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Oscar Jokes

Why did Leonardo DiCaprio laugh at the Oscar joke?

Because he finally got it

La La Land wins Oscar in Best Picture

But Moonlight won the popular vote

Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...

"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just found out that the Oscars is a big fucking lie all the way along

Those people they invite to their ceremonies are all paid actors

Let's play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game

Whenever your girlfriend goes to the bathroom take a shot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After Brendan Fraser won an Oscar for The Whale, my wife suggested we make a movie about my penis.

The Minnow.

Chris Rock deserves an Oscar

for acting.... like an adult.

Oscar Pistorius really wanted a new bathroom door

but his girlfriend was dead against it.

Olympic bilateral amputee Oscar Pistorius lost his appeal for the crime of murder. The Judge said...

He didn't have a leg to stand on.

I earned an Oscar for being the best producer.

He was born and named yesterday after my long fight against fertility.

Where does Oscar from The Office get his water?

From the well, actually.

Max asks his best friend Oscar a question.

Max: "Hey Oscar, wanna hear a knock-knock joke?"
Oscar: "Uh ... not really."
Max: "I guarantee it's a good one."
Oscar: "Uh ... okay."
Max: "Okay. Start it."
Oscar: "Uh ... knock-knock."
Max: "Who's there?"
Oscar: ???

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to a gigantic zoo to visit his buddy Oscar [LONG]

Once there, he marveled at all the animals in their different habitats. Still in awe, he then asked one of the employees where he could find Oscar.


"Oscar? I know two Oscars who work here. Are you looking for Oscar Peterson or Oscar Cocks?"


"Oscar Peterson is ...

Can't believe Goonies didn't win an Oscar

It deserves one of those AU guys!

Why did Oscar Pistorius leave the courtroom?

He had to bounce.

What's the difference between ramen soup and an Oscar-bait movie?

You watch one for three minutes, stirring occasionally. You watch the other for three hours and it's occasionally stirring.

Each movie in the Sequel Trilogy got an Oscar

He played Poe Dameron.

My friend Oscar told a joke to Leo Di Caprio.

He didn't get it.

Did you hear about Oscar Pistorius' home improvements?

He wants a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend's dead against it

If Oscar Pistorius’s lower legs hadn’t been amputated

he would have been an un-de-feeted champion

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

OJ Simpson, Scott Peterson, and Oscar Pistorius walk into a bar...

...all three order a Bloody Mary.

Oscar Chavez was a great fencer

He won many tournaments until he entered the r/jokes fencing tournament.

He used his usual aggressive thrusts, but only his opponents quick parries would score points.

Enraged, he asked the judges why he lost without scoring any points.

"I'm sorry, but this is r/jokes, OC alwa...

Oscar Pistorius

Surely Oscar Pistorius isn't the only guy who's come home legless, and then shot a load into his girlfriend's face while imaging it was someone else?

Actresses and actors who lose an Oscar all get the opportunity to act together.

Happy for the person who won.

Never trust an Oscar award winner

They’re always acting out.

I heard Oscar the Grouch was getting kicked off of Sesame Street.

Apparently he was trash talking the other cast members behind their backs.

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Damnit Oscar!

So a man is going to meet his girlfriends parents for the first time and is incredibly nervous. He arrives just before dinner and is sitting in the living room with the father and their dog Oscar while the girlfriend and mother are preparing the meal.

Being nervous, the mans stomach is turnin...

Where did Oscar the Grouch get all of his opiates from?

Poppy street

Oscar Wilde once boasted that he could make a pun on any subject...

Someone called out "The Queen!"

"Ah", replied Wilde, "but the Queen is not a subject."

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Titanic should get an Oscar for best porno

in the end everyone got fucked up

Why hasn't Liam Neeson been nominated for another Oscar in the last 10 years?

All his roles have been Taken

Oscar Wilde once said you can never be overdressed

Clearly he never showed up to an orgy in a clown suit

The Olympic committee wanted to name a celestial body after Oscar Pistorius.

But they were denied since he is already a shooting star.

How are Manchester City and Oscar Pistorius similar?

They lost both legs, but still managed to get four shots on target.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oscar Wilde walks into a bar with a large manuscript under his arm...

The bartender asks, "Why the long farce?"

Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty to the charge of premeditated murder

Frankly I don't think he's got a leg to stand on.

A Red Oscar Envelope walks into a bar and asks

am I Moonlighting or Emma Stoned?

Do you know what made Oscar Pistorius so angry at his girlfriend?

She was looking at another man's legs.

Tesla, Oscar Wilde, and Sherlock Holmes walk into a bar.

The punchline of this joke was patented and then hidden by Thomas Edison.

We should probably stop all the 'Leo never won an Oscar' jokes...

...it's now irrevenant.

On the upside, Oscar Pistorus has had his paralympic classification promoted...

...he's gone from T43 (double below knee amputee) all the way up to T800 (The Terminator).

How many black Oscar nominees would it take (compared to white nominees) to satisfy the boycotters?

Three-fifths as many seems like a generous offer.

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