UPJOKE
bedsteadbedframefootboardmattresssofasideboardarmoirebookcaseduvetdrawersdaybedloveseatlampshadepanelcushions

Headboard Jokes

As I lay in my new girlfriend’s bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard.

“Is that how many men you’ve slept with?”, I asked.

“Yes”, she replied, “One thousand, one hundred and eleven.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little johnny wakes up one night hearing noises from his parents bedroom...

He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She imme...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex contest (mildly NSFW)

An Englishman and a Spaniard are in a bar in Amsterdam at midnight when they start bragging to each other about their sexual escapades. After several minutes of back and forth, the Englisman challenges the Spaniard to a contest.

"We'll go to the nearest brothel and see how many times we can ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard my neighbor having sex for what seemed like ages last night. Lots of moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall!!!

Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over, cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for her help. Now I kinda feel guilty about fapping.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a man's idea of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

Who Came First

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face.

The egg, looking very hacked off, grabs the quilt, rolls over and says, "Well, we finally answered THAT question!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A convicted felon….

A convicted felon escaped from prison where he'd already spent 15 years of a life sentence. He broke into a local farmhouse in the middle of the night looking for food and money and while in there he discovered a young couple asleep in their bed. He woke them up violently and ordered the guy out of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The greatest truck driver in the world was driving along a country lane late one night when

his truck broke down. All he could see was a faint light in the distance. So he headed towards it. He came to an old farmhouse and knocked on the door.

"*Hello,*" he says, "*I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and my truck is broken down. I wonder could I have a bed for the night?*" <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tick Marks

The afternoon before the wedding, the groom Josh and his dad Dave are sharing a drink among the guests. Dave makes a bet with his son… …
…
“$500, even money, that I can shag your mother tonight more times than you fuck the brains out of your new filly,” dad says. …
…
It sounds like a sur...

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. [Long joke]

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls.
"Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got a phone in my Yugo! "
The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Ye...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.