UPJOKE

My Pillow Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I put my phone under my pillow last night.

When I woke up it was gone and there was a $1 coin in it's place.

Fucking Bluetooth Fairy!

Where’s my pillow?

Not at Bed Bath and Beyond

To the person who stole my pillow

I will not rest until I find you!

I asked my Pillow if it wanted a snack

It said “No, thanks I’m stuffed”

I had a dream about a breath freshener left on my pillow.

I ate it and it tasted like a fig. Then I woke up. Guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination.

My pillow

I designed my own pillow. The pillow to rule all pillows. The perfect dimensions, the perfect stiffness, the perfect material. I sought the finest fabrics from around the globe and set to work on my grandest creation. It took months, but I finished. The last step was to transport it from the se...

So yesterday I put a ruler under my pillow before sleeping

I just wanted to know how long I sleep.

The Tooth Fairy wasn't too impressed with the dentures I left under my pillow...

...Tooth be trolled.

Sometimes my Pillow Talk can get crazy.

But only when it talks back.

I was looking for my pillow while I slept.

Turns out it was right under my nose the whole time.

I went to court after my pillow charged me with resisting a-rest

I lost the case

I was on my bed, relaxing and eating popcorn, when I noticed my pillow was missing it's pillowcase.

I started looking for it in the darkness of my room(I still had a little bit of light). I saw a blanket-ish shadow in my peripheral vision. I reached for it, thinking it was the pillowcase. However, after pressing down on it and hearing the loud, crinkly noise of a near-empty bag of popcorn, I soon ...

A cat died and went to Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”

The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a...

When I got my first pube, I left it under my pillow and waited for the pube fairy.

And he came.

All over my pillow.

My girlfriend wanted to talk to me about ‘how childish I am’

But she didn’t know the password to my pillow fort so she couldn’t get in.

Guess who’s getting some head tonight

My pillow

I fell asleep with my iPhone under my pillow last night and when I woke up, it was gone and replaced with a shiny new silver dollar...

Damn that Blue-Tooth Fairy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[nsfw] Totally legit, but you can use a joke if you want to.

**Scene:** I was living in an apartment complex where all the bedroom windows faced into a small courtyard of sorts, walled on three sides with 3 stories of bedroom windows. None of the apartments in this complex have air-conditioning. It's close to midnight, December in Sydney AUS, it's a hot humid...

Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out...

...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.

The Chemical

*One day a boy came home from school. when his grandfather saw him and noticed that his index finger was still and did not move. The grandfather asked him: My dear grandson, why is your finger like this? The boy replied: In the chemistry lab, a chemical was spilled on my finger and the school doctor...

My wife says I act really immature and need to grow up

I told her to get the hell out of my pillow fort with that negative attitude

My wife wants to talk to me about my childish behaviour.

Little does she know she can’t enter my pillow fort without the secret password.

I’m so disappointed.

I found out my pillow case is nothing but a sham.

Last night I dreamt I was eating a 15 pound marshmallow…

I woke up this morning and I couldn’t find my pillow.

last night I had a dream where I was eating the worlds largest marshmellow

then I woke up and said "hey wheres my pillow"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pop my Cherry

A man was driving down a remote road when his car broke down. There was no cell service so he walked to the nearest farm. He was approached by a farmer.

“How can I help you?” asked the farmer.

“Can I use a phone, my car broke down?”

“All the phones are down, I can drive you i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said she wanted to try some domination in the bedroom.

Cheeky bitch slept with my pillow.

I had a dream that I was eating marshmallows...

...and when I woke up, I discovered I'd chewed my pillow to bits. I'm feeling okay, all things considered. Just a little down in the mouth.

A kid asked his mom : how did you make me ?

His mom said : one night i put little sugar under my pillow and in the morning you were by my side; The kid grabbed some sugar and put it under his pillow, he woke up in the morning and found an ant in his bed, "If you weren't my son, I swear i would've squashed you!"

The Dream

A guy wakes up in the morning and tells his wife: “Wow darling, you won’t believe what happened. I dreamt I was forced to eat a live sheep and now I can’t see my pillow anywhere!”
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The wife answers, “The pillow’s fine, it’s lying right there on the floor, but I have been calling our dog in va...

So I had this dream of eating a large marshmallow

The scary part was when I woke up I found my pillow missing.


*Took this off an essay example thing we were given in English, thought it'd be pretty funny to post on here

My dog is always so excited when I wake up each morning...

It means it is her turn to use my pillow.

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