A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe.

After a while the cop turns to the kid and says "Okay, which one's your father."

The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."

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I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little bastards didn’t stand a chance…

Why is 69 afraid of 70?

Because they once had a fight and 71.

A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from Boston got into a fight, who won?

5th grader from Alabama, because he's 18 yrs old

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you are prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

Sunday and Monday are in a fight. Who wins?

Sunday. Monday is a weekday.

Never fight short people

They hit below the belt

Why should you never fight a dinosaur

You will get jurasskicked

Do you know why some vegans love to start fights with other people?

They need to get some beef in their lives somehow.

A mime friend of mine got arrested after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.

He still has the right to remain silent.

I got into a fight with a math teacher the other day.

Frankly it all went smoothly. We put aside our differences and to sum it all up; we got rid of the negatives.

I got into a fight it was 1 vs 10

It took some effort but eventually we beat the guy up

The kids next door challenged me to water fight in the front yard.

I'm just posting real quick while I wait for it to boil.

What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?

Go for the juggler.

The time to fight against climate change is upon us, and this sub is setting fantastic examples.

Everything here is recycled anyway...

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I won my first cage fight last night...

Knocked that parrot the fuck out!

I just printed some pamphlets on how not to say the wrong thing and avoid getting into fights.

Who wants some?

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What state do prostitutes fight over?

Idaho.

Why should you never start a fight with a rabbi?

He might know Jew-jitsu.

Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

You'll get jurasskicked!

*Sorry if its lame but my niece just told it and i fell laughing*

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.


The kingdoms ...

Why do computer soldiers fight

For the motherboard

What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pastor?

Alien vs. Predator

What do you call two celebrities who get into a gun fight?

One is a shooting star, and the other is a falling star.

How do you get two catholic priests to fight in a bar?

You toss in a little boy!

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A Mexican illegally crossed the border into the US and gets into a fight with a sex offender

It's Alien vs Predator

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Porn is a lot like a fight between Mike Tyson and some guy in a pub

It's never gonna last the full bout, and 99% of the audience is only there to see one of the players

Two guys stumble out of the bar and want to fight.

One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'm gonna punch you!"


That was the punch line.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?

Claude.

You hear about the fight at red lobster?

Four fish were battered!

I won my first cage fight today

Stupid bird never knew what hit it

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[wife, watching the news] Some idiot was trying to fight a squid at the aquarium.

[me, covered in ink] maybe the squid was being a dick.

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Bravery Award for the man who can drink, fight and fuck!

Once upon a time, a king announced Bravery Award for a man who can drink 10 barrels of wine, defeat a lion and bring back it's tooth and fuck a girl till she faints!
Many men tried, but all failed.

Then came a drunkard. People advised him not to do it, but he persisted, and drank all 10 b...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

They never mention that part to us, do they .

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So I was invited to a cock fight just recently

And my opponent was a damn chicken. Motherfucker didn't stand a chance

Never pick a fight with a redditor.

He is likely to riposte

Had a water balloon fight with some of the kids in my neighbourhood today. I won!

No one is a match for me and my kettle.

How do you break up a fight between two blind people?

Yell "My money's on the guy with the knife!"

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet...

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.

11, 12, 13, 14, and 15 get into a fight and 13 gets murdered.

The police arrive and start the murder investigation. But almost immediately, they release 12, 14, and 15. Everyone is surprised at how quickly and efficiently the police conducted the investigation. A press conference was held and the police were asked how they cracked the case.
The Chief Inv...

Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One of them takes a stick, draws a line in the sand, and says to the other, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face!”

That was the punchline.

How do you stop a fight between two blind men?

Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.

My friend made it his life’s mission to fight poverty.

He wrestles homeless guys every weekend.

My wife and I got in a fight because I lack sense of direction..

So I packed my bags and right.

1960s Batman Phase (Original Joke Fight Me Reposters)

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it. So he decided he will just make the movie but instead of using the character's real names he would just take away the last letter of their names. Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty part...

A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.

19 and 20 had a fight

21

Did you hear about the fight outside the chippy?

The fish got battered and the chips got salted.

A stormtrooper and a red shirt gets into a fight

The stormtrooper misses, but the red shirt dies anyway

A little boy came running up to me and pleaded, "Please help! My daddy is in a fight!" I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!"

He shouted, "I don't know! That's what they're fighting about!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just watched Fight Club for the first time and I gotta say...

Oh shit, I almost broke the first rule.

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I once won a fight that was five against one.

We really kicked the shit out of that guy.

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Three guys picked a fight with me in a bar last night. I managed to knock one out.

Sure, it was a strange time to masturbate, but I didn't know if I was going to survive.

Why is soy sauce forbidden in fights?

‘Cause you should never Kikkoman when he’s down.

Pun enters a bar. Bloody fight ensues, ten people die.

Pun in, ten dead.

Jussie Smollett walks into a bar fight...

There was no fight

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Just found out that cockfighting is done with roosters.

That's 27 years of rigorous training, straight down the fucking drain.

Who would win in a fight between Bill Cosby and Cardi B?

Whoever drank last.

Did you hear about the firework and the battery who got in a fight the other night?

Apparently one was charged but the other one was let off..

My dad always taught me to fight fire with fire:

Which is probably why he lost his job as a fire fighter.

So I saw a group of youths (6 in total) starting a fight with a ginger lad

He did some sort of MMA combination and knock ever one of them out, turns out he was the carroty kid.

What did the peanut say when the almond tried to pick a fight with it?

Cashew outside!

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So this couple had a huge fight and now they are so pissed they will only talk to each other by writing notes.

At one point. The man wrote a note to her wife: I have a very important appointment tommorow, wake me up at 7:30.

The wife reply by writing a note: ''Ok, fine!''

The following morning, the man wakes up, and watch his phone: 9:00!

He was super pissed. When he go up, he saw a note...

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.

The odds were against me

2 Florida men get into a fight

I have no idea what happened, but I'm sure it'll end up on the news.

How does a Jewish person fight?

They use jewjitsu

What do you call it when two men without arms get into a fight?

Unarmed combat

Why is it a bad idea picking a fight with a Dinosaur?

Because you will most likely end up getting jurasskicked.

What do you call a fight between E.T. and a man with no social life?

Alien versus Redditor.

I’ve had a fight with my siblings.

My friends said “Wow, that must be some huge problems for you”, to which I replied, “It’s relative.”

I got into a fight in the drug store and they threw a bottle of Omega 3 at me.

Luckily my wounds were only super fish oil.

Did you hear about the fight between the speed addict and Mike Tyson?

They were both pretty methed up

Got in a fight with frequency today

We’ve been friends for ages, so it kinda hertz.

What do you call a malted milk ball that fights crime?

Whopper texas ranger.

I was late to my first Fight Club meeting so unfortunately I missed some of the rules

But I still had a really awesome time and I can't wait to share my experience with everyone on Facebook.

There’s a group of kids outside my house having a water fight, I’ve decided I’m going to go and join them

I’m just chilling on reddit waiting for the kettle to boil

Did you hear about the big fight at the campground?

It was in tents

You brought a pun to a knife fight?

That wasn’t very sharp....

Cold War Dog Fight

During the Cold War, the Soviets and the Americans decided that nuclear brinkmanship was not sustainable. So they agreed to settle the question of world hegemony once and for all with a good old-fashioned dog fight - the parties had one year to prepare.

The top scientist of both nations worke...

Today I saw two blind people fighting...

I shouted "I'm supporting the one with the knife" they both ran away..

Have you guys heard about Fight Club? I went last night. Its pretty awesome, everyone should go.

I got there a few minutes late and missed some of the rules, but no problem!

The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight

I’m just checking reddit quickly before the kettle boils

In New York, when a married couple gets into a fight, it’s called domestic violence.

In Alabama, it’s known as sibling rivalry.

A local nunnery started a fight club

Obviously such an event had to be very under the radar, so very few people knew about it.

One of my best friends aunts is a nun, so he invited me to go with him. I went once, immediately got hooked, and now we go every Tuesday night. I told my wife that I had to work late Tuesday nights, the...

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because he was well armed

I actually went to a Canadian fight once...

An ice hockey game broke out.

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I got into a fight in a bar’s bathroom the other day. I kept pushing but I ended up running out of energy, the guy just wouldn’t go down.

What a piece of shit.

The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees.

She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"

The past, present and future got into a fight

Things got pretty tense

The first rule of Fight Club is...

Just try your best guys, and have fun. Also, when it’s your turn to bring snacks be mindful of others’ allergies.

A man was deathly allergic to mushrooms. After a huge fight, his wife cooked a mushroom into his dinner. He ate it and died.

The morel of the story.. killed him.

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A dad and his kid got into a fight

The kid was so mad at his father that he left their house later that night. About a week later the parents where really concerned so they set out flyers saying “Lost kid, Reward: $200” Soon enough the kid saw one of the flyers so he pulled it down and ran the other direction. Four days later the kid...

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The weirdest thing I saw yesterday was my nerdy Redditor friend getting in a bar fight with a clown.

It was virgin on the ridiculous.

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