The 73+ Best Bunk Jokes

If you are sleeping on a bottom bunk, and someone else is sleeping on the top bunk

then you are under a rest

Astrology is bunk.

I'm Sagittarius, but everyone says I'm a Cancer

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I get free food, a bunk bed, I get a lot of exercise and sex everyday. What's not to like, right? Well....

I can't wait to get out of prison.

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Billy and his girlfriend wanted to fool around in bed, but Billy's little brother was asleep in the bottom bunk...

Billy said, "Let's use a code, so if little Johnny wakes up, he doesn't know what's going on. If you want me to go harder, say 'Tomato,' and if you want me to go faster, say 'Lettuce.'"
So Billy and his girlfriend started having sex. Billy's girlfriend started moaning, "Lettuce.... Tomato...." An...

I just bought bunk beds. The other night I brought a date home. She said, "I'll get on top." I said, "Great, I’ll get the ladder."

She said, "You sure think a lot of yourself, don't you?"

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Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan.

Tomato Means Harder And Cheese Means Faster. So We Were Having Sex And She Was Screaming Tomato Tomato Tomato Cheese Cheese Cheese, Then My Little Brother Said Can Y’all Stop Making Sandwiches Your Getting Mayonnaise All Over My Bed.

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Two farm-hands are lying in their bunk house.

One asks the other "Hey Jimbo, what time is it?"

Jimbo responds, "Well here, let me check." And he pulls out a bugle, and gives it a toot.

From his house, the owner of the farm shouts: "The hell are you playing a bugle for at two in the morning?!"

"Well." Jimbo says, "it's two ...

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This young guy in prison is sitting on his bunk crying. (long)

This young guy in prison is sitting on his bunk crying. One of the older inmates known around the clink as Big Hank comes over and sits down on the bunk beside.

“What’s the matter, buddy?” the old inmate asked.

“I really screwed up,” sobbed the young man. “I’m going to be in this hel...

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Bunk bed

A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?" Girlfriend texts back "Duh!" So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries. "Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk....

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Her 9-year old grandson came in from outside and asked,

"Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"
Taken aback, she decided to be honest, "It's called sexual intercourse."
"Oh, okay," and he went back to play with his friends. A few minutes later he returned saying angrily, "Grandma, it...

Married

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.

After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, I'm sorr...

Train ride

A man and a woman share sleeping compartment on a train ride.

The woman flirts with the man, and after a while, says she’s cold and asks if he could please give her a blanket, as he’s in the lower bunk.

The man smiles at her and asks: “Hey, how about if we play we are a married coupl...

On a trip to Russia.

4 Americans spys find themselves in a sleeper cabin on a train to Moscow. One of the men thought it would be funny to play a trick on the other three. He goes out to the tea cart and asks for 4 cups of tea to be delivered to his cabin in 10 minutes.

Returning to his cabin, he spoke to his bun...

The whole "Pavlov's Dog Experiment" is such a load of bunk I'm sick of people bringing it up...

...at this point just *hearing* the name "Pavlov" makes me mad.

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sex in bunk bed

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The young...

A band of russian friend are in their hotel room, joking about Stalin’s regime and cracking political jokes.

Worried that they were going too far, Sasha decides to play a practical joke on his pals and lighten the mood a bit. He slips downstairs to the lobby and asks the receptionist for an orange juice to be brought to room 304.

When he comes back to the room, he tells his friends “Guys, stop playi...

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An RAF KC-2 Extender refuelling aircraft and two Eurofighter Typhoons were returning to their base in Cypress...

After flying a 4 hour patrol of the Ukrainian border.

The Typhoon leader called the Tanker pilot and asked “Don’t you guys get bored just punching circles in the sky for hours? Watch this...”

And he proceeded to do a barrel roll around the tanker.

“Impressive!” Said the KC-2 Ca...

A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the clo...

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Loud Snoring At Camp

Four guys were at deer hunting camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Luigi because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Luigi and comes to breakfast the...

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A guy goes to jail for the first time.

When he gets to his cell, his cell mate from the top bunk stops him and says, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Before you come in here, we have to decide who’s the husband and who’s the wife”

The new guy pauses and says, “Uh...I guess I’ll be the husband.”

The cell mate responds, “All right then...

8-year-old Arthur went to his father to ask him something.

- Dad, what’s the name of that thing where one person lies on top of another?
Arthur’s father was shocked with the question, but he decided to tell him:
- My son, I don’t know how I should explain this to you. It’s called se—
- Wait, dad, I’ve remembered it! It’s a bunk bed!

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Guy gets sent to prison for white-collar crime...

Guy gets sent to prison for white collar crime. It's his first sentence, so he decides to play it low key. His cellmate helpfully suggests if he has any questions he can just ask.

A month later, he says, "You know, I think I have the basic feel for the place, people to avoid, the guards...

Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore?

Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore?

Me: If you get to know one of your friends harasses women when he sees them alone, does drugs, throws stones at stray animals and laughs at their misery, gets into fights for no reason, abuses his girlfriend and bunks classes, would you still talk to h...

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WWII Army Major walks into the medical wing.

He approaches the first bunk

Major: Why are you here Soldier?

Soldier: Syphilis Sir!

Major: How are they treating it Soldier?

Soldier: 5 minutes a day with a wire brush Sir!

Major: What is your ambition Soldier?

Soldier: To get back to the front lines Sir!<...

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A priest and a nun were hiking to a monastery...

... high up a mountain. Halfway to their destination, a snowstorm slowly started. They discovered an old wooden cabin and decided to take shelter.

Inside there was only one bunk, but also a sleeping bag. So, as a man, the priest decided to let the nun have the bunk while sleeping in the sleep...

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Captain in Afghanistan receives a letter from his wife.

The letter contains a photo.

A nude photo of his wife, spreading her legs open. Captioned - honey, when you come back, I'll be waiting for you like this.
The captain immediately becomes happy and excited that his wife loves him so much and is thinking about him. He sleeps satisfied that ni...

A man is spending his first night in prison...

He's laying in his bunk when the lights go out. After a few minutes, he hears someone shout, "13!" followed by a chorus of laughter.
Another few minutes go by and he hears, "27!" followed by more laughter.
"What's going on?" he asks his cell mate.
"Well, we've heard the same jokes so many t...

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Lettuce Tomato

A teenage couple was at the boys house and wanted to have relations. The only problem was, they were sleeping on the top of a bunk bed with the boys little brother asleep on the bottom bunk. They came up with a plan, they would say "tomato" for harder and "lettuce" for softer while having sex.
...

A man and a woman who don't know each other are riding on a train.

It is late, and there is only one cabin left, so they agree they'll share it together. "On the condition that you realize this is strictly platonic" says the woman. The man takes the top bunk, the woman the bottom, and soon they are fast asleep. In the middle of the night the woman feels a tap on...

A priest and driver died

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling all...

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[NSFW] Three men get lost in a city.

Not knowing what else they could do, they decide to book rooms for the night at the closest hotel. They ask the receptionist for any available rooms they could rent, and the receptionist informs them that there was only one room with a queen-sized bed left for them.

The men decide that bunki...

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Bill was a horny man who had just been deployed to a US army post in another country far away from the US.

Bill slept in a room, that had lots of bunk beds, about 15 and it was usually silent at night. You could hear a pin drop. Bill had his urges but he would not surrender, the power of the nut would not defeat him.

Well, eventually it did and one not trying to be as silent as possible he tried t...

Three dealers get arrested and sent to jail ...

One of them sells cocaine, an other one sells acid and the last one sells weed.

Once they're alone, the coke dealer says "Ok, I've got a plan. I managed to keep a little bit of coke with me, so we're gonna snort a little line and then we'll be strong enough to break the wall and run away from...

While going to sleep, my roommate always says that there is a hideous monster under his bed.

We have a bunk bed.

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It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of th...

Her: I want to be on top tonight.

Me: No way, bunk beds were my idea!

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Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

Lee decides that he wants to find his place in the intricacy of the universe, and leaves his family to become a Buddhist monk...

He treks for days into the mountains, before finding a monastery, hundreds of miles from civilization. He enters the monastery, and bowing before the lama, requests to become a monk.

The lama accepts, but on one condition; he must only speak two words every five years. Still determined as eve...

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A man and a woman find themselves alone in a sleeper carriage

The man gallantly takes the upper bunk as they settle down for the train journey.

After a while the man feels a bit cold and asks the woman if she can pass up an extra blanket.

The woman thinks for a while and says in her sexiest voice 'why don't we pretend we are husband and wife for ...

A group of soldiers was fighting against a group of rebels...

They had been fighting for a few years now, and many people, including innocent citizens, had lost their lives during this period. The soldiers tried and tried to rid the city of the rebels, but the latter was a strong resistance and were hard to defeat. Regardless of the many new personnel, bases a...

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Wife lets me be on top.....

Last night My wife let me be on top.

I fucking love bunk beds.

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A brand new lumberjack is being shown around the work site where he will be felling trees.

The foreman takes him to the barracks, "Here's where you'll be sleeping, son, you have the top bunk over there" and motions to the corner of the room, "Up at 5 a.m., lights out at 10 p.m." The new hire looks at the shabby conditions but thinks he can put up with it for the pay he'll be receiving....

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A girl decides to take her boyfriend on holidays along with her family

During the night, the girl decides to sleep in the upper part of the bunk, and his little brother decides to sleep on the lower part.

A few minutes later, her boyfriend arrives at the room. So, the girl and her boyfriend start to kiss and touch on the upper part of the bunk while her little b...

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A very poor couple had just been married

and all they could afford was to share a house with an elderly couple. What's worse is that
they had to sleep on the top half of a bunk bed, while the older
couple slept on the lower half.

Needless to say, the young couple
wanted sex often. Instead of asking the question explicit...

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3 Chinese tortures

A lonely and tired wanderer is rambling and ambling across China. He has been wandering, and pondering life for three days. He stumbles upon an old cottage and thinks, maybe I may stay here for the night, as three days without rest, food, or drink, is a long time, and he was quite tired. So, he knoc...

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[NSFW] On a midnight train to Georgia...

A man and a woman, total strangers, find themselves sharing the same double bunk-bed passenger cabin on the 10:15 PM Amtrack express to Atlanta due to a mix-up at the ticket office.

It's the middle of winter. There's frost on the window, and the shitty Amtrak maintenance means the heat is ou...

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A man meets a strange woman on a train in a sleeping coupe.

After a few awkward moments they make an arrangement that the woman will sleep on the top bunk and the man will sleep on the bottom bunk.

In the middle of the night, the woman gets up and prods the man to wake him up.

"Please, sir, I'm sorry for bothering you, but could you ask the con...

A woman needs a ticket for a train

It's in the olden days, when traveling across the country meant getting a berth on a sleeper car of a train. She arrives at the station, but finds the train is sold out; there are no empty cars. She is desperate to get a ride, so the ticket seller tells her there is one empty bed, but it is in a dou...

Camping!

John and his girlfriend were going to go camping for the week. On his way out of the the door, John's little brother yelled, "wait for me!" John told his brother to go back inside, but his girlfriend insisted on taking him. John turned to his brother and said, "OK, but we get top bunk when we get to...

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Tommy and Billy decide it is time they start swearing. ..

Ten year old Tommy and his eight year old brother Billy are in their bunk bed when Tommy declares "I think it is time we start swearing"
Billy says "Yeah!"
Tommy says "Tomorrow I'm going to use the word 'bitch'"
Billy says "I'm going to use the word 'fuck'"
They fall asleep happy...

Little Mikey

A five-year-old Mikey asks his Grandpa, “Grandpa, what do you call it when there are two people on top of each other in bed?”
-
The Grandpa feels very uncomfortable but decides not to confuse the child and bravely says, “That’s intercourse, my boy.”
-
“OK,” nods Mikey and off he goes....

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The new recruit [Long]

Bob's out with the rest of his army troop on deployment out in the middle of nowhere. After a couple of months, the loneliness and sexual frustration starts reeeeeeally getting to him. He even tries subtly beating off in his bunk while the rest of the room's asleep, but gets sharply hissed at from t...

I heard they're inventing a new kind of bed...

...but most of the theories I've heard are bunk.

Sandwich making

Two brothers shared a bedroom, bunk beds. The older brother had the top bunk. He wanted to bring his girlfriend over to spend the night. He tells his girlfriend if she wants it faster say lettuce, harder say tomato.

The younger brother wakes up hearing, "lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce, tom...

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A girl says to her boyfriend, "hey, sex at my place?"

her boyfriend agrees but the girl explains that she sleeps on a top bunk with her 5 year old brother on the bottom bunk, so they have to use code words and pretend that they are making sandwiches. she says, "tomato equals harder, and lettuce means faster."

LATER THAT NIGHT: "OH TOMATO LETTUCE...

Cellmate: what are you in here for?

Me: (snuggling) my bunk is cold

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An elderly couple goes on a cruise.

There's an elderly couple (80s) that goes on a cruise, the older lady needs a hearing aid but upon arriving to their room she realizes that she has forgotten them at home. She figures she can make it through the cruise without them.

Once night falls, the couple notices they have a room with...

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I have a friend who spent a few years in jail

You know how there are two bunks per cell, like a top and bottom bunk? Well my buddy was in the top bunk, roommate in bottom bunk. The roommate says, "either you jump down onto your neck, or I'm going to fuck your ass everyday until one of us gets parole." I asked my buddy if he jumped, and he said ...

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A pregnant woman gets caught in the crossfire of a bank robbery...

She gets shot, and wakes up in the hospital only to see a doctor standing next to her bed. "Wha-what happened? What's going on?" She says. To which the doctor replies, busy and indifferent, "Well, I have good news and bad news...the good news is your pregnancy is unaffected and you will have your tr...

A man is sentenced to life in prison. His first day on the cell block....

...he is sitting in his cell, when he hears another prisoner shout from down the hall: "27!".

The entire cell block bursts into laughter. A few moments later, another prisoner shouts "55!".

Again, everyone on the cell blocks laughs. This goes on for a while and finally the ne...

A young man gets sent to jail...

A young man gets sent to jail, and gets put into jail cell with a convict with the size of the incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk. "Let's play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?"

Thinking quickly , the man says "Daddy."

"Then come up here and suc...

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A business man is travelling home for the weekend late at night when his car breaks down in a rural area.

He is in the middle of nowhere but spots a small farmhouse in the distance and walks there. He knocks on the door and is greeted by the farmer and explains the situation. The farmer let's him use the phone but the line is down and the farmer suggests he stays the night at the farm with him and his w...

My great uncle Chuck started the elf on a shelf tradition.

Well, actually, he was a drunk on a bunk, but we toned it down for the kids.

The three holes

So a straggler is making his way across the land when he comes across a farm. Needing a place to sleep, he begs the farmer to let him stay the night. The farmer agrees, and tells him to bunk up in the barn out back.

In the barn, the straggler meets another man who is staying in the barn. He ...

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I went to prison and met my cell mate.

He asks me,"Do you want the top, or bottom bunk?"

Surprised, I replied,"I'll have the top bunk."

His next question is ,"Do you want to be mommy, or daddy?"

"Daddy," I say, obviously...

"Okay, get over here and sit on mommy's dick."

A senior in high school decides to have his girlfriend over one night for a good time..

His younger brother sleeps on the bottom bunk. The older brother says to his girlfriend, every time you want me to go faster say tomatoes, whenever you want me to change position say lettuce, whenever you want me to go deeper say bread.

They wait until the little brother falls asleep, then b...

You know what I want

A guy taking a overnight train settles down in his bunk in the sleeper car, he hears someone climb into the bunk below him. He looks down behind the curtain, its a beautiful blonde woman. She takes off her blouse and removes her falsies, she takes off her false eyelashes, she removes a fake eye, tak...

So a girl is stuck babysitting her little brother...

When she finally gets him to bed on the bottom bunk of his bunk-bed, she decides to invite her boyfriend over so that they can have a little fun together. To avoid her parents walking in on her, she takes her boyfriend and they get up on the top bunk of her little brothers bed, being careful to not ...

What is it when people sleep on top of each other?

Little Katy asked grandma 'what is it when people sleep on top of each other'

Grandma thinking Katy was old enough explained to her the birds and the bees.

Katy ran off but came back quickly saying:

"Grandma, mommy wants to see you right now and she is really mad! She said it ...

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Two College Roommates

Two college roommates are about to go to bed. The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over. To try and keep quiet, they devise a code. His girlfriend will say "tomato" if she wants him to go slower and "lettuce" for him to go faster. As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, "L...

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A man is sent to prison

upon arriving his biggest fear is being someone’s bitch. he gets to his cell and his cellmate tells him “I only have two rules.”” The first is I get the bottom bunk.” The man immediately agrees hoping to avoid any confrontation. "The second rule is I like to play house to right now you have to dec...

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The Lonely Rig Worker

An oil rig mechanic returns to his cabin after his shift and discovers his cabinmate sitting on the edge of his bunk, his feet in a basin, hastily scraping a razor over his soaped-up legs.

"Um, hey, what are you up to?" asks the mechanic.

"I was talking to old Joe in the canteen today,...

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A married couple's sex life was floundering...

and the husband booked a cruise to jazz things up. Unfortunately, he was cheap bastard and when they got to their room they discovered they were in the BROILER ROOM with BUNK BEDS. He tries to upgrade them but the ship is full.

He says to his wife "Well, nothing we can do now". He gestures to...

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