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Hammock Jokes

I didn't want to buy a hammock,

but the salesman was really persuasive, and I'm easily swayed.

What's the difference between a hammock and a canopy?

People don't get mad when they learn you've sold them a hammock

If you and your spouse get amorous in a hammock…

Does that make you swingers?

What do they call a banana hammock on the beaches of Massachusetts?

A Cape Cod Piece

I put up a hammock between two walls in my house

It really ties the room together

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Cake Day penis joke:

A guy goes to the beach for vacation, and he really wanted to impress the ladies on the beach. He worked out a bunch, tanned in advance, and bought a tiny banana hammock bathing suit for himself.

Each day, he put on his tight budgie smuggler and began walking the beach, smiling at the bathin...

A hoser is lying on a hammock in his backyard drinking a beer while his wife mows the lawn.

His neighbour leans over the fence and says, "That's disgusting. You let your wife do all the work while you just lie there and drink beer. You should be damn-well hung!"

"I am," replies the hoser. "That's why she mows the lawn for me."

Whenever my girlfriend wants to argue about something, she waits until I’m relaxing in my hammock.

I’m easily swayed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar

orders 3 shots of tequila and tells the bartender “I need sex in the worst way.”
Bartender replies “worst way I can think of is standing in a hammock.”

For some people, alcohol is a crutch.

For me, it's a very comfortable hammock, and I see no reason to get out of it.

I can't sleep on suspension.

Trust me - I've tried that once and almost fell out of the hammock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Horny Hare and The Bear

In a forest a deer is drowning, the Hare and the Bear jump into the lake and save the deer. The deer transforms into a fairy and gives both three wishes.

The Hare, who is a womanizer, wishes that all hares in the forest are female. The Hare begins to screw its way through the forest.
...

My wife came rushing in out of the garden and said, "There's a pair of my knickers missing off the washing line."

I said, "I know, the two kids from next door have them." She said, "The dirty little perverts." I said, "It's nothing like that, they mentioned something about building a hammock."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I was leaving the club last night . . .

. . . A male stripper suggestively swiveled his banana hammock in my direction.

I'm flattered, but it was still kind of a dick move.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sailor gets shore leave after 4 months at sea, and goes into a bar

He says to the bartender, "Man, I want to have sex in the worst way!"

The bartender replies, "How about standing up in a hammock, during a rainstorm?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny spider...

...and as the spider wanted to repent for its carnivorous days by becoming a vegetarian, it decided to live the rest of its days in a quiet, peaceful place to live off the land and to avoid the temptation of telling everyone about its transformation (he's trying to be better really hard, you know?)....

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