[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with.
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A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, ...

“Your mother cooks socks in hell.”

~The Dyslexorcist

Children are like socks

Alot of them go missing.

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit." We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."

Cook My Sock

A man gets up one morning to find his wife already in the kitchen cooking. He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one of his socks in the frying pan.


"What are you doing?" he asks.


"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she r...

My wife found my hard sock in the laundry.

She winked at me and said "Have you been using cornstarch?"

I said "No, it's just my Johnson's baby powder."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 dogs walk into a bar ..

The first dog, a big dog, walks to the bar and asks for 3 frothy beers. The barman is stunned and exclaims "What!? A talking dog! I can't believe it!"

The dog sighs. "I get this all the time! I'm a talking dog. Whoopty doo. My name is Huey and I do regular dog things. I chase cars, drag my ar...

Why did the sperm cross the street?

Because I put on the wrong socks today

The pain of losing a sock is....

unpairable.

I like my socks like I like my women

Thick, high, and warm.

Keep your socks on and run

Woman to her husband while at it: "Oooh honey. Please say some dirty things to me!"

&#x200B;

Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife keeps complaining about me wearing socks every time we have sex.

I said, “Fine. I’ll try a condom from now on.”

My buddy stuffed socks down his pants to impress women, but it didn’t work.

I need to tell him to move it to the front of the pants the next time around.

Why did the bear put on some socks?

Because it was bear-foot

Source: my little sister

Going into my son's room is the same as going to Ikea

You go in just to see what's new and come out with 10 plates 3 cups and a pair of socks.

My girlfriend doesn’t like it when I sleep with socks, so I made a resolution to sleep barefoot.

After the first night I got cold feet.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s another way to refer to a sock?

A sementery.

What do you call someone that likes to mix and match their socks?

Heterosocksual

Looking out of the window I saw a neighbour stealing my socks off the washing line

I was going to confront him but I got cold feet

My dog got into my sock drawer today...

I had to re-pair all my socks.

What’s the difference between a camera and a sock?

A camera takes photos and a sock takes five toes.

I gently slid her panties to the side...

....so I could fit her socks into the drawer

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's 10 inches long, hard as a rock, full of semen and makes all of the ladies scream?

The sock under my bed.

Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:

Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the “right sock,” no matter where it is located in the universe.

Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other,

"Are you a little girl or a little boy?"

"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby. "I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.

"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your...

What's the difference between my kids and my socks?

Unfortunately, only my socks have gone missing.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend called me a cunt because i always buy him socks for Xmas

I said, " You bastard, its the thought that counts".

I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs

A golfer brought a extra pair of socks when he went golfing,

Just in case he got a hole in one.

Borrowed a pair of my stepdad’s socks the other day

He said to be careful as they were his lucky golfing socks.

“They have a hole in one.”

My girlfriend asked me if I bring an extra pair of socks when I play golf.

With a confused look I replied, "No."
She said "What happens if you get a hole in one?"

Did you hear about the guy who put on a clean pair of socks every day of the week?

By Friday he could hardly get his shoes on.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I was a kid, my mom always used to tell me to put a clean pair of socks on, everyday...

By the time Saturday rolled around, I could hardly even fit in my shoes...

Why did the golfer buy two pairs of socks?

He was afraid he'd get a hole in one

^^^^I'll ^^^^see ^^^^myself ^^^^out

What colour is a bear's socks?

They don't wear socks. They have bear feet.

How many inches can you fit in a sock?

One foot.

Your guy didn't know any puns about colourful, diamond patterned socks.

But argyle know some.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny's mother was cleaning his room...

and while putting his clothes away notices some BDSM magazines tucked under his socks.

Unsure of what to do, Little Johhny's mother waits till her husband gets home and shows him the magazines.

Mother: I don't want this smut in my house, how are we going to punish him?
Father: I h...

A couple on honeymoon in hotel room undressing. The groom removes his socks and the bride asks: "What's wrong with your feet, your toes look all mangled?"

Groom: "I had Tolio as a child."
Bride: "You mean Polio?"
Groom: "No Tolio, the disease only affected my toes."

The groom then removes his pants and the bride asks: "What is wrong with your knees, they are lumpy and deformed?"

Groom: "As a child I had Kneasles."
Bride: "You me...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked a girl

"Can I smell your pussy?"

She said "No!!"

Must have been her socks then.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If there's a sock on my doorknob...

It means I'm having sex with the other one.

Somebody told me my socks didn’t match

To which I responded, “I have another pair just like these!”

What did 50 Cent say to his grandmother when she made him a pair of socks?

Gee, you knit?

I'm going to be opening a store that sells cow print socks

One for your left foot, one for the udder

How do you know a homeless woman is menstruating?

If she's only wearing one sock.

(This joke brought to you courtesy the homeless guy outside my local 7-11.)

Socks are expensive.

I can go on a date or I can buy a pack of socks. I was going to ask this girl out, but then I got cold feet.

I pray to my socks everyday

They are considered very holy

Socks are like unhappy couples in therapy...

Always trying to break up, only to be reunited by a third party.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Socks are like sex

There's plenty to go around, yet I never seem to have any.

I attacked a stranger with a sock full of dead AAA Duracells

Kind of ironic that I was charged with battery

Heard the sperm bank gives $50 for your sperm.

I have a sock in my room worth $3000.

I found a new passion yesterday pairing socks.

I guess I just enjoy bringing sole mates together.

Little Johnny

"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?"

"Certainly not."

"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."

His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he ...

Did you guys hear about the serial killer who's using smaller and smaller socks to strangle each new victim?

Be careful, they say he's still at large.

Bacon tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure sme...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the semen cross the road?

Because you wore the wrong sock today.

While I'm up here on the moral highground, let me tell you about poor little Ukurugenzi.

Ukurugenzi is an 8-year old Kenyan orphan who walks 11 miles to his mud-hut school every day. With your donation of just 25 cents a day, we can buy a whip and...

Sock it to Me

On the first night of their honeymoon, the husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she’s been able to cover up. After some soul-searching, the husband gathers his n...

What's the difference between the Earth and my sock?

The Earth's crust is on the outside.

[Bad joke] The other day my sister asked me what the difference between cellular division and a sock is

To which I replied 'Nothing, they both involve mitosis'

My 8 year old brother just asked me if I had a hole in my sock.

Me: Of course not

Him: Then how do you put your foot inside?