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Gentle Jokes

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"Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales r...

jujitsu is the gentle art....

Of folding clothes with people still in them...

What's the difference between a hard smack and a gentle pat?

One's a tight slap, the other's a slight tap.

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[OC] I just made this joke up - be gentle

A small breasted woman was walking along the sidewalk in New York City on her lunch break, going to get something to eat. As she passed by a nearby constuction crew, they started cat-calling her.

Normally, she would just ignore them, but one guy in particular kept making fun of the fact that...

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Why are gentle men so good in bed?

Because ladies come first.

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This morning, I decided to wake up my girlfriend with a gentle fuck

followed by a gentle "you"

A girl is walking through a cemetery at night

She’s a little nervous because it’s dark, but it’s the shortest way to get to her home.

Suddenly she hears a distinct tapping noise from the graves on her left. Her heart almost stops as she pauses mid-step. She hears it again - tap, tap, tap.

She screams and starts running down the ...

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A couple from Alabama get married.

They go off to Las Vegas for their honeymoon. They get settled in their room for their first night together. As he's getting ready to take off his robe, she says "Be gentle. It's my first time". He gets outraged, packs his stuff, and leaves.

His dad lets him cool off for a bit. After a week, ...

You have to be gentle with a bathroom tap

Don’t faucet

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I was gently stroking a woman I had just met.

I was gently stroking a woman I had just met.

I ran my hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.

Then, I proceeded to run my hand gently down her side, sliding my hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

I continued on, gently feel...

To her credit, the nurse that prepped me for my vasectomy was very gentle and I'm sure she didn't mean to be unkind.

But I don't think it was very nice of her to say "Just a little prick, sir".

(Old joke alert - be gentle.)

So, a guy sees this girl home after a date.

She says

\- Do you want to come in? You'll have to be very quiet, my parents are upstairs.

\- Sure

So they go in to the sitting room, get on the couch, and start smooching.

The guy says

\- Sorry, I need to use ...

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This is my first time please be gentle

Is what I would say if I ever had sex

She was a gentle custodian of money made from dating apps

A tender tender of Tinder tender

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One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method ...

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My first time posting here, made up this one late night so, please be gentle with me kind stranger...

So a Cambodian guy walks into a bar,
He orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender was new to the place and hasn't seen much foreigners so confused by the customer's race he makes conversation saying.
"Hey your people are famous for their great sushi I've heard"

The guy looks...

Nothing like waking up to the gentle pitter-patter of rain drops falling on your face.

Now to only figure out who robbed my roof.

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A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, "Please, be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

The husband was shocked and replied, "How's this possible? You've been married *three* times before!"

The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, ...

"Why did you name me Lily?"

"Father," said Lily, "why did you name me Lily?" Lily's father smiled, "On the day you were born, a gentle breeze carried a lily through the window, and it gently fell onto your forehead, and so we named you Lily." Lily smiled at her father, and went back to playing.
On that same day, Lily's sist...

I hate how Shark Week tries to playoff Sharks as "gentle caring creatures that are misrepresented by the media".

It doesn't matter what they say, I'm still not voting to re-elect the president.

A woman decides to go home with a guy she met at a club one night

He's tall, tanned, strikingly handsome, and seems different than most other guys she meets.

Upon arrival at his place they head straight to the bedroom where she can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears.

On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle shelf are medium-siz...

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First time

Wife : Be gentle, it is my first time in bed.


Husband : What? You had three divorces before.


Wife : My first husband was a philosopher. He only talked about it.


Second was a gynaecologist. He just kept looking at it.

And the third was an engineer. He wante...

If Valentine's Day is for couples, what day is for single men?

Palm Sunday.

First time posting, please be gentle.

[OC, be gentle] Ronald McDonald snuck up on a Happy Meal and said, "Serve fries!!!"

The Happy Meal replied, "Nugget out of my face."

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Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship again.

One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty, silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you?"


The silver-haired Marcie...

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The rabbit, the bear, and the wish granting frog (My first post, please be gentle)

A rabbit was sitting in the forest straining to expel the demons caused from a bad meal he had eaten the night before, when he heard a rustling in the bush not far from him. Knowing he was near the bottom of the food chain, he tried to hurry it up.

Just as the rabbit finished his business, ...

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A man goes to a new store to get some toilet paper

He approaches the clerk and asks are there any brands he recommends.

"Why yes sir! I make all my own products and we've something to suit everybody. This one I call Bob Ross"

"Why have you named it that?"

"Cos it's so gentle your ass will feel so relaxed and nice afterwards sir...

What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common?

They both shred footage.



(*be gentle, it's my first time.*)

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Poor mermaid

Paddy English man, Irish man and Welsh man are on the beach. They see a mermaid sitting on a rock. The most beautiful creature they had ever seen.

English man goes up and asks, have you every been kissed? The mermaid is all coy and says no. English man gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek.Wel...

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A prostitute propositions a snowman, "I can be gentle or dominant. I can be anything you want me to be."

The snowman hands her $20 and says, "Be a snow blower."

Two Council workers, Jim and Dave, are staring up at the flagpole outside the council offices

A young lady walks past and is intrigued by them, just standing there, staring.

she walks over to them and says "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you, staring at the flagpole. Is there anything wrong?"

"The boss told us we got to measure the height of this flagpole," Said Jim. "He...

A wealthy man walks into a bar...

*I've seen a joke here about a man with* ***a head the size of an orange*** *which is an absurdist response to an old dirty joke. I'm not sure everyone knows the original. I'll put the anti-joke version in the comments.*

\--------------

A wealthy man walks into a bar. He is clearly ric...

What’s the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?

One is a superhero and the other is a command.

(Be gentle its my first joke)

A guy, a pig, and a dog are the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they find themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there for awhile, they get into a ritual of going to the beach every night to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle -- in short, a perfect night for romance! Well, that pig started looking bette...

I was sitting at the bar alone the other day, then a pretty lady asked me if the seat is taken with a gentle smile on her face. So I said “of course not, by all means, have a seat”

“Thank you so much”, she replied

And proceeded to take the chair.

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A recently married couple retire to their honeymoon suite. Before hopping into bed the bride says, "Now honey, you'll be gentle with me won't you. You know that I'm still a virgin."

This clearly surprises the man, "What are you saying. Aren't I your third husband?"

The woman replied, "Yes, but my first husband was a psychologist and all he liked to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he liked to do was look at it. Since you're a lawyer, I'm...

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