Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.

Einstein opens his eyes and sa...

A hundred year old couple seeks a divorce.

A hundred year old couple enters a lawyers office. After inviting them to sit he asks what he can do for them. They tell him they are seeking to divorce. The lawyer is puzzled and asks how long they've been married for. 79 long years the woman replies. The man adds that they've been deeply unhapp...

A man crosses the Mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family.

Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.

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Sex is kinda like hide n seek

I close my eyes, count to 10 and yell ready or not here I come!

Where is the worst place to hide if you are having a game of hide and seek in a hospital ?

The ICU

Hide and Seek

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"


Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the b...

A struggling businessman named John approaches Yoda seeking financial advice

John asks Yoda “How is it that I am not rich? I work 80 hours a week, I kiss up to my bosses, I avoid my family, I stay away from romantic relationships, I never go out with friends, and yet still, I am not wealthy. Everybody told me that under capitalism, if I worked hard enough, I too could be ric...

Dominatrix author onlyfans creator seeks a fellow writer to be my sub

Basically I need a sub-scriber

The Taliban has promised they WILL require a Covid Vaccine Pass

\- from all individuals who are seeking to attend public executions.

As a kid I got no respect , I played hide and seek

They wouldn't even look for me

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A husband who filed against his wife appear in court to explain their reasons for seeking a divorce.

The judge is incredulous at the husband's grounds stating "She's a poor housekeeper", so he asks the husband to provide him more details.

"Well Judge. Every time I go to the kitchen to take a piss in the sink, it's always full of dirty dishes!"

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While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

I wanted to start a hide-and-seek league...

...but good players are hard to find.

Where do spiders seek health advice

WebMD

Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek ?

No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.

Where do you not want hide when playing hide and go seek in a hospital?

The I-C-U.

I played hide seek as a kid and the ultimate winner hid so good we never found him. Years later they found him under a pile of dirt

Turns out He won by a landslide

Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies...

If you are not well informed about your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing...

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Whenever I have sex it's like playing a game of hide or seek.

I'm always the one who yells: Ready or Not Here I Cum!

An English woman finds out her husband is cheating on her

She is distraught, fueled by anger - so much so that she decides the only course of action is to have him killed. In her grief, she contacts and old friend who works amongst the criminal underbelly of London. He recommends she seek out a specific hitman, known in the business as Big Artie. He is eff...

The whole story

It was evident from the start that Joe Bob was kind but wasn’t very bright. His bumbling and stumbling often irritated people greatly, and so, they became impatient with him. Joe Bob’s mother worried endlessly for her son until one day she went to seek the advice of a wise old woman that lived in a ...

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A guy applies for their driving license

Before starting practicing, of course, they had to pass a theoretical test.

The teacher asks them: «You're on the road at night, and you see 2 lights. What is it?»

And the student answers: «It's a car».

The teacher says: «It narrows down too little. Is it a BMW? A Mercedes? A Fo...

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A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.

At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russia...

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide-and-seek. Einstein is "It," closes his eyes, counts to 10, and then opens them.

Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to one side.

Einstein says, "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!"

Newton says, "No no, no. You've found one Newton per...

I wanted to make a team for a Pro Hide and Seek Game

But good players are hard to find

A guy goes into the forest to seek out the Oracle

Guy: " O great Oracle, I have come to ask of you but one thing! Is there a disappointment in my future?"

The Oracle: "Yes."

Guy: "Aw."

Seeking jokes for my grandmother who has dementia

My 90 year old grandma is in an assisted living home due to her dementia. She has been feeling isolated (no visits due to Covid).

I have decided to start calling her everyday with a "Joke Of The Day" but I need your help with grandma friendly jokes.

All submissions are greatly appr...

A man walked into a newspaper office with an ad saying: 'Man seeks woman to date.'

He was asked: "Do you want to insert it today?"

Man: "Sure, but I can't write that in the ad, can I?

2 Boys decided to play hide and seek

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and b...

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Two whales seek revenge.

Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the ...

Tired of the modern world, a businessman visited a monastery to seek a simpler life

Entering the monastery, he saw monks in simple robes practicing their meditations and tending to the grounds.

"Ahh," he thought, "here is a life free from distraction!"

But walking into the study halls, he discovered monks staring into laptops. In the wings, he saw monks typing on iPa...

Perpetual hard-on

My friend have this problem with a perpetual hard-on and decided to seek help. He went to the pharmacy owned by 3 sisters for any kind of medication.

He explained his problem to one of the owner/pharmacist and asked what he can get for his problem. She said wait here and I will asked my sist...

Which part of the hospital is the best at hide-n-seek?

The ICU

Seeking 1 night stand

Possibly two since I have two lamps

An engineer has trouble dating and seeks advice from his friend:

Friend: Just go to a bar and meet girls, its a no pressure environment.

Engineer: I don't know, one bar seems like way too much pressure for me. Can I go to a pascal instead?

Don't settle for domestic violence

Always seek opportunities for international expansion

Men in black. After years of serving MIB, agent K, 69, found himself too old to deal with an alien drug lord. He decided to seek help from his younger self. Why did he travel to sixty years ago?

K, 9.

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Premature ejaculator seeks lady for short term fling

Lady in question must have large breasts, full lips, a nice ass and... OH GOD... never mind...

Why did Loki throw a tantrum when he couldn't find his brother during a game of hide and seek?

Because he was a Thor loser

A Jewish man was at home

A Jewish man was at home when his son came home and told him:

“Guess what dad, I just converted to Christianity!”

The man, confused about his son’s sudden decision, goes to his friend’s house and explains to him what happened. He replies:

“You won’t believe what happened. My son...

Have you heard about the champion of hide and seek?

Me Neither

I hate it when attention-seeking people announce their cake day

Well, I hate myself

A young well dressed blonde woman enters a high end New York City Bank seeking a loan.

The baker she sees checks her references and asks what she plans to use as collateral for the loan, which is only $5000, far less than most clients ask for at his bank.

She offers her Mercedes Benz as collateral. Everything checks out and the banker approves the loan, and the woman thanks him...

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A sweet, beautiful young would-be starlet comes to Hollywood to seek her fortune.

At her first power cocktail party she goes to the host and asks him "Who's the most powerful man in the room?"

“That would be Jeff over there by the caviar" he says.

The young woman walks over to Jeff and says "Excuse me, Jeff, would you mind stepping back behind this column? I'd lik...

Einstein, Pascal, and Newton meet in heaven and play hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting to 10. Pascal hides behind a cloud, and Newton draws a one metre by one metre square and stands in the middle of it. After Einstein counted to 10, he instantly found Newton.

Einstein: I found you, Newton!

Newton: Sorry, but I'm one Newton per metre squared, Pas...

3 reasons why my parents are bad at hide and seek.

1. They always hide in their bedroom.
2. They make too much noise.
3. my dad takes a pill that makes him think he is invisible and proceeds to take off his clothes

Archimedes, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek.

It's Arcimedes' turn to seek and so he starts counting down.

Pascal quickly runs off to some bushes nearby.

Newton starts walking, stops thinks for a while and them draws a large rectangle around himself in the dirt.

The time is up and Archimedes turns around: "Found you, Newton...

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An old holocaust survivor dies and gets into heaven

He seeks out God and asks him: "Hey God, I've heard this really funny joke on earth. Do you want to hear it?"

God smiles serenly and answers: "Yes, my son, please tell it to me."

The jew grins and says: "How do you get the number of a girl in Auschwitz? You look on her arm!"

God...

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The Anticlimactic Lager (oj)

(*I just made up this joke, it takes a bit of patience but let me know if it's worth it. Either way, keep smiling!*)

Michael was a rich, eccentric and naive beer enthusiast. He journeyed around the world in search of rare lagers.

Once, on a trip to India, he came across a small bar. Be...

Two hospitals were playing hide-and-seek. What did one hospital say to the other?

ICU!

If u saw this joke before, it's because I posted it on dadjokes.

The Seagull and The Octopus

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony...

Why radio lovers love to play hide and seek?

Because **RADIO OR NOT** here i come!



(Okay, that wasn't quite good)

Moron and Trouble are playing hide and seek

Moron goes and hide behind a police car. The ploice officer asks: "What is your name kid?" "Moron" says moron. To which the officer awnsers: "are you looking for trouble?" "No, sir. Trouble's looking for me!

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The Medicran (long)

Fair warning: I heard this from my Dad years ago, so…dad joke ahead. Consider yourself warned.

Long ago, a tribe of the northlands was being savaged by the fearsome Medicran. A council of the tribes elders, after some discussion decided something needed to be done. They charged the tribe’s b...

A tramp, seeking shelter on a freezing night, knocks on George and the Dragon Inn. A hefty lady answers the door and her expletives send him scampering. Desperate, he tries again minutes later.

"May... may I speak to George, please?"

Parker seeks the help of International Rescue for something out of the ordinary...

"You have to help me, Mr. Tracy. It's Lady Penelope. She has gone crazy! "

"Gone crazy, Parker? What do you mean by that?"

"It's her drinking....She cannot restrain herself. Every evening for five months she's been in the bar, drinking heavily, disturbing everybody and being utterly un...

Three priests walk into a bar.

"I'm glad you're here." Says the barwoman. "I lost my precious diamond brooch. Would you please pray for me to find it?"

The first priest sits down. After a minute, he stands up, clutches his head and chants "Oh Lord, show mercy to Your maid servant, return that which she lost."

"What ...

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Fresh married couple goes to a therapist

The husband was sitting there bored and the woman was angry at him.
The therapist saw that and asks the woman:


What seems to be the problem?


She says: I don't know, doctor. Since we got married he isn't paying attention to me. He doesn't even look at me. We haven't had sex i...

After years of going to catholic church I’ve finally decided to seek other points of view on religion...

... After countless hours of study and understanding, I felt an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

Had I made a mistake? Had I crossed a benevolent God?

I had studied Judaism in Israel,

Buddhism in Tibet,

Even to indigenous areas of the globe to to better understand what it...

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A man is told by a friend that he needs to seek some help for his irrational fear

So he goes to see a new therapist. The therapist asks the man what his fear is. The man responds:

"I am afraid of the Backstreet Boys"


The Therapist then responds:


"Tell me why"

Once upon a time 2 kids were playing hide and seek

Their names were Shut Up, and Trouble. It was Trouble's turn to seek, so Shut Up went and ran into his neighbor's yard. His neighbor went onto his front lawn, upon seeing Shut Up he asked "what's your name, and why are you on my property?" to which Shut Up calmly replied, "Shut Up"

Neighbor: ...

Jesus must be horrible at hide and seek

People keep on finding him

Why did the Roman woman never win Hide & Seek?

Because Julius Caesar.

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6 Life Lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

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A few famous scientists are playing a game of hide-and-seek

Einstein starts looking for everyone. Most of them hide, except Newton, who pulls out a piece of paper exactly 1m x 1m in size and places it on the ground next to him.

When Einstein finds him, he shouts: I've found you, Isaac! You've lost!"

The other physicist replies: "Nope. You must ...

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Three kids play hide and seek..

One named Fuck You, one named Respect and one named Trouble.
They decide Trouble will count to twenty and Fuck You and Respect will hide.
Respect hide under a car and Fuck You is hiding on a tall tree.
An officer walks and sees Fuck You, he tells him “Hey kid! Get down here before you’ll fa...

Young couple at doctors office

Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,

"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need...

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A family goes to visit the zoo...

Among the exhibits, they come upon the elephant enclosure where a giant bull elephant stands before them. The young son, seeing the bull’s massive penis points directly at it and exclaims- “Holy cow! What’s that, Mom?”
The mother, embarrassed, seeks to draw his attention away from the spectacle:...

Man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer

For good clean fun

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Two whales.. John and Jenny are swimming in the ocean.

John is mourning the recent loss of his father who was killed by a whale fishing boat.

A few days later John and Jenny come across an similar looking Boat... with excitement John realizes that it’s the fishing boat that killed his father ... he is seeking revenge for the death of his father!...

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A game of hide and seek

4 brothers were playing a game of hide and seek; Manners, None of your business, Shit and Trouble.
Manners, being the oldest, is elected as the seeker. Not long after finishing counting, he finds None of your business and Shit. Trouble, the youngest of the brothers, is noted as the best hide and ...

Why do women over 30 stop playing hide and seek?

Because nobody is looking for them.

It is impossible to play hide and seek in an airport

You’re always hiding in plane sight

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An elderly couple...

An elderly couple who have been together for years are struggling with their sex life. They’ve tried just about everything, but the passion has just died out. Eventually they decide to seek the advice of a less conventional doctor. They explain the problem - the husband says ‘No matter what I do, I ...

My dad and I play hide and seek a lot to beat each other's record. My record is 2 hours until he found me.

His record is 20 years and still counting.

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A man's car breaks down in Tibet..

A man's car breaks down in Tibet, and wouldn't you know it? His phone gets no service. So he walks up a long windy road to a huge monastery at the top of the hill. He knocks at the reinforced double doors and a Tibetan monk after some minutes finally opens.

"My car broke down. Do you...

A very old couple is seeking a divorce

The attorney asked: "How long have you been married?"

"60 years" the old man said.
"61!" the old woman corrects him.

"Well why now? Why do you want a divorce"? asks the attorney.

"I've wanted a divorce for at least 50 years" says the old man. "I cannot stand this woman. Ne...

As a lover of history, I always wondered how Genghis Khan would seek shelter whilst traversing various regions of the vast Mongol empire

Then it struck me. Finally! A regional Khan tent.

Newton, Pascal and Einstein go to play hide and seek...

Newton, Pascal and Einstein go to play hide and seek. Einstein became the seeker, so Newton and Pascal ran to find their hiding spots. Einstein finished counting and went to search. He saw Newton still lingering around.

Einstein: "You're it!"

Newton: "No. I am Newton who is upon a 1 m^...

Why was the doctor so good at hide and seek?

...
...


She worked in the I...C...U!

What do you call it when Carrie wins at hide-and-seek?

Concealed Carrie

Seeking Legal Advice

If you're 70 and your husband coughs and you shoot him...can you claim self defense?

\#covid-19

Why are snakes so bad at playing hide-and-seek?

Because of their inability to count.

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...

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Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

(This was in the days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)

So, Fred fou...

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs to a nearby bush and hides.
Newton stands right behind Einstein, takes out a chalk, and draws a perfect one meter by one meter square on the ground around himself.

As Einstein reaches 10, he says,
"Ready or not, I'm coming to you! Or...

Why is Kevin Spacey bad at hide and seek?

He comes out at the wrong time.

a women goes to seek out advice about her husband's hearing, as the situation seems to be getting progressively worse she's increasingly worried about him

"He'll be fine don't worry mam, he's in good hands"

assured the senator.

I signed up for "Hide and Seek" championship

I forgot all about it, I won first prize

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Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

Medium

A model (I guess we'll call... Anna?), quite successful in her career, one day tragically loses a close relative, her father. The sense of emptiness left is so great eventually she decides to seek the help of a seer, someone who can speak to the dead.

She quickly finds one in her area, she de...

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.......

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton and Blaise Pascal were playing hide and seek in heaven..

It was Einstein's turn to find them.

Pascal went and hide behind the bushes.

But Newton just stood on a 1M *1M tile..

Einstein came out and shouted "Newton, you are out!"

Newton replied " No, actually you are out, as I am Pascal"

Einstein: "Elaborate..."

"As...

A lawyer came to seek the advice of a rabbi concerning his son...

He said, "I don't know what to do. I raised my son in the Jewish faith. I taught him all of the religious traditions, threw him a large bar mitzvah, and raised him in a Jewish community but now he has become a Christian."

The rabbi said, "Funny you should ask me. I also taught my son the Jewi...

Never seek advice from a man..

I am a lady aged 26, and my husband is 34. I left my husband with the maid and our baby at home. After driving for just about 2km from home, my car engine started to over heat. So I had to return and get the other car. When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid. I Don't know what to do....

A blond and two brown haired girls are playing hide and seek

The first girl hides in a dog crate with a towel over it when the it comes by she says woof woof the it goes right by the second girl hides in a cat crate and when the it goes by she says meow meow the blond hides in a potato sack and when the it comes by she screams POTATO NOISES.

Who's the best hide and go seek player

Anne Frank

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A married woman visited a healer, seeking advice on her relationship

“Please you have to help me. Everyday my husband comes home from work he beats the shit out of me. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

The healer says: “You see, in every man’s soul there is a lot of rage and violence. But as he grows older and wiser, he will learn to control his anger. My anc...

The psychologist and psychiatrist society says talking to plants and pots during the pandemic is perfectly normal...

Seek help, if they start talking back...

I always seek approval from a qualified architect before removing my condom.

After all, it is load bearing.

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A timber recycling centre placed a job ad seeking an experienced timber sorter.

And one morning in walks a guy wearing dark glasses and using a white cane.

"I've come about the timber sorting position", he tells the lady at reception.

She gets her husband, the boss, who takes one look at the guy and says, "No offence pal, but how do you intend to sort timber if y...

Why is Caitlyn Jenner’s dad so good at hide and seek?

He’s trans-parent!

I was double majoring in cloning and hide-and-seek

But I had to take a year off to find myself.

My earliest memory of my mother is playing hide and seek with her, I would be sat peering out of the oven window and she would say...

"Your getting warmer"...

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A Japanese ascended a tall mountain to seek wisdom from a sage. He asks: “Master Akira, why do people all think Japanese look alike?”

“I’m not master Akira!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was playing hide and seek with the kids last night and the power went out.

I hunted around for my flashlight but could only find my fleshlight.

Oh well, at least they never saw me cumming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders goes to a union brothel

Bernie Sanders decides he wants to seek out a prostitute in a brothel, but not just any brothel will do. As a true champion of the working class he will only give his patronage to a true union institution.

He walks into the first brothel and he asks the owner, "if I were to pay $100, how much...

Hide and go seek winner

What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?Last years hide and go seek winner

What do you call a dinosaur who seeks to be one with the universe?

Philosopher raptor

Playing hide and seek with my three year old son is easy.

It’s been 15 years and he still hasn’t found me!

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