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I didn't want to buy a hammock,

but the salesman was really persuasive, and I'm easily swayed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Cake Day penis joke:

A guy goes to the beach for vacation, and he really wanted to impress the ladies on the beach. He worked out a bunch, tanned in advance, and bought a tiny banana hammock bathing suit for himself.

Each day, he put on his tight budgie smuggler and began walking the beach, smiling at the bathin...

If you and your spouse get amorous in a hammock…

Does that make you swingers?

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Guy walks into a bar

orders 3 shots of tequila and tells the bartender “I need sex in the worst way.”
Bartender replies “worst way I can think of is standing in a hammock.”

What's the difference between a hammock and a canopy?

People don't get mad when they learn you've sold them a hammock

I put up a hammock between two walls in my house

It really ties the room together

A hoser is lying on a hammock in his backyard drinking a beer while his wife mows the lawn.

His neighbour leans over the fence and says, "That's disgusting. You let your wife do all the work while you just lie there and drink beer. You should be damn-well hung!"

"I am," replies the hoser. "That's why she mows the lawn for me."

What do they call a banana hammock on the beaches of Massachusetts?

A Cape Cod Piece

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The Horny Hare and The Bear

In a forest a deer is drowning, the Hare and the Bear jump into the lake and save the deer. The deer transforms into a fairy and gives both three wishes.

The Hare, who is a womanizer, wishes that all hares in the forest are female. The Hare begins to screw its way through the forest.

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Never the easy way

Bob is sitting in a bar, and noticed the guy two stools over is drinking a martini without using his hands. He grabbed the edge of the glass with his teeth, took a sip and set it back down again. After a couple of sips, Bob had to ask.

"Say, that seems an unusual way to drink a martini, you c...

For some people, alcohol is a crutch.

For me, it's a very comfortable hammock, and I see no reason to get out of it.

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Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny spider...

...and as the spider wanted to repent for its carnivorous days by becoming a vegetarian, it decided to live the rest of its days in a quiet, peaceful place to live off the land and to avoid the temptation of telling everyone about its transformation (he's trying to be better really hard, you know?)....

I can't sleep on suspension.

Trust me - I've tried that once and almost fell out of the hammock.

My wife came rushing in out of the garden and said, "There's a pair of my knickers missing off the washing line."

I said, "I know, the two kids from next door have them." She said, "The dirty little perverts." I said, "It's nothing like that, they mentioned something about building a hammock."

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As I was leaving the club last night . . .

. . . A male stripper suggestively swiveled his banana hammock in my direction.

I'm flattered, but it was still kind of a dick move.

What did the Father of Judaism sleep on?

An Abra-Hammock

I'm sorry

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A sailor gets shore leave after 4 months at sea, and goes into a bar

He says to the bartender, "Man, I want to have sex in the worst way!"

The bartender replies, "How about standing up in a hammock, during a rainstorm?"

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