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Proposal Jokes

A young man was about to propose marriage to his girlfriend...

Naturally, he was really nervous and couldn’t think of how to pop the question. One day they were sitting on the couch and suddenly he just blurted out, “I think we should get married!”

“Wait,” his girlfriend said, taken aback, “are you serious?”

“I think I am,” he said.

“You’re...

Business proposal

A man was walking home from the pub when a hooker stopped him an asked him if he wanted to sleep with her for £20.
He said "well I'm very tired" "but OK cos I need the money"

Why does a marriage proposal always sound good?

Because it's got a nice ring to it.

(NSFW) Indecent Proposal

After years of begging my wife to let me have a threesome, she finally agreed. When she asked who I had in mind, I told her these two girls I work with.

Will you marry me is a marriage proposal

But

Will. You. Mary. Me. is a foursome proposal

For a surprise proposal, I wrote “Will you marry me?” on a balloon and handed it to my girlfriend.

Unfortunately she…popped the question.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night

Aftwerwards I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

You ever heard a "Montana proposal?"

"Will ewe marry me?"

An indecent proposal

A man spots a woman at the bar, goes over to her and asks

"Ma'am? Would you sleep with me for a million?"

She looks at him and eventually, she nods.

"How about 5 bucks?"

"What?", she exclaims, "Now what kind of woman do you think I am?"

"Ma'am, I think we have sett...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Getting Screwed Thousand Times

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, But she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a £100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor...

Proposal

A married couple are out one night at a dance club.

There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

The husb...

Stoner Proposal

How does a stoner propose?
He says, "marry wanna?"

What do you call a criminal proposal?

A fell-on-knee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Millionaire marriage proposal

A bachelor Chinese millionaire is on a business trip in Los Angeles. He has had very bad luck finding the perfect bride in China and had given up hope of getting married. During his business presentation, he sees the perfect bride for him -- she is an intelligent, tall, slender single brunette wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a bold proposal:

- Whoever dares to jump, swim to the coast and survive, I'll give you $ 1 million.
No one dared to move for awhile, and then suddenly, a man jumped into the water and desperately swam to the shore while being chased by all the crocodiles.
With enormous luck came, taking everyone's admiration a...

A proposal was sent for arranged marriage.

The girl's parents said "we don't like your son."

Guy's parents: we don't like him either, but what can we do?

I was going to propose to my girlfriend

I was going to propose to my girlfriend, when my roommate joseph walked into the room, tripped and put his head through the glass coffee table. He had glass in his eye.

I didn't really know my roommate. I didn't even know where he was from, but I postponed the proposal, to deal with this medi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a 25-inch long penis

goes to his doctor to complain that he is unable to get any women to have sex with him. They all tell him that his penis is too long.

"Doctor," he asks in total frustration, "Is there any way you can shorten it?"

The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do...

A man proposes to a beautiful young girl and attempts to entice her by telling her that his father is 100 years old and possesses a fortune of several million pounds. The girl asks for two weeks to consider the proposal ...

Two weeks pass and the man calls the girl for her decision 'I can't sorry' she tells him 'I'm your stepmother'

An Irish Proposal

An Irishman proposed to his girlfriend on Saint Patrick’s Day and gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond.

On learning it wasn't real she protested vehemently about his cheapness.

He explained that in honor of Saint Patrick’s Day, he picked her a sham-rock.

What did the melon say to the lemon’s marriage proposal?

I cantaloupe

A tribal artisan approache Mr. Narendra Modi, Prime minister of India with a proposal

Artisan : Mr. PM, Can I make a statue of yours in my tribal style?

PM: Ok, Please go ahead.

Artisan: Will I get any remuneration?

PM: I will give you 100,000 Indian Rupees for it.

Artisan was so happy, he worked hard and made a very beautiful statue of PM.

PM was v...

A Watermelon's Proposal

The watermelon asks his girlfriend, "Honeydew you want to get married?"

The girlfriend says, "Oh yes! But we cantaloupe."


This idea was sparked by [this original post](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/14reag/what_did_the_melon_tell_her_boyfriend_when_he/) by /u/eddiesuarez.

Hilarious reply to hilarious 'I love you' proposal

It was just a casual talk with one of my best friends,when I told her
"*I'm a negative person will you be my modulus function*"(read it somwhere)

And her reply was
"*I'm a square root so cant take any negatives otherwise this whole thing will become complex*"

I got mathametic-zon...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To propose to his girlfriend Wendy, Bill tattooed her name on his...

Penis. Unfortunately, when he was soft, only the 'W' and 'Y' were visible. Nonetheless, the proposal went well when he whipped it out for her, and Wendy accepted happily.

Not long after the proposal, they married and went on a Jamaican honeymoon. At the airport, Bill had to stop and take ...

Why did the rabbit reject her boyfriend’s marriage proposal?

Because the ring wasn’t 24 carrots

Mark was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage

as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him.

In fact, he couldn't bring himself to tell his fiancee' about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place.

All he kept saying wa...

What did the Kool-aid man say about Donald Trump's proposal?

OH Yeaaaaaaa!

Why did the female asteroid deny her boyfriends marriage proposal?

Because she was scared of comet-ment

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