Leonardo Jokes

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

Because he finally got it

They’re all so childish..

Then the same fella followed me home from the pub and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

Things then got out of hand when he tapped on my window at 11.30 that night and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

I thought, "That's it, I'm going to the Police."

I told the officer I w... read more

Leo's girlfriend: "But I'll get arrested."

A painter was asked why he produced such beautiful portraits, though they were dead things, and yet produced such a ugly children. To which he replied he made his paintings by day and his children by night.(Codex Atlanticus)

Oscar

im so sorry

19 and easy to spread

Why you ask? Beacause it's turning 25 this year..

In related news, Leonardo DiCaprio said he is no longer interested in seeing it.

A long term relationship.

Leo’s dates only go up to 25

The last time he dated a woman his age, she let him sink!

Aged.

Leonardo DiCaprio: [spits it out]

Bride and Groomer

To demonstrate this, he's now dating Pete Davidson

On behalf of my crew and I, I’d like to welcome you on board flight 633 from New York to Abu Dhabi. We are on the air above 38,000 feet across Atlantic Ocean.

If you you look outside the window, you will see that the wing has fallen off and the engine is on fire. If you look down the window,... read more

Of course, they are going to need roles for each other, but none of them can decide what they want to do. They argue over this for hours, until Leonardo finally decides he wants to direct, since he is the best with cameras. Eventually, Brad Pitt decides he wants to produce, since he’s the one with t... read more

I almost had an art attack.

So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.

He meets the maths teacher and asks "Hello mifter, how if my fon doing in your claff?"

The maths teacher ignores that slightly odd way of speaking of Leonardo's father and says, "your son is terrific, he's clearly a genius, you've got to see some of the stuff he's done in geometry."

An... read more

Me: so it goes up to 24 and then it starts all over

Leonardo DiCaprio: I love it, sounds amazing!

Today Google is 25 years old, which means that Leonardo DiCaprio won't use it anymore.

He has a dream job.

-Bus driver

Galileo says, “Jesus, I’ve been thinking about my past life on Earth, and I wanted to know what I am remembered for all these years later.”

Jesus pauses and replies, “Galileo, you are remembered as the Father of Modern Physics. By being one of the first to apply mathematics to motion, you le... read more

DiCapritation

26+ Cause then you don't have to worry about Leonardo DiCaprio stealing your girlfriend.

I just remind myself that I've won just as many Oscars as Leonardo Dicaprio

Oscar-worthy performance by Leonardo pretending to like women his own age.

...and said "Remember Leonardo DiCaprio," and then ran away.

Later when I was grocery shopping, the same man came over to me and said "Remember Leonardo DiCaprio," and then ran away.

Then at night, when I was at a bar, the man came, said "Remember Leonardo diCaprio," and ran away.
<... read more

but the Titanic is a terrible ice breaker.

Leonardo da Pinchy.



...I'll see myself out.

Leonardo da Grinchi

Because now it's more than thirty years old, Leonardo DiCaprio isn't interested any more.

Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo are getting set when they realise they forgot the ketchup.


They start arguing who should go and get it, and after a hassle three of them agreed that Michelangelo should go and get it.


Mickey says I'll get it only if you wait for me ... read more

So she goes to a tattoo parlor and spends hours having Christain Bale’ face tattooed on her left inner thigh and Leonardo DiCaprio’s face tattooed on her right inner thigh.

When it’s finished, she is extremely disappointed with the results, saying neither face is an accurate depiction of who... read more

There was a crab that people taught how to paint. He eventually got better and started painting these Renaissance-like paintings

His name was Leonardo Da-Pinchi

Leonardo DiCaprio's acceptance speech.

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since h... read more

They made me follow Leonardo DiCaprio around for 6 hours carrying his water bottle which was exhausting.

They made me floss between Tom Cruise's toes which was humiliating.

But when they made me spank Dwayne Johnson...

That's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

(edit: no lon... read more

Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar shelf.

A group of actors old and new are hanging out talking about their plans and what they're going to be dressed up as. Among them are Nic Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Leonardo Dicaprio. The trio are huddled together as all three still haven't decided on a costume!
"We should plan something as a... read more

Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...

He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "Th... read more

Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.

Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'

Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'
... read more

an extremely black african man is trying to get to europe, he makes a fake passport with leonardo dicaprio's name and photo, at the airport the Airport Agent checks the man's passport and he is confused, he looks at the man's face again and rechecks the passort, still confused he calls his coworker ... read more

It is known for upholding a number of very picky rules, notably a strict dress code.

Justin Timberlake walks to the door wearing a sports coat and khakis. The bouncer says, "You didn't meet the dress code. Please leave."

Leonardo Dicaprio walks to the door wearing a collared shirt, for... read more