I bought a book calling itself 'The Bible of being a self-entitled white woman'

It's called the Ka'ran

What part of a contract entitles you to free gifts?

The Santa Clause.

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An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady...

An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady, and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never reaches orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, ...

Why did the British Dentist regret giving the entitled man a crown

The patient started acting like a tyrant

A sad story

The day after his mother-in-law disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, Newfoundland
man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.

"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your mother-in-law," said one of the officers.

"Tell me! Did you fin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an entitled Gen X’er who loves Japanese beer but has trouble wiping her ass?

Karen Itchybum

If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s when kids feel entitled to something like...

“I want an ice cream!”

“I want a soda!”

And now he wants four more years, jeez where’s the limit.

Netflix announced another karate kid spinoff, this time the dojo trains insufferable whiney entitled children.

It's called Cobra Caillou.

You may be entitled to...

Has Covid19 forced you to wear glasses & a mask at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation!

What do you call a entitled mother who's always out of her mind?

Karenoid.

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Why do we call these entitled people Karen?

Cause they don't have a fucking Karen the world!

(I just woke up and thought of this joke idk if it's been done before, thanks for reading)

I am sick and tired of millenials and their entitled attitude.

Always walking around like they rent the place.

Our country needs a border wall. South of the border is nothing but criminals, disgusting people, and entitled people and their government does nothing about it.

Just to be clear, I live in Canada.

People say Millennials are entitled...

But have you ever tried to tell an old lady her coupon has expired?

Have you had to walk 500 miles?

Were you encouraged to walk 500 more?

You could be entitled to compensation

Call the pro claimers now

My dad just read an article entitled "Mars is humming. Scientists aren't sure why."

His response? "Maybe it doesn't know the words."

Entitled Parent Joke

So I was at a restaurant with my family and this woman came up with a child. She looked about 40 with blonde hair. The child looked about 5 with also blonde hair. The child was crying at the time and the woman started to nag at us. Apparently, the child wanted a dessert and, lucky for us, we were th...

Ellen has so much bad press about how entitled she is

That the network is renaming her program The Karen Show.

Two cannibals were eating an entitled kid

One says to the other," Does this taste a bit spoiled?"

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Just finished reading a book entitled improve your constructive criticism

It was absolute shit

When I was in the library, I found a book entitled "How To Solve 50% Of Your Problems"

So I bought 2 copies.

What are Karen’s favorite candy?

Entitle-mints

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine. the doctor tries to persuade them

the extrovert denies

" you won't be able to go to public gatherings anymore"

the extrovert agrees to take it



the alcoholic denies

"you will ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Uncle just said to me, “All these mass shooting are happening because kids these days are so self entitled.”

I said, “Why? Because they want to keep all the bullets?”

Seriously, Fuck Him.

Found this one in my 2014 meme stash

A police officer pulled over a car on a deserted highway and told the driver, "Congratulations! You're the first person here today who was wearing a seat belt and now you're entitled to a prize of 1000$. What are you gonna do with your money?"

"Well", replied the man, "I think I'm gonna get a...

What do you call a rich, spoilt & entitled kid from Bratislava?

A Brat!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

There is one thing I hate about lazy and entitled cannibals

They're always looking for handouts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I had a dollar for every time someone told millennials to stop being dramatic and entitled...

I still wouldn’t be able to afford a fucking house

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be the Man of Your House."

He went storming to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on,
you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You
will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my
meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are
g...

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An older man with a younger wife, visits his therapist.

"Doc," he says, "It seems that no matter what I do, I can't seem to give my wife real satisfaction when we make love."


"Well," the therapist says, "She is entitled to satisfaction just as you are. So try this: Hire a strapping young man and the next time you and your wife make love, hav...

What do you call a spirit of pride, entitlement, privilege, and arrogance?

An heir elemental.

What do you call an entitled white guy that goes outside with no pants in the winter?

White Shrivelage

Have you seen the entitled philosopher preaching outside the women’s dorm today?

What a Kant.

I'm selling a book entitled: "How To Be An Expert In Negotiations".

I'll accept any price for it.

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4 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find ...

I bought a book

I bought a book entitled "an exorcist explains the demonic".

I don't know what possessed me !

American/Russian dog fight

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the...

A man and his wife were in court to get a divorce.

A man and his wife were in court to get a divorce.
The problem in contention was, who should have the possession of the child?

The man or the woman?

The woman jumped up and said "My Lord, I am the mother of the child, I brought her into this world, with pain and labour. I am entitl...

As a crowded airliner is about to take off

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
...

I present to you the world's shortest poem, entitled "Fleas".

Adam had'em.

I don't have a sense of entitlement...

but I deserve one.

People say mario is "unrealistic"

but if an Italian man jumped on my head I would die and he would be entitled to any coins I have

An engineer is giving a lecture at the local college...

The lecture hall is completely full with a line out the door of people trying to get in. From the outside of the building the audience could be heard erupting with laughter, applause, oohs and aahs, and gasps of surprise.

A man walking by sees the line out the door and hears the commotion co...

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

A Group of Karens

Is the collective noun for a group of angry, uneducated and entitled white women called a trump of Karens?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ron Jeremy was arrested for sexual assault

Because Ron Jeremy is 67 years old, Prosecutors are worried the evidence won't stand up in court.
Further, Ron Jeremy is entitled to a jury of his peers. Prosecutors are afraid it will be a hung jury.

If you could bring a suitcase to heaven

An old rich man is nearing the end of his life. He has started many charity organizations and has always been generous to the poor, but he never really felt like he found any purpose to his life, so he decides to attend a Christian congregation one Sunday. The minister gave a lesson entitled, 'If yo...

Are you sick of lawyers trying to sell you stuff on tv?

You might be entitled to compensation.

Opinions are like boomers

Everyone’s entitled to them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New HR policy

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduced budget, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.


Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase...

This is an important message from Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe:

Having to wear a face mask along with your glasses?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Call us today!

A Frenchman, an Argentine, and a Brazilian were publicly drinking in Russia during the 2018 World Cup.

But that is prohibited there, so they were captured by the police and taken to court.



The judge said that as the country was celebrating, they would take only 20 lashes, with the right to have a wish That wasn't be escape the punishment.



The Frenchman was the first, the...

My wife crashed our car this morning.

When the police came she said the guy involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.

The police advised her the guy was entitled to do what he wanted in his own living room.

Just got scammed out of $15.

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.

Sales pitch

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

Before long the Captain in charge of the ind...

Three little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped its head, mama called the doctor and the doctor said, "If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with mesothelioma you may be entitled to financial compensation."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sex Professor

A professor gave a lecture to a room of university students, entitled "The Correlation Between Sex and Happiness".

He was determined to try out his theory with a simple test, and so asked any students who had sex once a week to stand up. Those who did laughed sheepishly or giggled, and the p...

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Four football hooligans are stranded on a deserted island

After several weeks of surviving on nothing but river water and berries, they decide that one of them must be sacrificed to feed the other three.

“Let’s decide based on the team we support - and *I* support Chelsea” the Chelsea fan proclaims proudly.

The other three look at each other,...

The lady who had crashed her SUV complained to the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a bottle at the time.

The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own garden!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I first became an Ancap.....

>When I first became an Ancap, I was just an unemployed high schooler who had never worked a labor job in his entire life. I had that whole "welfare recipients are parasites, just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, forcing people to subsidize your shitty life choices is morally wrong, nobody is...

In love and war.

A couple is going through a bitter divorce. The mans prize possession: baseball collectibles valued at $10000. Everyone knows, his spouse is entitled to half, in lieu of splitting his prized collection, he offers 8k cash. Out of spite she denies the offer and insists the collection be split. She too...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My go-to joke whenever anybody asks me to tell them a joke...

A man walks into a pet shop and sees a beautiful parrot. He asks the shop owner about it, and the owner says "Ah, that's the Wikibird. Not only can it talk, but it knows a lot of useful information. You can ask it anything you want and it will respond."

The man decides to test out the Wikibir...

The Genie and the Demon

Three men are out walking in the woods one day, when they stumble upon an old bronze lamp. Naturally, having spent much of their lives reading internet jokes, their first inclination is to rub the lamp and excitedly greet the genie that emerges.

"You have freed me from my near-eternal captivi...

How many baby boomers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They'll leave it how it is, expect millennials to clean up after them, and call them selfish and entitled when they get called on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little old woman walked into the bank...

A little old woman walked into the Bank.

She was carrying a large bag full of money. She insisted on speaking with the bank manager to open a savings account because, “It’s a lot of money.”

After a great deal of negotiating, the bank staff decided to humor her and finally ushered her ...

A married woman has a dream on the night before her anniversary.

A married woman has a dream on the night before her anniversary. She dreams that her husband bought her a gift box.

Inside that box was another box.

Inside that box was another box.

Inside that box was another box.

And inside the fourth box was a glistening diamond ring.<...

Survivor: Texas Edition

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas Edition".

The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas then drive a circuit to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Brownsville, Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, Amarillo, Abilen...

Why are some books so pretentious

Because they all feel entitled

I hate when a generation refuses to work and still expect to receive government checks

Those baby boomers in Congress sure are entitled snowflakes

I know the shutdown is done, but I think this joke is funny and I made it up myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day three women went for a job interview.

The man interviewing them posed all three the same question. What would you do if you found an extra $100 in on your paycheck that you shouldn’t have received?

The first one said, “I’d give it back as it wasn’t mine and I wasn’t entitled to it.”

When he asked the second one she replied...

At the fortune teller

Hymie went to see a fortune teller. After he had sat down in the darkened room, the fortune teller said, ”I will read your palm for fifty dollars, and that entitles you to ask three questions.”

”Questions about what?” asked Hymie.

”About anything,” replied the psychic.

”But is n...

The situation down south is too much

People unhappy, wanting to leave their country and come over to ours like they're entitled to it, corrupt law forces and an all around mess. As a Canadian this is too much

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A different 3 men/lunch joke

At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, "Home for Lunch".

The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink pen...

Waiter: ...and if you need anything, my name is Dave

Me: What's your name if I don't need anything?


(Yes, this is a repost of a comment, but since I posted the original, I figure I'm entitled.)

There was once an ambitious prince...

Born the youngest out of 4 brothers.

There was a heated discussion when all four princes were at an appropriate age for being candidates to the throne. But alas, how unfair fate is as our little prince was bested by his brothers.

At an early age he found himself planting seeds of envy ...

In a theater

A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, ”Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.”

The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, ”Mister, you will have to ...

A German optimist wanted to write a book to cheer his friends up

It was entitled "Nein Kampf"

An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...

to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the ...

Have you walked 500 miles?

Have you walked 500 miles?

Have you been asked to walk 500 more?

You may be entitled to compensation!!!

For your free no obligation quote call the Pro-Claimers now!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady goes into a bank...

Coutt's Bank, to be exact, and asks to open an account. She is told, politely but coolly, that they are a very exclusive bank and have stringent requirements for prospective clients. "I know," she says. "May I see the manager, please?"

She is shown into the manager's office and repeats her re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm half Muslim

I'm only entitled to 36 virgins

Did you guys hear about the Italian Chef that died recently?

>He pasta way.
>>We cannoli do so much.
>>>His legacy will become a pizza history.
>>>>Here today, gone tomato.
>>>>>How sad that he ran out of thyme.
>>>>>>Sending olive my prayers to the family.
>>>>>&g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The farmer's chicken

A farmer returns home late from working all day on his crops, and chicken coops. He loudly walks up his stairs, chicken in his arm.

He slams open his bedroom door and sees a suprised look on his wife's face.

"This is the cow that I fuck when you aren't around!" exclaimed the farmer....

Common ground among the German people

What are the German people in agreement with when discussing over-entitled children and expired sausages?

That Spoiled Brats are the Wurst

A man walks into a t-shirt store...

There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."

The third tee shirt has a picture of M...

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