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George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

Why did Leonardo DiCaprio laugh at the Oscar joke?

Because he finally got it

What do all these Leonardo DiCaprio jokes have in common?

They’re all so childish..

A bloke bumped in to me on the tube the other day and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

Then the same fella followed me home from the pub and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

Things then got out of hand when he tapped on my window at 11.30 that night and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

I thought, "That's it, I'm going to the Police."

I told the officer I w...

Leonardo DiCaprio: "Hold my beer."

Leo's girlfriend: "But I'll get arrested."

A joke by Leonardo da Vinci (really)

A painter was asked why he produced such beautiful portraits, though they were dead things, and yet produced such a ugly children. To which he replied he made his paintings by day and his children by night.(Codex Atlanticus)

Who's Leonardo Dicaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar

im so sorry

Why does Leonardo DiCaprio like Covid?

19 and easy to spread

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Vincent Van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Claude Monet, and Leonardo De Vinci are all eating at a nice restaurant when the waitress comes around with the bill.

They’d all ordered the same item and had previously agreed to split the bill four ways.

When they looked at the check, however, they saw that the 10% gratuity would not split evenly, so one of them would end up paying an extra $0.01.

“We should have an art competition to decide,” Da Vi...

Leonardo DiCaprio has pledged to never watch the Titanic movie again ever..

Why you ask? Beacause it's turning 25 this year..

The movie Titanic turns 25 later this year.

In related news, Leonardo DiCaprio said he is no longer interested in seeing it.

What does Leonardo DiCaprio call a 19 year old?

A long term relationship.

What’s the difference between Leonardo di Caprio and a calendar

Leo’s dates only go up to 25

People care way too much about Leonardo DiCaprio’s dating habits.

The last time he dated a woman his age, she let him sink!

What’s Leonardo DiCaprio’s least favorite kind of wine?

Aged.

Bartender: this scotch is my favorite, it's aged twenty fi----

Leonardo DiCaprio: [spits it out]

What do you call Leonardo DiCaprio and his fiance on their wedding day?

Bride and Groomer

So Leonardo Dicaprio wants to quosh rumours that he only dates women under 25...

To demonstrate this, he's now dating Pete Davidson

This is Captain Leonardo Ricardo speaking,

On behalf of my crew and I, I’d like to welcome you on board flight 633 from New York to Abu Dhabi. We are on the air above 38,000 feet across Atlantic Ocean.

If you you look outside the window, you will see that the wing has fallen off and the engine is on fire. If you look down the window,...

Matthew McConaughey, Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt decide to make a movie together.

Of course, they are going to need roles for each other, but none of them can decide what they want to do. They argue over this for hours, until Leonardo finally decides he wants to direct, since he is the best with cameras. Eventually, Brad Pitt decides he wants to produce, since he’s the one with t...

My house was haunted by the ghost of Leonardo Da Vinci last night

I almost had an art attack.

I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...

So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.

Leonardo da Vinci's father is at "meet the teacher day".

He meets the maths teacher and asks "Hello mifter, how if my fon doing in your claff?"

The maths teacher ignores that slightly odd way of speaking of Leonardo's father and says, "your son is terrific, he's clearly a genius, you've got to see some of the stuff he's done in geometry."

An...

me explaining how military time works:

Me: so it goes up to 24 and then it starts all over

Leonardo DiCaprio: I love it, sounds amazing!

Google anniversary

Today Google is 25 years old, which means that Leonardo DiCaprio won't use it anymore.

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What do Leonardo Dicaprio Babe Ruth have in common?

They both won when neither of them were competing against black people!

I want to be like Leonardo DiCaprio from Inception.

He has a dream job.

More girls chase after me everyday than Leonardo, Channing Tatum and Ronaldo combined

-Bus driver

Hundreds of years after their deaths, Galileo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Marco Polo are walking in heaven and decide to have a conversation with Jesus...

Galileo says, “Jesus, I’ve been thinking about my past life on Earth, and I wanted to know what I am remembered for all these years later.”

Jesus pauses and replies, “Galileo, you are remembered as the Father of Modern Physics. By being one of the first to apply mathematics to motion, you le...

What's it called when you cut off Leonardo DiCaprio's head

DiCapritation

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A black man finds the ID of Leonardo Di Caprio on the ground.

He takes it and goes away. Some days later he is stopped by the police while driving like crazy on a city road.
They ask him his ID and, to avoid unnecessary problems, he gives them the ID he found on the ground.
The officer looks at the ID and back to the man. He reads aloud: "Name: Leonard...

What is the best age a woman can be dated?

26+ Cause then you don't have to worry about Leonardo DiCaprio stealing your girlfriend.

When I'm feeling down.

I just remind myself that I've won just as many Oscars as Leonardo Dicaprio

Just watched "Don't Look Up"

Oscar-worthy performance by Leonardo pretending to like women his own age.

A man approached me on the train...

...and said "Remember Leonardo DiCaprio," and then ran away.

Later when I was grocery shopping, the same man came over to me and said "Remember Leonardo DiCaprio," and then ran away.

Then at night, when I was at a bar, the man came, said "Remember Leonardo diCaprio," and ran away.
<...

When I first meet someone I always want to talk about that movie with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio...

but the Titanic is a terrible ice breaker.

What do you call an Italian Renaissance painter who smokes weed from a one-hitter pipe?

Leonardo da Pinchy.



...I'll see myself out.

What was the name of the Italian inventor who hated Christmas?

Leonardo da Grinchi

Quentin Tarantino has said his filmmaking career is over

Because now it's more than thirty years old, Leonardo DiCaprio isn't interested any more.

Four Turtles Are About To Have Lunch Near Their Home In The Forrest

Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo are getting set when they realise they forgot the ketchup.


They start arguing who should go and get it, and after a hassle three of them agreed that Michelangelo should go and get it.


Mickey says I'll get it only if you wait for me ...

A girl wants movie stars faces tattooed on her thighs

So she goes to a tattoo parlor and spends hours having Christain Bale’ face tattooed on her left inner thigh and Leonardo DiCaprio’s face tattooed on her right inner thigh.

When it’s finished, she is extremely disappointed with the results, saying neither face is an accurate depiction of who...

Did you hear about the crab that could paint?

There was a crab that people taught how to paint. He eventually got better and started painting these Renaissance-like paintings

His name was Leonardo Da-Pinchi

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Make your own joke. "My cock is Titanic...."

A few ones to far:

Leonardo Dicaprio went down on it

It's full of dead seamen

Women and children go first

The lucky ones survive

Any more ideas?

What's 18 inches long and never gets used?

Leonardo DiCaprio's acceptance speech.

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since h...

I really didn't enjoy my Hollywood Internship...

They made me follow Leonardo DiCaprio around for 6 hours carrying his water bottle which was exhausting.

They made me floss between Tom Cruise's toes which was humiliating.

But when they made me spank Dwayne Johnson...

That's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

(edit: no lon...

What's pretty and expensive but has no use?

Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar shelf.

It's the day before Halloween in Hollywood

A group of actors old and new are hanging out talking about their plans and what they're going to be dressed up as. Among them are Nic Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Leonardo Dicaprio. The trio are huddled together as all three still haven't decided on a costume!
"We should plan something as a...

How was your job interview yesterday?

Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...

He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "Th...

Hollywood Halloween

Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.

Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'

Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'
...

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Son comes to dad and asks

Dad what is diference between potencionaly and realy. Dad says to ask his sister mother and brother if they would sleep with Leonardo di Caprio for milion of dolars.
Son comes back and dad asks him what they said.
Son says: "Sister said she would sleep with him even for free mother that yes an...

illegal immigration attempt

an extremely black african man is trying to get to europe, he makes a fake passport with leonardo dicaprio's name and photo, at the airport the Airport Agent checks the man's passport and he is confused, he looks at the man's face again and rechecks the passort, still confused he calls his coworker ...

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A Black guy arrives at Heavens Gates...

The man is worried that due to his race, they might discriminate and not let him in. So when he walks up to the pearly gates he decides that at the very least, to better his chances to get in, he can change his name to that of a white person.

"Name?" asks St. Peter

The man searches for...

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The policemen, the driver and the Titanic

Two policemen stopped a Ferrari for a routine check.

Inside the car were a distinct black man, with curly black hair and raven black eyes.

- "Documents please ... "

The driver shows his license and registration certificate.

The patrol leader reads:

- "Name: Leona...

An elite club in New York City hosts its annual banquet...

It is known for upholding a number of very picky rules, notably a strict dress code.

Justin Timberlake walks to the door wearing a sports coat and khakis. The bouncer says, "You didn't meet the dress code. Please leave."

Leonardo Dicaprio walks to the door wearing a collared shirt, for...

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