Dont challange Death to a pillow fight

...Unless you want to deal with the Reaper cushions.

What did they find under Michael Jackson's pillow?

Billy's Jeans

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of th...

A French man, a British man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests ...

Have you heard about corduroy pillows?

They’re making headlines!

Memory foam pillows are the worst.

As soon as I lay down on them, I start remembering all the things I messed up during the day.

I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow, addressed to, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of al...

Did you hear about the corduroy pillow?

There were headlines everywhere.

There was recently an investigation on a pillow.

It was a pillow case.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Has anyone read the book, "Cum Stains on Her Pillow"

By Mr. Completely

I told my wife I can’t find the matching decorative pillow case...

She said it’s a sham.

Customer: I'm just not sure I really want to buy this pillow.

Pillow salesman: Well why don't you sleep on it?

Did you hear about the Corduroy pillows in the news?

They’re making HEAD LINES! (my mom told me this one today after I got home from work)

I was on my bed, relaxing and eating popcorn, when I noticed my pillow was missing it's pillowcase.

I started looking for it in the darkness of my room(I still had a little bit of light). I saw a blanket-ish shadow in my peripheral vision. I reached for it, thinking it was the pillowcase. However, after pressing down on it and hearing the loud, crinkly noise of a near-empty bag of popcorn, I soon ...

Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out...

...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.

Pillow Talk

What does it mean when your wife is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough

13 days ago I started collecting all the blankets and pillows in my house...

Tomorrow will be a fortnight.

The Tooth Fairy wasn't too impressed with the dentures I left under my pillow...

...Tooth be trolled.

I have the head of a watermelon, the arms of two French baguettes, the chest of two pillows. What am I?

Banned from the supermarket.

I fell asleep with my iPhone under my pillow last night and when I woke up, it was gone and replaced with a shiny new silver dollar...

Damn that Blue-Tooth Fairy!

Last night, my daughter shouted downstairs, "Dad! My tooth has just fallen out into my drink!" "That's great, darling!" I said. "Put it under your pillow and see what happens."

A few minutes later she shouted, "Nothing's happened dad and now my bed is completely soaked!"

Three men are walking through Saudi Arabia

They however get falsely accused for drinking and are taken to the judge who sentences them all to 50 lashes each.
The men beg and plead for mercy and fight for their innocence.
The judge takes pity and says, "I will let all of you have one wish before receiving the lashes".
The first man a...

My girlfriend got into a huge argument with me about a pillow and demanded that I reconsider my stance.

I told her that I'd sleep on it.

My pillow

I designed my own pillow. The pillow to rule all pillows. The perfect dimensions, the perfect stiffness, the perfect material. I sought the finest fabrics from around the globe and set to work on my grandest creation. It took months, but I finished. The last step was to transport it from the se...

So I found out this guy was literally throwing my throw pillows.

I really regret hiring him as my babysitter.

Well, I know it's childish, but me and my girlfriend have just had a great time having a pillow fight and I won!

The secret is to stuff a few bricks in there..

I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.

When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!


Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...

When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control.

Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.

My gf told me to stop being childish, she just wants to come in for a talk

not my fault she cant remember the password to my pillow fortress

When you have a pillow fight with a memory foam pillow,

that's a pillow fight you'll never forget.

Did you hear the one about the man who lived in constant fear of pillow fights?

He slept with a pillow under his pillow.

I like my pillow like.....

I like my pillow, like I like my women.

Lumpy, covered in drool, and can take a punch.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A grandpa tells his teen grandson: "I will put 100 dollars under your pillow if you can find me a viagra pill right now". Ten minutes later grandson gives grandpa a viagra pill.

Next morning grandson looks under his pillow and finds 1,100 dollars. He goes to grandpa and says: "Grandpa what happened? Why did you give me 1,000 dollars more?" and grandpa says: "I only gave you 100 dollars. The rest is from your granny"

Why did the pillow cross the road?

Because it was cooler on the other side.

A pillow warmer is a stupid idea…

Use your head!

How soft is Bill Gate's pillow?

Microsoft.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone t...

Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow

Mines made of mammary foam

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

When I got my first pube, I left it under the pillow for the Pube Fairy.

He came.

All over my pillow.

My wife and I were shopping the other day, she said she needed a new pillow.

I said "That's a big decision, you should sleep on it."

What did the pillow say when it fell off the bed

Sheet

I'm still not sure if I should throw out or keep my old pillow.

I guess I better sleep on it.

Did you hear about the pillow factory that blew up last week?

There was a big panic at first, but it's all settled down now.

Why was my other pillow jealous?

Because I like to sleep around.

Maybe I'm too old for pillow forts.

On the one hand, I feel young enough to want to build pillow forts, but on the other hand, I'm a grown up now, with my own adult responsibilities and apartment, so I don't have access to my parents' awesome sofa cushions.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blonde shows up to a bar where two of her lovers are drinking together and telling sex stories.

The guys think they're dating different chicks and don't see her come in. She sneaks over to a table by the jukebox and listens in.

"It was straight up the most enthusiastic BJ ever," the first guy says. "It was like she was trying to break the bob a knob speed record. And she literally had n...

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

The Priest and the Frog.

One fine sunny morning, the irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine ...

Why do Pillows work?

Cause they're white

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny won’t quit swearing. NSFW

My dad told me this joke many many years ago. It is by far my favorite little Johnny joke. I’ve searched the archives of Reddit and haven’t seen it posted before so here goes:

Little Johnny’s parents were having problems with him swearing and couldn’t get him to stop, so his dad goes to a psy...