I accedentally dropped my pillow on the floor.

I think it has a concushion.

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

Pillow

My memory foam pillow has amnesia.

Sometimes my Pillow Talk can get crazy.

But only when it talks back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I put my phone under my pillow last night.

When I woke up it was gone and there was a £1 coin in it's place.

Fucking Bluetooth Fairy!

Did you guys hear about the corduroy pillow?

It's making headlines.

Why do some coffins have pillows? They aint gonna wake up with a sore neck

Thats like thinking about what college you want your unvaccinated kid to go to

There were three brothers Feather, Pillow and Brick.

One day Feather went to his mother and asked:
-Mom, why is my name Feather?
-Because when you were born and we brought you home from the hospital a feather fell on your head.
-she replied.

Next day Pillo asked the same question.
-Mom, why is my name Pillow?
-Because when you w...

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, bec...

Me: *flips pillow to the cold side*

Everyone else at the funeral- :0

I tried to cheer myself up by having a pillow fight.

Now I feel more down than I did before.

Here's a joke for English and irish

So 3 people go to the middle East, a German a English and a irish. They get captured and sent to a Prince, the Prince gives them each one wish and 20 whips to the back. The German goes first and asks for a pillow on his back, he gets the pillow and the whips but it doesn't work. Next is the English ...

Put a spoon under your pillow, cancel school for a day.

Put a bat in your soup, cancel school for a year!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old married couple play fart football .

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'It's fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, ‘Touchdown, tie score…’

After ...

These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.

Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.

Pillow fight

The other day I had a pillow fight with Death. I thought I could win but he beat me embarrasingly easily.

I guess I wasn't ready for the reaper cushions.

A mom visist her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of th...

An antivaxxer mom comes home one day...

...to see (or not see, rather) her son, which would usually be playing video games in the living room.

After a couple of minutes of searching far and wide, she had never thought to check his room.

When she opened the door, she saw him silently crying with his face buried in his pillow....

The quarantine has ruined many marriages but mine is still going strong.

Just the other day I woke up to my beautiful and loving wife holding a pillow tightly over my face to protect me from the coronavirus.

So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman...

...were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to ...

There was once a hillbilly in first grade

His teacher once asked him:

"Do you know what the chicken gives us?"

"Eggs" he answered

"Correct, anything else?"

"More eggs"

"Beside the eggs, what does the chicken give us?"

"Even more eggs, ma'am"

"I'll give you a hint - it's something fluffy"
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im sexually attracted to pillows

I sleep with one every night

I saw two homeless hitting each other with cardboards

I yelled “pillow fight!!!”

My wife and I had a pillow fight.

The stupid police arrested me saying the term is called ‘smothering’.

I went pillow shopping the other day but I left angry [OC]

The salesman wouldn’t stop talking down to me.

I still remember my grandmother’s last words.

‘What’re you doing with that pillow?’

One time some guy on the street tried to sell me a magical pillow case.

Turns out it was just a sham.

I had a dream that I was eating marshmallows...

...and when I woke up, I discovered I'd chewed my pillow to bits. I'm feeling okay, all things considered. Just a little down in the mouth.

I went to court after my pillow charged me with resisting a-rest

I lost the case

Confucious say

He who sleep on corduroy pillow make headlines

Yo momma so fat

She has to wear a pillow case as a face mask

Drinking in Afghanistan

A Scottish man, Englishman and Irishman are caught drinking in Afghanistan,

Since drinking is illegal, they are sentenced to death, the queen is merciful and gives them each a hundred lashings of a whip and a wish before they go up.

The Scottish man is first and wishes for a pillow to ...

Beyonce was just telling me the best way to source product for my new pillow-making side-hustle. I was very surprised when she suggested punching a duck in the face.

I replied - I didn't know you could get down like that.

I’m really glad I didn’t turn out to be a biter, y’know?

Some people, when they’re kids, tend to bite others while playing, which isn’t good. What’s worse is that some never grow out of it, like my mom, apparently. Every so often, I’d hear her and dad playing from across the house, and, every single time, he’d have to tell her to bite the pillows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly woman passes, leaving her life-long husband a lonely widower.

As time goes on, his life begins to unravel as he spirals into a pit of despair. This does not go unnoticed by his adult children, who grasp at any opportunity to cheer him up. Finally, one of them convinces him to grudgingly attend an evening game at the local bingo hall, knowing that he'll be in t...

Was about to throw out my old pillows, then I thought

na, I'll sleep on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I refuse to have sex unless my girlfriend tries to suffocate me with a pillow.

I'm a smotherfucker.

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

I just invented corduroy pillows

My friends tell me I’m stupid but I think they will make headlines worldwide

A cat dies and goes to heaven...

God meets him at the gate and says: “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask”.

The cats says: “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors”.

God says: “Say no more”. Instantly, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Has anyone read the book, "Cum Stains on Her Pillow"

By Mr. Completely

My friend Tom was breaking into a mall from the roof while Aiden was keeping watch. Aiden slipped and fell through a skylight into a large pile of sheets and pillow cases...

Now he's Aiden in bedding

I found the magic remedy to cure my SO from loudly snoring all night!

I smothered him with a pillow.

The Priest & The Frog...

"One fine sunny morning, the Irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool."

"What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest."

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fi...

I said that all pillows are uncomfortable and my friend slapped me.

He said that’s a very blanket statement to make.

Memory foam pillows are the worst.

As soon as I lay down on them, I start remembering all the things I messed up during the day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men and a wizard are on top of a tower with no way down, the wizard says to the three men, "jump and say something while falling, and whatever you said will meet you at the bottom"

The first man jumped and yelled "pillows!". The man landed safely on some pillows. The second man jumped and yelled "Hay!". He was saved by landing in a pile of hay. The third man took the longest to jump because he was afraid of heights, but when he finally jumped he look down and yelled "OH CRAP!"

Did you hear about the Corduroy pillows in the news?

They’re making HEAD LINES! (my mom told me this one today after I got home from work)

I was on my bed, relaxing and eating popcorn, when I noticed my pillow was missing it's pillowcase.

I started looking for it in the darkness of my room(I still had a little bit of light). I saw a blanket-ish shadow in my peripheral vision. I reached for it, thinking it was the pillowcase. However, after pressing down on it and hearing the loud, crinkly noise of a near-empty bag of popcorn, I soon ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a liverpool fan, an arsenal fan and a manchester united fan were doing illegal drugs

they all got caught and were sent to jail. usually the punishment would be 5 years jail time, but the man in charge said, “it’s my wife’s birthday today, i’m in a great mood! you’ll be let go after 20 whips, and you’ll be given a wish before it” the arsenal fan goes first, he says, “please fix a pil...

Customer: I'm just not sure I really want to buy this pillow.

Pillow salesman: Well why don't you sleep on it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy decides to take off work to go golfing.

So he's there on the Green, about to head his ball, when he hears, "Ribbit! Nine-iron!"

He looks down and there's a little frog next to his foot. "What did you say, little frog?"

And the frog repeats. "Ribbit! Nine-iron!"

So the man shrugs, figures what the hell, switches cl...

The Tooth Fairy wasn't too impressed with the dentures I left under my pillow...

...Tooth be trolled.

My pillow

I designed my own pillow. The pillow to rule all pillows. The perfect dimensions, the perfect stiffness, the perfect material. I sought the finest fabrics from around the globe and set to work on my grandest creation. It took months, but I finished. The last step was to transport it from the se...

As we all stood over my grandmother's coffin, my father lifted her head and put a pillow underneath.

"It was...her favourite pillow," wept my mother suddenly.

"That offers her little comfort now," I replied.

I told my wife I can’t find the matching decorative pillow case...

She said it’s a sham.

13 days ago I started collecting all the blankets and pillows in my house...

Tomorrow will be a fortnight.

15 Things To Do At Walmart

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/...

Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out...

...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.

Well, I know it's childish, but me and my girlfriend have just had a great time having a pillow fight and I won!

The secret is to stuff a few bricks in there..

A Hindu man, a Rabbi, and Lawyer are walking together on a journey. They realize they will be needing a place to stay so they stop at a lonely farmhouse. The lawyer knocks on the door.

A farmer opens the door and, seeing the three men in front of him, asks "How may I help you?"


The lawyer as the nominated spokesperson says, "We three humble travelers are seeking a place to sleep. We need no food, just a bed."


The farmer replies, "I only have two beds. One...

A French man, a British man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests ...

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

I fell asleep with my iPhone under my pillow last night and when I woke up, it was gone and replaced with a shiny new silver dollar...

Damn that Blue-Tooth Fairy!

A man has been robbed so he goes to the pet store to get a guard dog.

When he gets to the pet store he explains what he wants to the owner.

Owner: wait here for me. I’ve exactly what you’re looking for!

The man waits and a few minutes later the owner returns with an adorable puppy.

Man: I don’t think you understood, I want a dog that can protect m...

last night I had a dream where I was eating the worlds largest marshmellow

then I woke up and said "hey wheres my pillow"

I have the head of a watermelon, the arms of two French baguettes, the chest of two pillows. What am I?

Banned from the supermarket.

Why did the pillow cross the road?

Because it was cooler on the other side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny and his dad.

One night little Johnny wakes up to hear some banging on his bedroom wall and his mom sounding like she was in pain. He jumps out of bed and runs to his parents room, opens the door to find his dad on top of his mom giving her a good seeing too.
Little Johnny is horrified and shouts at his dad,<...

How soft is Bill Gate's pillow?

Microsoft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 boys are lost in a forest and find a cabin

They knock on the cabin’s door and an old man answers. The kids ask the old man if they can stay there for the night and the old man says “Why of course you can. There’s one rule though. Do not open this closet” the old man points to a door. “If you do there will be consequences!”

The kids, ...

Pillow Talk

What does it mean when your wife is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough

Last night, my daughter shouted downstairs, "Dad! My tooth has just fallen out into my drink!" "That's great, darling!" I said. "Put it under your pillow and see what happens."

A few minutes later she shouted, "Nothing's happened dad and now my bed is completely soaked!"

How did the man who invented the bed of stone die?

In a pillow fight

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandma and Grandpa were staying over at their kids house.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

"$10.00 a pill," answered the son.

"I ...

My girlfriend got into a huge argument with me about a pillow and demanded that I reconsider my stance.

I told her that I'd sleep on it.

When you have a pillow fight with a memory foam pillow,

that's a pillow fight you'll never forget.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandpa tells his teen grandson: "I will put 100 dollars under your pillow if you can find me a viagra pill right now". Ten minutes later grandson gives grandpa a viagra pill.

Next morning grandson looks under his pillow and finds 1,100 dollars. He goes to grandpa and says: "Grandpa what happened? Why did you give me 1,000 dollars more?" and grandpa says: "I only gave you 100 dollars. The rest is from your granny"

When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control.

Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.

A pillow warmer is a stupid idea…

Use your head!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men are caught smuggling alcohol into Saudi Arabia

As it's a "dry" country, the men are brought before a judge.

Judge: "Under normal circumstances, the penalty for smuggling is death. However, it's a national holiday and I'm feeling generous, so you'll each receive 20 lashings."

As he says this, his wife approaches the judge and whispe...

Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow

Mines made of mammary foam

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.