If you adjust your posture based on someone's recommendation,
Do you stand corrected?
I bought a dachshund on a cowboy’s recommendation.
He told me to get a long little doggy.
I need a recommendation for a good breakfast wine.
Something that would compliment baloney pancakes - or a nice Cheetos frittata.
(Bonus points if I can make it myself in the bathtub.)
An employee who was being let go for poor performance asked his boss to help him out with a letter of recommendation
The boss didn't want to refuse, but he was too honest to lie. So he wrote: "You will be very fortunate to get John to work for you!"
The recommendation to self-isolate by governments feels like we were all given a group project and so far the progress seems similar to a typical group project.
The minority is doing most of the work while everyone else does whatever they want.
I was given a book recommendation recently. The book was titled “When the Pandemic will End”
Written by Sue Nora Layter
(LONG) Man walks into bakery, picks out a few loaves of bread, then heads to check-out.
(been a while since I've seen this repost, bear with me) The clerk is a healthy young lady, and she starts ringing him up. He's been wanting to branch out in his breakfast routine, and asks if she has any recommendations. She points to the top shelf behind her, and says that she really likes th...
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position
as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we’d hire you without a second thought. However, a sales...
A man goes to the doctor
"Help me", he says, "I think I might be asthmatic because I have a really hard time breathing"
The doctor performes a couple of tests and tells him: "From now on, I want you to sleep with your windows wide open."
A week later the man comes to the doctor again. The doctor asks him: "So,...
Wanna watch a movie with my girlfriend & need recommendations...
... on how to get a girlfriend.
Your momma is soooo fat.....
she violates the social distance recommendations all by herself!
My friend wanted a scary movie recommendation
I suggested An Inconvenient Truth
A man walks into a bar...
There’s only him, the barman and a guy about a foot high playing the piano. ‘What you want to drink?’ Asks the barman. ‘ any recommendations?’ replies the guy. ‘ we have genie beer, you get a free wish when you open the bottle’ So the guy gets one, opens the bottle and asks for a million...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
I asked my neighbor for some new porn site recommendations.
Apparently, he didn't stay up to date since we installed our CCTV.
[long] My company is locked down and I am required to work from home
I'm used to working in an open office space so this is a huge change for me. In order to make the transition as easy as possible, I have prepared my home office so remind me of work.
* I've purchased a piece of Limburger cheese and placed it on a plate in the middle of the room to remind me o...