, didn’t they?

Some may say the democratic national convention is where we nominate the president

I think it’s just a political party

What did the titanic say as it was sinking...

I nominate all passengers for the ice bucket challenge.

Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize

For real

If I could nominate just one person to NEVER be my bartender, it would be Eminem

He insists 'you only get one shot'.

Like I'm gonna get drunk off of one shot.. pffft

The Flat Earth society have made a new documentary....

.....which has been nominated for the Golden Globe award.

Jacob, age 92, and Beth, age 89, are excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist. Jacob suggests they go in.


Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"...
The pharmacist answers "Yes".


Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
...

Just heard I've been nominated for choirboy of the year!

I've never been so touched before...

I just heard Kim Jong-Un has been nominated as the most literate person in all of North Korea

He is the Supweme Reader

Why hasn't Liam Neeson been nominated for another Oscar in the last 10 years?

All his roles have been Taken

After earning his DDS; a dentist went and opened up his own practice.

He became widely known for his amazing skills, and was highly praised + recommended by every patient he ever had. One year; he was nominated for (and won) a prestigious medical award. Inscribed upon its ornate surface was his name and the specific honor: “Global Recognition of Outstanding Surgical S...

I bet the bear from The Revenant would have been nominated for an Oscar...

If he was a Polar bear

Did you know Trump nominated a deaf guy to the Presidential cabinet?

Congress confirmed him without a hearing.

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

Oscar Isaac wasn't nominated so far despite his performances in Inside Llewyn Davis and Ex Machina

Talk about an Oscar being snubbed

3 turtles named Joe, Jeff, and Jimmy decide to go on a picnic

They pack, chips, sandwiches, and soda, and start to walk to their picnic area. The spot is 5 miles away, and it takes the turtles 10 full days to get there. Once they get there, they realize that they had left the bottle opener, and thus could not open the sodas. They nominate Jimmy to walk back an...

A native american man lived in the big city all his life.

Then one day his father dies. When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.

But then that autumn, they people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold w...

What are the five worst words in Washington?

The president has nominated you...

Obvious media bias

Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.

I made my first snowman today...

It was so white it's already been nominated to Trump's Cabinet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several centuries ago, the Pope...

Several centuries ago, the Pope ruled that all Jews in must convert or leave Italy. Obviously, there was a huge outcry amongst the Jewish community. The Pope then decided,

"So be it. Send to me your greatest scholar, and we will have a religious debate. If he can beat me, then you all can sta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A small coastal Australian church gets word the Pope is coming for a visit.

The church committee quickly gets together to discuss arrangements and the topic quickly turns to what food they will serve the Pope.

One of the nuns suggests a serve of fish would be appropriate. The committee agrees and one of the priests is nominated to source a fresh fish.

The pr...

A man went into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help the gentleman.


He said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone's written an album about thermometers...

I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize.

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and a young girl all board a small plane...

Midway through the flight, the pilot has a stroke and the plane starts to go down. There are only three parachutes on board and the four passengers quickly discuss who of them will take them.

Immediately the Donald says, "I'm the first human orange to be nominated for president, I should be g...

If you ever feel like you can't do something, just remember...

Suicide Squad is an Oscar nominated film.

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