As I lay in my new girlfriend’s bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard.

“Is that how many men you’ve slept with?”, I asked.

“Yes”, she replied, “One thousand, one hundred and eleven.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard my neighbours shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall......turns out her elderly mother had fallen and cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her walking stick for help.....

feel a bit guilty about the wank now.

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Little johnny wakes up one night hearing noises from his parents bedroom

He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She imme...

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What's a man's idea of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

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The greatest truck driver in the world was driving along a country lane late one night when

his truck broke down. All he could see was a faint light in the distance. So he headed towards it. He came to an old farmhouse and knocked on the door.

"*Hello,*" he says, "*I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and my truck is broken down. I wonder could I have a bed for the night?*" <...

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Sex competition

An Englishman and a Spaniard are in a bar in Amsterdam at midnight when they start bragging to each other about their sexual escapades. After several minutes of back and forth, the Englishman challenges the Spaniard to a contest.
"We'll go to the nearest brothel and see how many times we can shag...

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. [Long joke]

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls.
"Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got a phone in my Yugo! "
The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Ye...

Who Came First

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face.

The egg, looking very hacked off, grabs the quilt, rolls over and says, "Well, we finally answered THAT question!"

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Tick Marks

The afternoon before the wedding, the groom Josh and his dad Dave are sharing a drink among the guests. Dave makes a bet with his son… …

“$500, even money, that I can shag your mother tonight more times than you fuck the brains out of your new filly,” dad says. …

It sounds like a sur...

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