A man crosses the Mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family.

Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.

Where is the worst place to hide if you are having a game of hide and seek in a hospital ?

The ICU

Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek ?

No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.

I played hide seek as a kid and the ultimate winner hid so good we never found him. Years later they found him under a pile of dirt

Turns out He won by a landslide

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While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies...

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What's something a guy can say while having sex as well as while playing hide n seek?

Ready or not here I come.

A guy goes into the forest to seek out the Oracle

Guy: " O great Oracle, I have come to ask of you but one thing! Is there a disappointment in my future?"

The Oracle: "Yes."

Guy: "Aw."

A man dies and goes to hell.

Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.


At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil ...

I wanted to make a team for a Pro Hide and Seek Game

But good players are hard to find

A man walked into a newspaper office with an ad saying: 'Man seeks woman to date.'

He was asked: "Do you want to insert it today?"

Man: "Sure, but I can't write that in the ad, can I?

Seeking jokes for my grandmother who has dementia

My 90 year old grandma is in an assisted living home due to her dementia. She has been feeling isolated (no visits due to Covid).

I have decided to start calling her everyday with a "Joke Of The Day" but I need your help with grandma friendly jokes.

All submissions are greatly appr...

Tired of the modern world, a businessman visited a monastery to seek a simpler life

Entering the monastery, he saw monks in simple robes practicing their meditations and tending to the grounds.

"Ahh," he thought, "here is a life free from distraction!"

But walking into the study halls, he discovered monks staring into laptops. In the wings, he saw monks typing on iPa...

Seeking 1 night stand

Possibly two since I have two lamps

A young well dressed blonde woman enters a high end New York City Bank seeking a loan.

The baker she sees checks her references and asks what she plans to use as collateral for the loan, which is only $5000, far less than most clients ask for at his bank.

She offers her Mercedes Benz as collateral. Everything checks out and the banker approves the loan, and the woman thanks him...

2 Boys decided to play hide and seek

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and b...

Which part of the hospital is the best at hide-n-seek?

The ICU

I hate it when attention-seeking people announce their cake day

Well, I hate myself

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide-and-seek. Einstein is "It," closes his eyes, counts to 10, and then opens them.

Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to one side.

Einstein says, "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!"

Newton says, "No no, no. You've found one Newton per...

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Two whales.. John and Jenny are swimming in the ocean.

John is mourning the recent loss of his father who was killed by a whale fishing boat.

A few days later John and Jenny come across an similar looking Boat... with excitement John realizes that it’s the fishing boat that killed his father ... he is seeking revenge for the death of his father!...

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A man's car breaks down in Tibet..

A man's car breaks down in Tibet, and wouldn't you know it? His phone gets no service. So he walks up a long windy road to a huge monastery at the top of the hill. He knocks at the reinforced double doors and a Tibetan monk after some minutes finally opens.

"My car broke down. Do you...

An engineer has trouble dating and seeks advice from his friend:

Friend: Just go to a bar and meet girls, its a no pressure environment.

Engineer: I don't know, one bar seems like way too much pressure for me. Can I go to a pascal instead?

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6 Life Lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

Men in black. After years of serving MIB, agent K, 69, found himself too old to deal with an alien drug lord. He decided to seek help from his younger self. Why did he travel to sixty years ago?

K, 9.

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Premature ejaculator seeks lady for short term fling

Lady in question must have large breasts, full lips, a nice ass and... OH GOD... never mind...

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Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

Einstein, Pascal, and Newton meet in heaven and play hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting to 10. Pascal hides behind a cloud, and Newton draws a one metre by one metre square and stands in the middle of it. After Einstein counted to 10, he instantly found Newton.

Einstein: I found you, Newton!

Newton: Sorry, but I'm one Newton per metre squared, Pas...

Young couple at doctors office

Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,

"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need...

Archimedes, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek.

It's Arcimedes' turn to seek and so he starts counting down.

Pascal quickly runs off to some bushes nearby.

Newton starts walking, stops thinks for a while and them draws a large rectangle around himself in the dirt.

The time is up and Archimedes turns around: "Found you, Newton...

Have you heard about the champion of hide and seek?

Me Neither

Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.

Einstein opens his eyes and sa...

Why did Loki throw a tantrum when he couldn't find his brother during a game of hide and seek?

Because he was a Thor loser

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An old holocaust survivor dies and gets into heaven

He seeks out God and asks him: "Hey God, I've heard this really funny joke on earth. Do you want to hear it?"

God smiles serenly and answers: "Yes, my son, please tell it to me."

The jew grins and says: "How do you get the number of a girl in Auschwitz? You look on her arm!"

God...

3 reasons why my parents are bad at hide and seek.

1. They always hide in their bedroom.
2. They make too much noise.
3. my dad takes a pill that makes him think he is invisible and proceeds to take off his clothes

Two hospitals were playing hide-and-seek. What did one hospital say to the other?

ICU!

If u saw this joke before, it's because I posted it on dadjokes.

Why radio lovers love to play hide and seek?

Because **RADIO OR NOT** here i come!



(Okay, that wasn't quite good)

A tramp, seeking shelter on a freezing night, knocks on George and the Dragon Inn. A hefty lady answers the door and her expletives send him scampering. Desperate, he tries again minutes later.

"May... may I speak to George, please?"

Moron and Trouble are playing hide and seek

Moron goes and hide behind a police car. The ploice officer asks: "What is your name kid?" "Moron" says moron. To which the officer awnsers: "are you looking for trouble?" "No, sir. Trouble's looking for me!

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Two whales seek revenge.

Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the ...

After years of going to catholic church I’ve finally decided to seek other points of view on religion...

... After countless hours of study and understanding, I felt an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

Had I made a mistake? Had I crossed a benevolent God?

I had studied Judaism in Israel,

Buddhism in Tibet,

Even to indigenous areas of the globe to to better understand what it...

Parker seeks the help of International Rescue for something out of the ordinary...

"You have to help me, Mr. Tracy. It's Lady Penelope. She has gone crazy! "

"Gone crazy, Parker? What do you mean by that?"

"It's her drinking....She cannot restrain herself. Every evening for five months she's been in the bar, drinking heavily, disturbing everybody and being utterly un...

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The following add in the Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls

“Single female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

I am a very good-looking girl who loves to play.

I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.

Candlelight dinners will have ...

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A man is told by a friend that he needs to seek some help for his irrational fear

So he goes to see a new therapist. The therapist asks the man what his fear is. The man responds:

"I am afraid of the Backstreet Boys"


The Therapist then responds:


"Tell me why"

Jesus must be horrible at hide and seek

People keep on finding him

Why did the Roman woman never win Hide & Seek?

Because Julius Caesar.

A very old couple is seeking a divorce

The attorney asked: "How long have you been married?"

"60 years" the old man said.
"61!" the old woman corrects him.

"Well why now? Why do you want a divorce"? asks the attorney.

"I've wanted a divorce for at least 50 years" says the old man. "I cannot stand this woman. Ne...

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Three kids play hide and seek..

One named Fuck You, one named Respect and one named Trouble.
They decide Trouble will count to twenty and Fuck You and Respect will hide.
Respect hide under a car and Fuck You is hiding on a tall tree.
An officer walks and sees Fuck You, he tells him “Hey kid! Get down here before you’ll fa...

Man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer

For good clean fun

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A few famous scientists are playing a game of hide-and-seek

Einstein starts looking for everyone. Most of them hide, except Newton, who pulls out a piece of paper exactly 1m x 1m in size and places it on the ground next to him.

When Einstein finds him, he shouts: I've found you, Isaac! You've lost!"

The other physicist replies: "Nope. You must ...

Once upon a time 2 kids were playing hide and seek

Their names were Shut Up, and Trouble. It was Trouble's turn to seek, so Shut Up went and ran into his neighbor's yard. His neighbor went onto his front lawn, upon seeing Shut Up he asked "what's your name, and why are you on my property?" to which Shut Up calmly replied, "Shut Up"

Neighbor: ...

Newton, Pascal and Tesla were playing hide and go seek.

For the first round, Tesla was the seeker. He began counting to 100 and Pascal scurried off to find somewhere to hide.
However, Newton simply drew a square on the ground and stepped into it.

When Tesla finished counting he opened his eyes to see Newton standing in front of him, not even at...

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Bernie Sanders goes to a union brothel

Bernie Sanders decides he wants to seek out a prostitute in a brothel, but not just any brothel will do. As a true champion of the working class he will only give his patronage to a true union institution.

He walks into the first brothel and he asks the owner, "if I were to pay $100, how much...

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Barnyard antijokes, written by an AI

Q:
What's the difference between a horse and a duck?

A:
A horse has legs but a duck has feathers.

Q:
Why do elephants play hide-and-seek?

A: They don’t have to worry about winning.

Q:
How much is a cow worth?

Answer:
100 Pounds.

Q: ...

The Twelve Thank You Notes Of Christmas

Dec 25

My dearest darling Edward,

What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.

Your deeply loving,

Emily

Dec 26

Beloved Edward,...

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...

It is impossible to play hide and seek in an airport

You’re always hiding in plane sight

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A joke a work colleague told me the other day

A man is waiting for a bus on a rainy day and decides to seek some shelter. He noticed an open doorway next to the bus stop and decides to go in.

When he gets in he sees three doors with signs next to them, they read: brunette, redhead and blonde. The man likes redheads so he enters that door...

Seeking Legal Advice

If you're 70 and your husband coughs and you shoot him...can you claim self defense?

\#covid-19

As a lover of history, I always wondered how Genghis Khan would seek shelter whilst traversing various regions of the vast Mongol empire

Then it struck me. Finally! A regional Khan tent.

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A game of hide and seek

4 brothers were playing a game of hide and seek; Manners, None of your business, Shit and Trouble.
Manners, being the oldest, is elected as the seeker. Not long after finishing counting, he finds None of your business and Shit. Trouble, the youngest of the brothers, is noted as the best hide and ...

What do you call it when Carrie wins at hide-and-seek?

Concealed Carrie

Breaking News

Local police are seeking a shoplifter who attacked a store this lunch time but was tackled by a have-a-go shopkeep with his labelling gun.

Officers say they're seeking a man with a price on his head.

- RIP Ronnie Corbett.

Newton, Pascal and Einstein go to play hide and seek...

Newton, Pascal and Einstein go to play hide and seek. Einstein became the seeker, so Newton and Pascal ran to find their hiding spots. Einstein finished counting and went to search. He saw Newton still lingering around.

Einstein: "You're it!"

Newton: "No. I am Newton who is upon a 1 m^...

Albert Einstein, Blaise Pascal, and Isaac Newton decided to play a game of hide and seek.

Einstein covers his eyes and starts counting.


Pascal runs off to hide but Newton takes a chalk and marks a 1m×1m square on the floor and stands in it.


"Ready or not, here I come!" Einstein exclaims while he opens his eyes. He sees Newton standing out in the open and says "Haha,...

a women goes to seek out advice about her husband's hearing, as the situation seems to be getting progressively worse she's increasingly worried about him

"He'll be fine don't worry mam, he's in good hands"

assured the senator.

I am the best hide and seek player in the world!

I played a game of hide and seek with my 3 kids and ex-wife 10 years ago. I hid and they still haven't been able to find me.

What do you get when you cross a dog and some explosives?

A treat seeking missile.

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There was an alcoholic man in a village

So he seeked help from the village's only doctor.
-"Tell me about your problem", said the doc.
-"I just can't stop drinking and nothing can help me, I am an alcoholic", said helplessly the man.
- "I will fix that!", said the doc and started fucking the alcoholic in the ass.
After it was ...

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A man had painful spots on his penis.

He went to the doctor to get treatment.

The doctor said,"I have bad news. The treatment costs $10,000. I will need to cut off your penis."

The man was shocked at the news. It was too expensive and he didn't want his penis cut off, so he went to China to seek treatment.

Once h...

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Discordian Enlightenment

A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America confusing. He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled.

One night in a coffee house, a self-ordained Zen Master said to him, "Go to the dilapidated...

What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?

Last year's Hide and Go Seek winner.

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Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

(This was in the days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)

So, Fred fou...

Why do women over 30 stop playing hide and seek?

Because nobody is looking for them.

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An old fisherman suspected his wife of cheating, so he hired a private investigator...

This is a long one, so bear with me.

The fisherman and his wife lived in Saint John’s, Newfoundland and he made his living by going out into the ocean to net cod under the watchful eye of his captain.

In those days, the best fishing was to be found far out on the banks very far from...

Why are snakes so bad at playing hide-and-seek?

Because of their inability to count.

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton and Blaise Pascal were playing hide and seek in heaven..

It was Einstein's turn to find them.

Pascal went and hide behind the bushes.

But Newton just stood on a 1M *1M tile..

Einstein came out and shouted "Newton, you are out!"

Newton replied " No, actually you are out, as I am Pascal"

Einstein: "Elaborate..."

"As...

I signed up for "Hide and Seek" championship

I forgot all about it, I won first prize

My dad and I play hide and seek a lot to beat each other's record. My record is 2 hours until he found me.

His record is 20 years and still counting.

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A timber recycling centre placed a job ad seeking an experienced timber sorter.

And one morning in walks a guy wearing dark glasses and using a white cane.

"I've come about the timber sorting position", he tells the lady at reception.

She gets her husband, the boss, who takes one look at the guy and says, "No offence pal, but how do you intend to sort timber if y...

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"Let's play hide and seek. If you find me you get to have sex with me"

"If you don't, I'm in the closet"

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek.

lt’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.

Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately ...

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs to a nearby bush and hides.
Newton stands right behind Einstein, takes out a chalk, and draws a perfect one meter by one meter square on the ground around himself.

As Einstein reaches 10, he says,
"Ready or not, I'm coming to you! Or...

A blond and two brown haired girls are playing hide and seek

The first girl hides in a dog crate with a towel over it when the it comes by she says woof woof the it goes right by the second girl hides in a cat crate and when the it goes by she says meow meow the blond hides in a potato sack and when the it comes by she screams POTATO NOISES.

A married couple was lying in bed one night. The wife is all curled up, ready to go to sleep, as the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book

As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife, and fondles her "special area". He does this a few times, but only for very short intervals before turning back to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused... and, assuming that her husband is seeking some enco...

Kim Jong Un went to get his palm read.

"Ah", said the mystic. "One year from now I see great glory in your future.

Two years from now I see even greater glory.

Three years from now the glory is joined by love.

However I must warn you that past that I can read nothing of your future."

At this the dictator gets...

A Catholic priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbi are camping together

Around the campfire they each claim to be the best at winning converts to their respective faiths. To settle the friendly dispute they decide to seek out a bear and try to convert it. The next day they fan out in different directions into the woods, planning to meet back at the campsite in twelve ho...

Why is Kevin Spacey bad at hide and seek?

He comes out at the wrong time.

Never seek advice from a man..

I am a lady aged 26, and my husband is 34. I left my husband with the maid and our baby at home. After driving for just about 2km from home, my car engine started to over heat. So I had to return and get the other car. When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid. I Don't know what to do....

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.......

A lawyer came to seek the advice of a rabbi concerning his son...

He said, "I don't know what to do. I raised my son in the Jewish faith. I taught him all of the religious traditions, threw him a large bar mitzvah, and raised him in a Jewish community but now he has become a Christian."

The rabbi said, "Funny you should ask me. I also taught my son the Jewi...

Jerry Falwell Jr has resigned his post as president from the school that his father founded

When reporters were seeking a statement, he was not at Liberty to respond

My Mom's favorite joke

There was a woman named Betty Lou, whose life had recently fallen into a downward spiral of horrible luck. She had been laid off after working for the same company for several years. She began binge eating to cope, and as a result become terribly overweight. This made it more difficult for her to ac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married woman visited a healer, seeking advice on her relationship

“Please you have to help me. Everyday my husband comes home from work he beats the shit out of me. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

The healer says: “You see, in every man’s soul there is a lot of rage and violence. But as he grows older and wiser, he will learn to control his anger. My anc...

I always seek approval from a qualified architect before removing my condom.

After all, it is load bearing.

Why is Caitlyn Jenner’s dad so good at hide and seek?

He’s trans-parent!

Who's the best hide and go seek player

Anne Frank

My earliest memory of my mother is playing hide and seek with her, I would be sat peering out of the oven window and she would say...

"Your getting warmer"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Personals Ad

Premature ejaculator seeks woman with big tits, a curvy arse and.... oh, never mind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese ascended a tall mountain to seek wisdom from a sage. He asks: “Master Akira, why do people all think Japanese look alike?”

“I’m not master Akira!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.

We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible. I was put in a team with my little brother. After searching for a good spot we eventually settled in a watchtower.

We agreed that one person stood watch and the other could rest. My brother be...

I tried to start a hide and seek club in high school

But I couldn’t find the advisor

Playing hide and seek with my three year old son is easy.

It’s been 15 years and he still hasn’t found me!

I was double majoring in cloning and hide-and-seek

But I had to take a year off to find myself.

Seeking inspiration, a screenwriter goes to the holy place of Golgotha in Jerusalem, believed to be the site of Jesus's crucifixion. Finding a quiet spot, he begins to write. Unfortunately, a group of thieves sneak up behind him, knock him out, and steal his laptop.

Another victim of a cross site scripting attack.

One day , the scientists decided to play hide and seek. When the seeker started to count , everybody but Newton went hiding. Newton drew a square 1m each side right behind the seeker and stepped into it. The seeker found him immediately and declared "Newton, Newton". But Newton refused to lose.

He said: This square covered an area of 1m2. I'm a Newton on 1m2. So I'm Pascal.

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