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Duvet Jokes

Me and my friend are going to form a band called 'the duvets'

Mainly going to be a cover band

Have you heard the conspiracy about duvet manufacturers?

They're involved in a big cover up.

My friends and I started a band called Duvet recently

We only do covers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last Christmas I gave my grandad a prostitute and a duvet....

Which surprised him, as he'd actually asked for a tartan blanket.

What did the duvet say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet.

I just started a new band called 'Blankets and Duvets'

We've already been called the best cover band of all time

My boyfriend and I used to argue over the duvet.

I liked to sleep all stretched out like a starfish and he liked to sleep with a blonde lady called Leanne.”

This year I'm releasing a Christmas record called Duvet Know it's Christmas?

It's a cover version.

Judge: You stand before me accused of being a duvet. How do you plead?

Defendant: Not quilty.

I used to be in a band called the radiators...

We were a warm up act. Then I joined the duvets. We did mainly covers.

I'm feeling down in the dumps...

Looks like she's been eating the duvet again

I spent ages trying to figure out why my duvet was so lumpy last night.

Baffling.

My wife told me these types of blanktes she is ordering perfectly cover our bed. I replied,

"Oh duvet?"

You know they have a two for one sale at the bed and blanket store down the road, right?

Oh Duvet?!

I've been feeling down all evening...

I think my duvet has split.

Lee decides that he wants to find his place in the intricacy of the universe, and leaves his family to become a Buddhist monk...

He treks for days into the mountains, before finding a monastery, hundreds of miles from civilization. He enters the monastery, and bowing before the lama, requests to become a monk.

The lama accepts, but on one condition; he must only speak two words every five years. Still determined as eve...

There was once a little boy

For his 2nd birthday he was given a little tractor with pedals. He loved it so much that it started an obsession with tractors.

By his fourth birthday, he already had 30 tractors of different sizes and colours.

As soon as he learnt how to read, he started filling his shelves in his bed...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is cold?

What is cold?
(note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32)

+10°C
The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating.
The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers.

+5°C
The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the...

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors.

He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works.
He ate, drank and slept tractors.

On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pickled Penis

An attractive young lady had recently lost her husband to illness, and while she wasn’t ready to engage in another relationship quite yet, she was certainly missing sex. So, to fill this need, she decided to visit a sex shop and purchase a toy.

As she has never in her life used a toy, she ask...

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