A thief stole a sine and a cosine... He took the two identities to a beach. However, they were too heavy for him to carry.

He wanted to keep them under the sand, but the beach was so narrow that it could only contain one of them: sine or cosine. He decided that, using his mathematical skills, that he would stack sine over cosine - but that resulted in tan! He did not want to get tan. So he stacked cosine over sine... <...

LPT: If you commit 90 sins, you only get caught half the time.

sin 90 = cot 45

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A group of soldiers are walking in the woods, lost and in need of shelter

After hours they stumble across an old shack, with smoke coming out of it. The leader goes inside to check and hopefully find someone who can help them. Inside is an old woman, all dirty. The man explains their situation and she makes a deal with him. She says: “I haven’t had a good fucking in a lon...

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Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby but it was born without ears.

Little Johnny and his mum went to visit the baby but he was warned if he mentioned its ears he would be in trouble.
Johnny looked into the cot and said 'what a lovely baby, good feet hands and skin. How is his eyesight?'
The Baby's mother replied that it was perfect.
Jonny replied 'That's...

I translated this joke from my language hope you people find it funny.

Bill went to the home of his wife's brother who was a farmer after 20 years.

Bill was hungry so he asked for the food.

The farmer yells "Hey Bill is hungry can you bring the food Rotten?".

Bill on hearing this says "Sorry I forgot I had fast today cannot eat the food.".
...

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A man has 3 candidates for a wife

A man has 3 candidates for a wife, so he gives each of them £1000 to see what they will do

The first one went out and bought gifts for him saying "this is to show that I care for you"

The second cot a plastic surgery saying "I will do anything to satisfy you"

The third one inves...

In the days of old the River Thames was once plagued with a giant wyrm.

The dread creature preyed upon any who used or went near the river, and many lives were lost, and eventually the call went out for a brave knight to slay the vile creature. It soon became apparent that this was no task for a common knight, but only the holiest and most dedicated - a living saint....

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Farm kid writes letter home after joining Marines....

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am ge...

The story of the tramp and the holiday

The tramp sat in his park, as normal one cold winter day. He saw a young girl playing on the frozen lake. The ice gave and she fell in. Acting quickly, the tramp ran onto the ice and managed to pull her out and get her back to shore.

Waiting for him was a man in a suit. The girl ran over to h...

A Pope and a lawyer meet by the Pearly Gates.

A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room.
It was huge...

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The Priest and the Nun

A priest and a nun were traveling home from visiting a distant parish when a fierce snow storm forced them to stop. Luckily, they happened to be passing an inn, so they decided to stop for the night to wait out the storm.

Naturally (because this is a joke…) the inn had only one room remaining...

An American, An Englishman, and a German are walking down a country road...

...When they see storm clouds on the horizon. Not wanting to spend the night out in the cold rain, they run for the nearest shelter they can make out: A farmhouse. They ask the farmer if they can stay the night, and he replies, "Well, I DID have three beds, but one of them got infected with bedbugs....

New secretary

Frank and Harry have been business partners for many years. They had just employed a new secretary and Frank had taken her out.

"How was it?" inquired Harry.

"Fantastic! And i don't mind saying, that she's far better in the cot than my wife."

A couple of weeks later, Harry took ...

[Long] A man goes to prison.

As he sits on his cot wondering how to pass the time, he hears an inmate down the hall shout "59" followed by groans from the other inmates.

He thought that was odd, but then someone else timidly calls out "43", followed by more groaning.

"What's going on?" he asks his cellmate.
...

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A Hindu, a Jew, and a TV Preacher...

A Hindu, Jew, and televangelist are traveling together when it starts getting dark. They see a ranch in the distance and decide to ask the rancher if they can spend the night.

They knock at the door. "Do you mind if we sleep in your barn tonight?"

"Well sure but you don't all have to....

The most horrific joke I know. Let's hear yours...

What's 12 inches long, stiff, pink, and makes a woman scream like nothing else in this world?



...Cot death.



Okay, let's hear yours. Most atrocious, despicable gags you've got. I'm not talking about 'dead baby jokes' here, I mean the real grisly, nasty stuff.

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Suspended from school, was watching porn while solving for cos÷sin

I got cot.

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Three men have to share a bed

They're on a ski trip together, and due to a clerical error there is only one room left in the lodge. There is only one large bed, and there are no cots.

So the three pile in and try to keep their distance.

The next morning they wake up, and the man sleeping on the left edge of the bed...

A priest and a nun are out in the countryside...

A priest and a nun are out in the countryside making visits and doing good works. The day wanes and it begins to get dark. The priest, being the kind father he is, begins to look for a house that can take the two of them in for the night. Up the road, in the dim light, he sees a small house. As he a...

Mr. Sine and his missus Cosine went for their honeymoon on a beach

Mr. Sine and his missus Cosine went for their honeymoon on a beach and got a Tan.

When they returned it took them a Sec to find that they needed a new Cot.

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