UPJOKE
shake updisturbpushrilestirrouseexciteshakemoveconvulsestir upprovokeinciteantagonizetoss

They say the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag

So I poke the Mrs and say "Put the kettle on fatty".

"You know what really makes my blood boil", asked my clearly agitated wife whilst we watched a show about unsolved crimes.

"Yes", I replied whilst further lowering the atmospheric pressure in her tank.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a Tea tasting festival, the guy conducting said, the best way to enjoy a cup of Tea was to agitate the bag, so I went home.

And slapped her ass a couple of times.

A diner was agitated that the waiter had brought him no spoon with his coffee.

This coffee," he said loud enough for most of the other patrons to hear, "is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers."

The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen and returned shortly with another cup of coffee.

"This one isn't so hot, sir," he beamed.

Why was the tiny ball always agitated?

It was a little teste.

Two well-dressed senior women are riding the downtown 1 subway line in Manhattan…

When the train pulls into the Times Square station, a man, completely naked except for his socks, boards and sits directly opposite the women and begins to man-splay.

One of the women begins to snicker, which makes her friend very frightened. She gently elbows her friend to get her to stop, l...

Woman with kid on a bus

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus d...

Why was the caffeine addicted crow agitated?

Because of the caw fee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.




The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and e...

A very agitated man undergoes a specialist visit.

At the end of the visit he asks the doctor: "So, doctor, is it serious?"

"Just take these pills for the rest of your life and you should be fine."

"Ah, thank you very much. I am heartened... I thought worse!"

"The box comes with 6 pills, it should be enough."

A Redditor became a chemist and decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well received and made him millions, but which had the unfortuna...

I went to the doctors the other day because I had developed a lisp and get agitated when people don’t share

Turns out it’s just a shellfish allergy

What do you call an agitated alligator?

A crocodile because they are salty

Would you remarry?

Out of the blue, a woman asked her husband, "if I die, will you remarry?"

"You're not gonna die."

"But what if I do? Everybody dies eventually. Answer the question."

"Well, in theory, I suppose I could get married again, yes."

The woman gasps in disbelief. "Well! Who woul...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys sitting at a bar.

Suddenly one begins rattling off : "You know what? Last night I fucked your Mom! "


Other guys says nothing but looks agitated.


" Yeah!" first guy continues. "First I took her doggy style! Then she gave me a blow job, and finally I came up her butt! "


Second ...

What do call an agitated student taking an exam?

A testy testee

Little old man on the bus

A little old man gets on a crowded city bus, every seat filled. A tough looking bloke with a lot of prison tattoos is kicking his feet onto the seat opposite him, keeping it from being used.

The little old waddles over says 'scuze me' and pushes the tough bloke's legs off the seat.
...

Late

An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure. The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due ...

An Agitated Man Rushes to the Psychologist

The Agitated Man tells the psychologist frantically,
"I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam
I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam,
I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam!"

The psychologist tells the man,
"Hey, relax, you're two tents!"

Sarah was so excited to be travelling without her parents for the first time

As soon as she entered the bus, she told the conductor to remind her when they reached Entebbe and soon they were on their way.

After a while, she asked the conductor, "Have we reached Entebbe?" "No," the conductor answered.

She asked again after some time but the answer was still the ...

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has you picture on it.’

The driver finally found a square mirror in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl brought her boyfriend over for dinner to meet her parents for the first time

When they were all sitting down to eat the boy sits down at the dinner table when he notices the family dog curls up right at his feet.

Dinner is going well when all of the sudden the boy accidentally lets out a tiny fart.

"Hey Bowser!" the girl's father whispered to the dog nudging hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A DEA agent stopped at our farm yesterday.

“We are going to need to search your land for illegally grown drugs.”

I said, “that’s fine, but don’t go into that field over there. You won’t like it.”

Agitated by this, the officer explodes saying, “do you see this god damn badge son?! This badge means I can go where I please, when I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man buys a talking centipede for €5000.

He takes it home in a small box.

After 30 minutes, he opens the box and says “Would you like to go for a pint?”.

Silence; the centipede doesn’t answer. Raising his voice, the man repeats his question, but still no reply.

Becoming agitated, and starting to think he has been conne...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit were shitting in the woods.

The bear was grunting and groaning trying to do his business. This agitated the rabbit who did his business quietly.

After the bear was done grunting and groaning, he looked to the rabbit.

The rabbit, feeling uncomfortable, looked back at the bear and sharply asked, "what?"

The...

Two men are sitting next to one another on a plane...

The one guy is doing a crossword puzzle and is growing increasingly agitated.

“Need any help?”, says the guy on the aisle.

“Thanks. I need a four letter word for a female, ending in ‘unt’”.

“Aunt?”

“Wow! Thanks!”

“No problem. Anything else?”

“Um... you...

My wife has a peculiar cooking habit

So, my wife and I are newly weds, and she's a great cook, but I noticed she did something strange when preparing sausages. Just before she puts them in the skillet, she cuts off about an inch on both sides of the sausages.

After having witnessed this a couple of times, I asked her why she di...

Hospital bill

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care ...

A guy's looking through the job vacancy ads...

...times are tough and there's not much about.

He comes across a job at the local zoo..."help wanted"... He doesn't  have any experience but he decides to give it a shot.

He gets to the interview and the zoo keeper says..." look mate I'll level with you. I've promised the directors I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old man and the IRS

There was this old man in his 80's, that got a letter from the IRS telling him to contact them immediately.

He calls and the IRS agent and is told he needs to come to his office regarding some irregularities with his account.

The old man thought about it and decided he should bring h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1946, Sean Connery joined the Royal Navy...

In 1946, Sean Connery joined the Royal Navy. During his time there, he was in charge of a covert operation to spy on a Russian military installation which was directly next to a small lake.

He was in charge of a small team of highly trained soldiers, a few locals recruited to help with the op...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and an atheist are playing golf.

The priest is okay, but the atheist is shit. He keeps missing his shots. Every time he misses a shot, he says ‘Damn, missed!’ The priest got more and more agitated at the use of the word ‘damn’, and eventually snapped. He said, ‘Do not use that word or God himself will strike you down!’ There’s an i...

Foul Mouthed Parrot

One day a woman was walking by a pet store and the parrot call out as she approaches "Awk! Hey Lady! You're ugly!" The woman is irritated but keeps walking.

The next day, the woman walks past the same store and the parrot again calls out "Awk! Hey Lady! You're ugly!" as the woman draws nea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rabbi Eliezer was the most brilliant Rabbi of all time...

Nevertheless, his fellow Rabbis would often disagree with his opinions, leading to lengthy philosophical and theological debates.

During one debate on the subject of the legal minutiae of a religious ritual he found himself at odds with three of his colleagues. While everyone recognized that ...

A man is having issues with his wifi

As any self-loathing individual would do he calls up his service provider who tell him that they’ll have someone look at the router at 10am the next day.

“Odd, this seems like good customer service” he thought to himself. The next morning he wakes up, grabs a cup of coffee and waits, 10am lea...

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to
retur...

In the mythical kingdoms of ancient India, lived the king Ramuk.

He had a courageous son by the name Tipar. Trained in the arts of war and statehood, Prince Tapir was ever eager to take his chance at the throne.

As age got the better of the king, he decided to crown the Prince and move on to a peaceful life of wine and women.

But before he could han...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pedro was sexually a very experienced man...

Pedro was sexually a very experienced man when he got married to Maria, but she was totally naive.

On their wedding night, when Pedro removed his clothes, Maria asked, "Pedro! What is that?"

Pedro, a quick thinker, said, "Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these."
...

How to wash a cat

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. At t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The kinky jungle king orders fellow animals to an orgy party. (NSFW)

The kinky jungle king addressed his animal kingdom “Tomorrow is our annual sex orgy party. Participation is mandatory and I trust each one of you to make it hot if you want to survive under my rule.”

The kickoff of the much anticipated party finally arrived. The lion started his inspection wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a guy walks into an ice cream shop..

He asks the clerk 'hello sir may I have a quart of vanilla?'

The clerk politely responds 'Im sorry we're fresh out of vanilla'

The man clearly disappointed says 'ah shucks alright I guess I'll just take a pint of vanilla'

The clerk slightly agitated states 'Sir we are complet...

A man finally gets a job as a Wal-Mart greeter...

So I finally landed a job as a Wal-Mart greeter, and about two hours into my first day on the job a loud, mean, and unattractive woman enters the store with her two children, yelling obscenities at them the whole way.

Per my greeter instructions, I pleasantly said, "Good Morning and welcome t...

Scientists were studying rams

They had three rams in their lab. Each ram had a leather collar, and attached to each collar was a tag identifying them as A, B and C.

One of the researchers brought a large gourd from the supply closet and placed it on the head of Ram A. Nothing happened. After five minutes he removed the g...

Fergus goes to the dentist and asks about the cost of a tooth extraction.

$85 for an extraction sir," was the dentists reply.

"Och huv ye nay got unythin cheaper," replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir," replied the dentist.

"What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?" asked Fergus hopefully. <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 75 y/o Scottish grandpa told me this at a family lunch.

A farmer walks into the bar and sits down beside me looking extremely agitated.


"What's goin' on with ya Pete?"


"Ah jesus, Brian. So I got up early and was milking my biggest cow in her stall. I had a pail just about full when she kicked her right leg and spilled the entire thi...

A city boy comes to visit his grandparents on their farm and spend the night.

It's been years since they last saw him, and over dinner they reminisce the times that he came to visit over the summer as a kid. Most of the stories Grandpa brought up were about his grandson's dumb attempts to help out.

"Why, I remember when you said you could feed the chickens and gave the...

A man walks into a bar claiming he has a talking dog

He goes up to the counter and bets the free drinks all night if he can prove his dog can talk to which the bartender agrees.


The man asks the dog, “What is on top of a house?”


“Roof!” says the dog.


Not good enough according to the bartender so the man tries again. ...

The Three Little Pigs

So we are at the point in the story where all three pigs are in the brick house, and the wolf is outside doing all of his huffing and puffing, and the three pigs are getting clearly agitated. One of them finally says “Enough!”, and he goes and makes a phone call.

In a few minutes, a black se...

A joke my granddad once told me.

I always loved this one, my granddad told it to me years ago. Still one of my favourites.



An elderly woman wakes one morning and looks out of her bedroom window. Across the road she sees two men from the local council office slowly making their way up the grassy embankment at the side...

"Reddit, reddit."

A chicken walks into a library, goes up to a librarian and says, "Book book book." The librarian decides that the chicken wants a book so he gives the chicken a book and the chicken walks away. About ten minutes later the chicken comes back with the book, looking a bit agitated, saying, "Book book b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zookeeper was making his rounds one day...

When he noticed the female gorilla was very agitated. Having worked with gorillas for many years, he recognised she was in heat. The zookeeper did not wish her to become more agitated, so he began contacting other zoo's in the area asking if they had a male gorilla.

After many days with no lu...

I was going for a walk in the desert in Afghanistan.

Off in the distance I saw what I thought was a mirage but as I got closer I could see it's wasn't a mirage, Israel.

It was two men arguing, so I tried to calm the situation down but they turned against me. The one man threw Iraq, so Iran all the way home.

Agitated by the encounter I t...

Three men are looking for somewhere to have a drink.

There are three beverage stands. The lemonade stand, the iced tea stand, and the fruit punch stand. As it’s a hot summer day, the men agree to quench their thirst and decide which stand to go to.

The first man says to the other two, “Because I’m thirsty and behind on my citrus intake, I’ll be...

A woman gets her husband's test results

"Well", the doctor says, "your husband could get very old, but you have to keep an eye on him. He must not get agitated, for the least worry could worsen his heart condition. He needs to have a strict diet that you'll have to prepare for him, and you have to make sure he exercises. Keep anything awa...

The symphony musicians had little confidence in the person brought in to be their new conductor...

Their fears were realized at the very first rehearsal. The cymbalist, realizing that the conductor did not know what he was doing, angrily clashed his instruments together during a delicate, soft passage. The music stopped. The conductor, highly agitated, looked angrily around the orchestra, demandi...

The vet's office

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All Lawyers are Bums

A man walks into a bar, clearly agitated. He orders a shot and downs it almost instantly.

He orders three more before banging both fists on the table and declaring, “All lawyers are bums!”

He does this a few times; orders more alcohol, drinks it, and yells the same thing:

“Al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mexican maid askes for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

Wife: "Now Juanita, why do you want a pay increase?"

Juanita: "Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you do."

Wife: "Who said that you iro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the Pope is on state visit...

So the Pope is on state visit to the US and is travelling in his limousine towards the hotel from JFK. Halfway there he tries to convince his chauffeur if he may drive it himself.

"Sorry mr Pope. 'Tis against company policy for clients to drive."

"Yeah but can't you make an exception j...

A duck walks into a bar...

He asks the bartender, "Hey, bartender. Got any duck food?"

The bartender responded, " No, I don't have duck food. I don't serve ducks. Get out of here."

So, the duck leaves.

The duck comes in the next night, "Hey, bartender. Got any duck food?"

The agitated bartender yel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A binman walks up to a Chinese man's door...

He says, "Where's your bin?"

The Chinese man replies, "I bin watching TV."

"No, where's your dustbin?"

"I told you. I dustbin watching TV!"

"Where's your wheelie bin?" The binman asks, getting agitated.

"Okay, okay. I wheelie bin having a wank."

A joke from the future (January 2021, to be precise)

One sunny day in January 2021 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest owns poultry

A cock is missing.
He runs around looking for it and reaches the sunday mass, where he asks - anyone has a cock? All men say yes.
No, no he says, I mean has anyone seen a cock, rephrasing? All women say yes.
No no he says, now agitated, has anyone seen my cock! All the nuns raise t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fuck you Korea

100% true.
My friend works as a biosecurity agent at Auckland Airport and told me about a time when his Korean colleague, Alex, had to process a Chinese passenger with a thick accent.

Alex: "Is there anything in your bag we should be concerned about?"

Passenger - " Fuck you Korea!"<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Made this myself. I'm very proud

A priest is visited by Christ himself in his dream. The Son of God warns him that danger is coming his way, and his family will be at risk as well. The priest asks for guidance, and Jesus takes pity on him and says, "give your blessing to the droplets of my land." And with that, the priest wakes up....

1/10 would not visit here again

Went to a restaurant downtown the other day. I ask the waiter for food, he said food only comes in sets of 10 dishes each. There are three main chefs there and the restaurant is peculiar because they all want to cook only their own set. So I decide to go to the restaurant once for each chef.

...

What do you call a group of crows at a planned meet up?

Pre-meditated Murder.

What do you call a group of agitated crows?

Aggravated Murder.

I will see myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf at a club famous for it's floating green.

When approaching the tee box Moses reminds Jesus that he never makes the green and he should just lay it up for the easy chip. Jesus replies, "Arnold Palmer drives this green, so can I."

Sure enough, plop in the water goes Jesus's ball. Moses being nice, parts the water and retrieves the bal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men walk into a bar

When they sit down, one of the men says, "Hey bartender! 2 shots! And the ass here is paying for it!" Motioning to the other guy. The bartender looks confused but gets them their shots.

About 10 minutes later, the bartender hears from across the bar, "Hey bartender! 2 MORE shots! And the ass ...

A four-engine passenger jet experiences engine trouble...

...and the pilot comes on the intercom, saying, "Passengers, we apologize, but we have experienced an engine burn-out. The plane can still fly on the remaining three engines, but we'll be delayed in our arrival by two hours."

A few minutes later, the airplane shakes, and passengers see smoke ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his lawyer walk into a bank...

The man dumps out over $300,000 on the table to be deposited in a new account. Stunned, the banker asks, "how did you get all this money?". "well, I like to make bets" says the man. For example, I'll bet you $10,000 I can lick my own eyeball. Thinking that it is impossible, the banker accepts the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy is out fishing with his Grandpa (NSFW)

As they are sitting together, the Grandpa pulls out a cigar from his coat pocket. The boy, around 12 years old, looks over at his Grandpa with a curious gaze. The grandpa then takes out a lighter and ignites the cigar.

"Grandpa" he says, "Do you think you could let me try that?"

The Gr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde is walking her dog down the street...

when she decides to stop for a coffee in a little cafe on her street. She ties her golden retriever up to a lamp post and heads inside. The woman doesn't realize that her female dog is in heat, and a crowd of horny males quickly begin to gather around her.

Meanwhile, a police officer notices ...

Two Dutch girls are out riding their bikes when one of them suggests taking an alternate, scenic route home.

After a while they are in an area that the other girl doesn't recognize and she has no idea where they are or which direction home is. As it is getting towards dusk she becomes nervous and a bit agitated, she says to her friend, "I've never come this way before." And her friend turns to her, smiling...

William Shakespeare once manned the welcome desk at a popular hotel

One day an elderly man walked up to the desk and asked for a room.


Shakespeare quickly found a room available on the second floor and asked him if this is the room he wished to book. The forgetful, ancient individual stared at Shakespeare for several uncomfortable seconds.

"I'm so...

A police officer pulls up to a stop sign

A police officer pulls up to a stop sign with a beaten up Toyota Camry in front of him. The officer comes to a stop and waits, but the Camry refuses to move. The officer waits a minute and begins to get agitated. Finally, the officer gets out of the police car and walks up to the Camry. The window c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Police Officer sees a man in a car run a stop sign.

The Police Officer pulls out onto the road and turns his lights and sirens on. Once the man pulls over, the Police Officer gets out and approaches the driver side window.

Officer - "I pulled you over because you ran that stop sign. You didn't stop before you went through the intersection."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The priest and the parrot

A priest moved to a new, remote parish and was feeling lonely. To keep him company, he went to the pet store to buy a parrot. Unfortunately, parrots are quite expensive, and he couldn't afford one.

Feeling sorry for him, the store owner told him, "Well, I do have this one parrot, but it was o...

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street...

As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released: New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now!"

Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very...

Misquoted Intentions

Two friends, a black guy and a white guy, share an apartment. The white guy's watching TV when the black guy, obviously agitated, flops down on the couch.

Black Guy: Man, I wish I could get a girlfriend.

White Guy: Well, you know what Henry Ford said...

Black Guy: What!? That is...

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

Ag I tat Ed.

I'm veeeerrrryyyyy agitated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

History class

So Ms. Smith decides to ask the kids questions on U.S. history.
First question:"Can anyone name the first president".
All the kids are quiet but little Yoshi raises his hand "George Washington".
"Correct, you get a gold star".
Second question:"Which president ended slavery?".
Again, a...

John walks into a bar and sees a strange man in the corner.

This man in the corner was no ordinary man, as this man had a giant orange head. John walks to the bartender and says "Hey, what's up with the guy in the corner with the big orange head?" The bartender replies, "If you buy him a drink, he'll tell you his story." John was very interested in this man,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer is sitting on a plane...

...and he notices that there's a blonde woman sitting next to him, looking like she's about to fall asleep. He thinks quickly, *how do I make some money off of this dumb blonde?*

He suddenly has a great idea, and leans over, tapping her on the shoulder. She blinks at him. "Hm? What is it?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the Pearly Gates

An Evangelical Christian dies and is taken up to the Pearly Gates where St Peter is waiting to greet him. St Peter informs him that he has one last wish he can request before stepping through the Gates. The Evangelical thinks about it for a minute, looks at St Peter and says, "You know, there is one...

Two famous explorers decided to trek across Canada...

They planned for months to make it the perfect trip, and they each had the support of their respective governments. Each explorer was to make a daily video call to their country's #1 news station to update them on their trip, in return for funding.
The explorer from Poland set out, and he met th...

Mr. Smith found a doppelganger of his wife.

Mr smith to Air hostess - you look exactly like my wife.

*Air hostess feeling a bit agitated by that remark slapped him.

Mr. Smith - what sheer coincidence, even the habits match too.

Little Johnny at the Farm

Little Johnny lives on a farm with his family. One evening the family notices that one of the donkeys had manage to get out of the stables.

Johnny’s dad tries to lead the donkey back into the stables but the stubborn animal will not budge. Johnny’s mom tries to coax the donkey with carrots an...

A true american hero.

A young woman is attacked by what apppears to be a rabid stray dog. Before the dog can injure her further, a young man steps in and starts fighting with the dog - Unfortunately though he is forced to kill it. Shortly after, a police officer who has been watching the scene rushes over.


"So...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man, a zoo and a horny gorilla

A small zoo in Alabama acquires a gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating. The zookeeper approaches a redneck janitor with a proposition. Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $50...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend redeems himself after getting shot down...

My coworker was hitting on these two women who were way put of his league. They tolerated him for a while thinking he would go away, but he was persistent to the point that they were getting visibly agitated.

Thinking she would put him in his place, one of the women finally said, "Look buddy...

A guy walks into a bar, and tells the bartender he owns a talking dog...

The bartender, of course, is skeptical, and says "There is no way you have a talking dog." The guy replies, "Oh yeah? I bet you ten thousand dollars I can bring my dog in and he will talk." The bartender was taken aback, and more skeptical than ever, but shrugged and thought it an easy way to mak...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Talk With Dad

A father and son are talking after the son has been away for a long time in the Air Force. The son recounts his tale as the father listens intently:

"I was so excited to join the Air Force. I'm sure you remember, Dad," the son says.

"Yup," the father says, remembering.

"But wh...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.